Divine Encounters Episode 128 | Near-Death Experience Story
Bridget Cook-Burch was in her early 20s, adopted at six months and carrying a deep sense of not being enough, when she says she lay in a hospital bed with a high fever and was told she might not make it to morning. In this Divine Encounters episode she tells Alex Ferrari about the white light that filled her room, the figure she knew as Jesus, and how a love with no conditions changed the story she told about herself.
Key Takeaways
- Bridget says she was adopted at six months, grew up Catholic in Brigham City, Utah, and carried a wound that asked whether she had been good enough.
- She says she worked three jobs, carried 23 credits and kept trying to prove she was worthy to breathe, until her body and her grades gave out.
- She describes a night in the hospital when she heard staff say she would not make it until morning, and felt deep sadness that she had not fulfilled the measure of her creation.
- Bridget says a roommate and a blessing brought a sudden peace that, whether she lived or died, it was going to be okay.
- She describes waking to a bright white light and a figure she knew as Jesus, who knew her too, and a love so strong she saw her skin and a metal tray table vibrating with it.
- She says he let her know she was being given a second chance to fulfill the measure of her creation.
- Afterward, she says, she could look into her own eyes in the mirror and see love, and she began to see it in others, including gang members she interviewed in Denver.
| Guest | Bridget Cook-Burch |
| Episode | Divine Encounters 128 |
| Age at the time | Early 20s |
| What Bridget says happened | She became critically ill, had emergency surgery, and was told she might not live until morning |
| Where she says she went | She describes her hospital room filling with a bright white light |
| Who she met | A figure she knew as Jesus |
| What she was told | That she was being given a second chance at life |
| The message | The stories we tell ourselves matter, and unconditional love changes them |
Three Sets of Parents and a Deep Wound
Bridget was adopted when she was six months old. By then she had already had three sets of parents: her birth parents, foster parents, and then her adoptive parents, who she says were amazing. Even so, she carried a deep wound. In her words: “Wasn’t I good enough? Wasn’t I pretty enough? Wasn’t I smart enough” that they had to give her up?
Unconsciously, she says, she was always trying to do things for herself. She became fiercely independent, because the big people would always leave.
A Catholic Girl in Brigham City
She grew up Catholic in Brigham City, Utah, absolutely surrounded by Mormon culture, with very few Catholics around. She says she already had enough guilt to be a Jewish princess, with a laugh. Her older brothers and sisters were partiers, which was taboo in a small town, and there were a lot of black and white dichotomies around her.
She was always trying to prove she was worthy of being seen and heard, and sometimes her behavior went way out on a limb. But there was also a deep yearning. Her dad was a deacon, one of the first level deacons in 1976, and her mom helped bring in converts. Bridget would go into the chapel between masses and long to know who that figure up on the cross was. She did not feel anything, and she thought she was pretty unworthy.
A couple of spiritual experiences made her think about becoming a nun, so she could have more of them. But a deeper part of her felt flawed, as if she was too crazy and had made too many mistakes to come back from the brink.
Proving She Was Worthy to Breathe
So she went to college. She worked three jobs and went to school, and every step of the way, she says, she was trying to prove she was worthy to breathe. On paper, it looked fine. She had good grades, employers who liked her, and friends. But it began to take a toll.
She says her body started to break down, with stress and ulcers, and she was eating away at herself without knowing it. She would move from job to job, then try to take a test, and began failing everything. She was failing her 23 credits and failing to pay her bills. She let friends and parents down and lied to hide it.
At one point she got so sick that she says she lost 30 pounds in three days. She was a runner and a bodybuilder in her spare time and did not have 30 pounds to lose. She took her last five dollars from waitressing, put it in her truck, and drove down the canyon to Brigham City to see her mom. She needed her mommy.
Her Mother’s Driveway
Bridget remembers pulling into her mother’s driveway and feeling a horrific level of surrender: what a bad, sick and wrong person she was, and how could anyone love or accept her. She dragged herself from the truck to the side door. Her mom opened it, took one look and said, “We’re going to the doctor.”
Her mom put her in the car and raced to the doctor’s office, where Bridget collapsed. Luckily it was right next door to the hospital. They rushed her into emergency surgery, where she says they found pints and pints of sepsis and infection throughout her abdominal area.
The Night She Was Not Expected to Live
Bridget was so emaciated they could not use a regular IV, so they placed a subclavian line and gave her six or seven different intravenous antibiotics. What they did not know, she says, was that one of them was killing her.
