Ex-Soldier Died, Went to the Other Side & Met Jesus with T.S. Dismas

T.S. Dismas 0:00
I turned towards the light. And I actually made a real motion to turn. So I turned to the right and I turned around, but I was still seeing the dark void. So it wasn't like I lost vision of that. But I, I really took a real turn which was interesting. And as soon as I was looking at the light, I said, I want to be with that light, and I was there

Alex Ferrari 0:32
I've been able to partner with Mindvalley to present you guys FREE Masterclass is between 60 and 90 minutes, covering Mind Body Soul Relationships, and Conscious Entrepreneurship, taught by spiritual masters, yogi's spiritual thought leaders and best selling authors. Just head over to nextlevelsoul.com/free. I'd like to welcome to the show Brian Holden. How you doin Brian?

T.S. Dismas 1:05
I'm good. How about you?

Alex Ferrari 1:06
I'm good. Brother, thank you so much for coming on the show and, and sharing your remarkable experience with with the audience man. So my very first question to you for sir is what was your life like, prior to your near death experience?

T.S. Dismas 1:21
I was very worldly I, you know, I was just like, most other people, I think, you know, I, I tried to be a good person, I had principles that I live by, you know, I really believed in honor and integrity and, you know, treating people fairly. But while I did have faith, it wasn't geared towards God, it was geared towards what I expected, you know, from other people, and how I tried to live my life, not just doing good simply because I cared about other people for the sake of God. So when I would somebody, you know, for instance, if somebody kind of crossed me, you know, I, I'd be quick to defend myself and then forget about it, I'm not going to, I wasn't going to be stepped on, I wasn't going to be pushed around. So it was a kindness that came with with with a price tag, you know, there was there was expectations that I that I had of others, and if they didn't live up to him, I was usually going to cut them off or not have anything to do with them. And so it was very much, you know, focused on my, my goals and my, my intentions, what was best for me. So that was kind of what my life was like. But I was what maybe most people would consider a good person I, you know, I joined the military right out of high school, because I care about people I want to have, you know, a safe world. I wanted to protect people, particularly Americans, I, you know, I love Americans. So that really was a strong draft for me. And as I went in the military, I was a military police officer, because I thought, wow, I can do even more good by by being a protector of the protectors. So that was something that really appealed to me. After you know, the military, I got I got hurt when I was in the military, I was exposed to toxic chemicals. And that exposure caused me to develop autoimmune diseases, and those autoimmune diseases over time, and I'll kind of get to that as we go. But they ate away my organs, particularly my heart. So it was yeah, it was tough. It was really, it just but it was a slow decline, I had a very high level of physical fitness and ability. So I was able to excel while I was in the service until I got hurt. And then there was some deficiencies that were starting to become noticed that I'd have neurological and circulatory issues. So you know, they started to detect some of those things in my physicals. And then, you know, I got out of the military and decided, well, I have to figure something else out in the yard. I couldn't go on into law enforcement on the private sector. So I decided to go back to school and I got a degree, a master's degree in psychology, and started working in the field of psychology and counseling. And, you know, I really loved it, I worked at the VA worked with combat veterans, and specifically at the Vet Center. So it was a it was a great fit for me. But, you know, politically, I had some issues, the way that they were running things that weren't really helping vets, particularly vets with suicide, the suicide rate was astronomical, then still is pretty astronomical, if you asked me, but it's, they put a lot of limitations on what we're able to do to help other vets and, you know, that was heartbreaking. So it caused me to look for other options. And, you know, I do like to help people so I took a job as a Program Director at the Department of Corrections, and I was able to help inmates and you know, that's that's something that really appealed to me. I was able to do a lot of good there. And then I started working also in in the private sector with recent The release defenders. And then I went into my, my first heart failure event.

Alex Ferrari 5:06
Well, so So let me ask you, I mean, it seems to me that you always even prior to your near death experience, I mean, you were a good guy you trying to do good in the world? I mean, you weren't? Yeah, I mean, you, you, you went out after helping others. So it wasn't like you were, you know, a billionaire driving around and running your private, not that there's some spiritually enlightened people who do this, I'm just saying. But generally speaking, the fat cats of the world as they say that the egocentric people on the word you didn't seem to be that way, at least from the story that you're telling me? So it seems like you were looking for that even when you were in the military? You were trying to help? And let me ask you a question in the military. Was there any moments that you had spiritually enlightened moments while you were in the military? Because I've heard that from vets that, you know, not, I mean, near death experiences, but just generally, like, seeing what you saw and things like that? And was there ever a moment you're like, there's something just clicked in you?

