Woman Reveals MIRACLE After Leaving Her RELIGION & LOSS of Her Daughter! with Nichole Clark

In the grand theatre of existence, life often scripts the most unexpected narratives. On today’s episode, we are joined by the resilient and inspiring Nichole Clark. Her journey from the constraints of a high-demand religion to the liberation of self-discovery is a testament to the transformative power of faith and resilience.

Nichole’s story begins with her deep immersion in Mormonism, a faith she embraced wholeheartedly for 38 years. She describes her early years with fondness, stating, “I lived it heart and soul with every fiber of my being.” However, life presented her with challenges that would ultimately lead to profound personal transformation. After struggling for years to conceive her sixth child, Nichole experienced multiple miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. It was during this time, in 2016, that she had what she calls her “Grinch moment.” She explains, “I had been basing all of my happiness, all of my goals, and my whole life around this number [her weight]. And I thought, maybe happiness isn’t in the number. Maybe it’s so much more.”

This epiphany set Nichole on a path of self-development and personal growth. Her journey took a significant turn in 2017 when her father passed away unexpectedly. This loss became a catalyst for her to reevaluate her life and priorities. She began exploring various self-help and spiritual practices, including the law of attraction, which she first encountered through the movie “The Secret.” Nichole recalls, “I had never heard of the power of our thoughts, or that our thoughts create our reality. And all of that was brand new to me.”

In 2020, Nichole faced one of the most profound challenges of her life—the sudden and tragic loss of her youngest daughter, Emberley. Despite having premonitions and dreams about one of her children drowning, nothing could have fully prepared her for the reality. “I had been preparing for this moment. I had had premonitions and dreams… and this was a recurring nightmare,” she shares. This heartbreaking event became a turning point, propelling Nichole into a deeper exploration of spirituality and the meaning of life.

Nichole turned to automatic writing to communicate with Emberley, finding solace and guidance through this practice. She describes her connection with Emberley as a profound source of comfort and wisdom. “I would meditate and get on my laptop… and then she started coming through my fingers and just answering everything I asked,” Nichole explains. These sessions revealed deep spiritual insights and helped Nichole heal from her immense grief.

One of the most powerful lessons Nichole learned from Emberley was about the nature of pain and suffering. She came to understand that pain is an essential part of the human experience, meant to be embraced rather than avoided. “The more that I felt positive, gratitude feelings about the experience, the more I was able to connect with Emberley so much easier,” she reflects. This acceptance of pain as a pathway to growth and connection became a cornerstone of her healing process.


  1. Embrace Your Pain: Pain is an integral part of the human journey, meant to be felt and understood rather than suppressed. Embracing pain can lead to profound personal growth and deeper connections.
  2. Trust Your Inner Wisdom: Nichole’s journey highlights the importance of trusting oneself and one’s inner guidance. By looking within, we can find the answers and strength we need to navigate life’s challenges.
  3. Interconnectedness of Life and Death: Nichole’s communication with Emberley underscores the idea that life and death are deeply intertwined. Understanding this connection can bring comfort and a sense of continuity.

In this profound conversation, Nichole Clark shares her extraordinary journey of loss, love, and spiritual awakening. Her story is a beacon of hope and resilience, reminding us that even in the face of unimaginable grief, there is a path to healing and wholeness.

Please enjoy my conversation with Nichole Clark.

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Follow Along with the Transcript – Episode 331

Nichole Clark 0:00
If we're not guaranteed tomorrow, we never know when our time is. And if I'm not living a life that I love right now, then I'm wasting my time. Because you know, so many of us push off for some day, some day, I'll be happy someday I'll get the way someday I'll be successful when we're really missing the journey, the joy of the journey when we're doing that.

Alex Ferrari 0:22
I like to welcome to the show Nichole Clark. How you doing Nichole?

Nichole Clark 0:34
I'm so great. I'm so excited to be here. Alex, thank you so much for this opportunity.

Alex Ferrari 0:39
Oh, thank you so much for being on the show. I truly appreciate it. Thank you for writing your remarkable book. Remember all that is that you know, really touch it, it really touched my heart. And your story is so remarkable. And I really think it's gonna help some people today. So that's why I wanted to have you on the show. So my first question to you, my dear is, what was your life like prior to August 2020?

Nichole Clark 1:03
Oh, my goodness. Well, going back to my childhood, I was born and raised Mormon in a very high demand religion, I actually loved it. Loved my family, I have very fond beautiful memories of it. So I don't want to speak badly of it in any way. And I lived it heart and soul with every fiber of my being I used to say for 38 years you never questioned it. never even thought anything out there could possibly ever light me up as much as Mormonism did. And then in 2016, I had kind of one of those aha moments, I call it my Grinch moment where I had been trying for so long, I always wanted six kids, let's just put that out there first, because that's kind of like what it was. Who are you like, why you want six kids good thing. But I always wanted six. And I had five right away after we got married. Like within the first seven years, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then it took me eight years to get pregnant again. And then I had two miscarriages, and an ectopic pregnancy, pregnancy. And I was just having so many complications, trying to get pregnant again, I just wanted number six. And so in 2016, I had been working so hard. My other goal was to get back down to my pre pregnancy weight because I wanted to be fit before I got fat again, if that makes sense.

Alex Ferrari 2:29
It makes perfect sense.

Nichole Clark 2:31
So I got there and I had been starving myself and hangry for years. And I got to that moment where I stepped on the scale. And I saw the number and it was like, and I celebrated for like two seconds. And then I looked up at the mirror and all of those thoughts came flooding in like, Oh, I'm still fat, like, oh, I still have cellulite like oh my goodness, they're still I'm not I'm not even close to where I want to be after all these this time. And then it was like my heart grew three sizes that day. Like the Grinch eat Oh, and he stole Christmas because I realized that, oh, my goodness, I've been basing all of my happiness, all of my goals and all my whole life around this number. And I thought, maybe happiness isn't in the number. Maybe it's so much more. You know. And since then, I've realized that not enough bank account numbers on my pant size is not in the number of likes or followers, I have nothing. And so that started me down the rabbit hole of self development, personal development, I read so many books and started that. And then in 2017, I was sitting in the dentist's office, my daughter was getting your teeth cleaned, and I got a life changing phone call where my dad I found out that my dad had passed away unexpectedly. And that rocked my world. And I came home from that and just cried and cried and cried. I hadn't been able to get very close to my dad for many, many years, my parents had been divorced. And we were finally rekindling that need came up to visit for the first time in our marriage, like that summer, and then all of a sudden, boom, he's gone. And that really was like the catalyst to my real change. Like where I just started saying, we're not guaranteed tomorrow, like we never know when our time is. And if I'm not living a life that I love right now, then I'm wasting my time. Because you know, so many of us push off for some day, some day, I'll be happy someday I'll get the way someday I'll be successful when we're really missing the journey, the joy of the journey when we're doing that. So at that point, I started writing a book and I'd given up on having another child. It was just like, at that point, my my youngest was going into kindergarten and I was like, whoa, I'm experienced a freedom that I haven't had since I don't even know how long ago. This was like 15 or 16 at that point. So it's been many years that I've Been a stay at home mom doing mom thing and not doing anything for me. And so I started writing my first book, I signed up for all these courses on how to do that, how do ecommerce, all these things? And then soon after my daughter went to kindergarten, I got pregnant again. Of course, right when you let go,

Alex Ferrari 5:21
That's the way it works generally.

