Divine Encounters Episode 035 | Near-Death Experience Story
Rosemary Thornton was a writer who thought she had finally found her happy ending when, she says, her second husband ended his own life after nine and a half years of marriage. In her grief she prayed for God to heal her or let her go, and about two and a half years later, she says, a medical crisis brought her blood pressure to a level where her friend feared she was dying. Rosemary tells Alex Ferrari what she says happened next: a black stillness, a massive presence, a welcome home and a white room of light. This Divine Encounters episode also explores grief, the language we use about ourselves, and what she means by the real healing.
Key Takeaways
- Rosemary says her second husband died by suicide after nearly ten years together, and that grief nearly undid her for about two and a half years.
- She says she prayed, “heal me or let me go,” and that she was later diagnosed with cervical cancer.
- She says her friend watched her blood pressure fall to numbers like 33 over 25, and saw her reach her hands up toward heaven like a child reaching for a parent.
- She says she was catapulted out of her body into peaceful blackness, and felt that “everything I am has gone with me,” while fear and worry were left behind.
- She says a massive presence told her, “You are the image and likeness. I’m the original.”
- She says angels welcomed her with a feeling she sums up as “welcome home, dearie,” and she felt she had received “early release for good behavior.”
- She says she was told she would be restored to wholeness if she went back, and that she was shown her real identity is spiritual, not a diagnosis.
| Guest | Rosemary Thornton |
| Episode | Divine Encounters 035 |
| Background | A writer of books on architectural history; divorced after 24 years, remarried in 2006 |
| Age at the time | 59 |
| What Rosemary says happened | After a medical procedure and a hospital transfer, her blood pressure fell dangerously low and she left her body |
| Where she says she went | Perfect blackness, then a white room lit from within |
| Who she met | A massive presence, angels, spiritual beings welcoming her home |
| The message | You are a spiritual child of God, and you were restored to wholeness |
A Writer Who Thought Happy Days Had Arrived
Rosemary starts with a story she tells with a smile. She met her second husband in 2006 and was grateful to find him. She had been through a messy divorce, had five years of living single, and had some success as a writer. She wrote books on architectural history and had good publicity. After their first date, one of her stories about a new book appeared in the Wall Street Journal, above the fold. She told him about it as if it happened all the time. He was impressed.
They were married for about nine and a half years, and she thought it was a good marriage. In her wedding vows she thanked God for bringing him into her life. She thought he was the answer to a lifetime of prayers. Her first marriage had failed after 24 years, and she says anyone who has been through a divorce knows how hard it is when you put your best energies, efforts and prayers into a marriage and it fails. She really thought happy days had arrived.
The Loss That Changed Everything
Then, one day, he came home for lunch and ended his life. Rosemary says that as a sensitive soul and a writer, to say she was devastated would be an understatement. She had been prone to sadness, a typical creative type who ruminates and thinks too much, and he would often tell her, we have a good life, look at all the blessings. For him to do this was something she could not make sense of.
If you are struggling, you are not alone. In the US you can call or text 988 any time.
For about two and a half years, she says, she lost her mind, in the vernacular of the day. She learned how to mask. She pretended to be fine, because nobody wants to be around someone who says my life is awful. She went to lunch with friends and pretended. She tells one story about sitting alone at a fancy restaurant when someone opened a door beside her, the wind caught it, and it slammed so hard she jumped out of her seat and shouted. People gaped at her. She ran out. She says she was still pretty messed up.
“Heal Me or Let Me Go”
At 29 months into her grief, Rosemary says, she had a number of disturbing physical symptoms. She went to three doctors and was diagnosed with cervical cancer, stage two. She says she was very clear in her prayer to God: “heal me or let me go.” She meant fast, she adds, not from some lingering illness.