After surgery she was expected to do well, but she began spiking fevers of 106 and 107, and doctors worried about brain damage. Her mom was there as much as she could be. At 2 o’clock one morning, after several days, she heard staff say, “We better call our mom back because she is not going to make it until morning.”
Bridget was in her early 20s. She knew she was failing at everything, but she had never thought she would die. Now she faced her own mortality and felt a deep sadness, because “I knew I had not fulfilled the measure of my creation.” She had no idea what that meant, she says, but she knew she had not done it. It was the saddest she had ever been.
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The Roommate Behind the Curtain
Her roommate, behind the curtain, asked her, “know you’re dying, don’t you?” Bridget said yes. She says she had been through some 12 steps, and she had overheard the roommate and her husband reading from the big book before the roommate went into surgery. Hearing words about God, she felt that yearning come back, the little girl in the chapel who longed for a relationship she did not have.
The roommate had returned from an old-fashioned gallbladder surgery writhing in pain, and Bridget could feel every cut and stitch from behind the curtain. She did not know at the time that she was empathic. She thinks it was because all her walls were down. Then the roommate had her bishop come, and he gave her a blessing and commanded her body to accept the medication. Bridget says she felt the pain leave as the woman sighed and went to sleep.
She thought it was some kind of crazy stuff, but it stuck with her. When her roommate told her she was dying, it was one of those Mack truck moments, and she asked whether anyone could have one of those blessings. The roommate said yes, called her husband, and he and another person gave Bridget a blessing. It felt different from what her priest, whom her mom had brought in, had given her. She did not know how to balance the two.
She only knew what she felt: “whether I lived or died, it was going to be okay.” Until then, she says, she had not felt that way.
A Room Filled With White Light
Bridget went to sleep for a little while. When she woke, her hospital room was filled with “the most incredible, piercing, beautiful, bright white light that I have ever seen.” It was so undeniable, she says, that she could not believe the hospital team did not see it.
Right in front of her, she says, was Jesus. He was looking her in the eyes, and she knew him. “And the cool thing about it is, he knew me.” The light was unconditional love. She had been loved before, deeply, but nothing like this. It permeated everything.
Her whole body felt alive and on fire. She could feel every atom moving. She looked at her skin and it was vibrating with his love. She looked at the ugly metal tray table the hospital serves meals on, with her water glass sitting on it, and “the metal tray table was vibrating with his love.” It was transforming everything in the room into something alive, and she was part of it, and he was part of it.
You can read how others describe such moments in our glossary entry on the near-death experience.
Loved for Who She Was
Bridget does not remember words, but she remembers this. “He didn’t care how much debt I was in,” what classes she was failing, or how foolish her choices had been. “He just loved me for me, and it absolutely changed my world.”
He let her know she was being given a second chance at life. Her heart leapt, because she knew she would have the chance to fulfill the measure of her creation. She fell asleep, and when she woke, she says, her fever had completely gone down.
For related ideas about a presence of love, see our glossary entry on Jesus of Nazareth, and our complete guide to near-death experiences.
Saying No to One of the Medicines
A nurse came in wheeling six or seven more intravenous antibiotics. Bridget told her she could have every one of them but one. The nurse gave her a look, and said, “Bridget, we thought we were going to lose you last night.” These were the only things saving her.
Bridget says she kept saying, not this one. She was raised in a very Catholic, very Western medicine family where you never said no to a medical person, since they were second only to God. The nurse asked how she knew, and Bridget had no words to explain. The nurse raced off to tell the doctor.
He came back later and listened to her story. He had had other patients with near-death experiences, she says, and he said they could take her off that one, since she was on the others, and see how she did. In 24 hours, she says, she walked out of the hospital on her own power. This is Bridget’s own account of what she remembers, and Next Level Soul does not offer it as medical guidance.
A New Story
The story she had been telling herself, that she was not worthy, not good enough, not smart enough, began to shift. The coolest part, she says, was looking at her own eyes in the mirror for the first time and seeing love there.
She went out into the world interviewing young people and high risk youth in Denver, including gang members, and found she could love them for who they were. She began to see threads of their stories and see love there, no matter how dark or difficult their circumstances.
She saw how much it matters what stories we tell ourselves. “I lived life in a box, and it was all about being unworthy,” she says. The kids were living in a box of stories too, where mom and dad were gang members, and so were grandma, grandpa, aunt and uncle. When someone loved them enough to show them a different way, the lid opened, and she could watch their transformation. She wanted to capture those stories.
