Divine Encounters Episode 121 | Near-Death Experience Story
Julie McFadden is a hospice nurse who spent years sitting with people at the end of life, and she says she did not expect to be the one who experienced something unexplainable. In this Divine Encounters episode she tells Alex Ferrari about the dying patients who chose their moment, the favorite patient whose voice she says she heard in her car just as he passed, and the visioning she sees again and again at the bedside. It is a gentle, practical conversation about why she says she no longer fears death.
Key Takeaways
- Julie says her years as an ICU nurse, then a hospice nurse, showed her that our culture is deeply death denying, and that doing less at the very end often looks more peaceful.
- She describes watching dying people appear to choose when to go, such as a matriarch who waited three weeks until the whole family arrived.
- Julie says a favorite patient, who had lived alone with anxiety and hoarding, became a new man once his apartment was cleared, and lived with hospice for about nine months.
- She describes sitting in her car after saying goodbye to him and hearing his voice say, “oh my gosh, Julie,” as she felt peace, joy and freedom.
- Julie says the experience lasted about 30 seconds, and that her phone then buzzed with the news that he had died.
- She explains visioning: dying people seeing loved ones, pets or spiritual figures, often weeks before death, with a clear mind.
- Her message: love in action is what she sees most, and her advice is to “be present with God at all times and see how your life unfolds.”
| Guest | Julie McFadden |
| Episode | Divine Encounters 121 |
| Her work | Hospice nurse, formerly an ICU nurse |
| Type of experience | A shared death experience with a patient, and many bedside accounts of visioning |
| What Julie says happened | She heard and felt her dying patient’s joy in her car, for about 30 seconds, just as he passed |
| Where she says she was | Sitting in her car, as if transported somewhere else |
| Who she met | Her patient, whom she describes as free and exuberant |
| The message | Do not fear death; love in action is everywhere |
Who Is Julie McFadden? From the ICU to Hospice
Julie is a registered nurse who started in the ICU. In that environment, she says, “we are trying to keep people alive at all costs,” and it helped her see that this is not the only way healthcare needs to go. She is glad of what Western medicine has done to help us live longer. But she says we are “such a death denying culture” that this can slip into suffering more than surviving.
That was her experience when she moved into hospice nursing. She adds that she has not been to medical school, and that what she shares are her observations as a nurse.
What She Says She Learned About the Body
As a new hospice nurse, Julie says she watched the body need very little at the end of life. We did not have to do a lot as nurses, she says, though sometimes we do. In certain circumstances, “I saw how our bodies are built to die,” and the less she did and the more she allowed it, the better the person usually did.
She says it was mind blowing. She says she had not known that the body has built-in ways of shutting off hunger and thirst, and that allowing this to happen naturally seems to help the person die more peacefully. She says nursing school did not teach it. These are her observations, shared in her own words, and not medical advice.
People Who Seem to Choose Their Moment
Julie describes a phenomenon at the end of life where people seem to choose how and when they die, and she thinks it is based on personality. A woman in her late 90s, the matriarch of a large and close family, was in the actively dying phase, unconscious and no longer eating or drinking, for three weeks. She was waiting, Julie says, for everyone to come to town. Everyone came, and then she died.
Other people prefer to be alone. Julie says her own mother, who is still alive, would be like that. She would want everyone gone so she could die without them seeing her that way. Julie says it depends on the person.
She also mentions what people call broken heart syndrome: a spouse of 60 years dies, and the other follows soon after. Julie says she is not sure how much research there is, but she thinks there could be biological reasons, such as stress hormones.
Then she shares a patient who told her caregiver, “I’m dying tonight. Please take care of my son.” The caregiver said that she was on hospice but not dying that night. The patient said no, she was tired and going home. She called her son, said her goodbyes, and died. Julie says it happens a lot on hospice, and that it is unexplainable. You can find related ideas in our glossary entry on death doula.
Her Favorite Patient
Julie admits she has a favorite, and feels bad saying so. He came onto her service young, with a terminal illness and what she describes as a lot of mental health challenges. When the team first arrived at his home, there was a hoarding problem. By his own account he had no friends or family. He was anxious, and his living conditions were unsafe.