A related surgery was a cervical biopsy. She says a mistake was made. She woke in recovery bleeding a lot, and told the nurse that something had gone wrong. She was 59, and she says she told her three times. Each time she was told to go home and lay down and she would be fine. At home, with a friend staying with her, she got worse and worse, and told her friend to call an ambulance because she was bleeding to death.
The Ambulance and the Promise
The ambulance took her to a small ER that was not connected to a hospital. She had never been in an ambulance. She says more mistakes were made, including a morphine derivative given when her blood pressure was dropping, which she notes made her situation worse. She tells this part carefully, as her own account.
She remembers being terrified. She had decided she was going to live. She grabbed the hand of a kind nurse about her age and said, promise me you are not going to let me die. The nurse squeezed her hand, got right in her face, and said, “Oh, honey, we’re not going to let you die.” Then they gave her the medication.
Her friend later told her that she passed out right after. He watched the blood pressure cuff, inflating and deflating on its own, and saw readings like 35 over 20, or 33 over 25. When he stood to get help, her eyes popped open. She reached her hands up toward heaven, wiggling her fingers like a child reaching for a parent, and said something. He looked right in her face and she looked right through him, talking to someone only she could see. Rosemary notes there is a term for such a rally at the end of life, terminal lucidity. Then she fell back and went still.
Catapulted Into Blackness
Meanwhile, Rosemary says, “I was having the time of my life.” She felt herself awakening from a deep, dreamless state. She was catapulted out of her body like toast from a toaster. She floated away in perfect blackness.
People often ask whether she could see her body. She could not, and she thinks that was God’s mercy. She later learned from her friend that staff rushed in when the alarm went off and ushered him out. A nurse did a sternal rub, raking her knuckles across the breastbone, and when there was nothing she checked the plug on the blood pressure machine. It looks like she’s dead, she said.
What Rosemary felt was peace. Many people talk about love, she says, but the predominant emotion for her was peace. She realized something else too. She had everything with her: her goofy sense of humor, her silly giggle, the sound of her voice. Whatever she left on the gurney was the fear, the anxiety, the worries, the woe. “Everything I am has gone with me.” She found that deeply comforting.
A Massive Presence
She had always had an inherent fear of the dark. In that pitch black she realized she was not afraid, so perhaps she was not really afraid of the dark at all. Very early on, she says, she felt a massive presence join her, to her left and much taller than she was. She turned her head to look over her left shoulder, and thought: so I have some sort of form.
She was smiling, she says, a happy smile. She asked, and who are you? Before she could finish the question, the answer came. “You are the image and likeness. I’m the original.” She recognized it as Genesis, the idea that we are made in the image and likeness of God. For more on how people describe such meetings, see our glossary entry on the afterlife.
Welcome Home, Dearie
Still floating, she felt the presence of what you might call spiritual beings or angels. They were welcoming her home. It was not in words, but in a feeling: she’s back, we’re so glad you’re back. She says she could sum up the whole experience in three words: “but it would be welcome home, dearie.”
All her life, she says, she had been a weirdo and an oddball, the kid on the playground and in her career who was just different. In this place, these people got her. She was with her tribe. They seemed to say, we know this was a hard one, but you’re back. Read about the idea of a spiritual family in our glossary entry on soul groups.
One of the spiritual beings reminded her of something her mother told her. At three weeks old she was given up for dead. She contracted a disease, and the doctors sent her mother home, saying the baby would not survive another couple of hours. Her mother prayed that night, and the next morning, in a Catholic hospital, a nun handed her over and said she was not better, she was healed. The angels told her, you didn’t almost die that night. You crossed over then and you were sent back.
Early Release for Good Behavior
Rosemary says she did not have a life review. What she remembered was the firemen who came to the house when she was a baby, trying so hard to get a gurney up the stairs and around the corner. She was still conscious when she was taken out, she says, and she remembers how much love those total strangers showed her.
Her predominant feeling, she says, was that “I got early release for good behavior.” It felt as if somebody had opened the prison doors and let her out.