Questions to Sit With
- Bridget says she spent years trying to prove she was worthy to breathe. Where do you feel you are still proving yourself?
- She says the story we tell ourselves is a box. What is one sentence in your own story that you might be ready to question?
- She felt, in one moment, that whether she lived or died, it would be okay. When have you felt a peace like that, and what led to it?
This week, stand in front of a mirror for one minute and look into your own eyes. Say quietly, “I am loved,” and notice what comes up.
Spiritual Takeaways
- Bridget says unconditional love does not care about debt, grades or mistakes.
- She describes the stories we tell ourselves as a box that can open.
- She says she felt that she could have a second chance to fulfill the measure of her creation.
- She says that after her experience she could see love in her own eyes and in others.
- She describes peace arriving before the light, in the form of a blessing and a conversation.
Please enjoy my conversation with Bridget Cook-Burch.
Guest Links: Connect With Bridget Cook-Burch
- Bridget Cook-Burch’s official site
- Bridget Cook-Burch on YouTube
- Bridget Cook-Burch on Instagram
- Bridget Cook-Burch on Facebook
- Full conversation with Bridget Cook-Burch
Listen to the Episode
- Watch this episode ad-free on Next Level Soul TV
- Download the MP3
- More episodes: Divine Encounters
- Listen to Divine Encounters on Apple Podcasts
- Listen to Divine Encounters on Spotify
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Bridget Cook-Burch?
Bridget Cook-Burch is the guest on this Divine Encounters episode. She was adopted as a baby and raised Catholic in Brigham City, Utah, and she says she had a near-death experience in her early 20s.
What happened to Bridget before her near-death experience?
Bridget says she was overworked and failing at school, lost 30 pounds in three days, collapsed at a doctor’s office and had emergency surgery for a serious infection in her abdomen.
What did Bridget feel when she heard she might not live?
Bridget says she felt deep sadness because she knew she had not fulfilled the measure of her creation, though she did not know what that meant.
How did Bridget’s roommate help her?
Bridget says her roommate asked if she knew she was dying, spoke with her about God, and arranged for a blessing. Bridget says it brought a peace that it would be okay whether she lived or died.
What did Bridget see in her hospital room?
Bridget says she woke to a bright white light that filled her hospital room, and saw a figure she knew as Jesus, who she says was looking into her eyes.
What did the love feel like to Bridget?
Bridget says it was unconditional love unlike anything before, and that her body felt alive and on fire. She says her skin and a metal tray table seemed to vibrate with it.
What did Bridget say Jesus told her?
Bridget does not remember words, but she says he let her know she was being given a second chance at life, and that he did not care about her debt, failing classes or mistakes.
Why did Bridget refuse one of her medicines?
Bridget says she felt strongly that she could not have one particular antibiotic. She says a doctor who had heard other near-death accounts agreed to stop it, and she walked out in 24 hours. She is sharing her own account.
How did the experience change Bridget?
Bridget says she could look into her own eyes in the mirror and see love, and then she saw it in others, including high risk youth in Denver.
What does the box of stories mean?
Bridget uses the image to describe how the stories we tell ourselves can limit us, and how loving, life changing moments can open the lid.
Is this a medical claim?
No. Next Level Soul shares these stories as lived experiences in the guest’s own words. Nothing here is medical advice, and researchers continue to debate what such experiences mean.
Keep Exploring
- The complete guide to near-death experiences
- What a near-death experience is
- Jesus of Nazareth in the glossary
- Sheila Gillette on a divine meeting with Jesus after childbirth
- Brian Hoyland on meeting Jesus and being sent back with a message
- Susan Grau on what Jesus showed her as a child
- Stephanie Kraft, an atheist who met Jesus
- Betty Guadagno on an angry atheist who was stunned in heaven
- Browse more free masterclasses and the Divine Encounters podcast.
Follow Along with the Transcript
Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.
