Divine Encounters Episode 044 | Near-Death Experience Story
Jack Morrigan was an atheist who had studied medicine and worked in psychological research when a video of a spiritual teacher quieted his mind and changed what he thought was possible. In this Divine Encounters episode he tells Alex Ferrari what he says happened in a lucid dream, when a teacher pointed him to awareness itself and he crossed a threshold into golden light, and what it took to integrate it afterward.
Key Takeaways
- Jack says he was an atheist with a medical and research background, and that watching a spiritual teacher on video brought a stillness he had never known.
- He describes following Ramana Maharshi’s self-inquiry with total commitment, asking “Who is this arising to?” every time a thought appeared.
- In a lucid dream, he says, a teacher told him, “The awareness is the same” in both hands, and the dream collapsed into darkness and a growing point of light.
- He describes fear and ecstasy rising together, an invisible threshold, and a gentle nudge from a benevolent force before he crossed into golden light.
- Afterward, he says, he could see and feel energy, meet deities and beings in out-of-body experiences, and he spent two and a half years in bed integrating.
- He cautions that awakening shines a light on everything, including old trauma, and that nobody should rush it.
| Guest | Jack Morrigan |
| Episode | Divine Encounters 044 |
| Before | An atheist who had studied medicine and worked in psychological research |
| What Jack says happened | A lucid dream in which a teacher pointed him to awareness collapsed into darkness, a point of light, and a crossing into golden light |
| Where he says he went | A threshold of light filled with ecstasy and golden light |
| Who he met | A teacher in a dream, a benevolent force, and later deities, angels and cosmic dragons |
| Time to integrate | Two and a half years, much of it in bed |
| The message | Keep your heart open no matter what; you are part of the living cosmos |
An Atheist Who Wished It Were True
Jack describes himself as an atheist. He had studied medicine and was working in psychological research, and he had no interest in anything spiritual, apart from fantasy films and science fiction. He wished all of that were true, he says, but his mentality was that it was not.
He also says he had experimented with drugs, mostly to try to cope with trauma from childhood, and had a few psychedelic experiences. He does not go into the details of that trauma, and neither will we.
A Teacher Who Seemed to Glow
One day someone recommended a spiritual teacher. Jack watched one of his videos and found himself wondering “why is this guy glowing.” Everything seemed to disappear from the background, he says, and the man was just shining light out. As he watched, “everything went quiet in my mind.” He was intrigued.
One video was titled how to stop thinking. Jack’s reaction: is thinking a bad thing? He had never considered it. But he decided to try. He sat on his bed and copied what he had seen of meditation in movies, since he had never done it. He began observing his thoughts, and to his surprise they slowed down and then stopped completely. In their place was a sense of peace.
The Room Was Glowing
He looked around his room, he says, and everything was glowing with a similar light to what he had seen around the teacher. He stayed in that state for about 20 or 30 minutes with no thoughts at all. When he came out, his first thought was that this would change his life: “this is what I’ve been looking for all my life.” He had not known this state of consciousness was an option.
Compared with the psychedelics he had tried, he says, this was cleaner and clearer and better, and it was free. He had no background in spirituality, so whatever had happened to him, he reasoned, the teacher, Eckhart Tolle, must know what it was, since he had triggered it.
Who Am I? Going All In
For a few months Jack followed Eckhart’s teachings. Then Eckhart recommended Ramana Maharshi in one of his books, and Jack figured that if Eckhart believed this man was the real deal, he would look into him. He found a small book of Ramana Maharshi’s basic teachings. The method, as he describes it, is to look at your thoughts and ask “To whom do they arise?” When a thought comes up, you ask, “Who is this arising to?” It is to me, you answer. But who am I? You follow that line of inquiry and stay focused on it.
Jack says that when he decides to do something, he goes in 100 percent. That is what he did with this teaching. He did not realize how powerful it was, or what it could do. What it ended up doing, he says, was triggering a near-death experience.
Why Isn’t It Happening to Them?