The White Room and the Closed Door
At some point she was no longer floating. She was on her feet in a perfect white room, with a door about 15 to 20 feet in front of her. It was shut, and she was a little disappointed, because she thought she was supposed to go straight through. There were no light fixtures. The room was illuminated from within.
A mist or fog moved around her. She asked an angelic being about it, and says she felt she could focus on individual droplets. She was told, “your eyes are not acclimated to this new environment yet,” and that what she was seeing were particles of light. When we go to heaven, she was told, we have to be cleansed of the muck of Earth, like a spiritual car wash. Her friend later put it as leaving your muddy boots at the door. “We don’t go to heaven with the heaviness of earth.”
Another message was explained very clearly. We have a spiritual identity, and sometimes we become so used to a physical disease process that we identify with it, saying I am a diabetic, or I have this or that. The purpose, she says, was to strip that away. “Your real identity is spiritual child of God.”
At the Door: A Choice and a Blessing
As she walked toward the door, thinking she knew the gig, she says she was told that if she ended up going back, she would be restored to wholeness. Not that she would be healed of the grief or the disease, she says, but “you’ll be restored to wholeness.”
At the door she put out her right hand, and noticed she was right handed in heaven as on Earth. She stopped and asked the being with her: is this the divine will for my life, that a medical mistake sends me on to my reward? The answer came before she finished. No. But “whatever you decide, you go with all God’s blessings and mercy and grace and love and care.” It was a big decision, she says, whether to go to heaven or stay on Earth, and she was told it was okay.
That became one of her takeaways. If we are trying to do good and the will of God, we will not make a wrong decision. Even if we take the long way around the barn, we end up where we need to be.
The Real Healing
Rosemary says that when she went back to her body, the cancer was gone. She is quick to say it was not her body that was hauled up to heaven for a reboot. It was her consciousness, her spirit, her essence. She points to Psalm 23, where it says he restoreth my soul. “My soul got rebooted.” That, she says, is the real healing.
She tells Alex that she believes, and that she gets in trouble for saying so, that the next great frontier in medicine will be spiritual healing. We share Rosemary’s account as she tells it. Next Level Soul does not make medical claims or give medical advice, and if you are unwell, please see a qualified professional.
Be Gentle With the Words You Speak Over Yourself
Her closing thoughts are tender. “Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know, and be kind to yourself.” God is love, she says, and love is God. She also notes that the Gospel opens with the line about the Word, and that as a writer she thinks God loves words.
Lately she has been aging, looking in the mirror, and thinking: you are not attractive. Then she thinks: you are talking about God’s creation. We have to be careful, she says, about the words we speak over ourselves. Words are very powerful. “Love, love alone is life.”
Where Her Account Meets Common Themes
Rosemary’s account includes several themes people often report: leaving the body, peaceful darkness, a presence, welcoming beings, a luminous place and a choice to return. It also includes details that feel unusually specific to her: the memory of being sent back as an infant, and the sense that her grief and her illness did not define her. For a wider look, see our complete guide to near-death experiences.
Questions to Sit With
- Rosemary says she learned to mask her grief for years. Who in your life knows how you are really doing?
- She says she left her fear and worry on the gurney, and took the real her with her. What would you leave behind if you could?
- She asks us to be careful about the words we speak over ourselves. What have you said about yourself recently that you would not say to a friend?
For one day this week, catch each unkind thing you say about yourself and rephrase it the way you would say it to someone you love.
Spiritual Takeaways
- Rosemary says everything she really is went with her, while fear and worry stayed behind.
- She describes being welcomed home by spiritual beings who understood her.
- She says we have a spiritual identity that is not a diagnosis.
- She says that if we are trying to do good, we cannot make a wrong decision.
- She says words are powerful and love alone is life.
Please enjoy my conversation with Rosemary Thornton.
Guest Links: Connect With Rosemary Thornton
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Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Rosemary Thornton?