T.S. Dismas 6:07
Yeah, you know, there was one, one instance, I, I had started to kind of get away from faith when I was younger, you know, I have to admit it, I was a young man, I wanted to pursue my own goals, and, you know, sometimes having a faith and it

Alex Ferrari 6:23
Slows you down, brother.

T.S. Dismas 6:26
You know, I'm just gonna have to be honest, it got in the way of some of the things I wanted to pursue, because my conscience was getting to me. So I, I tried to get away from it. And I remember on one of the deployments, a chaplain had given me a cross, he was giving them out to everybody. And I really didn't want to take this cross. And, you know, I tried to avoid it. And he said, Just take it, just, you know, just hold on to it. See, if it says anything to you, you know, see what happens with it. And if you lose it, you lose it. So I did it, I took it, and I put it on begrudgingly, you know, but I did it. And I ended up getting into a vehicle that was completely destroyed, except for the driver's seat where I was sitting. I mean, it was completely destroyed. There was really no explanation for why I was able to survive this simple pocket of the driver's seat. But the steering wheel was, like, smashed into my chest. And it bent the cross. You know, I had I was wearing the crotch. I didn't even think about that. You know, I've known about this story. I've thought about it at times, but I didn't think much of it. I just was like, this is weird. You know, this is this is something that I didn't think that, you know, it necessarily stopped me. But I had a bruise from that cross. I didn't have so much of a bruise from the steering wheel, which was kind of auto I was thought that was kind of weird, but I had a bruise on from that cross. And so it kind of stuck with me and they bring it up. So I was that's kind of interesting. But I did find that I was starting to become more open to my faith because I never I never gave up on the idea of Jesus. I couldn't shake Jesus from me. I I've always had a strong relationship with him. But I really wanted it on my terms. And I wanted to believe that, you know, I could do whatever I wanted, and he was always gonna forgive me and maybe didn't even think I had to ask for forgiveness. I just kind of expected it. You know, kind of, you know, presumptive, I guess on my part,

Alex Ferrari 8:29
The young man's mind. Oh, and the ego. Yeah, a young man's ego is like oh, you know, I'm gonna go I'm gonna go party Saturday Sunday I'll ask for forgiveness.

T.S. Dismas 8:38
Yeah, maybe if I wake up in time

Alex Ferrari 8:40
If I wake up I'm not I'll get him next week. That is I was raised Christian I was raised Catholic, so I understand about it as well. It's that's the, that was the most I you know, it's so interesting that you say that and it's difficult for people who don't understand that don't have our perspective of being young men who had some faith in them. But it just gets in the way of being the 20 Something wanting to go out and do stuff and wanting to go out and you know, explore and do things that might not be kosher you know,

T.S. Dismas 9:16
Without accountability

Alex Ferrari 9:17
Without accountability, and then and then and then in the back of the head the little devil if you will, and he says like that don't worry so that you can just ask for forgiveness. So it's really it's really fascinating that story with the cross is really I've heard stories like that before you know we all seen the movie where the guy gets shot and the hits the little Bible in there you know, anyway, yeah, yeah, that the guy gave him a little Bible or a little cross or something like that and the like all the Jesus saved so we've heard those stories, but I've never heard one that actually kind of happened in many ways. I don't think that process saved your life. But yeah, definitely did. It was a message

T.S. Dismas 9:52
Yeah, it got my attention that there's no doubt about it. It got my attention. It you know, I I did put a whole lot into it. Like you said, you know, I didn't think it saved my life by any means. But it definitely made me think about things, you know, and that my lack of invincibility for one, you know, not that that lasted, like, I just went right back to thinking, Well, you know, I'm so tough. That's why I made it through this thing. And, you know, that's kind of how I was though

Alex Ferrari 10:20
Man, youth is definitely wasted on the young brother. I mean, there's no no question. Isn't it amazing? When you're young, you just feel like you are absolutely invincible. And to be fair, our bodies in many ways are as far as the hormones and and the energy level and all the stuff that we're able to do it like something breaks, he bounced right back. You know, it's, it's really interesting. I wish someone would have told me like 18 Is your peak rather than it just starts going downhill from

T.S. Dismas 10:49
Yeah, once once I went to my first heart failure thing I realized I'm not invincible it it woke me up like that, but But you know, when I was young, I, we could go out drinking the night before get up for PT. And, you know, I could still go and run a few miles. And, you know, other people would be puking. I'd even puke sometimes, but I keep going. And now there's no way Not a chance.