Because he had a terminal diagnosis, she says, he seemed to gain the ability to let things go. He allowed the team to reach out to distant relatives and cousins, who came to town. Within one weekend they helped clear out his apartment, so he could live in a nice, safe place. When she came back, Julie says, “he was like a new man.” He was so happy to have his apartment again, and to see his cousins.
She believes that is why he stayed on hospice much longer than expected. His cancer was very advanced, and people usually died quickly. He was with her team for about nine months, maybe more. His pain was controlled, and he could walk around and do things.
For those nine months, her visits were simple. She mostly sat and talked with him about life and death, hopes and fears, big existential questions. She did not have answers, she says, because she does not know what happens. She listened to what he had to say.
The Last Day
Eventually he reached the actively dying phase, the last phase of life. A continuous care nurse was in his home around the clock, because he had some intermittent agitation, but he was mostly unconscious. On the last day she visited, Julie says, she could tell from his breathing and how he looked that he would die that day.
She said her goodbyes to him in her head, since he was unconscious. Thank you for everything. I hope you have a beautiful journey. She asked the continuous care nurse to text her when he died, and she left.
Leaving a favorite patient who is dying, to go to the next patient, is strange, she says. She had a weird feeling. She sat in her car and spoke to him again in her head, thanking him for his friendship.
In the Car: “If I Only Would Have Known”
Then, all of a sudden, she says, she could hear his voice in her head and feel excitement. She can’t help but smile when she talks about it. He said: “oh my gosh, Julie, oh my gosh, Julie.” He was smiling. She could see him and hear him and feel what he was feeling. It was as if she had been transported somewhere else.
A feeling of peace and joy, like soaring, came over her. He said little, except those words and “if I only would have known.” The essence of it, she says, was “if I only would have known how amazing this is, I would not have feared this.” They had talked many times about how afraid he was. He had felt restricted in his life, with tons of anxiety. Now he was showing her how free he was.
She says she wept in her car, tears of joy, because “the feeling was so overwhelming.” It lasted maybe 30 seconds. When it ended she was back in her car, back in this reality, which made her realize she had not been in it. Her phone buzzed. It was the nurse, telling her that he had just died. Julie thought: I know. It felt as if he had shown her what it was like to cross over.
Keeping It to Herself
Julie did not tell the nurse what had happened, because she did not know what had happened. She felt, she says, a little “God smacked,” wiping her tears and wondering whether it really happened. It had never happened to her before.
For years she told no one. But people always asked her why she did not fear death, and this was one of the main reasons. Finally she started to share it, and that is when she learned that what she had was called a shared death experience. Our glossary has an entry on shared death experience.
What Visioning Looks Like at the Bedside
Julie says visioning is something that happens on hospice all the time. A dying person, usually a few weeks before death, sees loved ones or friends who have died, or pets. Sometimes they see deities, depending on what they believe: Jesus, an archangel, or figures from other religions. She says it is usually loved ones they care for, who make visitations.
She says this happens in probably 80 percent of people, though it is not always reported and a real number is hard to find. It usually happens three to four weeks before death, so the person is not yet on death’s door.
People ask why it happens, she says. We do not know, and it may not be spiritual. It could be biological. But she says it is not caused by low oxygen or medication, because those are ruled out; low oxygen tends to come at the very, very end. She says there is a huge difference between that and what she calls ICU psychosis, where people see scary things or bugs. Visioning is very clear, she says, and people are not confused. They know who they are, and they are almost as surprised as anyone.
For more, see our glossary page on deathbed visions.
How She Thinks About God Now
Julie says she is not seeking spiritual things. That is why she could keep this to herself for years. She doesn’t know what it was, and she could not explain it. She says she once tried to define God, because it was easier, but the closer she got to the God she has experienced, the less defined it became.
She describes a feeling of love and peace, and “a divinely guided higher power that deeply loves me personally.” It would never be condemning or judgmental. She still tries to hold it as a personal God, because it is hard for her to think something vast would know her personally.