Rosemary Thornton is a writer and near-death experiencer who wrote books on architectural history. She shares her story of grief, a medical crisis and a near-death experience in this Divine Encounters episode.
What happened to Rosemary Thornton?
She says that after her husband died by suicide and she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, a medical procedure led to heavy bleeding and a hospital transfer. She says her blood pressure fell dangerously low and she left her body.
What did her friend see?
She says her friend watched her blood pressure cuff read numbers like 33 over 25, and saw her reach her hands up toward heaven like a child reaching for a parent. Her eyes were open, she says, but she was looking through him.
What did the presence say to Rosemary?
She says a massive presence to her left told her, “You are the image and likeness. I’m the original.”
What does welcome home, dearie mean?
Rosemary says angels and spiritual beings welcomed her with a feeling, not words. She says she can sum up the entire experience in the phrase “welcome home, dearie.”
What was the white room?
She describes a perfect white room lit from within, with a door at the far end. She says a mist in the room was particles of light, and that we are cleansed of the muck of Earth before heaven.
What was Rosemary told about her identity?
She says she was shown that we have a spiritual identity and that we should not identify with a disease. She says her real identity is spiritual child of God.
Why did Rosemary return?
She says she asked if her death was the divine will for her life and was told no. She says she was told that whatever she decided, she would go with all God’s blessings, and that if she went back she would be restored to wholeness.
What does Rosemary mean by real healing?
She says it was her soul that was restored, which she describes as a reboot. She says she also believes that spiritual healing is the next great frontier in medicine. This is her personal belief, not medical advice.
If you are struggling, where can you get support?
If you are struggling, you are not alone. In the US you can call or text 988 any time.
Is a near-death experience proof of an afterlife?
Next Level Soul shares near-death experiences as lived experiences told in the guest’s own words. Researchers continue to study and debate what they mean. Nothing here is medical advice or a medical claim.
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- Browse more free masterclasses and the Divine Encounters podcast.
Follow Along with the Transcript
Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.
Rosemary Thornton 0:08
I met my second husband in 2006 and I was so grateful to find him. I'd been through a messy divorce. Had five years of living single, and I had some success as a writer. I'd written books on architectural history. And in fact, after our first date, one of my stories, because I had, I had good publicity, one of my stories about one of my new books, was written up in the Wall Street Journal above the fold, no less someone. I was very proud that it looked like this happened all the time. You know, here's this new young this new fellow I'm trying to impress. And I say I was in the Wall Street Journal today, above the fold. He was like, wow. So he and I were married 10 years, and I thought it was a good marriage. In fact, in my wedding vows, I thank I thanked God for bringing him into my life. Thought he was the answer to a lifetime of prayers. My first marriage had failed after 24 years. And has anyone who's been through a divorce can tell you that's that's hard when you put your best energies, efforts and prayers to marriage and a fail. So I really thought Happy Days had arrived, really and truly. I thought all those hard years were over, and then after about nine and a half years of marriage, came home for lunch one day and ended his life. And as a sensitive soul and a writer, to say I was devastated would be an understatement, but we had a good life. In fact, there are times that I was prone to sadness, typical creative type, you know, ruminate over everything, think too much all time. And he would frequently tell me, we have a good life. You know, look at all the wonderful blessings we have in our life. And for him to do this for about two and a half years, I just just lost my mind in the vernacular of the day. I learned how to mask. I learned how to pretend to be fine, because nobody wants to be around somebody who's like, Oh, my life is awful. And I was going out to lunch with friends, and, you know, pretending. And, you know, an interesting thing happened. I was at a fancy restaurant somewhere, eating by myself on this particular day, but somebody opened a door to my side, and the wind caught the door, and it swam very, very hard, and it swam so hard, and it startled me, and I jumped up out of my seat, and I yelled, with children around and everybody else around, I yelled, what the f is wrong with you? It's nobody in particular, but It startled me so badly, and I, you know, people were just gaping at me. I jumped up and ran out of the restaurant because I saw, you know, you had to buy Oh, but I was still pretty messed up. And then 29 months into it, I'd had a bunch of physical symptoms, very disturbing symptoms, including some bleeding and, you know, gynecological problems, blah, blah, blah. And I went to a doctor, and I went to a couple doctors, actually went to three. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer, stage two, and I said, you know, God, I was pretty clear on this, heal me or let me go. I meant fast. It didn't mean from some lingering illness, and during a related surgery, somebody made a boo boo. And then I awakened from that surgery, bleeding profusely. It had been a cervical biopsy, and I awakened, you know, in the recovery, bleeding a lot, and they told an RN, I said, Look, something's gone wrong. 59 years old, I tell you something's gone wrong. I bleed. Once you get home and lay down, you'll be fine. So three times I protested, and three times she told me just to go home and lay down. And I did. And once at home was getting worse and worse and worse, and I had a friend staying with me, and I told my friend, I said, call an ambulance. I'm bleeding to death. And ambulance game took me to another hospital, a little er that was actually not connected to a hospital, and they made more boo boos. And, you know, I used to tell this in front of live audiences, and when I would tell the part where they gave me a morphine derivative as a drug, I don't know why, but they did, everyone in the audience gasped, because when a patient presents with dropping blood pressure and profuse bleeding, morphine depresses it further. It really does kind of grease this kids to the afterlife, you know? And I had never been in an ambulance, and I get into this, er, and this very kind RN, about my age, is attending to me. And I was so frightened, because now I made a decision, okay, I'm, I'm gonna live, you know, I've agreed to go to the hospital. And I grabbed this RNs hand, and I said, promise me you're not gonna let me die. And she was so compassionate and so motherly. And she grabbed my hand, she squeezed it, and got right in my face, very, very sweetly, almost as a mother consoling a child, and said, Oh, honey, we're not going to let you die. We have many solutions for this. And then they gave me the morphine derivative, in a way I went. And the thing is, to the onlooker. It was a pretty peaceful passing. And in my experience, what I was experiencing, the thing is, it after they gave me that Dilaudid, I don't know the time, my friend was at my side, I'm on this gurney and a little cubicle in an ER, my friend said that after they gave me the audit, I just passed right out. And, you know, the thing about that, it was actually Dilaudid, morphine derivative. The thing about that is, I didn't have much blood volume at that point, so that Dilaudid, you know, I don't know technically, if I bled to death or if the Dilaudid was just the final blood of my little heart is going. I need fluids. I need fluid. I need fluid. And then that's right, let's finish her off. But my friend said. And he looked at the blood pressure cuff, which is, you know, inflating and deflating automatically, and the medical staff have left the room. And he said, at one point, it said, 35 over 20 or 33 over 25 as my blood pressure well, which is, mean, you're on your way out. And he stood up to go get help, because I, you know, she's dying. And as he did, my eyes popped open. I don't remember this, but he said, you reached your hands up to heaven, and, you know, wiggled your fingers almost like a child reaching for a parent, and said something. And he said, he got up and stood over me and looked right in my face. And he said, You looked right through me. You were talking to somebody that you could see and nobody else could. And you know, there's a term for this. It's called terminal lucidity. Have you heard of that, that often at the very end of life, we get a burst of energy. What happened next was I fell back on the gurney. I've been trying to sit up, which is pretty impressive for somebody the blood pressure of 33 over 25 but I fell back on the gurney. And he said, and then you just went real still. And meanwhile, I was having the time of my life. I felt myself awakening from what seemed like a deep, dreamless state. And man, I was catapulted out of this body. And I mean, catapulted like toast out of a toaster. I went flying off, and I was floating away in blackness. A lot of people say, could you see your body? No, I couldn't see my body. And I really think that's God's mercy, because I learned later my friend the medical staff did come rushing in when they hear the blood pressure alarm going off. And he said they ushered him outside, into the, you know, wait outside the little room, and brought a crash card in. He said, Actually, it