Divine Encounters Episode 031 | Near-Death Experience Story
Brian Hoyland joined the military out of high school because he wanted to protect people, and later spent his career helping veterans and inmates. On January 16, 2017, after months of heart trouble, he says his soul burst out of his body in a hospital ICU while a crew of about 20 worked on him. He tells Alex Ferrari what he says followed: a dark void, a rush of love, a light brighter than the sun, and a meeting with Jesus. In this Divine Encounters episode he explores that love, and what it asks of him now.
Key Takeaways
- Brian says he joined the military to protect people, served as a military police officer, and later worked as a counselor with combat veterans.
- He says his first heart failure event came on August 26, 2016, and that he died on January 16, 2017, after months in and out of the hospital.
- He says that in the ICU he focused on a crucifix on the wall and asked Jesus for help, then told God he was ready to go.
- He describes a shake and a pop as his soul burst out of his body, then a dark void and a rush of love he could feel entering his soul.
- He says he saw a light behind him, “way brighter than the sun,” and knew it was God.
- He describes a love that kept flowing in and never ran out, like a straw that is always full.
- He says Jesus appeared in the middle of a vast, bright room of beings, and when Brian asked to see his face, it came together.
| Guest | Brian Hoyland |
| Episode | Divine Encounters 031 |
| Background | Military police officer; counselor at the VA and a Vet Center; program director at a Department of Corrections |
| When it happened | January 16, 2017, in a hospital ICU |
| What Brian says happened | After months of heart rhythm trouble, his heart went into a dangerous rhythm while a crash team worked on him |
| Where he says he went | A dark void, then a vast light, then a huge room alive with color |
| Who he met | God, as a light and a presence, and Jesus, surrounded by many shining beings |
| Time away | He says time felt like a second or 1,000 years |
| The message | Love is the only thing we take with us, and it grows when we give it |
A Protector of the Protectors
Brian starts at the beginning of his working life. He joined the military right out of high school because he cares about people. He wanted a safe world and wanted to protect Americans, whom he says he loves. He became a military police officer, thinking he could do even more good as a protector of the protectors.
He tells Alex that he was hurt in the service. He says he was exposed to toxic chemicals, and that the exposure led to autoimmune diseases that, over time, ate away at his organs, particularly his heart. It was a slow decline. He had a very high level of physical fitness and was able to excel until he got hurt. Then, he says, neurological and circulatory issues began to show up in his physicals.
When he left the military, he could not go into law enforcement or the private sector in the same way, so he went back to school. He earned a degree and a master’s degree in psychology and started working in counseling. He worked at the VA with combat veterans, specifically at a Vet Center, and he loved it. It was a great fit.
Helping Veterans, and Then Inmates
Politically, Brian says, he had issues with the way things were run. He felt that the limits placed on what he could do did not really help veterans, particularly around suicide. The suicide rate was astronomical, he says, and still is. It was heartbreaking, and it pushed him to look for other options.
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He took a job as a program director at a Department of Corrections, where he says he could do a lot of good for inmates. He also worked in the private sector with recently released offenders. In everything he did, he says, he liked to help people. Then his own health took over.
The First Heart Failure, and a Year in the Hospital
Brian’s first heart failure event came on August 26, 2016. His heart rate was around 300 beats per minute, and he says it would climb close to that regularly until he died the following January. He was in and out of the hospital so often that he calls himself a frequent flyer on the ambulance. The fire department paramedics knew him by name. They cracked jokes with him and tried to keep him calm.
It was getting bad enough that he knew he would not last very long. In December he was in the hospital for about a week. He told his care team that he did not want to die in the hospital. He wanted to go home and spend Christmas with his family. He did, and he started to feel a little better.
Then the doctors made a diagnosis. He says they knew he had sarcoidosis, and that it was eating away at his heart and other organs.
January 16: Twenty People in a Small Room
On January 16, Brian says, his heart rhythm went back up, only this time just below the threshold of his device, so the device was not shocking him. They brought him in, and for seven hours tried to stabilize him and bring his heart rate down. Nothing worked. Eventually they felt he could be moved from the ER to the ICU, which had more space.