She also says God is love, and that watching someone care for a person on hospice is “like love in action.” Giving freely, sitting with someone, even when it is uncomfortable, because you love them. She sees it in other people’s actions, and it can overwhelm her. Sometimes she leaves a patient’s house and cries in her car. Her closing words: “Be present with God at all times and see how your life unfolds.”
Where Her Account Sits Beside Near-Death Experiences
A shared death experience is different from a near-death experience, because the person is not the one who is dying. Yet people often describe overlapping themes, such as peace, joy, a sense of presence and freedom from fear. The researcher Pim van Lommel and colleagues reported in The Lancet in 2001 that 62 of 344 cardiac arrest survivors, about 18 percent, described a near-death experience. Julie’s bedside stories sit alongside that wider conversation about what people go through near the end of life.
To learn more, start with our complete guide to near-death experiences. We share accounts like Julie’s as experiences, in the person’s own words, and we do not make medical claims.
Questions to Sit With
- Julie says we are a death denying culture. What conversations about dying have you avoided, and what might happen if you opened one?
- Her patient said that if he had known how amazing it was, he would not have feared it. What fear are you carrying that might look different from the other side of it?
- Where have you seen love in action lately, in a small ordinary moment?
This week, have one honest, gentle conversation with someone you trust about what you hope for at the end of life. Write down what you each say, and keep it somewhere safe.
Spiritual Takeaways
- Julie says that after her experience she does not fear death.
- She describes dying people seeing loved ones, pets and spiritual figures with clear minds.
- She says her patient showed her how free and joyful he felt.
- She describes God as a feeling of love and peace, and love in action.
- She says to be present with God at all times and see how your life unfolds.
Please enjoy my conversation with Julie McFadden.
Guest Links: Connect With Julie McFadden
- Julie McFadden’s official site
- Julie McFadden on Facebook
- Julie McFadden on Instagram
- Julie McFadden on TikTok
- Julie McFadden on YouTube
- Full conversation with Julie McFadden
Listen to the Episode
- Watch this episode ad-free on Next Level Soul TV
- Download the MP3
- More episodes: Divine Encounters
- Listen to Divine Encounters on Apple Podcasts
- Listen to Divine Encounters on Spotify
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Julie McFadden?
Julie McFadden is a hospice nurse who shares her observations about the end of life and her own shared death experience on Divine Encounters. She worked as an ICU nurse before moving into hospice.
What is a shared death experience?
It is when someone who is with a dying person, or connected to them, but not dying themselves, describes sensing something of the passing. Julie describes hearing and feeling her patient’s joy in her car just as he passed.
What happened to Julie McFadden in her car?
Julie says that after saying goodbye to her patient, she heard his voice in her head and felt peace, joy and exuberance. She says it lasted about 30 seconds, and then her phone buzzed with the news that he had died.
What did her patient say?
She says he repeated, “oh my gosh, Julie,” and conveyed that if he had known how amazing it was, he would not have feared it. She says he was showing her how free he felt.
What is visioning?
Julie says visioning is when a dying person sees loved ones, friends or pets who have died, or sometimes deities or angels depending on their beliefs. She says it often happens a few weeks before death.
How common is visioning, according to Julie?
She says it happens in probably 80 percent of people, though it is not always reported and a real number is hard to find. She says it is not caused by lack of oxygen or medication.
How is visioning different from delirium?
Julie says delirium, such as ICU psychosis, usually involves scary things and confusion. She says visioning is very clear, and people know who they are.
Do dying people choose when to go?
Julie says she sees people seem to choose how and when they die, based on their personality. One woman waited three weeks for her family to arrive, while others prefer to be alone.
Why does Julie say she does not fear death?
She says this experience is one of the main reasons. She also says the peace she has seen at the bedside has shaped how she thinks about death.
What does Julie believe about God?
She describes a feeling of love and peace, and a divinely guided higher power that deeply loves her personally and would never condemn. She says she also sees God in love in action.
Is a near-death experience proof of an afterlife?
Next Level Soul shares near-death experiences as lived experiences told in the person’s own words. Researchers continue to study and debate what they mean. Nothing here is medical advice or a medical claim.