was kind of funny. The nurse came running into the room first, and he said she did a sternal rub. Have you heard of that, where they take their knuckles and rake them over your sternum? It's it elicits a pain response. If there's any life at all, you'll, you'll wiggle or jolt or something. But he said she did that for a minute, and nothing. And he said, and then she, she went over to the blood pressure cuff machine and checked the plug at the outlet, like, well, this thing isn't working. It looks like she's dead. I was catapulted very dramatically. And then as I'm floating in this perfect blackness. And I hear a lot of people talk about the love they feel, I would say the predominant emotion I felt was peace. And I thought, This is great. Everything I am has gone with me, my macabre, goofy sense of humor, my silly little giggle, the sound of my voice. And I thought, What did I leave on that gurney? And I realized the fear, the anxiety, the worries, the woe, everything negative was what I left behind, and what went with me was me, who I really am. And that was very comforting, by the way. That was very comforting to know that everything I really am went with me. This floating went on for some time, and at some point in this blackness is I'm still floating further and further away. And the thing is, I had always had this inherent fear of the dark, and I remember thinking I'm in pitch black. I mean, you know, kind of came see your hand in front of you, and I thought I had I'm not afraid. So maybe I'm not really afraid of the dark. And very early on in this experience, I felt a massive presence join me, and I mean, massive, and he was he she was to my left and much taller than me. And I turned my head up and looked to the left to see him her. And I thought, this is interesting. I'm turning my head to the left to look over my left shoulder. And I thought, so I have some sort of form. I'm not just some ethereal spirit floating away, but I turned and I'm smiling, literally, with a happy smile. I said, and who are you? And the answer was before, again, before I could even finish the sentence the question, the answer was, immediate. You are the image and likeness. I'm the original. I was like, Whoa, that's Genesis, 125, and 26 Yeah, we're made the image and likeness of God. So this went on, and in some place, still flirting in this blackness, I felt the presence of what you might call spiritual beings or angels. But it was they were welcoming me home. And it wasn't with words, but it was with a feeling like she's back. She's back. We're so glad you're back. And I could summon up the sum up the entire experience in three words. It would actually be pretty easy, but it would be welcome home, dearie. You know, my whole life, I've been a weirdo and an oddball. I've just been that kid that from the playground to career life just different, you know. But it was like these people got me, and they were so glad I was back home. So glad, and that was so comforting that I was with my tribe, you know. And it was like they were saying, we know this was a hard one, but you're back. And one of the spiritual beings with me said, Remember, your mom told you you were given up for dead as an infant.
I was three weeks old, and I contracted a disease, and the doctors sent my mom home and said, This baby's dead. She's not gonna survive another couple hours, and yet, the next morning, my mom went home and prayed that night, and the next morning, when she came back in the nun Catholic hospital, but a nun handed me over to my mom and said, this baby isn't better. She's healed. So the angels in this experience said you didn't almost die that night. You crossed over then and you were sent back. Well, I remembered, in this death experience, the firemen trying to get a gurney in the house, and they couldn't, they couldn't get it up the stairs and around the corner, so but I remembered, I didn't have a life review, but I remember those firemen trying so hard because I was still conscious when I was taken out of the house. I remember him trying so hard to be helpful, and I. Wow, they showed me so much love, you know, a total stranger. And I thought about how much love they showed me, but my predominant feeling, really and truly, was that I got early release for good behavior. I felt like if somebody opened the prison doors and let me out. And then at some point, I remember the transition, but at some point, I'm no longer floating, but I'm in a white room and I'm on my feet now. I'm no longer floating, but I'm on my feet in this perfect white room, and about 15 to 20 feet in front of me is a door, and it was shut. I remember being a little disappointed that the door was shut, because I thought, hey, I'm supposed to just go through that door. And I that door ought to be open for me. So I'm walking through this white room, and it was perfect white. And I observed that there were no light fixtures, no traditional light fixtures. It was just