Nichole Clark 5:23
Right! So I had a dream that told me I was pregnant, like three weeks before I found out like, I have dreams a lot. And we'll talk about one of my recurring dreams that came true. But that was like one of those life changing like, oh, okay, well, I was putting myself first Can I balance myself first and have a baby at the same time. And also, the night that my dad died, was another huge catalyst in that. At that point, I was still very much in the Mormon box. I believed everything. I never questioned it. My husband started to question it was starting the deconstruction journey. And I was very opposed to it. Very anxiously trying to get him back into safety, you know. And that night, Alex, he was led to watch a movie with me. He said, let's just get your mind off of this. And you will not believe what movie it was because it literally changed my whole world. I wonder if you could guess?

Alex Ferrari 6:25
Well, there's a lot of those movies. I don't know which one was it?

Nichole Clark 6:28
I know, it was the secret by Rhonda Byrne. Oh, of course, right? Because she's changed everyone. But I had never heard of the law of attraction. ever in my life, I'd never heard of the power of our thoughts, or that our thoughts create our reality. And all of that was brand new to me. And I swear that my dad orchestrated that, like on the day of his death, he was like, Don't grieve for me to our daughter, here's a gift. Here's something that will change the course of your life and help you be happier. And so I started that rabbit hole, and started learning all sorts of things that had hypnotherapy and certified NLP and hoponopono and so many different modalities, right? And just really found a lot more joy outside of my box of religion that I had never discovered before. And then I started questioning my religion and having a whole bunch of doubts and starting having so much cognitive dissidence, that I wasn't feeling good about life. And during that time, when I was pregnant with them early, I had a really bad breathing problem started happening. And we didn't know what was happening. I got tested, but because you're pregnant, they don't allow you to do X rays or any of that kind of stuff. And they thought I had asthma. But it turns out I didn't. And I also went to a Dr. Joe Dispenza retreat during while I was pregnant with Emberley. And my husband and I were there for a week. And in that week, they put us into smaller groups, where we get to know people and actually see the same people over and over and talk about what we're learning. And in our group of like 50 people, I found it very wild and interesting that many of the women at least 15 had problems with their throat. And I thought that was like, really odd out of this whole group. Like why are these people having thyroid issues or permanent strep throat or all these things. And at that point, I didn't realize that where my breathing issue was coming from, we thought it was asthma. Fast forward a year later, when I'm carrying Emberley up the stairs. And I can't breathe, I literally had to stop after like four or five stairs, just to get enough breath to make it up the rest of the stairway to put her in her crib. Like it was crazy bad. Went to the end the next day because I was like I gotta try something different. The asthma doctor is not helping. And he did an MRI or an ultrasound or something on my neck and he was like freaked out. He's like, I've never seen anything like this in my life. We got to send you straight away to a specialty doctor in Columbus, which is two hours away. And so he sent it sent me there like the next day. He was like, we can't wait on this. I have no idea what's wrong with you, but it's not good. Long story short. That doctor knew right away just from listening to me breathe. He was like, Oh, you have idiopathic subglottic stenosis and I was like, what is that? Okay. And it turns out right below my epiglottis my I developed enough scar tissue and problems where my throat was not normal. It was like down to the size of a little straw. So no wonder I couldn't breathe, right. And that morning before I got the diagnosis, I had a meditation where I was brought back to my childhood and I recognize that the throat chakra right Presents one's ability to speak their truth. And I had not been speaking my truth for over a year, I had been denying it, suppressing it, you know, like, oh, yeah, I may not believe in Mormonism anymore. But I don't want to face that. I'm not ready to leave. That's too scary. And it was terrifying. And that was the catalyst for me to say, Oh, my goodness, my soul is literally like suffocating me to make drastic changes in my life and actually speak my truth. Which was scary. And also very, I'm very grateful. My body has always been like, I don't know, several years ahead of my mind, I guess my conscious.

Alex Ferrari 10:43
It'll usually usually is

Nichole Clark 10:46
Weird diseases into my life that like, I can't figure out like, when my parents got divorced, I had this crazy like, gastric bypass gastric bypass, what's the acid reflux like crazy for like 10 years, until I finally realized, Oh, that's a direct result of not forgiving my parents of the divorce. And then as soon as I did, it was like it healed. And so this was another one of those things where I did have to get surgery. And it is like, still a little bit of a recurring problem. Like I have to clear my throat and drink a lot of water. But most people who have that surgery have to have it like yearly just to be able to breathe the rest of their life. And idiopathic means they don't know why, or what's the cause of it. But I figured that out pretty quickly was that I wasn't speaking my truth. So when Emberley was about eight months old, I decided I'm not going back to church, I'd been going for like a year. And every Sunday, I'd be like, Why am I here? Why am I here? Yeah, like, I don't feel good anymore. Like, this doesn't uplift me or make me feel whole or excited or even healthy. And so I finally faced that fear and said, Well, my soul is calling me somewhere else, and I'm gonna go there. And that was wild and scary. And also, so glad I did it. So glad I did it. And I've become completely different person since then. But also not like, there's a lot of things I love about Mormonism, Mormonism that I've retained, you know, and I'm very grateful for that upbringing. I don't, I did go through an angry face where I saw her hurt, and the pain that it causes to so many people, you know, some of the doctrine and dogma. And, you know, you just have to get to the point where you can look past that and love people where they are like, I, I see a lot of people who leave religion and then judge Christians for judging them. And I did that I did that for a long time, right? Like, oh, are so evil for being so judgmental and criticism and, and I'm doing that right now when I'm criticizing, though. And so I had to just transmute all of that to love and acceptance and recognizing I was them. So I understand where they're coming from. They're coming from a place where they truly feel like it's love. They're trying to accept you, but also have been taught that it's evil and bad. And you're scary. Like, I was one of them. Yeah, it's totally programming. So it was like, you know, recognizing that they're not doing it with Mal intent. They're doing it because they're literally you've been programmed that way. And it's really hard to deprogram someone, or you know, yourself.