Keep Exploring
- The complete guide to near-death experiences
- What is a shared death experience? (glossary)
- Deathbed visions (glossary)
- Amber Kasic on a shared death experience with her father
- Michael Tamura on preparing the soul for transition
- Father Nathan Castle on helping souls cross over
- Jan Christenson, a nurse, on the truth of this realm
- Scarlett Heinbuch on meeting the soul she loved
- Browse more free masterclasses and the Divine Encounters podcast.
Follow Along with the Transcript
Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.
Julie McFadden 0:08
Being an ICU nurse, being that nurse, being in that environment where we are trying to keep people alive at all costs, helped me see that that is not the way we need to go in healthcare, we have made leaps and bounds in western medicine to keep us living a lot, much longer of a time, which is amazing most of the time. And then I think we get to a place because we're in we are such a death denying culture that it slips into like suffering more than like surviving like they're not like survive, surviving at all costs. You know, life at all cost, and that's been my experience as an as a hospice nurse. So those are the things that I learned as a new hospice nurse. You know, watching the body not need much at the end of life, meaning, like, we didn't have to do a lot as as nurses. Now, sometimes we do right? But there were certain circumstances where, like, I saw how our bodies are built to die, and the less we do, and the more we allow that to happen, the better the person usually does, and the more peaceful the death usually is. That was mind blowing to me. I truly didn't know that. I didn't know that our body had built in mechanisms to shut off hunger and thirst, to have our calcium levels rise so we sleep a lot. I didn't know that allowing the body to do that naturally, helps the body shut down and helps the person die more peacefully. I didn't know that as a healthcare worker, I haven't been to medical school, but from what I've heard, yeah, from when they didn't teach at nursing school, well, so that is one of the phenomenons that I would say. It's like a phenomena of end of life, where people can kind of choose how and when they die, and I think it's really based on people's personalities. So I think sometimes people will wait until everyone's there, everyone's in town. I had a woman who was like the matriarch of the family, where she had a bunch of kids, a bunch of grandkids, great grandkids, she was in her late 90s, right? Kept the family together so super close with her family. Family was huge to her. She actively died, which means, like the last phase of life where you're unconscious, changes in breathing, no food and water. And she was in her 90s, mind you, she was like that for three weeks, because she was literally waiting for everyone to come into town, and everyone came into town, and then she died. So I think it depends on the person's personality. Now, I think people who are independent, not shy, but, like, introverted or prideful, or, you know, don't want to be taken care of things like that, like my mom would. My mom is still alive, but she would be like that, like she would want people to all be gone so she could die alone, basically, because she doesn't want them to see her like that. She wouldn't want us to see her like that. So I think it depends on the personality. There is a syndrome called, like, the broken heart syndrome, where, I don't know if they've actually done studies on it, but they do think there's, like, stress hormones that happen when someone dies that could technically affect the heart, and that's why people say people die of a broken heart. You know, some a couple who's been, you know, married for 60 years, the wife dies and the husband dies soon after. So there could actually be some biological things to the dying from a broken heart, you know. But also, I had a patient once tell her caregiver like, I'm dying tonight. Please take care of my son, because she had a disabled son. Please take care of my son. Promise me, you will the caregivers like, What are you talking about?