Bridget Cook-Burch 0:08
So I grew up. I was adopted when I was six months of age. So I already had three sets of parents by that time because I had my birth parents, foster parents, and then my my adoptive parents who were amazing, but I I carried a little bit of a well. I carried a deep wound inside of me that was wasn't I good enough? Wasn't I pretty enough? Wasn't I smart enough that I that they had to give me up? And unconsciously, I was always trying to do things for myself. I was very fiercely independent because you know the big people would always leave, and so this was rather exacerbated by my religious upbringing. So I grew up Catholic in Brigham City, Utah. So absolutely surrounded by the Mormon culture, there were very few of us that were not. I already had enough guilt to be a Jewish princess, so I I was living this, you know, very interesting story. Also, I had older brothers and sisters that were partiers, and that was absolutely taboo in our small town. And so, you know, there was all these black and white dichotomies and and other things that were around me. And one of the things that was tough was I was always trying to prove myself, like that I was worthy of being seen and heard, and you know, so sometimes my behavior would would be way out on a limb. But there was also this deep yearning inside me. my My dad was a deacon, one of the first level deacons in 1976, and my mom helped bring in converts, and you know, so here they're off on their spiritual journey, and I would go into the chapel in between masses, and sometimes I would just really yearn to know who that figure was up on the cross. But I didn't feel anything, and I also thought that I was pretty unworthy. Then I had a couple spiritual experiences, and I thought, "Oh, wouldn't it be great to become a nun? Like I could have these experiences all the time. This could be really cool, but there was a deeper part of me that felt so flawed, unable to come back from from the brink. You know, you're a partier. You're you're too crazy. You've done too much. You've made too many mistakes. How in the world could you ever become a nun, right? And so I just went off to college. I was working three jobs. I was going to school, and every step of the way, trying to prove that somehow I was worthy to breathe. Often didn't feel that way, but you know, I was getting good grades, and and my employers liked me, and I had friends, and and those kinds of things. But it really started to take a toll, and inside my body, stress and ulcers and fissures in my colon. I started to eat away at myself, and I didn't even know it. And so, you know, I'd move from job to job, and then try to take a test. And I started failing everything. I was failing my 23 credits. I was failing to pay my bills. I started really letting friends down, and I was letting my parents down. And I would do anything not to let them know what was going on with me. So I would lie, I wouldn't, I wouldn't let them know. But at one point, I got so sick. I'd lost 30 pounds in three days, and I was a runner and a and a bodybuilder in all my spare time, and I didn't have 30 pounds to lose. I took my last five bucks that I'd made from waitressing the night before and put it in my truck. And I made my way down the canyon to Brigham City to see my mom because I just was that sick. I needed my mommy. I just remember pulling up in her driveway and feeling like this horrific level of surrender of what a bad, sick, and wrong person I was. Just that you know, how could anyone love or accept me? And I, I was just not making it in the world, and just so beside myself.
Bridget Cook-Burch 3:57
And I dragged myself out of my truck, and I dragged myself to her front door or her side door, and she opened the door and she took one look at me and she said, "We're going to the doctor. You do not look well. And she put me right in her car and raced me over to the doctor's office where I collapsed. Luckily, it was right next door to the hospital, and they rushed me into an emergency surgery, and that's where they found pints and pints and pints of sepsis of infection, like in in my whole abdominal area. So I, they're like, okay, we we figured this out. They they had to put me on a subclavian because I was so emaciated they couldn't do a regular IV, and so they were giving me like six or seven different kinds of intravenous antibiotics, and what we didn't know was one of them was killing me. And so I get out of surgery. I'm expected to do well, but I start spiking these fevers, 106, 107. They're worried about brain damage. They're worried, you know, about a lot of things. And my mom, she comes and. And she's there as much as she can. And finally, at 2o'clock in the morning, I'd been in the hospital for several days. 2o'clock in the morning, and I hear them say, "We better call our mom back because she is not going to make it until morning. And I just remember, like you know, when you hear someone saying that you're going to die, you know, and I was I was in my early 20s, and I'm like, you know, I I knew I was failing at everything, but I certainly never thought that I was going to die. And so I'm I'm facing my own mortality, and there is like this deep sadness inside of me because I knew I had not fulfilled the measure of my creation. Now I had no idea what the hell that was, but I knew Alex that I hadn't fulfilled it. Like deep inside, I'm like, whoa! I came here to do some things. I haven't done them, and all I was was just the most sad I had ever been in my entire life. And my roommate behind the curtain, she said, "You you know you're dying, don't you? And I said yes. And I'd had an interesting spiritual experience with her that I didn't know her, but she had started reading. She and her husband were reading from the big book before she went into surgery, and I had been through some 12 steps. And here I'm listening to words about God, and I felt that yearning come back. That little girl in the chapel. You know, the one who who yearned for, but didn't have that kind of relationship at all. And so she and I started quietly talking. And what had happened when she had surgery? She had come back writhing in pain. Like her, she had one of those old-fashioned gallbladder surgery, so she could feel every cut and every stitch. I didn't know at the time that I was empathic, but all I knew is I could feel her pain from behind the curtain. I think it's just because all my walls were down, you know, so sick. I could feel her pain in her body, and then she had her bishop come, and he gave her a blessing, and he commanded her body to accept the medication, and I felt the pain leave as she sighed and went to sleep. And I thought, I don't know what that was-whatever voodoo or crazy stuff that was-but you know, I it stuck with me. So a little bit later was interesting after she said, "You know, you're dying, because she heard the nurses talking about me in the corridor. I said, "Yeah, I I am. And it was like one of those Mack truck moments where I said, "So can anyone have one of those blessings? And she said, "Yes. And she calls her husband right away, and he comes down, and he and another individual give me a blessing. And it was different than what I had experienced with with my priest who had come. My mom had brought the priest in, and I didn't know how to balance these two factors.