Alex Ferrari 13:32
And well, there's this one of the most difficult things you have to do is that, you know, we spend the first seven years being programmed the rest of our life trying to deprogram ourselves of whatever we learned in this first seven years, generally speaking, and it's so funny because I have a dear friend of the family. She's she's been a friend of my wives for 12 years, and she's been Mormon. She was introduction to Mormonism. So I learned a lot about Mormonism through her, and she was like, You gone home? Just all in drank the Kool Aid, I mean, but she was one of the sweetest nicest human beings I've ever met. And, you know, we would look at her life and be like, you know, there's a lot of positives to this religion, that community, always being there, wherever you go, wherever, wherever you are in the world, you find a Mormon community, and they just bring you in, and it's like, no questions asked, you need to help be moved. There's five huge Mormon guys there to help you move in. You know, like, right, so there's a lot of really positive things about it. But recently, she had that same thing happened to her. Her and her husband both decided to leave the church and I could just hear, and they were just like, she specifically is very innocent to the world. Like she didn't understand anything outside of Mormonism, really. And she started to now She's like, well, you know, she's like, maybe I should get a tattoo. I'm like, maybe maybe should calm down. Like, I don't need to do that right now like, but it was just like this just reaction. So being repressed or in a box for so long. The second you get out you just like, you know, what do I do? Like, I've never been able to try this I've never been and, and she's a grown woman with faith and family and kids. It's not like your 20 year old going out there like, hey, so is it really interesting thing to look, but you know, but she still is such a wonderful soul and such a beautiful, it's just a beautiful family. But I completely understand what you're going through. Because we thought that like, there's no way they're ever going to leave that situation. It's just like, there's so gung ho, I mean, they lived in they lived in Salt Lake City, they I mean, it's the full blown thing. And I visited Salt Lake and the Mormons have that place on lock. No question about it. So there's, but it was really interesting. Your story like that. But, and same thing happened with me and I so many people know that I'm a recovering Catholic. And, and I just literally just recently went to the Vatican, on vacation that specifically there was in Italy. And I was like, well, we gotta go. And seeing that place. I could just when I walked in to the, to the St. Peter's I just said, Oh, this has such little to do with Jesus's teachings. And has so much to do with his organization's power and influence. And that's all as you walk around, and you start to you're like, Oh, God, this this has nothing to do. It literally has nothing to do with Jesus. Like nothing, nothing to do. So like, I already walked into that world, already converted by decades. But I felt the same way as you I would go to church when I was younger, and like, why am I here? doesn't feel good. Like the last time I was in a church like to be at a service was at a wedding. And I'm like, I can't I just can't I can't get up and stand down and kneel and and go through this charade. It didn't make sense. For me. It makes sense. For others. That's fine. You meet them where they are. But for us, it didn't. So I'm glad you shared your story with us. That was such a

Nichole Clark 17:14
Yeah, I mean, it filled me up for years. And yeah. And what I've kind of related it to and what I talked about with Emberley is that it feels like, you know, trying to fit back into my kindergarten clothes. Like, I've loved this outfit. It was beautiful. Like, it was fantastic. But my soul has expanded so much. It's like I can't, I can't fit back into that no matter how hard I try. Like, I can respect it and love it. And also be like, yeah, not for me.

Alex Ferrari 17:41
Yeah, I wish I could fit some stuff. I could fit into some stuff that I used to have.

Nichole Clark 17:45
Yeah, not even kindergarten, we're talking like college, would it be great.

Alex Ferrari 17:51
And I'm not sure it's the soul that expanded. It might be some other things that expanded on me, but I'm doing the best I can. So, um, so tell me so tell me what happened in August of 2022. That kind of really shifted again your life in a way that is pretty undescribable?

Nichole Clark 18:12
Yeah, well, let's go back a little bit. After I left the church Emberley was about eight months old when that happened. And a few months after that COVID happened because she died. And she actually died about three years ago now, next week, August 17. But COVID happened and all my kids came home. So I had all six children at home. And I kind of loved it. Like it was kind of wonderful, honestly not have to drive them everywhere. Not have to like have them be million directions all the time, but just to have everyone at home and they actually got along and everyone loved Emberley like we just adored her. And, you know, let me just really quickly tell you the story of her name, because that was really just a beautiful experience as well, because the whole pregnancy, we've been trying, like I said for a long time to get pregnant with her. And when we did we really, really believed it was a boy like 90% is a boy. Obviously God's gonna give us another son because we've have five daughters. We already had four daughters and one son, you were like, for sure, boy. And I had a lot of problems and complications with the pregnancy like diabetes and all that stuff. And I got regular ultrasounds and never allowed myself to see because I just knew it was a boy. So we had all these boy names like we had the name picked out. And then the night of the birth, we're in room number 333 Which I thought was very significant if you love Angel numbers at all, which I do. And she was born and the doctor was like it's a girl and I was like, oh what? We didn't have any girl names like we'd already had four daughters and had so many hard times like coming up with names that We both agreed on and we're like, Oh, shoot. And Nate, my husband came into the hospital the next day. And it was like my sister called. And she had a vision last night or kept a recurring dream that you need, we needed to name her Ember, or something was ember. And I was like, I love that name. Like, it just really had such imagery of like, you think of a number of I love fire, and I love like, sitting around a campfire and just feeling cozy, and then one flies away. And sometimes it looks like it's dead. Like, what if you just put a little air and tension on it, it can come back, right. And we just love that idea. And so we named her Emberley joy, and joy is like, literally the epitome of what she brought to all of us, like anyone who knows her was just like, Oh, she's such a bundle of joy. And she really was. So having all the children home, and having her there with us, and just loving COVID Honestly, I mean, some parts of it were awful, obviously. But um, really was very, let's just say she was sheltered. She didn't leave the house very much in her short life, because, well, she couldn't and it wasn't healthy for So on August 17 2020, it was just a normal day, but we were preparing for the kids to go back to school. And so for the first time in probably eight or nine months, and really got to go to Walmart with us, which is one of the only test only stores we have in town, like we're in a very small town. And she, you would have thought that she was in like Disney. just so excited to be there and pointing out all the other kids, she was like, never seen other kids her age, for a long time. She was just bewildered. And it was just wonderful. We got McDonald's and had a little picnic lunch, you know, and she was to kind of dip the chicken nugget in the ketchup and then just lick the ketchup off and not eat the meat. Obviously, I'm you know, I got a kick out of her. And then later that afternoon, she was in a nap. And I was downstairs working on my computer. And she came down was running around and I was like, Hey, come here, but she just like, like, whatever See you later mom, you ran to somebody else. And I left to go take my kids to a birthday party not to have my daughter's had a birthday party, and it was like 45 minutes away. So I'm driving there and I go and drop them off and on the way home and listening to a brand new Brene Brown book who I love. And I just finished the book, right when I got to my driveway and my driveway is really quite long, it's a third of a mile up a hill and around a curve where you can't see the house. And as I was driving up the driveway, I saw an ambulance coming toward me. And the lights were on. And you know as a mother that stops your heart in its tracks. And I didn't tell you this yet, but for several years before this moment, I had been preparing for this moment, I had had premonitions and dreams, and so many feelings during Emily's entire life. And even before she was born, that one of my children would drown. And that it would ruin my whole marriage and my whole life would change. And this was a recurring nightmare that I actually wrote about in my first book, The 10 minute refresh for moms, I have a whole chapter on the dream that woke me up. And it was literally one of those things where I did a thing called fear setting where I went through this word and at worst nightmare, because it literally would wake me up crying like regularly. One of my children were drowned. And because my husband wanted the pond in the pool, I always blamed it on him like it's his fault. And we would get divorced and all that. And I saw I fear that this whole scenario like, if this really did happen, how would I could handle it? How can I prevent it? What could I control? How, how can I react in a way that I became a victor instead of a victim? All those kinds of things were like all the things in my mind. And so as I'm seeing this ambulance come toward me, that's exactly Oh, it happened. It actually happened. Like, I prepare my whole life for this. But what? No way. And I am I saw the ambulance pass me and went up to my driveway and saw my husband just like crying for the first time in our whole marriage. We've married I don't know, 18 years at that point. And I was like, what's happening and like, and then we all rushed to the hospital. And we weren't allowed in because of COVID. And it was just a beautiful thing. We saw all of these workers, paramedics, nurses, cops, everyone gathered together in a big prayer circle and just like pray for us as a family and I remember standing in the parking lot asking my family like to do like the Care Bear Stare where we're just like spreading love through our heart you As much as we can towards the hospital, and soon after, like probably about an hour of waiting for her to breathe again, they said that they got her to breathe on her own again. And we had hope. And so they brought us into the hospital. And I was able to sing Twinkle twinkle little star, she loves the words up high. And I can I can feel her hand like, and her heartbeat You could see was raising. So that gave us a lot of hope. And then they said there was enough hope that we could lifeflight her to the children's hospital up in Columbus, which is, so we got in a helicopter, I got to go with her because of the weight limit, my husband was used to bulky muscley. And I had this beautiful opportunity in the helicopter to paramedics were over there helping her breathe these little machines, and it was kind of awful. And I just felt so connected with her at that moment. And because I'd had so many premonitions during her life, and an opportunity to prepare, I knew that she wasn't going to stay. And I gave her in that moment, like, we had one of those soul connections where I just said, I know you're wanting permission, and that give you permission to leave, I know that. And that was so hard, like, you want them to stay so badly. But you really can't control it. But it was just one of those moments where I just knew, like, we'll be okay, like, it's gonna be okay. Somehow we'll get through this and we'll make some something beautiful of your life. And then soon after we got there and they did a brain scan and everything and found out she was brain dead. And then I had to sit in the hospital for two hours until my family was able to drive up and meet me there. And we had to tell the kids, it was the worst night of my life. But also so beautiful. Just one of those opportunities to hold her body for the last time but also acknowledged the spirits around that were booing me up and, and our family at that time, we felt a lot of love and the over pouring of love from Facebook and friends was just so overwhelming and beautiful that you could feel like deep grief and pain and a massive love and gratitude at the same time. And for the first time, I realized that you can hold all of these emotions and the deeper the pain, the more love you felt. And it was just like this beautiful conglomeration of all the feelings. And soon after that, after the funeral, I went to a psychic medium. And that that message, the message I received was like, Oh, this all makes sense. Now, it all makes sense. Now, if she told me that Emberley and I had created a soul contract before we came here to Earth, to write a book together, the Emberley wouldn't be here long. And I knew that at a soul level. That's why I had feared it her whole life. That's why I kept having premonitions. And that we are supposed to write a book together to expand the collective collective consciousness. And that I had no idea how to do that. It's like a fairly big order.