One night, Jack says, he got drunk and shared the same video with a friend. He was sure it would blow his friend’s mind. When the video ended, his friend said it was cool. Jack was baffled. Why wasn’t his friend having this massive experience? He talked to other people following Eckhart Tolle’s teachings, and it was not happening to them either. He found it difficult to process. It was a confusing time, he says, and it got more confusing.
The Lucid Dream and the Two Hands
Jack had started having many lucid dreams. He thinks he was so dedicated to meditation that his mind had become very clear, so he was aware while shifting through different states of consciousness in sleep. In one of those dreams, a teacher sat in front of him and told him to “bring your awareness into your left hand,” then into his right.
Jack did, and the teacher said the hands are different, left hand and right hand. Jack could feel the difference. Then the teacher said: “The awareness is the same.” He felt it directly. The awareness sensing both hands is the same. That realization triggered something in his psyche, or in his spirit, he says, and the whole dream collapsed in on itself.
A Snap, a Dark Void and a Point of Light
He felt a rotation, as if his spine were rotating backwards at an extreme angle. Then a loud snap. Then darkness. In the distance was a point of light, and it began to grow. As it grew he felt intense fear, absolutely certain he was going to die. And with it, at the same time, an ecstatic, pleasurable feeling. The two kept rising together.
At some point all he could see was light, but he could feel an invisible threshold in front of him, and it felt like an invitation to cross over into the light if he wanted to. Jack’s response was that there was no way he was doing that. If he crossed into this light, it was game over.
The Nudge and the Crossing
Then he felt that some kind of benevolent force was around him. It gave him a little nudge, he says, like a parent encouraging a toddler to do the right thing. So he crossed into the light. All the fear disappeared as if it had never been there. All he experienced was ecstasy and golden light.
He was there for an amount of time he cannot tell, since time was hard to track. Then he returned to his body and felt the same energy moving up and down his spine. Since then, he says, he has learned about kundalini awakening and near-death experiences, which he did not know about at the time. It was very, very intense, and afterward his consciousness had changed.
Everything He Thought Was Fantasy
It was as if a dial had been turned way up. Jack says he became aware of things he had not been aware of before: seeing and feeling energy, communicating with deities and beings from other dimensions, and out-of-body experiences in which he met those beings. These were the things he had considered fantasy and science fiction, and now they were happening. That was the shock to his system. He was an atheist, and yet it was true.
He was out of work for two and a half years, in bed much of the time, letting the energy settle. It took that long to integrate and to become, as he puts it, a relatively ordinary human being again, with everything still open. He says that once you have been there, your body resonates with it and transmits it through voice, sound and image, and that this can awaken the seeds of consciousness in other people.
A Word of Caution
Jack sees many people chasing kundalini awakening now. If you have done the preparation, he says, it is a fantastic goal. If you have not, it is your choice, but there are risks. It is a real shock to the system. If your awareness suddenly goes way up, it shines on everything, not only the fun, happy things but on everything you wish were not in your psyche.
For him that meant nightmares and waking up in sweats. It was all the trauma he had been running away from with drugs and alcohol, and it was time to deal with it. He did not have a choice. He says he “was dragged kicking and screaming into all of this.” Now that the dust has settled, he is grateful and feels healthier. This is his experience, not a recommendation. If you are going through something similar, please seek out qualified, supportive people, and go gently.
Trees, the Earth and the Cosmos
Jack says his journey of consciousness began with big up-and-out experiences, out-of-body travel and meeting angels, while on a human level he struggled and was in pain. Then, he says, his awareness began to descend. It moved into his heart, down through his abdomen and feet, into the earth and into the heart of the earth.
Now he says he can feel the spirit in the earth beneath him all the time. He sees her as a supreme deity we are all born from and will all die into. He also describes a moment before a flight, when he was anxious, looking at a tree and feeling a connection to it. The tree seemed to say, “everything’s gonna be fine,” and he believed it. He says he has experiences like that with trees all the time now.