Alex Ferrari 11:13
Right! And if and, and of course, you could eat Taco Bell at three o'clock in the morning and you would just be like, whatever. Now even now I just drive by Taco Bell and I get indigestion.

T.S. Dismas 11:24
Yeah, at a gain five pounds. Back then I could eat it all day long. No problem.

Alex Ferrari 11:29
The metabolism. Oh, God, I miss that metabolism, don't you? Alright, so then I mean, so let's get into your near death experience. What happened after that when you had that first? You know, that first incident that first heart failure?

T.S. Dismas 11:42
Okay, well, that first one I didn't I didn't see anything. You know, I, I did, I did end up getting intubated that one, you know, they thought I was going to die, they really told my wife, he's not going to come back. And if he does come back, he's going to be a vegetable in the hospital until he dies. So they really were talking about end of life procedures and what you know what she wanted to do. And, you know, I was one of those people who I just don't like to give up. So don't pull the plug, you know, that's kind of my mentality, I just until I naturally die. That's the way it's gonna be. I don't care what the situation is like. So she didn't thankfully, you know, allow them to just kind of stop assisting me. But I came back from that one. And I actually recovered really quickly. And I was out of the hospital in a week, which Wow, doctors were really surprised and I wasn't out of the woods by any means. You know, I they had put in a defibrillator and this defibrillator it was that was painful. They said that the power was like twice the amount of a police stun gun. And so I mean, this thing was shocking me and it was, it was bad. The first time I got shocked, I was sleeping and I you know, completely out. So I, my knees ended up kind of buckling in half and my my waist came forward and it hit my knees hit my face. And I ended up getting like a busted up nose bruised up face. I mean, my face was swollen, I looked horrible. But I thought somebody had had hit me in with a baseball bat. That's what it felt like to me. So I was crawling around on my hands and knees looking through the house. I thought some somebody had home invaded us. And I was trying to find out where they were. And my wife was like, I think yeah, I think you got shocked, you know. And so I was like, the first reality check that I had that, you know, I'm not doing so well. And, you know, I had some checkups and they kept saying that, you know, my extra beats, I had a lot of weird things going on with my heart, my, my, my rhythms in my heart were completely off. So I was having like 70,000 beats extra beats per day. And they said, you know, that's like running a couple marathons, you know, just constantly extra beats, but I would have runs of like ventricular tachycardia, which is really fast heart rate. When I hit that first heart failure, it was about 300 beats per minute. Oh my god, I would shoot up pretty close to that on a regular basis in between the first heart event and and then when I actually died in January, so this was August 26 of 2016 that I had that first one, and I ended up dying in January, January 16 of 2017. Okay, and so I was in and out of the hospital. I mean, I was like a frequent flyer on the ambulance they the fire department paramedics they knew who knew me by name, and they were great. They came in to crack some jokes with me and tried to keep me calm, you know, while all this was going on, and but you know, it was getting to the point where it was getting so bad that I knew I wasn't going to make it very long. Right. So I on the January in the January 16. One I had just gotten out of the hospital in December spent little, you know, little about about a week, I think that time in the hospital and I told him, I said, I'm not going to die here in the hospital, I want to go home and spend Christmas with my family. So I did. And, you know, I started to feel a little better. And then January 16, happened, they made a diagnosis of what was really knew I had what's called sarcoidosis. And so that was eating away at my heart, and you know, all my other organs. But then on January 16, I started going into the ventricular tachycardia again, except this time, it was just below the threshold for my device. So it wasn't shocking me, they brought me into the hospital. And for seven hours, they were trying to get me stabilized and trying to, you know, bring my heart rate down enough to where they could control but they couldn't do anything, nothing was working. They ended up feeling like they could move me to the ICU from the ER, they had a lot of people in there. So it was time to get me moving on. Once they transferred me from the ER back to the ICU, but I went into really high ventricular tachycardia. And so they were you know, they brought in the crash team, they knew it was, you know, getting close to the time, so they had, you know, 20 people in this little ICU room. And they were, they were shocking, me, they so they had me strapped down to the bed. So they could, you know, shock me when they need it, but they're working on me. And I kind of felt like the, you know, the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz when those flying monkeys come in. And then that dark woods, you know, because everything got real dark, and just, I had tunnel vision, you know, and I was really, really kind of just focused on Okay, I gotta pray, I'm gonna die here. Anytime I could tell my body was given out there was, there was nothing I had left to fight with. And so they were pulling my arms all over the place, and you want different things sticking me with IVs. And, you know, it was it was really tough to to even concentrate. But I had this crucifix sitting on the wall in the hospital room. And that was happened to be where my face was pointed. So I was able to focus on that. And I just said, Jesus, you know, I need your help, because I'm not strong enough to get through this. This is where the, the mortality really came forefront for me that I realized this, this was it and there was nothing I had left to be able to get through it. And so they started asking me a lot of questions about, you know, my family, my profession, things that I knew that they already had known because they had been asking me for the last seven hours, but they were really intent on it. And I knew that what they were trying to do is trying to keep me present with them. And I just told him, I took everything in my in my being to be able to say I don't want to talk, and I just wanted them to be quiet do their thing, but let me just focus on on getting right with God because I was about to meet him. And so I close my eyes. And then I just said, God, I'm ready to go and, you know, take whatever you want. And it wasn't long after that, that I felt my body, like a shake and a pop in my body as if my, my soul burst forth from my body. And that's when I found myself in this dark tunnel or like a kind of like a maybe a portal or something. But it was I was looking off into space, you know, but it wasn't space, it was like this big dark void like a real vast empty space, like outer space, you know, and its vastness, but without the planets or you know, any kind of light that that, you know, like beams or anything like that. But I felt this, this rush of love come over me. And it was powerful. I mean, it was penetrating into my soul it was palpable it was something that I could actually feel entering into my soul. And you know, as I'm staring at this dark void, it was really easy, I think for for me to been content to just stay there and experience that that love and do nothing, you know, and the Dark Void really wanted me to do that. It felt like it had its own presence like its own type of personality or being too and I didn't hear anything audible like when I when I came into this place every every sound went off so all that chaos in the hospital room immediately was dead silent. So this was more of like an intellectual conversations, you know, the imprinting in my in my soul, if you will. And so I'm looking at it I said, Well, this can't be it. You know, this cannot be all there is I feeling this love. I knew that this just wasn't all that there was just to sit there and just feel love from nothing and just go into oblivion.