Julie McFadden 3:20
You're gonna be like, I know you're on hospice, but you're not dying right now, tonight, I'll take care of your son. Don't worry. And she said, No, I'm tired. I'm going home. She called her son in said, you know, said her goodbyes to him, and then she died. That's the kind of stuff that, like, is, it happens a lot. I see it a lot on hospice, but those are, like, unexplainable things. My favorite patient, yes, I have a favorite. I feel bad saying that, but like, I can't help it. This guy, I still think of him all the time. So he came onto our service. He was young, dying of a terminal illness. Obviously, he had a lot of mental health issues. So when we showed up at his house as a hospice team, you know, he had a hoarding issue. He didn't have friends and family, per what he said, very anxious demeanor, and clearly, like, in unsafe living conditions. And luckily, I feel like, because he had this terminal diagnosis, he almost had this, like, this new ability to, kind of like, want to let things go. I mean, hence, he was a hoarder, hoarders, you know, that's a whole that's a mental illness. That's, you can't just get rid of the stuff. They'll get more stuff, right? So luckily, though, when we met him, I think because he knew he was dying, he sort of, like, turned over a new leaf, and he allowed us to, like, reach out to people that might know him, distant relatives, cousins, things like that, to help come in town and, like, basically clean out, clean out his apartment so he's a safe place to live, and kind of get this journey started for him. And he allowed us to do that. So within one weekend, we got in touch of, like, distant cousins who came in town helped get rid of all of his stuff in the house so he could have, like a nice living, nice apartment to live in. And I remember coming back after all of that happened, and he was like a new man. He was like, so happy that he had this apartment again and that he saw his cousins who stayed for a while and ended up leaving and because. Of that I feel like, end up living on hospice for much longer than we thought he would have. The type of cancer he had was very advanced, and he usually died pretty quickly, but he ended up being with us, probably for nine months, maybe more, and he was like, pretty well, like he like his pain was controlled, but he could still, like, walk around and do things, right? So I say all this because for nine months, my visits were not that complicated. And really, all I did was, like, sit around and talk with him, maybe change meds once in a while with his pain increase, but for the most part, we just talked. And he was so interesting, and we talked about life and death and what he thought and his hopes and fears, and, like, all these existential questions. And of course, I didn't really have answers for him, so it was just sort of like him, and I just talking about what we thought. Or, you know, it was never me giving him like answers, because I don't know what happens. I was just listening to what he had to say. And slowly he did get to the point where he was in the actively dying phase, which is like the last phase of life. And we did have a continuous care nurse in his home, meaning a nurse that was there 24/7 to care for him, because he was having, like, intermittent agitation and things like that, but he was mostly unconscious. And the last day I visited, because I had to visit every day while the continuous care nurse was there just to make sure everything was okay, I could tell he would die that day. Just from being a hospice nurse for a while, I could tell the way he was breathing, how he looked like I think he would die that day. So I said my goodbyes to him in my head, because he was unconscious. And I just said, like, Thank you for everything. Like, I hope you have a beautiful journey. And I told the continuous care nurse, hey, when he dies, text me, because I knew he would die, like, pretty soon. And I left. And as a hospice nurse, it's so weird you, like, leave your most favorite patient and then go who's dying, and then go to your next patient, right? So I had a weird feeling leaving, but like, you got to do what you got to do. And I got in my car, and before I left, I was like, No, I sat there and, like, basically, kind of started talking to him in my head again, just saying, like, Thank you for your friendship. Like, you're so wonderful. Blah, blah, blah, hope everything works out. Like, thank you for only care for you all that stuff. And then all of a sudden, in the car, I could hear his voice in my head, and I could feel like, feelings of like, excitement. Well, I can't help but like smile when I talk about it like, and he his voice goes, oh my gosh, Julie, oh my gosh. And he was smiling. I could, like, see him and hear him and feel what he was feeling. Best way I could describe it. It's kind of like I was transported somewhere else, you know, and he was going, oh my gosh, Julie, oh my gosh, if I only would have known. And this feeling of like peace and joy and kind of like soaring, like exuberance, like just came over me, and he wasn't saying much, except for, oh my gosh, Julie, oh my gosh, Julie, if I only would have known. But the essence of what he gave me was like, if I only would have known how amazing this is, I would not have feared this, because we had many conversations of him saying he was a little afraid. You know, he's a little scared. And I knew in his life he felt very restricted and tons of anxiety, and he had mental health issues. And he was showing me how free he was, like the immense feeling of freedom and release and joy and excitement and peace that I felt in that moment when he was going, oh my gosh, Julie. He was almost like whispering to me, I can't believe it. I was like weeping in my car, weeping, weeping, weeping, tears of joy. Because I couldn't the feeling was so overwhelming.