And I, you know, went home, I was like, Okay, well, how do I talk to you? I'm really talking in my head talking out loud. And then I had heard of automatic writing before, but I'd never really tried it. And I was like, maybe that'd be an easier way for me. Because channeling had always been kind of woowoo and out there and, and, you know, you're, you're talking to demons.

Alex Ferrari 28:45
The devil's work. That's obviously the devil's work, obviously.

Nichole Clark 28:50
But my goodness, soon after I would get up every morning it was it became like my favorite thing. Like, almost like a drug to me. Like I couldn't get enough I would I would meditate and get on my laptop. This one I'm talking to you right now. And I would start typing a time my feelings. I taught my dreams. And then I'd be like, Emily, are you there? Like, can I ask you some questions? And then she started coming through my fingers and just answering everything I asked. And we just had beautiful conversations to the point where I was like, I gotta share these. This is mind blowing stuff and like stuff I wouldn't have come up with on my own. Like, I'm not. I'm a smart person, but I'm not like that. Like, I'm not. I can't do that on my own. And so I did, I started sharing them on Facebook, and people were just like, Whoa, what is this? Like, I can't wait for this book. You were making a book right? Like and, and so I, I wrote, we wrote together over 200,000 words by like, January of that year, so like, in four or five months, we had way more than no book and I was blown away and also overwhelmed. and terrified, I was so terrified Alex to share it because I was still deconstructing religion. And a lot of my questions were about that. And to share that message with most of my audience on Facebook was still family and friends who were very much still Mormon, or at least they're at least Christian. And where we live is in the heart of the Bible Belt. This is terrifying. So I just kind of shelved it, I put it literally, I had it edited. And the editor loved it. She was a spiritual open person. But I couldn't share it any more than I was like, it's enough to share it on my Facebook feed, but and just that's only little captions that I would use, you know,

Alex Ferrari 30:46
You were pre editing. You were pre editing.

Nichole Clark 30:49
Yes. 100%. So, yeah, I put it on the backburner for nearly two years before I finally published it in December. And during that time, you know how, like, you know, something, and you're given the message, but you don't know how to embody it. Like, thanks for that amazing download. But how do I actually do that, like, so many of the messages that she gave me were like, you know, there's so much beauty and pleasure in pain on a soul level, like enjoy your pain, this is your time to like, really, like, dig into it and allow yourself to feel all the suffering and all the grief. I was like, I don't want to do that. Because as humans, we don't like pain, we want to run from numb from escape, you know, repressed, do all the things to not feel those feelings. But the more that I listened to her and allowed myself to feel all the feelings, and have them be there without judgment, without labeling them as wrong or bad, the more I started to feel whole, and complete. And I had written about in my first book, that Bible definition of the word perfect, like in the Strong's Concordance is actually whole or complete. And Emberley taught me that, you know, so many of us go around wanting to feel high vibes, or good vibes only. We thought it was such like a, almost like a positive toxicity. Like, we're so focused on feeling good all the time, that we dismiss anything that feels less than that. And we call it bad or horrible, or we judge it as we don't want it. But when we learn to accept that part of us, when we learn to love all of who we are, and to really tap into that pain, that's when that void that we've all been seeking to fill becomes full, and becomes just a feeling of like, all accepted and loved.

Alex Ferrari 33:00
So Nichole, before we get into your, your, your amazing conversation with Emberley, I have to ask you something, because a lot of people listening might be going through this or god forbid, might have to deal with this in the future. How do you think you would have dealt with all of this losing your child? If you would have still been in that box? If you have not done that work? That? I know it was it's still very difficult time. I have children, I can't even begin to understand that pain. But under but I understand the work that you did prior to that, that kind of lessened the blow. if that's even possible, then if you would have been in it would have been like shocks, no shocks you no padding, no padding? Yes. How do you think you're How do you think you would have handled this entire this entire event in your life? If you would have still been in that box that you weren't feeling comfortable in anymore?