illuminated from within. But I had a spiritual being or an angel with me at this point. And I asked one, there was this mist or fog in the room, and I asked about that. It was very it was not just falling, it was encircling and very busy mist around me. And I asked the angelic being with me. I said, I feel like I'd be able to focus on one of the individual droplets. And the angelic being said, your eyes are not acclimated to this new environment yet, so you can't see it, but what you're seeing these are particles of light, and that when we go to heaven, we have to be cleansed of the muck. And that was the word that was used the muck of Earth, which is a word I just don't use much in everyday language, you know, but that the muck and the denseness and the heaviness of Earth has to be washed. And this was like most akin to a spiritual car wash. And as my friend said, leave your muddy boots at the door. We don't go to heaven with the heaviness of earth. And the other thing that was explained to me very clearly was we have a spiritual identity, and sometimes we get so accustomed to these physical disease process that we think, you know, like, I am a diabetic, I have hepatitis, I have this. We identify with a disease, and that the purpose of this was to strip that away and say, no, no, no, that's not your identity. Your real identity is spiritual child of God. That's who you really are. And so that's, it's kind of a reminder. And the other thing somewhere is, I'm walking because I see that door, and I think, okay, I know the gig. Everybody out of my way. I'm doing the door, let me out, and as I'm doing that, one of the messages that was very clearly conveyed to me. So while it looks to me like this thing happened and this, it's really hard to say, but at some point in that white room, I was told that if I agreed to go, or if I ended up going, not agreed, but if I ended up going back, that I would be restored to wholeness. And it wasn't said that you'll be healed of the grief, you'll be healed of this disease, but you'll be restored to wholeness and and so I get to the door, and I'm so grateful, and I go to put my right hand up to move through the door, pretty interested by the fact right handed on Earth and right handed in heaven. You know, still that that's part of my identity. But I paused, and I asked the angel that was with me, or spiritual being. Whatever I said, Is this the divine will for my life? And what I was going to say, is this the divine will for my life that a medical mistake sends me on to my reward and before I could even get is this the divine the answer was again, immediate, and the answer was no, but whatever you decide, you go with all God's blessings and mercy and grace and love and care, and that was the answer to that third prayer or the second prayer that I can't handle any more decisions. This is a pretty big decision, decide if you go to heaven or stay on Earth. And I was told it's okay. And one of the things, one of the takeaways for me on this, is if we are trying to do good, if we are trying to do the will of God, we're not going to make a wrong decision, because even if we take the long way around the barn, we're going to end up back where we need to be. So the healing of the disease process is very important. But you know, Psalm 23rd says he restoreth my soul. My soul got rebooted. My soul got restored. That's the real healing. And the thing I just I mean, this happened five years ago, next month, this whole thing, the Near Death Experience occurred, the thing I just thought about in the last six months, because this, I don't remember anymore, but the experience continues to unfold. My body was on that gurney. It's my soul, or my essence or my spirit that went to heaven, but that's where the healing happened. And when I went back to my body, the cancer was gone. So I mean, it's not my body that got hauled up to heaven for a reboot. It was my consciousness, my spirit, my essence, my soul. So I really believe, and I get in a lot of trouble for saying this too, but I really believe the next great frontier in medicine is going to be spiritual healing. I really do forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know, and be kind to yourself. Be gentler with yourself God. God is love. Love is God. And also, there's words. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God, logos, you know, word God, God. God loves words. You know, if you're a wordsmith, man, you got it going on. I think God loves words. And I think the biggest thing, because some I've been having this thing about, you know, I'm aging, and I look in the mirror and I think, and look at pictures like, Oh, you're so old, you're not attractive. And then I think you're talking about God's creation. So I think we have to be real careful the words we speak over ourself. So God is the word, and words are God, and words are very powerful. Love, love alone is life.
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