Yeah, I realized as soon as I said that, that I was actually seeing into the dark. So there was light. And that's when I knew I could see in all directions. So I hadn't three 360 degree vision. I could see the dark void and I could see a light behind me. And this light was a mess. I mean, it was so powerful. It was way brighter than the sun. So I I turned towards the light. And I actually made a real motion to turn. So I turned to the right. And I turned around, but I was still seeing the dark void. So it wasn't like I lost vision of that. But I, I really took a real turn, which was interesting. And as soon as I was looking at the light, I said, I want to be with that light. And I was there. And I didn't feel any wind or a nurse or anything that gave me the impression that I was, I was moving as quickly as I was. But, but I knew I had taken every step along the way and imagine being able to see it indefinitely. I don't even know how to put a label on how far this this light was from where I was at.

Alex Ferrari 20:42
But imagine light years light years, if you will.

T.S. Dismas 20:45
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's it. That's exactly what we can say it was an immense amount of space in between us. And it felt like it was no time at all to get there. But yet, I had this vast memory of time that, you know, because it just doesn't really exist there, the time was so bizarre, it was so hard to wrap my head around that I couldn't tell tell you, if it was a second or 1000 years, you know, I just really didn't have a grasp of it. But it could have been both. And you know, at the same time, and what's really crazy is that, as soon as I had died, my intelligence grew vastly. So I mean, it was just like, I was instantaneously flooded with this vast knowledge, like all my memories that I had throughout my life. And honestly, I felt like every memory of every one or every thing that ever existed was there at once. So like I had this vast knowledge of things that I had never even participated in. And it wasn't confusing. It wasn't like, you know, if I'm trying to think about what I had for breakfast, and you know, what we just talked about two seconds ago, that's, that takes a little bit of effort, pick something of my mind to actually focus on those things. This was much easier, except whatever I did focus on, took the forefront. So I still had everything in like the periphery of my mind. And I could still access it. But what I took the main interest on or focus on, that was what really predominated my my focal point. But as I'm looking at this light, I'm realizing that you know, this thing is huge, this light was bigger than than the vast darkness that I had originally seen. And it went on, you know, to the left and to the right, and it went up and down. And it was just vast. And I am looking and what's cool about my vision was that I was able to see my vision as it was kind of growing. You know, so I'm watching as I'm, you know, traveling, you know, mile two miles, 10 100 miles, you know, just keep going, right? But I'm also seeing what, where I'm at at that point, I'm still looking at the light here, I'm looking in that direction. So I'm able to go in all the directions, and watch my vision growing as it's going. So it was, again, there was nothing that was limited in that ability. And so I'm looking at this light, and I said, you know, because I knew it was God, I didn't I didn't have to have God say Hey, Brian, you know, this is me.