Nichole Clark 34:04
That's a great question. And I've thought about that a lot. Because in that box, you're taught, you know, God plan this, like, he needed her home. Like he somehow needed her more than you. She's with Jesus. So she's fine. Like you're gonna You just have to live according to the all the doctrine now, in order to be worthy to see her again. That was one of my biggest fears, you know, like, I'll never deal. Yeah, it's, yeah, it was all wrapped around, I would have been so scared to do something wrong, you know, to not live the gospel according to exactly all the commandments, and I was already doing that. But you never felt like it was good enough. So to those people who are still there, and who have not done the inner work, I would say, learn first, how to trust your self. Trust your own gut, over what You've been taught is the only right way. And that takes a lot of programs like deprogramming. It's very difficult, like, there are still times when I'm like, is this really I'm really like, I doubt myself like, but then when I look at the message, like, one of the things with the gospel is they always say, By their fruits, you shall know them. And yet, when you look at a lot of the fruits of Christianity in general, or just how people treat each other, within or without other religion, a lot of the fruits are not, or they're kind of rotten, Alex, they're not very much. I don't want to eat that kind of fruit anymore. And so I would, I would definitely just say, allow yourself to grieve the way that you feel is best. Don't let other people tell you, there's a timeline. Don't let them tell you, there's a certain way to grieve because everyone grieves differently. Like for me, I learned to express myself through writing and through art, and that was super healing, I was able to get in flow. And honestly, the more that I felt positive, gratitude feelings about the experience, the more I was able to connect with Emberley so much easier, I could feel her vibration a lot easier. And, and that's okay, like, but it's also okay to feel so devastated and so sad. And to allow yourself to just stay in bed all day and binge Netflix and eat whatever you want. That's okay. We have such a stigma in this society that you know, like, oh, just get back up, it's gonna be okay. And it was God's plan. So just get over it. Like, some people would say that, like, just get over it like, Jesus, not something you just get over, you know, they said that to one of my, my son, and I was like, no, like, and and people like, tend to, I don't know, put pain in categories like, oh, well, you dealt with this, it's so much worse than my second nine.

Alex Ferrari 37:04
That's like a nine. My parents like a six or vice versa. Yeah. It's because it looks you know, someone who loses an animal, it could devastate their entire life, and it could be attend to them. But if you lose an animal, but you like, and there's another one around the corner, it's a completely different perspective. Would you agree that the biggest thing you learned during this transformation is that you don't need a middle man to talk to the divine. And they, I mean, not so hard for that concept of, you know, but this idea of how you believe in God that I could talk to God, just talk to me, listen to what we say, and I'm the guy, I'll be your middleman Now forgive you. And because you can't talk to God yourself. You're just Nicole, you're just Alex, you can't really talk to God I trained.

Nichole Clark 37:58
Well, actually, in Mormonism, we were taught, you know, seek your own answers. And you can talk to God and receive revelation. But if it's different from what the prophet teaches, then you're wrong. So I thought I was wrong, because I had cognitive dissonance and I wasn't liking what he was preaching sometimes. And I was like, I want to love gay people and not see them as sinners, you know. Somehow that feels wrong to my soul to hate them or to not hate them, they didn't hate them, but to not allow them to, you know, pray and services or do things like that, because, you know, they had a different way of loving. Like, what I've learned so much is that God is just all loving, like unconditional love, is really truly accepting everyone where they are all the time and without judgment without loving without, you know, condemning them or criticizing them or finding fault with it. And you know, if they disagree with what you're thinking, that's okay to like you can you can agree to disagree and not have to be disagreeable to be around.

Alex Ferrari 39:10
Oh, absolutely, there's members of my there's members of my family who I disagree with tremendously on politics, on religion on all things, and I still love them, you know, and I still gotta accept them. I just generally don't bring those topics up that family reunions, you know, you just don't write those don't go down that route. Let's have in common. Like, look, look at this food is food is great. Let's talk about the food. You know, let's football. Let's talk about football. Ah, those dolphins, you know,

Nichole Clark 39:45
Kind of generic and it'll be.

Alex Ferrari 39:47
Yeah. Because, because if you start going down those roads and that's where it becomes so you just have to kind of learn how to deal with that. Alright, so I want to ask you a few questions about your conversations with Emberley because there's some profound Good ideas there. So when you spoke to her, why do we have this pesky religion stuff that we're still dealing with on a daily basis?

Nichole Clark 40:11
Well, everyone is learning and growing at different rates, and everyone's perspective is valid. And religion does a lot of good for a lot of people. Yes, it does predates community, it creates family, it creates a way for us to collaborate, and to express our talents and to show love. And it really helps a lot of people. And there comes a time in each of our souls journey when we have to decide for ourselves if it's still lighting us up and creating love and peace and joy in our lives. Or if maybe there's something better for us that could create more feelings of love and peace and complete unconditional love. So religion has served the world in many ways. And it's also not exactly not exactly helped in several ways. And a lot of it's convoluted from the original message that Jesus taught.

Alex Ferrari 41:08
I think all religions are like that, by the way, they're all a little diluted, or a little misunderstood or has been changed for power or for, you know, control or, or things like that. I actually, actually agree with you. And I think, if I may add a little bit to fear based religions are the ones that are the probably, I can say the problem, but they're the ones that have some issues that they have to deal with. Because if it's all fear based, that's not God. That's not spirituality, that's not connection with the divine, that that there is no fear in that and they don't judge in, you know, divine does not judge God is not just Jesus, for God's sakes. You know, while he was here, you know, he was the first one to like, no, bring the hooker in. Like, I mean, come on, it's like it's supposed to throw stones at her, you know, all this kind of stuff. So that fear based is the real key term. Because there are wonderful aspects. You're absolutely right. Like I said, originally, when we're talking, the positive parts of Mormonism was just like, it's as strong as community I've never seen, like, wherever you are in the world, they don't even know you from a hole in the wall. And the Five Guys, here you are, let's do it. Like they don't even question it. So there is positivity to that. But yeah, there's both. Exactly, exactly. Now, you've discussed a little bit about a soul plan. A soul agreement? What is Emberly's? You know, take on that. What is your take on that based on what you've learned?

Nichole Clark 42:42
Yeah, like I said, the psychic medium. That was the first time I had heard of a soul contract. I was like, What? What do you mean? Like, what is that? And I had heard of your souls plan from Robert Swartz. I don't know if you've heard of him. But he wrote a book. Oh, of course. That book really changed my life in the introduced that idea to me of like, oh, we, we can plan things before we come here. And when I dug into it with Emberley, in the book, what really fascinated me was that, you know, before I always believed that God was the one doling out all the circumstances, and the challenges that we go through in life, and in my book, I'm like, That's not fair. Like, why is it? Why is it that God would like make me lose a child, and I wanted one for so long, and I tried so hard and had so many obstacles to get it. And then this other person over here, who doesn't want a child who's abusing them? Right? It's like all these kids or why is it that some people get massive disease and cancer and all these things other people are healthy or the poverty and slavery like there's so many things that seems so unfair. And when you think of it from like, God being a higher powerful, white cisgender older fatherly figure in the sky like doling out, oh, well, you get cancer, you get rich, you get, like,

Alex Ferrari 44:05
Hhorrible Oprah and you get cancer and you get like, that's like, no, that's not that's not what it is.