Once he was transferred to the ICU bed, he says, his rhythm shot up again. The crash team came in. About 20 people were in that little ICU room. They had him strapped to the bed so they could shock him when needed. Everything got dark and he had tunnel vision. He felt like the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz when the flying monkeys swoop in over the dark woods.
He could tell his body was giving out. He had nothing left to fight with. They pulled his arms around, put in IVs and asked him questions about his family and profession. He understood they were trying to keep him present with them. He remembers using everything in him to tell them he did not want to talk. He wanted them quiet, to do their thing, and to let him focus on getting right with God, because he was about to meet him.
The Crucifix and the Prayer
There was a crucifix on the wall, and his face happened to be pointed toward it. So he focused there. He said, “Jesus, you know I need your help,” because he was not strong enough to get through this. This is where mortality came to the front for him, he says. He realized this was it, and he had nothing left.
He closed his eyes and said to God, “I’m ready to go.” Take me whenever you want. It was not long after that, he says, that he felt a shake and a pop in his body, as if his soul burst forth from it.
The Dark Void and a Rush of Love
He found himself in a dark tunnel, or maybe a portal. He was looking off into a big dark void, like outer space in its vastness, but without planets or beams of light. Every sound went off. All the chaos in the hospital room became dead silent.
A rush of love came over him. It was powerful, he says. It penetrated his soul. It was palpable, something he could feel entering. He says it would have been easy to stay there and just experience that love. The void felt like it had its own presence, almost its own personality. It communicated not by sound but by a kind of imprinting, an intellectual conversation in his soul.
Brian says a thought rose up in him: “this can’t be it.” This could not be all there was, just sitting and feeling love and going into oblivion. As soon as he said that, he realized he was actually seeing into the dark. There was light. He could see in all directions, in 360 degrees, and behind him was a light, immense and way brighter than the sun.
Turning Toward the Light
He made a real motion to turn around, to the right, and even then he could still see the void. He looked at the light and said, “I want to be with that light.” And he was there. He felt no wind or inertia, nothing to give the impression he was moving so quickly, but he knew he had taken every step along the way. There was an immense space between him and the light, and it felt like no time at all.
Time, he says, was bizarre. He could not tell if it was “a second or 1000 years.” Probably both at once. He also says that as soon as he died his intelligence grew vastly. It was like being instantly flooded with knowledge. He felt as though “everything that ever existed was there at once,” including things he had never participated in.
The light was bigger than the vast darkness he had first seen. It went to the left and right and up and down. His vision grew as he traveled, a mile, two miles, ten, a hundred, and he could watch it widen in every direction at once.
Home
Brian says he knew it was God. He did not have to be told. He did not see a body or a face, only love, a being, a light, a representation. And God let him know that he could come into the light.
“I felt home for once.” Standing in front of that light with that love, he would have stayed for eternity. He says he had never felt anything like it: an actual love for who he is, not what he presents to the world. He felt loved the way God made him, and he did not lose any of himself. He had never been one to bow or kneel to anybody, he says, a strong-willed person, and yet he was completely submissive to God. Not because he was made to be, but because he looked at God and realized he was loved, and wanted to give love back.
He compares it to drinking through a straw that is always full. His love was flowing back into heaven and it regenerated, but he was never depleted. It only grew. All the time he was there, he says, the intensity increased, and he believes that is how it will be for eternity. All his other emotions, including the fear from the hospital, were gone in a heartbeat. You can read more about how people describe this in our glossary entry on heaven.
Meeting Jesus
Brian felt a presence that reminded him of the one he had felt while praying at the crucifix. He said, “I want to see Jesus.” As soon as he said it, the light opened into another room. It was far bigger than the dark void, and enclosed in light. The atmosphere was alive and moving, in an intense color he can only describe as something like green and pink, though not as we see them. The love was coming into him through it.
There were a great many beings in the room, bright and sparkling. In the middle, he says, was Jesus. He could feel his beauty and his love, which reflected God’s. Brian said, “I want to see your face,” because at first he was just a bright light. As soon as he said that, the face came together. He says he saw it with whatever he had for eyes. He did not look at his own body. He seemed to have a kind of containment of his soul.