From a scientific background, he says, he found it hard to believe it when he began connecting with dragons, immense cosmic beings. Through the energetic transmissions they share, he says, he began to know himself as the cosmos, and he believes we all are, like cells in a body. Sometimes he feels the sun on his skin and knows “I am the sun.” For readers interested in this kind of self-inquiry, our glossary has an entry on non-duality.
Two and a Half Years of Isolation
When this happened, Jack was living in London and was in the rave scene, taking drugs. He felt there was a point where he had to choose between carrying on that lifestyle or going deeper into spirit. He chose spirit. That meant reassessing his friendships, because people took offense and he would be pressured if he went out. For about two and a half years he saw only family and one close friend, who was open-minded enough that Jack shared some of it with him.
Since then, he says, he has changed his friendship groups to people who are more open-minded. With things calmed down, he is just an ordinary person who can be friends with almost anyone. He says it is about being who you are without needing to modify yourself.
How Jack’s Story Sits Among Other Accounts
Jack’s account has features many Divine Encounters guests share: an invitation to cross a threshold, a benevolent presence, a light, fear that dissolves, and a changed life afterward. It also differs. His began with meditation and a lucid dream rather than a medical emergency, and he describes it as both a near-death experience and a kundalini awakening.
Our complete guide to near-death experiences explains the common themes. We share stories like this as experiences, in the person’s own words, with no medical claims.
What Jack Wants You to Know
His advice is simple. All the things in books and movies that seem amazing, he says, are real, and the people around you may not believe you. “Keep your heart open no matter what.” He says “God is the present moment,” and he describes life as an endless dance with “no end point” that can have a purpose if we give it one, or none at all.
And: you are not alone. You are part of a living cosmos and a living world billions of years old, so “your life is fundamentally of immense value.” He believes humanity is going through a huge transformation in consciousness, and that we need to support each other so we can remember “the truth of who we are.”
Questions to Sit With
- Jack’s whole experience started with a question: who is this arising to? What would happen if you asked it the next time a worry comes up?
- He chose spirit over an old lifestyle and had to reassess his friendships. What would you need to reassess to follow what matters most?
- He says awareness shines on everything, including what we would rather not see. What are you ready to look at gently?
Sit for five minutes today. When a thought arises, quietly ask, who is this arising to? Then simply notice what is left.
Spiritual Takeaways
- Jack says the awareness feeling both hands is the same awareness in every part of us.
- He describes fear and ecstasy rising together, and fear dissolving once he crossed.
- He says awakening shines a light on everything, so it helps to go gently and with support.
- He says we are the cosmos in human form, like cells in a larger body.
- He believes your life is of immense value because you are a part of everything.
Please enjoy my conversation with Jack Morrigan.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Jack Morrigan?
Jack Morrigan is a former atheist who studied medicine and worked in psychological research. He tells Alex Ferrari about a near-death experience and kundalini awakening that he says began with meditation and a lucid dream.
What started Jack Morrigan’s spiritual awakening?
He says he watched a video of a spiritual teacher, saw him glowing, and felt his mind go quiet. He then sat on his bed and tried to stop his thoughts, which he says stopped completely and left a sense of peace.
What practice did Jack follow?
He followed the self-inquiry taught by Ramana Maharshi, asking who a thought arises to and who he is, and says he committed to it fully.
What happened in Jack’s lucid dream?
He says a teacher told him to bring his awareness into each hand and noticed that the hands feel different but the awareness is the same. That realization collapsed the dream, followed by a snap, darkness and a growing point of light.
What did Jack feel as the light grew?
He says he felt intense fear, certain he would die, and an ecstatic feeling at the same time. Both rose together until he could feel an invisible threshold.
What helped Jack cross into the light?
He says a benevolent force gave him a little nudge, like a parent with a toddler. After he crossed, he says, the fear vanished and he felt only ecstasy and golden light.
How did Jack’s life change afterward?
He says he became able to see and feel energy, communicate with deities and beings, and have out-of-body experiences. He was out of work for two and a half years, much of it in bed, as the energy settled.
What risks does Jack warn about?
He says awakening shines awareness on everything, including old trauma, and can be a real shock to the system. He cautions against rushing into kundalini awakening without preparation.