Nichole Clark 44:12
Right! But when Emberley explained it, like, No, you actually choose those things based on what you want to learn in this lifetime, and what you want to expand and grow about. And I loved the idea of, we even choose villains for people to play the role of a villain or somebody that hurts us, so that we can learn on a soul level. And she writes, she really helped me see that sometimes our villains in our human world, were probably some of our best friends on a soul level because they were the ones that volunteered to play the evil, the evil role, and that just changed my entire way of seeing everyone. Instead of seeing them as like bad or wrong, like victims and villains were some were two things I had a really hard time like loving, I had played the role of victim many times, and I really didn't want to be the victim to her death or like, you know, for mom, she lost a child like because everyone looks at you differently. Child. And I didn't want to play that role. But she taught me that all roles are so beautiful and so valid and so necessary to the way that just we expand and grow at a soul level. So she really helped me see that these plans that we created, with the victor with the villains and the heroes story, you know, you have the background in film, like, every good story requires ups and downs, and the really hard conflicts and villains or, or even challenges, you know, to overcome and without those like, it would really be kind of boring.

Alex Ferrari 45:59
It's a boring story of story without obstacles, or out without conflict is a very boring story. If you look at any movie, any book, any story, even books in the Bible stories in the Bible, or in ancient texts, yeah, all of them have conflict without conflict there is, you know, what are the 300 Spartans without the Persian army, it's just 300 dudes sitting in a mountain, like it's not really excited. Like, you know, they're ripped up in the I know, they're muscular, but still, at that certain point, it gets boring. So you need that conflict and in life is unpleasant. And it might as it might be, you need it, it's like, I always use the same analogy. If you're in the gym, you need to lift the heavier weight, in order to tear down the muscle fibers. So then it could heal itself and grow stronger, to then handle the weight that's coming. And so that's how you grow. And that's how you build muscle in your in your body. So that's a perfect example of what life is, it isn't pleasant, anyone who's ever been in a gym, that wasn't at all,

Nichole Clark 47:08
Exactly, but it's worth it, you know, and she actually gives the analogy in the book that Earth is like the Disneyland of the universe, that we choose to go here, because it's super exciting. Everyone talks about it, you go there for fun, and it's gonna be really great. And then you get to Disneyland. And in reality, unless you have one of those fast passes, or math and

Alex Ferrari 47:30
And even then, and even then the lines along it's, ah, it cost how much to get in here. What is that water costs? How much popcorn? I don't want a turkey leg like

Nichole Clark 47:44
100%, right! So even when you can't like when you come like you make this plan, and it sounds fantastic, you're like, that's gonna be so good. And then you get down here and you go through and you're like, I would not have chosen this. There's no way. And but when you really get down to the soul level and see what what benefit is, what how is this happening for me? Instead of to me? When you really start asking that question to every single thing that comes into your life, then it becomes more of a beautiful experience. And like Disneyland, you can look back and have fond memories and be grateful that you went maybe not want to go back so soon. on a soul level, who knows how often we return, you know, she's she told me that like dying is basically like Mario falling off the cliff. And then we can respond whenever we want. And it's just that easy, because I never believed in reincarnation before, either. And now I'm like, how could I have learned all the lessons and become, you know, this all knowing whatever, without having multiple experience, and that also makes it more fair to me, you know, if I'm in one life created this reality, and then another life, I can create all sorts of different realities, then it makes it more fair that you go through one certain kind of challenge in this life, and then a different kind, another one. So for me, like fairness was really important in the book, apparently, you're just coming to grips with what I was going through. And so she really helped me understand that at a soul level that like, when I could take responsibility for choosing it, and that nobody like gave me it as a consequence, or some kind of, you know, you have to have this happen to you in order to pass this test. It became so much more lovely, like, oh, so how is this happening for me? And how can I use this to benefit others as well?

Alex Ferrari 49:41
Yeah, and this, in that point of view really does change your life and so, so many ways, because once you when I first heard of reincarnation, it just made this it just made sense. Because just like you in Catholicism, that's not even that's the devil's work. And I just said there's a billion plus people, 2 billion people believe that is a billion Hoot, like, You mean to tell me all those 2 billion are gonna go away? Because they don't believe what we're saying. Like the math doesn't add up. But yeah, you know, how could you have? That was the other thing, I always felt the same way. It's like, my only experience as as a male growing up in America as a Cuban, male, Latino male growing up in America with this type of scenarios. And, and I'm like, that's all I get. And I'm lucky. I'm very lucky, you know, generally speaking, or, or how about that kid that was born with a disease and lives five hours. And that's it. That's like, that's just a lot. That's the cosmic lottery. It didn't make sense. To me. It didn't make sense, though. This makes a lot when you start delving into the concept of reincarnation and taking more control, and authority over what happens in your life and how you create your life. It's very empowering.

Nichole Clark 50:54
Yes. And to add to that, a lot of people it really bugged me after I, after I shared the book and or shared my story on tick tock, or whatever. And people will be like, you manifested Your daughter's death, you brought that upon yourself with your fear. And I just really want to explain to the law of attraction community, because ever I like, I was afraid of that too, like, because I was afraid of her death, because of all the, what I thought at the time were intrusive thoughts. But in hindsight, they were premonitions, telling me like, enjoy this time, take pictures over whatever. You cannot manifest another person's death before their time, if it's not part of their souls plan without their souls permission. I just wanted to put that out there. Because it creates a lot of feelings of guilt and shame on the on the parent who, you know, people are blaming you for that. And I did the best I could. And there was a lot of guilt, everyone that loses a child that I have talked to experiences a lot of guilt, what could I have done better? What should I have done? How could I have prevented this, you know, they wish they could go back and change the past. And there's a Peter chrome coat quote that I absolutely love. It's helped me a lot. What happened happened and couldn't have happened any other way. Because it didn't. And when you really recognize that you can't change the past, you can only accept what's happening right now in the in the present. And when you become grounded in the present, and you're not wishing for things to change in the past, or wishing for things in the future. That's when you feel happy, and at peace, like deep inner peace, no matter what happens. Like I know now that there's nothing to fear. That was the other thing. That was my biggest fear. My absolute worst nightmare came true. And it has become such a blessing for me. And something that I'm so grateful for that I now fear nothing. Although I did for a long time, I fear sharing my book. I fear it other people's opinions of me. And that's something I have since healed because I have had critics because I have had people that have ripped it apart or found found fault with my message. I've been able to dive into that, like a lot of people when they're triggered, they get triggered and angry. And now I've found that triggers are my friends. Like I look forward to being triggered because that's something that I know that I can go within and say what why is this triggering me? What is it revealing to me about myself, and about the way I believe that I can heal. And when we can do that, at a soul level, we are just becoming more and more of who we really are being able to accept all the things, even if it's like nasty comments like you killed your daughter on purpose to get rich from a book. Like why yes.