The other beings were communicating too. It was not distracting. It was an open sharing of intellect where everyone knew what everyone else thought, and all of it was connected to Jesus. See our glossary entry on Jesus of Nazareth for more context on how people describe such meetings.
What He Takes From It: Love Is What We Keep
Brian sums up the lesson plainly: “I can’t take anything else with me other than love.” God is love, he says, and if he can return love to the ultimate love by giving it on Earth, he will. He wants to live a life full of love.
He admits the small acts are a kind of suffering in themselves. Letting someone else go first, or have preference, costs something. But he has found it enriches his relationships with just about everyone he meets, because people feel valued. That is how we know we are growing, he says.
If life were always easy, he says, we would never grow. A person who skips the push-ups does not get stronger. “Our soul has to be tested,” and “we’re that workout for each other.” Even if we are selfish, he says, we should be selfish in that way: let every interaction help you grow, and “I’m going to treat them with love no matter what they give me.” Life, he promises himself, is better that way.
Setting His Story Beside Common Themes
Brian’s account lines up with several themes people often report: separation from the body, a void or tunnel, a light, a feeling of coming home, and a meeting with a holy figure. It also has details that feel personal. The prayer at the crucifix, the request to see Jesus and the request to see his face are all invitations he says he made and was answered.
For a wider view, read our complete guide to near-death experiences and our short glossary entry on the near-death experience. At Next Level Soul, we share these as lived experiences in the guest’s own words.
Questions to Sit With
- Brian says that in the worst moment of his life he turned toward a single image on the wall. What do you turn toward when you have nothing left?
- He says he felt loved for who he is, not what he presents to the world. Who sees the real you?
- He says soul growth comes from being tested by each other. Who in your life is currently your workout?
This week, let someone else go first. Hold the door, give up the better seat, or let them finish a thought, and notice how it lands.
Spiritual Takeaways
- Brian says love is the only thing we take with us.
- He describes a love that keeps growing and never runs out.
- He says God loved him as he was made, without any of the masks he wears.
- He says soul growth comes from testing, and other people are our workout.
- He says giving love away enriches relationships and makes life better.
Please enjoy my conversation with Brian Hoyland.
Guest Links: Connect With Brian Hoyland
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Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Brian Hoyland?
Brian Hoyland is a near-death experiencer and former military police officer. He later worked as a counselor with combat veterans and as a program director at a Department of Corrections. He shares his story in this Divine Encounters episode.
What happened to Brian Hoyland on January 16, 2017?
He says that after months of heart trouble, his heart went into a dangerous rhythm in the ICU while about 20 people worked on him. He says his soul burst out of his body and he found himself in a dark void.
What did Brian pray before he died?
He says he focused on a crucifix on the wall and said, “Jesus, you know I need your help.” Then he told God he was ready to go.
What was the dark void?
Brian describes a vast dark space like outer space, without planets. He says it felt like it had its own presence, and that a rush of love came over him there. All sound went silent.
How did Brian describe God?
He says he saw a light far brighter than the sun and knew it was God. He did not see a body or face, only love and a presence, and he felt completely at home.
What does Brian mean by a straw that is always full?
He describes love flowing into him and back out into heaven, regenerating without ever being depleted. He says the intensity only grew the entire time he was there.
What did Brian see when he asked to see Jesus?
He says the light opened into a huge, living room full of shining beings, and Jesus was in the middle. When he asked to see his face, he says it came together.
How did time feel to Brian?
He says it was so bizarre that he could not tell whether it was a second or a thousand years. He says it may have been both at once.
What lesson does Brian take from his experience?
He says you cannot take anything with you except love. He wants to live a life full of love, and he says giving it away enriches relationships.
Is a near-death experience proof of an afterlife?
Next Level Soul shares near-death experiences as lived experiences told in the guest’s own words. Researchers continue to study and debate what they mean. Nothing here is medical advice or a medical claim.
Keep Exploring
- The complete guide to near-death experiences
- What heaven means, in plain language
- A short definition of a near-death experience
- John J. Davis on a tour of heaven with Jesus
- Sheila Gillette on a divine meeting with Jesus
- Dean Braxton, clinically dead for 105 minutes, on his journey to God’s feet
- Bridget Cook on meeting Jesus and what he told her
- Vincent Tolman, clinically dead for 45 minutes, on meeting God
- Browse more free masterclasses and the Divine Encounters podcast.