Bridget Cook-Burch 7:46
I only know what I felt, and that was like whether I lived or died, it was going to be okay. And up until that moment, I hadn't felt that way. So I went to sleep for a little bit, and when I woke up, that my hospital room was filled with the most incredible, piercing, beautiful, bright white light that I have ever seen. It was just it it it was so undeniable. I couldn't believe that you know that the the whole hospital team. I all I knew was that right in front of me was Jesus. He was right there, and he was looking at me in the eyes, and I knew him. And the cool thing about it is, he knew me. And that light that that was so bright-it was unconditional love. Like I'd been loved before, very loved, but it was nothing like this. And and still to this day, it's difficult for me to describe, but it permeated everything, and my whole body was like alive and on fire. I could feel every atom moving, and I was looking at my skin. You know, my hospital gown, and and I had short sleeves, and I'm looking at my skin, and it's vibrating with his love, and I have this like you know those ugly metal tray tables that the hospital feeds you on, and and my water was sitting on it, and the metal tray table was vibrating with his love. It was transforming everything in the room into something alive, and I was part of it, and he was a part of it. And I don't remember words, but I do remember this. He didn't care how much debt I was in, what classes I was failing, how stupid were the choices that that I was making in my life. He just loved me for me, and it absolutely changed my world. And he let me know I was being given a second chance at life, and my heart just left because I knew, oh my gosh, I'll have this chance to fulfill the measure of my creation. I'll I'll be able to to do something. I fell asleep, and when I woke up, my fever had had completely gone down, and the nurses wheeling in six or seven more of these intravenous antibiotics, and I. I said, "Hey, I can have every single one of these, but I cannot have this one. She just gave me this look, like, "Who do you think you are? And she said, "Bridget, we thought we were going to lose you last night. These are the only things that are saving you. And I said, "Not this one. And you know, in my very Catholic, very Western medicine family, like you never said no to a medical person that was trying to help you. They were like second only to God. So, and here I am. I'm arguing with her, and I'm like, I cannot have this one. And she's like, How? What? Why do you know this? And I try to explain to her, and have no words, right? But I'm trying to explain. She races off to tell the doctor that I am, you know, a fruit fly. I am, I am a French fry. I have a Happy Meal, and I am just, you know, crazy. Well, he came back into the room a while later. He listened to my story, and he'd had other patients with near-death experiences, and he said, "Well, we can take her off this antibiotic because she's on all the rest of these. Let's just see how she does. And in 24 hours, I walked out of that hospital on my own power. My body was healed, and the story that I had been telling myself wasn't worthy, wasn't good enough, wasn't smart enough, wasn't whatever enough. It began to shift and change. But the the coolest thing was like you know I could I could look into my eyes in the mirror for the very first time I could like really look at me and I could see love there and what I loved the most was I went out into the world and I'm you know interviewing young people and high risk youth in Denver and you know all of these gang members and other people and I could love them for who they are.
Bridget Cook-Burch 11:41
I I began to see threads of their stories, and I could see love there. It didn't matter how dark or dramatic or difficult their circumstances were, and I really saw how much it matters the stories that we tell ourselves. Like what my narration was before my near-death experience, I lived life in a box, and it was all about being unworthy. And then I see these gang kids, and it's like you know, mom and dad are gang members, and grandma, grandpa, and aunt and uncle, and they lived in a box of stories they were telling themselves. When something would happen, when someone loved them enough to show them a different way, when you know they would have a life changing moment, and when that box lid opened, I could watch what happened when their transformation took place, and I wanted to capture those stories, and so I had the opportunity to. It was amazing.
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