Alex Ferrari 53:49
Anyone who's ever published a book knows that the money truck just pours right on in. Because we're all here. We're all JK Rowling and Stephen King.

Nichole Clark 54:01
I'm making like five bucks a book if I'm lucky, and I haven't even paid off my editor yet. Like, yeah, I would never kill somebody first of all, and let alone you know, manifest their death. But to make money Yeah. out there that are just like, wow,

Alex Ferrari 54:20
Well, I mean, in these kinds of comments, and look, I, I've kind of come across some so comments that I get on the show? Sure. Sure. I mean, 1000s a day at this point. And a lot of times I read some of these and I go oh, that that's really interesting. What's happened to that person? What What, why did that person sit there and write 3000 words on a comment about something I'm like, wow, that that's really that's going deep into themselves that they feel that they have to do that, you know, I I I don't leave reviews. I don't leave comment. And, I mean, I mean, not I mean to my people come on the show and, and to my community I do. But generally like, I'm not like running around, I'm like, I'm gonna help somebody you can I feel I feel? No, it's not something I feel I need to do. But it's really fascinating to see what other people are going through and what triggers, and this show can be very triggering somebody who's not ready to hear these messages. I mean, this conversation is going to rock a lot of people's world, and I really hope it does in a positive way. I mean, can you imagine if you would have heard this prior to you leaving your box, it would have been your head would have exploded, either you would have been extremely angry or your head would have exploded? Right? I mean, those are the two options at that point, or God willing, and it makes you start to think and makes you start to go inward. Let me ask you when you finally released this book, and came out of the closet, if you will, how did you deal psychologically with the backlash of your Mormon followers and Facebook and your friends and family who might not have the same belief system that you do now?

Nichole Clark 56:09
Oh, my goodness. Like I said, I was terrified for like two years took me forever to publish it because of that. And then within, before my book even launched, I had shared it on Facebook, that it's actually on Amazon, you can buy it early, you know. But I'll be doing my book launch next week. And before I even launched, I had a one star review, that was so critical and mean and angry. And it brought me to tears. And I was like only what a look anymore. You don't want to share this message is too painful. And then I had a Mormon friend who I didn't know personally, but he I guess he was like one of my dad's Scout kids or something growing up, who had been following my journey the whole time, and was really supportive and helpful about it. And he said that he'd read the book, and he mentioned something good about it. And I was like, I'd really like to know what you felt about it as an as a Mormon, because he was still in the in the church. And so I asked him point blank, you know, like, tell me how you feel about it. And oh, my goodness, he spent I don't even know how long writing a 5000 pages seemed like page Word, email, of how much he hated it, how it was the worst thing he'd ever read. How was the worst writing he'd ever read? Like, everything wrong with it. And he was like, I'm gonna publish this on my blog, or he actually didn't tell me it was a blog. I thought that he was just writing that. To answer my question. I was like, you know, simple like I didn't like it would have sufficed.

Alex Ferrari 57:43
But it triggered so many buttons in him,

Nichole Clark 57:49
So many buttons that he had to like, do point point point. And I only read like the first. I don't even know how many 1000 words. I don't need to read the rest. And then he was but he asked me like, you know, if you wanted me to change anything, before I published it, just let me know. I was like, publish it. What do you say like put it on Goodreads. And he put it on his blog. And, and but we had a beautiful exchange, Alex, and this is what I wanted to share about this. Because at first I was so hurt, and so disappointed. And you know, my worst fear of that had also come true. And I was just like, oh, man, this is the first of so many. I'm just so scared. And then something beautiful happened with him, where he wrote back after he had seen my Facebook post of like, crying about like, how, how much pain I was in. And he was like, that was not my intention. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, like didn't realize that my 5000 word review that really hurt you so much like what? But he said, it really really helped me as a Mormon who because Mormons are of the Christian religions, Mormons are the outcasts, right? They're already like judged a lot. And not even considered Christian by many Christians and whatever. So they deal with a lot of backlash anyway. So he was like, it was really healing for me to be able to bear my testimony, and to share my truth because I hadn't with my audience yet. And he wanted to thank me for pushing him outside of his comfort zone. And it was bizarre, but at the same time, it was like, I could see that he had volunteered to play this villain part in my in my story, to give me such horrible feelings and fear about my book. And at the same time, I had pushed him to get outside of his comfort zone and face of fear. And so it was mutually beneficial in a really odd way. But I ended up feeling very, very grateful for that because now I'm just like, oh, well, there's couldn't be worse than his. Anytime someone leaves a comment, it's like, yeah, no, see Get off my back. But I also did have help. Several months after the book, I think it was I published it on December 6 on Emily's birthday, which was kind of a weird idea because I thought it would be like, celebrate. And then I was like, all sad because it was her birthday. Why did I do that, but also, I'm glad I did. But anyway, a couple months later, I was still struggling a little bit with the people pleaser in me, I wanna, I just want to make people happy, I want to help people. And sometimes, when you're helping people in a way that you think is helpful, they get triggered by, and they don't like your message, and they hate you. And that hurts you more than it feels like it helps them. So I went and got with my husband and my brother to a therapy session with MDMA. And it's kind of like plant medicine, but it's, I want to, yeah, I don't know how to explain it. But it was one of those experiences that changed the way I see the world forever, and even helped me even more just like, love everyone where they are and not care what they think about me anymore.

Alex Ferrari 1:01:07
It's like micro dosing almost, it's like a micro dosing of a psychedelic or some, some

Nichole Clark 1:01:14
Like that, but it was with a trained therapist. And this one has been proven to help a lot of people with PTSD and like a lot of trauma. And I had the religious trauma and the trauma of Emberley, all packed in one with COVID. So it was so healing to me. And some of the messages that I received during that were so beautiful. And they went along with the book as well, like, the first thing I noticed was that my body went completely numb. And that kind of scared me at first because I was like, I can't move, I felt paralyzed. And then when I like dug into, like, I just saw a vision of me. And because I was like, I need my body, like my body's not working. And like I said earlier, my body's always been like way ahead of my mind and like, gives me these weird sicknesses like my throat and stuff, to help wake me up to help teach me a lesson about something. And I've had a lot of chronic pain and complained about that a lot in the book with Emberley, she really helped me with chronic pain, and just pain in general suffering. And the first thing I see when I'm on this medicine, and I'm paralyzed, is this vision of me and my pre birth session, honestly, like scrolling like this, picking my avatar and trying on different bodies. Which one do I want in this lifetime, like, this one feels everything. This one feels like so much pain all the time. And it's gonna really help you dive into what you want at a soul level. Whereas some of them are like, just totally different experiences depending on which body you choose when you come here. And that just helped me have so much gratitude for my body and so much love, despite the fact that it's painful, like just to accept the pain. And to not judge it as bad or wrong anymore to say, Oh, this is just teaching me something that's kind of beautiful. Like, if you allow yourself to just feel things without judging them as wrong. That's when you really start to feel whole.