Julie McFadden 8:09
If I could, really, if I can get into it, I can almost relive it again and again. And almost as soon as it started, it ended, probably, you know, maybe 30 seconds. But once it ended, it was like, whew. I was kind of like back in my car again, like back to this reality, which made me realize I wasn't in this reality, if that makes sense. And my phone beep, and I looked at it, and it was the nurse saying so and so just died. And I thought, I know, because I feel like he just showed me, like what it was like that moment he had when he was, if you want to say crossing over or something, right? And I just said, Thank you, and we started planning things. I didn't tell her what just happened, because I didn't know what just happened. I was kind of like, God smacked. I was like, wiping my tears in my car, being like, the heck just happened, you know? And that's never happened to me before. Did that really happen? You know? That's where I go, like, Did that really happen? What's going on? And I think, like, years later, I finally decided to tell people, because I didn't tell anybody, because people always ask me why I didn't really fear death. And there's many reasons why I don't fear death, but this reason is one of the main reasons why this like feeling and experience I had. So finally, I just told people, because I thought, You know what? This is why. And I've been like, kind of like hiding one of the reasons, right? And then that's when I found out it was called a shared death experience. What was amazing, a shared death experience happens to everybody, but visioning, which we can get into, is something that happens on hospice, you know, all the time, like you can't really deny it happens all the time. Visioning is when a dying person, and it usually happens a few weeks before they die, we'll see loved ones who have already died, or friends who have already died, pets who have already died. Sometimes they see deities, depending on what they believe. You know, if they're Christians, sometimes they say Jesus or like an archangel. And I've seen other religions, see other things, so that doesn't really have to be Christian, but sometimes they'll see deities, sometimes they'll see angels, but it's usually like loved ones who they love and care for, who have already died. Died, I make visitations, and that happens in probably, like 80% of people. It's not always reported. It's hard to get, like, a real number, but, and it usually happens around three weeks, three to four weeks before they die. So they're not really, like on death's door. They there's a while there people think and talk. I mean, this is, like, my number one thing. People are always like, oh, you know, we don't know why it happens. We don't, and it might not be anything spiritual. Who knows it could be a biological thing, but we do know that it's not happening because of lack of oxygen and medication, because those things we rule out. And the person who has low oxygen, usually that's the very, very, very, very end of life. And people who are visioning are not at the very, very, very end of life. They're, you know, three weeks out or something, and their oxygen is fine. So there's a huge difference between, you know, delirium psych, like ICU psychosis, where people are seeing like scary things and bugs and things like that, then visioning, visioning is very clear. They're not confused most of the time, and they know who they are, and they're almost as surprised as anybody else. But I wouldn't say I'm like into this, like spiritual things, right? I'm not seeking it. Hence why I can have these experiences and not tell anyone for years, because I don't want people to know, because I don't know what it is, and I can't explain it, and so I keep it to myself. I think I've tried to define God because it was easier, and then the closer I got to this, like defined God that I have had experiences with, the more and more I realized, like it's not defined. So it's like a feeling of love and peace, and like a divinely guided higher power that deeply loves me personally would never be condemned, condemning or judgmental. So it's a lot of things. It's like, hard to define because it's so vast now, but I still, I still try to have it be like a personal God who, like, knows me personally. Because, like, the the more general and vast it is, it's hard for me to, like, think that it would know me personally. Well, I think God is love. It's like, if I'm gonna, like, bring it back to, like, hospice, I always say like, watching someone care for someone on hospice is like love in action. So like giving freely, sitting with someone, even though you're really uncomfortable because you love them. So it's hard for me to, I guess, to define it, but a lot of times, like, I see it in action through other people's actions. Like I see the love, and it's overwhelming. It's really overwhelming. It can overwhelm me sometimes where, like, I leave the house and cry, like, I'll leave my patient's house and, like, go in my car and cry because I'm so overwhelmed by the feeling of love. Be present with God at all times and see how your life unfolds.
Our Sponsors
- Next Level Soul TV: exclusive spiritual movies, series, audiobooks, courses and events. Get the app.
- Earthing.com: discover the science-based healing powers of earthing and grounding.
If you enjoyed today’s episode, watch and subscribe to Divine Encounters on YouTube.
