Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.

Lei Mohr 0:08
The pregnancy had been unremarkable, except that my son was extremely active when it was time for him to come into the world, he decided to be a gymnast and just play flip flop in my stomach and the attendance and I fault them none for this. It wasn't a situation that lends itself to nice, easy, calm. Thought they kept having to reach up inside of me and turn him around so he wouldn't get caught in the cords and so that, you know, he would come out the right way. It was painful, but that's how it happened. And just like within days after he was born, I came down with an extremely high fever. It reached at one point, I saw the thermometer at 111 and people will say, Well, you can't that's not possible. You would have died. And that's how it started, as I was in the hospital. I mean, 111 you're not moving much, you're you're doing very little. And so at one point I'm sitting there, I'm laying on the bed, and I sat up. Now I didn't think anything at all about this, but I sat up and I looked behind me, and there behind me was my body sitting down there on the bed, and I was sitting up. There's no emotions in this at all. And there's, I don't feel bad. I feel really good, actually. And I just floated out of the body and into a very dark tunnel. This is pitch black, blacker than your shirt, black, everything black. I saw nothing, but I felt so wonderful, joyful, blissful. There was no judgment, no anything except just pure love. And I'm like, Well, this is wonderful. And I'm floating through this tunnel, and I get to what I perceived as a widening in the tunnel. I don't know what it was, because I couldn't see it, but it felt wider. I wasn't moving anymore. And I thought, What's this? And then I heard this voice, which I perceived as male, but I don't know that to be true. And it was the most gentle, loving voice I had ever heard, and have ever heard. And he asked, Do you want to come now? And I said, I just panicked for a little second, and I said, I can't. I have two boys to raise. And he I sort of perceived a nod of a head, no judgment at all. And back down, I came very quickly and plopped in my body, and the fever broke when I came back, I realized how empowered I was, because I had made the choice to come back to be here. I had a purpose. I had a reason to be here, that knowing cost that then marriage, he decided that he needed to control that physically. And I said, No, that's not happening. And so I took the boys under the cover of darkness and left. 20 years later. I just lived for that time, and trying to do the best I can, trying to survive being a person I wasn't because I was not allowing my true self to come out. And then I was working, and I was a supervisor at big, big box store, and I again, came down with a fever. There's a theme here going on a very high fever. And I was basically in bed. It was the middle of summer, and it was very hot outside, but I had every cover I could find on top of me, and I was still shivering. And I spent it this way for two days. And during this two days, I'm just laying there, laying there, and then toward what I perceive as the end of it, I kept getting these messages, you know, it'd be so easy to step over that line. And I didn't think anything of it. You know how easy it would be to step over that line? It would really be easy to step over that line. And finally, I said, Oh, you're asking me to make a choice, aren't you? And then I thought, well, if I'm going to stay here, I better get a drink of water. I had had nothing to eat or drink during that time, and I had that high fever, so I must have been thirsty. So anyway, I crawled out of the bed, crawled all the way to the kitchen to get a drink of water, and crawled back into the bed, and slowly, slowly, slowly, came back. I was out of week for out of work for four weeks that time. Well, the what happened from the second one was I realized that was not the life I was supposed to live, being a supervisor in a big, big box store, that that whole paradigm was not in keeping with where the world was or where the world was going, and it wasn't for me. And so that career ended. So now I'm moving along, and I'm just doing the best I can, trying to stay afloat. Here comes at the end of August, very, very end of August, last days of August, I'm out doing meetings and such. I'm feeling a little like I'm coming down with something. But, you know, we don't stop. We just keep going. And so I just kept going. And I noticed while I was at the last meeting that I couldn't open a pop can. My fingers would not open the top of the pop up can, and a friend had to open it for me. I'm like, This is really weird. And then I tasted the drink inside of it, which was, it was a juice of some sort, and I thought this kind of tastes really off. I wonder what's going on here. And then a couple days later, September 2, I again, come down with a really high fever, and I'm back in bed again and again. This one is for three days, and during that time, I. Went to this different place. I don't know where this place was. It was all kind of a brown, gray, orange, pink, Misty color or foggy color. And there was, it's very indistinct. There's, I can't see anything, but I hear a whole bunch of voices, and I don't know who they were chanting at me, and they are chanting over and over, you have done what you came here to do. And I'm like, Oh, this is so nice. Oh, this is so nice. What? And then instantly, back down in the body I go, and the fever broke, and I'm like, if I've done what I came here to do, why am I here? And so as soon as I was able to start moving, which this one took months to actually get to a point where I was functional. This was my big transformation. This is when I started, hey, there has to be a different path for me. I have to do something differently. I'm not sure what it is, but there is a different way for me. So my first thing was, if I've done what I came here to do, I may not be here much longer, and maybe I should figure out how to die. And so I