What does Jack say about trees and the earth?
He says he feels the spirit of the earth beneath him all the time and has experiences of connection with trees. He once felt a tree tell him everything would be fine.
What is Jack’s message?
He says to keep your heart open no matter what, that you are part of a living cosmos, and that your life is of immense value.
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Follow Along with the Transcript
Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.
Jack Morrigan 0:08
So I was an atheist, and I'd studied medicine, and I was working in psychological research, so I had no interest in this kind of thing, other than in like fantasy films and sci fi and stuff like that. Like, I wished all that was true, you know, but it's not true. That was my mentality. One day, someone just recommended a spiritual teacher, and I looked at their one of their videos, and I was looking at him, and I was like, why is this guy glowing like it was just like everything just disappeared from the background, and he was just shining this light out of him. And as I was looking at him, everything went quiet in my mind. And I was intrigued by that. And one of his videos was it said how to stop thinking. And I was like, hmm, is thinking a bad thing? Like, I didn't even know that that's a bad thing, but I'll give that a try, like I'll see if I can stop my thoughts. So I sat on my bed and I basically copied what I'd seen in movies from meditation, because I'd never done it before, and followed it along. I started observing my thoughts, and to my surprise, they slowed down, and then they stopped completely. They completely stopped, and in their place, was just a sense of peace. And I was looking around my room, and everything was glowing with a similar light that I'd just seen in this teacher. And I was in that state for about 20 or 30 minutes, and with like, no thoughts going through my mind at all. And when I came out of it, the first thing I started thinking was, this is going to change my life like this is what I've been looking for all my life. I didn't even know. I didn't know this was an option to be in this state of consciousness. You know, I'd experimented with drugs mostly just to try and cope with trauma that I'd had from childhood, and so I'd had some psychedelic experiences. But this was like so much cleaner and clearer and better, and it was free, and I can just follow this advice, and I can go into this state of consciousness. He was the first spiritual teacher that I really came across like I didn't have any background or anything, so I was just like, whatever has just happened to me. Obviously, Eckhart knows what it is, because he's triggered it. So I, I was following his teachings for a while, for a few months, and then he recommended Ramana Maharshi in one of his books. And so I was like, Okay, well, if Eckhart thinks that this guy's the real deal, I'll look into him. So I looked into him, found out this little book called Nanyang, which is just like the basic teachings of Ramana Maharshi, and he explains that you're you're meant to look at your thoughts like and question To whom do they arise like? So when a thought comes up, you ask yourself, Who is this arising to? And it's to me, but then who am I? And you follow that line of inquiry and remain focused on it. And I'm the kind of person who, when I decide that I'm going to do something, I just do it 100% and I completely go all in. So that's what I did with this teaching. And I didn't realize how powerful of a teaching it is and what it could do. And so what it ended up doing was triggering, basically a near death experience in me. I ended up getting drunk one night and sharing it with a friend of mine, and as fun as I showed him the same video that I had watched, and I thought, Okay, this is going to be great. Like, he's going to have this experience, and it's going to be absolutely amazing. It's going to blow his mind. This is going to be fantastic. And by when the video finished, he was just like, Oh yeah, that was cool. And I was like, What do you mean that was cool? Like, why isn't he having this massive experience and that that was really difficult to process, like I couldn't understand why it was happening to me and it wasn't happening to other people. I started talking to other people who were following Eckhart tolle's teachings, and it wasn't happening to them. It was a confusing time. It got more confusing so I was sleeping, and I'd started having a lot of lucid dreams. I think I was so dedicated to the meditation, it was making my mind very clear so I would be aware while I was shifting through different states of consciousness, like in sleep. And in one of these dreams, there was a teacher sat in front of me, and he said to me, bring your attention, bring your awareness into your left hand, and then bring your awareness into your right hand. So