Alex Ferrari 23:11
It's God.

T.S. Dismas 23:12
Yeah. I didn't, I didn't I didn't see a body though or a face, you know it but it sort of mean it could have been just his love or his being or his light that was that was what I was seeing. But I knew it was him was representation of him in some way. He was actually interacting with me and he said that I could come into the light. So of course you know, I'm I'm gonna definitely go into light it was just it was like buy stop home for once. And no and I often like to describe it as you know that movie Shawshank Redemption where he has to escape through the sewer pipe. That's that seemed like the grossest thing to me ever just go through, particularly through prisoners. I mean, if you've ever been in a prison, and I worked there, so I you know, there's some of them who are not that hygienic, and, but it people's feces and all that it's just not something I want to be part of. But, you know, he crawled through that to get, you know, to get the freedom. And so the like, Yeah, I think I would have stayed in prison, to be honest with him, but to be there and found that light with that love, I would have stayed in there for eternity. You know, because that love was so powerful. And I've never felt anything like that where I have this. This actual love for who I am not not what I present to the world. Not Not anything mask, right? Yeah, not the mask exactly how it was that he loved me the way that he made me the person that I really am. And I didn't lose all that even though I was I was completely submitted to God. I've never been one to bow need anybody. I'm a very strong willed person. But I was completely submissive to God. And it wasn't even like he was making me be you know, it was that I was looking at him and realizing that he could squash me like, like a bug not even a bug I'm going above would have put up a better fight than I couldn't. But I was realizing that he loved me. And just because of that love, I wanted to give love back as much as I could. And I felt like I was home, like I really belonged here. And so I'm in going into light. And this I'm going in, it felt like his love was rushing into me even more, like I was like a straw, you know, we went from a straw and you you're taking in the fluid and the straws full, you know, as it's going from one end to the other, it's full, never, never goes empty. And that's how I felt, but like that love was coming out back back into heaven. So it was regenerating, but I was never being depleted of that love, it was only growing. So the whole time I was in heaven, this was a consistent fact that I kept feeling more intensity of that love. And, you know, I believe that that's probably how it's going to be for eternity, because it felt like God really was infinite, and that his love is infinite. So that was going to be something that we were going to constantly feel at a new higher level throughout eternity, that I just, it overwhelmed me with with, with just this feeling of love back, you know, all my other emotions were gone. You know, that fear that I had in the hospital gone, it was gone in a heartbeat. I had memories of things that I used to be resentful for things that I was angry about, you know, the military, for one thing, it has certain things that you know, I just died I wish I had those kinds of emotions. When I was dying, they were all gone. I had no negative emotions whatsoever. The only thing that was was there emotionally was loved. You know, and that was that was really impressive to me, because, you know, our brains are physical matter. So our emotions are part of our physical being that was that was non existent there. And this was a spiritual thing. You know, this was, this was a real love not not the love that we have an Earth with a price tag and put on it that, you know, if you do this for me, then I'll give you love back. But as soon as you stop doing it, there's no more love, you know? And if that wasn't how it was, this was this was a pure of love.

Alex Ferrari 27:20
Did you Did you by any chance have a life review, but I've heard many people have life reviews.