Follow Along with the Transcript
Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.
Brian Hoyland 0:08
I joined the military right out of high school because I care about people. I want to have a safe world. I wanted to protect people, particularly Americans. I you know, I love Americans. So that really was a strong draw for me. And as I went in the military, I was a military police officer, because I thought, well, I can do even more good by by being a protector of the protectors. So that was something that really appealed to me after, you know, the military I got, I got hurt when I was in the military. It was exposed to toxic chemicals, and that exposure caused me to develop autoimmune diseases. And those autoimmune diseases over time, and I'll kind of get to that as we go, but they ate away my organs, particularly my heart. So it was, yeah, it was tough. It was really, it just, but it was a slow decline. I had a very high level physical fitness and ability. So, you know, I was able to excel while I was in the service, until I got hurt. And then there was some deficiencies that were starting to become noticed, that I'd have neurological and circulatory issues. They started to detect some of those things in my physicals. And then I got out of the military and decided, well, I have to figure something else out. I couldn't go on into law enforcement, on the private sector. So I decided to go back to school, and I got a degree and master's degree in psychology, and started working in the field of psychology and counseling. And, you know, I really loved it. I worked at the VA, worked with combat veterans, and specifically at the Vet Center. So it was a it was a great fit for me. But, you know, politically, I had some issues the way that they were running things that weren't really helping vets, particularly vets with suicide. The suicide rate was astronomical. Then still was pretty astronomical, if you ask me. But they put a lot of limitations on what we're able to do to help other vets. And you know that it was heartbreaking, so it caused me to look for other options. And you know, I, I do like to help people. So I, I took a job as a Program Director at the Department of Corrections, and I was able to help inmates. You know, that's, that's something that really appealed to me. I was able to do a lot of good there. And then I started working also in in the private sector with recently released offenders. And then I went into my my first heart failure event. When I had that first heart failure, it was about 300 beats per minute, and I would shoot up pretty close to that on a regular basis in between the the first heart event, and then when I actually died in January. So this was August 26 of 2016 that I had that first one. And I ended up dying in January, January 16 of 2017 and so I was in and out of the hospital. I mean, I was like a frequent flyer on the ambulance. They the fire department paramedics. They knew who knew me by name. And, you know, they were great. They came in the cracks and jokes with me and tried to keep me calm. You know, while this was going on, and it was getting to the point where it was getting so bad that I knew I wasn't going to make it very long. So on the January on the January 16 one, I I had just gotten out of the hospital in December, spent a little, you know, little about about a week, I think, that time in the hospital, and I told him, I said, I'm not going to die here in the hospital. I want to go home and spend Christmas with my family. So I did, and I started to feel a little better. And then January 16 happened. They made a diagnosis of what was really going on. They knew I had what's called sarcoidosis, and so that was eating away at my heart, and, you know, all my other organs. Then on January 16, I started going to the ventricular tachycardia again, except this time it was just below the threshold for my device, so it wasn't shocking me. They brought me into the hospital, and for seven hours, they were trying to get me stabilized and trying to bring my heart rate down enough to where they could control but they couldn't do anything. Nothing was working. They ended up feeling like they could move me to the ICU from the ER. They had a lot of people in there, so it was time to get me moving on. Once they transferred me from the ER bed to the ICU bed, I went into really high ventricular tachycardia. And so they were brought in the crash team. They knew it was, you know, getting close to the time. So they had 20 people in this little ICU room, and they were, they were shocking me. They so they had me strapped down to the bed so they could, you know, shock me when they needed but they were working on me. And kind of felt like the, you know, the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, when those flying monkeys come in, in there, in that dark woods, you know, because everything got real dark. And just I had tunnel vision when I was really kind of just focused on, okay, I got to pray, I'm going to die here anytime I could tell my body was given out. There was nothing I had left to fight with. And so they were pulling my arms all over the place and doing different things, sticking me with IVs, and it was really tough to even concentrate, but I had this crucifix sitting on the wall in the hospital room, and that was happened to be where my face was pointed, so I was able to focus on that. And I just said, Jesus, you know I need your help, because I'm