I did that, and he said, the hands are different, left hand, right hand. I'm like, Yeah, I can feel them. I can feel the difference. And then he says, The awareness is the same, and I could feel that, like I experienced it, like, Oh, my God. Like, yeah, the awareness that is sensing both of these hands is the same. And that realization, like triggered something inside my psyche or inside my spirit, and it caused the whole dream to collapse in on itself, and I felt this rotation, like my spine was rotating backwards at this really insane angle, and then there was this loud snap. Then I was just in darkness, just darkness and in. Distance, there was a point of light, and it started to grow. And as it grew, I felt this intense fear, like I was gonna die, like, absolutely certain, you know, like I'm gonna die, this is the end. But with it also this, like ecstasy, like this ecstatic, pleasurable feeling. And they just kept rising with each other, and at some point, all I could see was the light, but I could feel this invisible threshold in front of me, and I felt like an invitation to cross, like you can cross over if you want to into the light. And I was like, There's no way I'm gonna do that. Like, if I cross over into this light, that's it. It's game over. Like I'm dead. So I felt like there was some kind of benevolent force around me, and it just gave me this little nudge, kind of like a parent, like with a toddler, just encouraging them to do the right thing. So then I crossed over into the light. All the fear completely disappeared like it had never been there. All I could experience was just this ecstasy and golden light muscle that was there. I was there for, I don't know how long, like it's really hard to tell time. But then I returned to my body, and I could feel that same energy moving up and down my spine. I've learned since about Kundalini awakening and near death experiences, which I didn't really know about at the time. It was, it was very, very intense, and after that, my consciousness had changed. So it's like it was like the dinner switch just turned up, like loads, and suddenly I was aware of all these things I wasn't aware of before, like being able to see energy and feel energy, being able to communicate with deities, beings from other dimensions, and having out of body experiences where I would meet those beings and all this stuff that I was like, you know, this is fantasy and sci fi, but it's happening like this is real, that this is actually happening like all those things are real. So that was the big kind of shock to my system, of like, hang on, I'm atheist. No, this is true. I was out of work for two and a half years, in bed, a lot of the time, just letting the energy settle. So it took so long for it to integrate into my psyche and for me to come back to be a relatively ordinary human being. But with all this stuff still open, there's an energy that comes along with it once, once you've been there, your body just resonates with it. You know, it transmits it, and that then spreads to other people, through voice, through sound, through image, and it will start to awaken people. It'll, you know, it'll vibrate like the seeds of consciousness that are in them. It will water them, and then they'll start to flower. It's something that I see a lot of people now that like chasing kundalini awakening, you know, and they're chasing different forms of awakening and and if you've done that preparation like that, like you're talking about, then that's a fantastic thing to be that's a fantastic goal to be aiming toward. But if you haven't done that preparation, you know, you can do that, you know. And it's a free world. It's your choice if you want to do that. And but be aware that there are risks associated with that. Like, you can, you know, that's a real shock to the system. And if your awareness just suddenly goes up a lot, it's going to shine on everything. Like, it's not just going to shine on the happy, fun stuff, like, it's going to shine on all of that stuff that you wish wasn't in your psyche. I was in bed just having nightmares, you know, and I'd wake up with sweats just because it was, it was all that trauma that I running away from and using drugs and alcohol to run away from. It was like, it was time to deal with it. It's like, okay, and I didn't have a choice, you know, I wouldn't have chosen to deal with it, to be honest. Like I was dragged kicking and screaming into all of this. I'm very grateful for it. Now that the dust has settled and that my consciousness is open, I feel healthier, but that was a really challenging time, and it's something that I try and give caution to if someone is just trying to rush into the Kundalini awakening one time when I took LSD, like, the one time that I've taken it when I was freaking out because I had to get flight. And I was like, I can't be flying on LSD, like, this isn't good.