Alex Ferrari 1:03:20
Such a be so beautiful. I have to ask you this one question. Since Emberley, is on the other side. And we're talking a little bit about the other side. Where do we go? Where do we go when we all pass as a question that so many people would like to know. I'd love to hear from Emberly's point of view.

Nichole Clark 1:03:38
Yeah, well, what she has told me is that we basically just returned to wholeness or all that is all that is, is our term for God for just everything everywhere, you know. And so she describes it as this world where you just feel nothing but love and peace and joy, and where everyone is out to help the greater good. And they're kind of all working in teams to help they're humans. They volunteers like spirit guides and like she's my specific guide and then she has a team working with her to help me specifically. And she just kind of explains that I didn't go a lot into that kind of conversation which is kind of funny because honestly, I was so trapped in my own questions and wanting my own pain to go away that I didn't ask her very much about where she was. But the way she describes it just makes me so excited to die if that sounds weird.

Alex Ferrari 1:04:39
No, no, listen, I had so many near death experiencers have come here they're like I can't wait to go back. I'm just this is this is horrible. Down here. It's like it's I'd rather not have to deal with this game. I would much rather go where where that place I just went to I'd rather go there.

Nichole Clark 1:04:56
Right and the way she explains it, it's just so blissful and there's no problem loans and there's just all love and light that she says it almost gets boring to the point where you want to go to Earth and create. Feel all the conflict. Yeah,

Alex Ferrari 1:05:11
That's what we're that's what Earth is here for it is the earth school. Without question, what is the biggest lesson you'd like people to take away from Emberly's teachings?

Nichole Clark 1:05:23
Ohh, man, there's so many. Probably honestly, the name of the book kind of explains it to me in the holistic sense. And I'll tell you just a quick story about that, to answer the question. I went to a darkness retreat in Ashland, Oregon. Back. This is where I had already had the book edited. But when I was sitting on it on a shelf, I didn't have the name of the book, I didn't know what to call it. And you know, as somebody in this industry that you need SEO, or search engine optimization, keywords, things that people look up, when they're looking up a book, I find this right, it helps. And it's not the only way to name a book, right? So when I was talking with my editor about like, what to name it, and she had talked about, maybe returning to all that is or returned all that is because Emberley and I talked about all that is all the time, like, that's the all encompassing word of where she is, and where and who we are. The the, the name for God is so convoluted, and brings up so many different images and people's triggers. Right? That the words all that is doesn't. It's more of a safe, like, oh, anyone can come up with a picture for that. And just like it's all encompassing love, right. So in this darkness room, I was there for 10 days. And it took five days. But I knew that I was called there to get the title of the book and just to really communicate with them really and get get a sense that this really was her and I wasn't just making it up to make myself feel better. I was having a lot of doubt and fear. And after about five days of just nothing but my own thoughts, pure silence, no distractions, except for my ego. Took a long time to quiet my monkey mind and to get connection with her. But she finally was like, Mom, that's a good working title returned all that is, but that's not exactly how it works. You are now you always have been and you always will be a necessary and intricate part of the wholeness of all that is, it's more of a remembering. So named the book, remember all that is and highlight the Ember. Because when you are on earth, you feel like an ember, you feel separate from the wholeness, you feel like you're dying sometimes. And all it takes, like we said earlier, is the little intention and love and air, on your little Ember to come back to full life, and to remember who you are, which is remember all that is when we remember who we are when we really connect to our wholeness. And we feel that love and light and joy and peace of who we are at a soul level, this human experience become so much easier and so much more beautiful. And something that we're grateful for instead of wanting to end. That makes sense.

Alex Ferrari 1:08:28
That's a beautiful answer. Thank you for that. I'm going to ask you a few questions. Ask all my guests, I think you might know these questions are What is your definition of living a fulfilled life?

Nichole Clark 1:08:41
I think of fulfilled as full or filled. And to me that brings a picture of wholeness. And so many of us are walking around trying to fill a void. We're trying to find the answers we're seeking outside of ourselves to find that wholeness. And when we can really remember who we are, like I just said, and tap into our own personal essence, the part like I like to think of us all as a piece of a disco ball, or a piece of a puzzle that is different and unique. If you think of puzzle pieces, every single piece needs to be there in order for it to be whole. And if you've ever done a puzzle, and put all that together and then had one piece missing. You just don't like the puzzle anymore. Right? So every single piece of ourselves of our essence needs to be accepted, acknowledged, loved and appreciated and brought to light. And so many of us are living in darkness of our own personal power of the of who we are as a soul. We think that the power is out there. But when we can really tap into who we came here to be, and just really shine, shine who We came here to be not trying to mask it hide from parts of us that we don't like we don't want others to see. And I like the phrase and really gave me the only thing I need to feel happy and free is to be 100%. authentically me. 100% means all of the parts. So that's what I would say, would help everyone feel fulfilled is to be who they came here to be.

Alex Ferrari 1:10:26
If you had a chance to go into time machine and go back in time, and talk to little Nichole, what advice would you give her?

Nichole Clark 1:10:31
Oh, little Nichole. Love yourself and trust yourself. It's all working out for you. When you can trust yourself over anyone else. It's so much more free.

Alex Ferrari 1:10:44
How do you define God?

Nichole Clark 1:10:46
What's that movie? Everything everywhere, all at once? All that is? Everything, everyone everywhere all at once. All that is that's our power.

Alex Ferrari 1:10:58
And what is the ultimate purpose of life?

Nichole Clark 1:11:02
To remember who you are to remember your wholeness. And then it's like the game's over. And then you're here to just serve other people and help them remember to?

Alex Ferrari 1:11:13
And where can people find out more about you and your amazing work and your book. Remember all that is?

Nichole Clark 1:11:19
It's all on my website, www.embersglowstudio.com. Made that after Emberley.

Alex Ferrari 1:11:29
And do you have any parting messages for the audience, you or Emberley?

Nichole Clark 1:11:34
I just want you to know you're loved, and that you're not alone. And then if you're going through loss of any kind, don't compare it to other people's know that your feelings are valid, and allow yourself to feel all of them all the time. And to know that you're not alone, that there are many people going through this process, and I'm just an email away. If you need help with those certain challenges of grief, especially losing a child was horrible. Leaving a religion is actually was harder for me because I didn't lose Emberley. But I did lose my entire identity and my entire community. So if you're traveling through that, and going through that journey, please reach out, find somebody know that you are loved and that you're not alone. And that there's no wrong way to do it.

Alex Ferrari 1:12:26
Nichole, thank you so much for this conversation. I really do think it's gonna help a lot of people out there. So I appreciate you your bravery, and your journey and sharing it with us all. Thank you so much, my dear. I appreciate you.

Nichole Clark 1:12:37
Thank you so much for letting me.

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