not. Strong enough to get through this. This is where the mortality really came forefront for me, that I realized this, this was it, and there was nothing I had left to be able to get through it. And so they started asking me a lot of questions about, you know, my family, my profession, things that I knew, that they already had known, because they had been asking me for the last seven hours, but they were really intent on it, and I knew that what they were trying to do is trying to keep me present with them. And I just told them I took everything in my in my being to be able to say, I don't want to talk. I just wanted them to be quiet, do their thing, but let me just focus on on getting right with God, because I was about to meet them. And so I closed my eyes, and then I just said, God, I'm ready to go. And, you know, take me whenever you want. And it wasn't long after that that I felt my body like a shake and a pop in my body, as if my soul burst forth from my body. And that's when I found myself in this dark tunnel or like a, kind of, like a, maybe a portal or something. But it was, I was looking off into space, but it wasn't space. It was like this big dark void, like a real fast empty space, like outer space, you know, in its vastness, but without the planets, or, you know, any kind of light that that you know, like beams or anything like that. But I felt this rush of love come over me, and it was powerful. I mean, it was penetrating into my soul. It was palpable. It was something that I could actually feel entering into my soul. And you know, as I'm staring at this dark void, it was really easy, I think, for for me to been content to just stay there and experience that, that love and do nothing the Dark Void really wanted me to do, that it felt like it had its own presence, like its own type of personality or being. To it, I didn't hear anything audible, like when I came into this place, every every sound went off. So all that chaos in the hospital room immediately was dead silent. So this was more of like an intellectual conversations, you know, like an imprinting in my in my soul, if you will. And so I'm looking at it. I said, Well, this can't be it. This can't not be all there is I feel in this love. I knew that this, this wasn't all that there was just to sit there and just feel love from nothing and just go into oblivion. I realized as soon as I said that I was actually seeing into the dark, so there was light, and that's when I knew I could see in all directions. So I had three, 360 degree vision. I could see the dark void, and I could see a light behind me, and this light was immense. It was so powerful, it was way brighter than the sun. I turned towards the light, and I actually made a real motion to turn. So I turned to the right, and I turned around, but I was still seeing the dark void. So it wasn't like I lost vision of that. I really took a real turn, which was interesting. And as soon as I was looking at the light, I said, I want to be with that light. And I was there, and I didn't feel any wind or inertia or anything to give me the impression that I was, I was moving as quickly as I was, but I knew I had taken every step along the way. And imagine being able to see an indefinite arm. I don't even know how to put a label on how far this, this light was from where I was at. It was an immense amount of space in between us, and it felt like it was no time at all to get there. But yet, I had this vast memory of time that, because that just doesn't really exist there, the time was so bizarre. It was so hard to wrap my head around that I couldn't tell if it was a second or 1000 years. You know, I just really didn't have a grass boat, but it could have been both at the same time. And what's really crazy is that as soon as I had died, my intelligence grew vastly. So, I mean, it was just like I was instantaneously flooded with this vast knowledge, like all my memories that I had throughout my life, honestly, I felt like every memory of every one or everything that ever existed was there at once, so like I had this vast knowledge of things that I had never even participated in. But as I'm looking at this light, I'm realizing that, you know, this thing is huge. This light was bigger than the vast darkness that I had originally seen, and it went on, you know, to the left and to the right, and it went up and down, and it was just vast. And I I'm looking at and what's cool about my vision was that I was able to see my vision as it was kind of growing. So I'm watching as I'm traveling, you know, a mile, two miles, 10 100 miles, just keep going, right? But I'm also seeing what where I'm at at that point,