thought, well, let's now. I've got the internet. Finally, I've got, you know, everything I need. And so I started doing the research, and the first person I come up with is Ram Das. And so I studied him extensively, and I learned everything I could from him, but I didn't die. And so that's how the third one happened. That was truly my start, my transformational start, where I could no longer ignore that. I had a spiritual backing in me. I had remembered the first one quite a while back. Probably I was in Russia for a couple of years, and it was during that time that I would have remembered that one. But this is when I started putting the pieces all together and making this, oh, this is a puzzle. This is not separate events. These are all the same events, and it's just little pieces of it along the way I did this one comes just very recently too. I did not have the best relationship with my mother, and at one point in now, this is Summer of I'm like, this is really holding me back. I need to do something. I need to heal this relationship so that I can truly be who I am and who I'm supposed to be here and do what I'm supposed to do. But I don't have a clue how to do this. And I knew someone else who had said, Well, I found a way I had a similar experience, or early experience, to yours. I figured out how to see my parents as loving me. And I thought, what? How is that? So I tried, and, you know, mull it around in my head a bit, and nothing. So finally I just said, Okay, whatever's out there, whoever's out there, I need some help. I need to do this, and I don't have any idea how to do it. And so instantly they put me in, I don't know what you would call it a vision, where I am in a movie theater. I'm in a movie theater, and I'm the only one there, and it's all dark and it I can see, first of all, I can see that I'm the person watching. Then it's given to me that not only am I the person watching, I'm the actor, and then I'm also the director. I'm also the person who's handling all the lights and the sound. And then came the big one. I'm also the writer, whatever this is, I wrote it. And then my my life starts going on the stage like a play. My mother is also an actor. And then it came to me that if she's the actor in my play, she and I both chose to come here in whatever form we came here, and she loved me enough to give me the foundation I needed to be the transformer that I am, the person who transforms the trauma with other people, and that's how much she loved me, was to be able to come here as a loving being and do all of that to me so that I could have that foundation. And when I learned that, when I saw that, I realized that as the writer, I could rewrite the script, not only for what's happening now, but what happened then, and I can see it in a completely different way. And from that I was came a huge joy, just immense joy and love of life, and not only forgiveness for her, but love for her. And then just a couple months later, in December, some 15 years back from this, she had murdered my sister in law, and she was in jail. And, well, prison, I guess, is what they would actually call she was in prison for the rest of her life. Nobody had seen her or heard her. The only contact they the prison had at all was my brother, whose former wife she had killed. And so I knew nothing about anything that's going on. But mid December, I go from this very joyous, very loving, very peaceful state to all of a sudden it was like I had had 10 cups of coffee, and they were, like, always around. I was just jittery, and I was like, nervous, and everything was just I couldn't function, because this was happening so much. I tried everything to clean it out and clear it out, and nothing touched it. And my brother calls me, and he says, I have to tell you that our mother has passed. And so I told him what had happened to me, and I realized I had been sharing that experience with her, and when I felt the joy, when I felt the love, it was her feeling that too, she was on the other side. And so from that, there was absolutely no grief. None at all. And that's really important, because, though when my sister passed, I grieved very much, can also see in the future where we will understand this here, what we're doing is a movie, is a hologram, is a play, whatever you want to call it, and that when people leave this, whatever you want to call it, they don't their bodies go back to the earth, but they don't end, and we will celebrate them for being able to have left this little package that is so confining. And then again, joining the freedom. There's hope on the other side. You don't have to live in this. And it's not fair to just say you're choosing this. It may be true. It probably is true. We all choose this at some on some level, but there is a process to get through the trauma, and it's not an easy process. It's simple, but it's not easy. You have to look at the events and look at them very deeply. Look at the emotions they cause. Look at the feelings they cause. Is it there somewhere in your body, when you feel it, when you're looking through this is there a certain part of your body that is reacting to it, and then you have to kind of make friends with the trauma, and then you have to release it and let it go. So it sounds really simple. It's a process that frequently takes years. There is only oneness and that every one of us what we suffer, what each of us suffers individually, everyone suffers. And thus, if a person, any person, does any motion, action or thought to hurt another person, that person also hurts themselves and everyone else, living your purpose, finding your purpose, and living your purpose fully, if you're experiencing what you're supposed to experience, and you're experiencing life that's fulfillment, you're going to make it through this. You're going to live a life beyond your wildest imagination and dreams and just hang in there, and you're going to get there everything, all that is the unconditional, creative, loving force that is all of us and everything to live, to experience to love, to love, to love.