And I remember looking at a tree and feeling this connection to the tree, and the tree was basically, everything's gonna be fine. And I was like, Oh, thank God, yeah, everything's gonna be fine. The tree told me, and I totally believed it. I could feel it inside me, and I was just like, yeah, everything's fine. And it was completely fine from that moment on. But now I have those that experience with trees all the time, like all the time, it's one of the things that's that's happening more and more. To be honest, I've gone on this journey of consciousness where initially I was having these big like, up and out experiences, like out of body experiences. I was meeting angels, and all of this stuff was going on, and while on a human level, really struggling, like being in a lot of pain, but then my awareness started to come down, like I felt this descent movement. It started to go into my heart and then down, like through my abdomen, and just kept going down. Through my feet and then into the earth, and then into the heart of the earth. And something happened where I can feel the spirit in the earth beneath me all the time. I see her as this supreme deity that we're all born from, and that we will all die into. And all of our ancestors were born from, and all life on Earth was born from. And I can sense that in the spirit beneath me, and I can also feel that within the cosmos, I had an experience where I started to connect with dragons. I come from the scientific background, right? Like I was training to become a doctor, and now I'm having these experiences with dragons and things. And I'm like, This can't be real. It's just so real. And they are these immense cosmic beings, and through my connection with them in the energetic transmissions they've been sharing with me, I start to know myself as the cosmos, like I am cosmos. And we all are the cosmos, just being in this human form right now, but we are completely a part of it. We're like a cell in the body that is the cosmos, and we can open to that like we can communicate with ourself, which is the cosmos, in such a way that the flow of information becomes a lot healthier because we already know everything we need to know. So it can just flow through us and download into us. And then that going back to the idea of the matrix, well then it that realization is slightly but realizing the code, it's like, oh my god, this is all me, like I this is who I am. And it's just mind blowing. I have these experiences sometimes where I'll just feel the light of the sun on my skin, and I'll be like, I am the sun, like I know that I am. And it's one of those things that could sound a little trite like, but actually having those kinds of experiences is so, so profound, and it really moves me. I went into a period of isolation. I was in the rave scene. I was taking drugs, and I was doing all this stuff while I was living in London, when this happened, and just like, felt like there was this point where I just had to stop. It's like I had to choose. Basically, it's like, do you want to carry on that lifestyle, or do you want to go deeper into spirit? And I was like, I want to go deeper into spirit. Couldn't really keep that going with the friendships that I had. I knew that if I went out, I'd be pressured. I was like, people were taking offense, you know, and it's like, got to reassess who my friends are, because what's happening to me right now is something incredible, and I need friends who will support me in that. So I went into this period of isolation, basically for about two and a half years, I only saw family and one close friend who I'm so grateful for because he was actually open minded enough that I shared some of this with him. He was like, Okay, that's a true friend. But since then, I've had to shift gears, and I've changed my friendship groups and with people who are much more open minded about this kind of thing. But since it's all calmed down now as well, I'm just an ordinary person alongside everything that's happening now, I'm at a point where I can be friends with basically anyone. I feel like it's like being who you are, like truly being who you are, without needing to modify yourself. For other people like you are fully in the flow of life, exactly who you were born to be. You follow that all the way and feel like that's the best part. All those things like that you think are amazing, in these books, in these movies, it's all real. And the people around you, they won't believe you, and they will try and convince you that it's not true, but it is. It's true. Keep your heart open no matter what God is the present moment. Tune into the energy so that people can feel for themselves. I feel like it's this completely emotional, timeless part of ourselves that is always here, and that everything arises inside of and falls back into so it's like perfect safety, because it's completely self sustaining. Doesn't need anything. The purpose of life is to be what it is. But there's other parts to it. It's like there's a playfulness to be the artist that paints whatever the artist wants to paint, or to be the full expression of every possibility. And I feel like life has no conclusion, it has no end point, so there's just this constant dance, this endless dance, and we could give that a purpose, if we want to, but we could also make it purposeless, like it doesn't have to have a purpose. It can just be because it is. You are not alone. You are part of our living cosmos and our living world, which is billions of years old, and you're playing your part in a story that is that all and that will continue on. So your life is fundamentally of immense value, because you are seamlessly a part of all of this. So no matter what is happening in your life, try to remember that. Try to remember the bigger context of what's happening and flow with it as best you can. We're going through a huge transformation at the moment in human consciousness, and we all need to be here for each other and support each other as best we can so that we can remember the truth of who we are.
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