I'm still looking at the light here. I'm looking in that direction, so I'm able to go in all the directions and watch my vision growing as it's going. So again, there was nothing that was limited in that ability. And I'm looking at this light, and I I said, you know, because I knew it was God, I didn't. I didn't have to have God say, hey Brian. You know, this is me. You know, I didn't, I didn't see a body, though, or a face, but it so, I mean, it could have been just his love or his being or his light. That was that what I was seeing. But I knew it was him as a representation of him, in some way, he was actually interacting with me, and he said that I could come into the light. So of course, you know, I'm, I'm gonna definitely go into. Light. It was, it was like I felt home for once, to be there in front of that light with that love, I would have stayed in there for eternity. That love was so powerful. I've never felt anything like that, where I had this actual love for who I am, not not what I present to the world, not not anything else. It was that he loved me the way that he made me the person that I really am, and I didn't lose all that. Even though I was I was completely submitted to God. I've never been one to bow and knee to anybody. I'm a very strong willed person, but I was completely submissive to God. And it wasn't even like he was making me be it was that I was looking at him and realizing that he loved me, and just because of that love, I wanted to give love back as much as I could, and I felt like I was home, like I really belonged here. And so I'm in going into light. It felt like his love was rushing into me even more like a straw. You know, you drink from a straw, and you're taking in the fluid, and the straw is full. It's full never, never goes empty. And that's how I felt. But like that love was coming out, back back into heaven. So it was regenerating, but I was never being depleted of that love. It was only growing. So the whole time I was in heaven, this was a consistent fact that I kept feeling more intensity of that love. I believe that that's probably how it's going to be for eternity, because it felt like God really was infinite, and that his love is infinite. So that was going to be something that we're going to constantly feel at a new higher level throughout eternity, that I just I it overwhelmed me with just this feeling of love back. All my other emotions were gone. That fear that I had in the hospital gone. It was gone in a heartbeat as soon as so I'm walking through that light, and I came, I said, I want to see Jesus. You know, I could feel that he was there. I was still. It was this feeling like what I had when I was praying at that to that crucifix. And I had this, this intense feeling that he was there with me. I said I wanted, I wanted to see Jesus. And as soon as I said that, the light opened up into this other room. And this room was so big. It was much bigger than that dark void it was, it was huge, and it was encompassed by the light. And there was, like a green, pinkish, kind of not really green and pink, like we would see, but it was. Those were the closest kind of examples I can come up with, but it was just really intense color of the atmosphere. And it was alive. It was moving. And it was, you know, that's where that was, the love was transporting into me through this, this atmosphere. But there were a ton of beings in this room, and all these beings were bright and shiny. They were just beautiful, sparkling light. And there was one in the middle that was obviously it was Jesus. I could feel his beauty and his love, which was reflecting that of God. And so I looked at him, and I said, I want to see your face, because it was just this bright light, and it was as bright as the light that I had seen, and that was covering all of this room that we were in. And so as soon as I said that, his face came together. But what's interesting is that while I was seeing his face, I could only see, like, lay down in my memory, that bright light, and it was like flashing this light into my eye or into my memory, but I could see his face with my eyes, or whatever I had for eyes. I didn't look at my body, so I didn't have, like a physical body, but I did have some sort of a containment of my soul. It wasn't like my soul wasn't oozing out all over the place. The other beings that were there, they were all communicating too. It wasn't, you know, distracting in any way. It was as if it was an open share of intellect that we just knew what everybody else was thinking. But it was all connected to Jesus. It was incredible to have that, you know, I can't take anything else with me other than love. Honestly, God is love. If I can return love to the ultimate love by giving love here on earth, then I'm going to do that. That's, that's ultimately what I want to do. I just want to live my life full of love. And I found that doing those little things, they're a sort of a suffering in and of itself, because I'm, allowing somebody else to have preference over me. But what I found is it really enhances relationships with people, because people feel good like you value my opinion that much that you're going to let me take this this precedence, and it changes things. I've had an enriching relationship with just about everybody I come in contact with. That's the way we know we're growing. I think if everything was always easy and contentment was was what reigned in our life, we would never go anywhere. We would never grow and become a better person. Like with working out, if you don't do a few push ups and feel that muscle strain, your muscles aren't going to get bigger and stronger. Same thing with our with our soul. Our soul has to be tested. It has to have a workout, and we're that workout for each other. Often use that to our advantage, if nothing else, if we're going to be selfish in life, be selfish in that way that I'm going to grow by every interaction I come in contact with other people, that I'm going to let them help me grow into a better person, because I'm going to treat them right? I'm going to treat them with love no matter what they give me. And honestly, you're gonna find that life is better that way.
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