T.S. Dismas 27:25
Yeah, as soon as so I'm walking through that light. And I came I said I wanted to see Jesus. And I could feel that he was there. It was still it was this feeling like what I had when I was praying at that to that crucifix. And I had this this intense feeling that he was there with me. So I said I wanted I wanted to see Jesus. And as soon as I said that the light opened up into this, this other room. And this room was so big, it was much bigger than that dark void. It was it was huge. And it was encompassed by the light. And there was like a green pinkish, kind of not really green and pink, like we would see. But it was those were the closest kind of examples I can come up with. But it was just really intense color of the atmosphere. And it was alive, it was moving. And it was you know, that's where that was, the love was transported into me through this, this atmosphere. But there were a ton of beings in this room. And all these beings were bright and shiny, they're just beautiful, sparkling light. And there was one in the middle. That was obviously it was Jesus, I really didn't have to have him explain it to me. But he I could feel his his just beauty in his love, which was reflecting that of God. And so I looked at him I said I want to see your face because it was just this bright light. And it was as bright as the light that I had seen. And that was covering covering all of this room that we're in. And so as soon as I said that his face came together. But what's interesting is that while I was seeing his face, I could only see like lay down in my memory, that bright light and it was like flashing this light into my eyes or into my memory but I could see his face with my eyes or whatever I had rice I didn't look at my body so I didn't have like a physical body. But I did have some sort of a containment of my soul it wasn't like my soul wasn't oozing out all over the place. I did have some kind of like a being so I think it was much like what I saw of the other beings just like I don't know how much mine was probably not like the rest of them. But I but so when his face came together it was kind of like those little sketchbooks you know, kind of like this, you know where you have like a drawing on a notepad and you kind of flip through it and you can see that the drawing move right like an animation, right? Yes, exactly. So that's what his face was, was like I was bringing it in but it wasn't laying down into my memory. So Each page that was flipping was a new, a new imprint. It was like I didn't have an example, to draw upon, you know, if you see a dog, you know, a dog has four legs usually. And so you know, we see a dog and say, well, that's a dog, and we can, we can bring it to a previous memory that we've once had, I wasn't able to draw on anything like that. So, it this was all new, but I couldn't keep that light, that light was so powerful. And so that's when we went into the life review. And, you know, it was, it wasn't like it was just happening in this six, you know, this kind of order, everything was all at once, you know, like I said, what the time it was, it was like it was already being done. And then it was still being done the same time, if that makes any kind of sense, it's hard to explain that what's going on on the other side, you know, with with the limitations, we have, you know, through our vocabulary and just our understanding here on Earth. But, so as we do to this life review, I'm going through everything that I that I did in my life, I mean, there was good, bad and the ugly, right, and everything that I had done, I was seeing how it impacted Jesus during His passion, you know, all the things that he had to suffer throughout his life for me, and how that impacted him. And, you know, the things that really got me were, were the things that I had done to other people, how I had hurt other people, that really was hurting me, because I saw how that hurt God, I realized how much he loves every single one of us, you know, it's easy for us to say, well, there's no way God can love that person, because they're doing this or that, you know, and that's not true, he still loves that person, despite the fact that they're doing this or that he doesn't love this or that. But he loves that person. And for me to, to not show them love. That was that was what hurt Jesus. And, you know, that hurt me is I'm looking at that. And yet, at the same time, he was healing me, of, of my own my own deficits that I had, you know, my, my shame, my, my, distrust him myself, the attachments, I had to certain things. He was healing me from all that. But every broken place that I had, he was he was healing those, you know, the fact that I had just died. Man, he made that beautiful for me that suffering no longer was suffering, he made that a joy, somehow that my suffering and, you know, I thought I did a fairly decent job, I look at it now. And I don't think I suffered as well as I could have. But, you know, I didn't complain a lot about it. I didn't, you know, I didn't try to make other people feel bad or, but it was, it was as if he he was rewarding me for for just honorably suffering, you know, because, let's face it, and life, we are all going to suffer. It's it's hard to live, you know, and whether you lose your cell phone or whatever, it just depends on how it affects a person, you know, but we all look at things we can say, Wow, I wish this wasn't this way in my life. And so we have to endure some of that stuff. And that's, that's, that's what we we can really gain graces from that. Because God's with us, he went through all that stuff. He knows what it's like. So he's, he's not absent from that suffering. But when we're there, he makes that beautiful. And that's where I really learned that, you know, the times that I could have, maybe kept my mouth shut. And I've been so strong willed, not been so prideful, and arrogant, and maybe humble myself and not not demand my way every single time. Those were the things the opportunities that I missed that I could have done more for him, I could have suffered a little inconvenience by not, you know, telling somebody off when they when they made me upset, right? You know, I could have I could have just been peaceful and kind in every situation. Because it really didn't matter. It doesn't necessarily change somebody when you tell them off, in fact, that often entrenches them in their behavior even more because they've come defensive. But I learned that, that that's not the way that God wants us to act. He wants us to be kind to each other, like a true charity to care about the good of another person, you know, to care about them enough to help them in having themselves even if that means just not saying anything at all, you know, sometimes we just have to swallow our pride. So I'm going through all that. Oh, go ahead.

Alex Ferrari 34:32
No, no, it's very interesting that with with the life review, I mean, I've had multiple people who've had near death experiences on the show. So a lot of what you're saying. rings true as Wi Fi is so fascinating from so many different people from so many different walks of life from different parts of the world. Similar have similar experiences, tweaks here and there. It's not it's not exact, but from what I've heard for Multiple people, that when you're on that life review, you feel the pain that you caused everybody, and you feel it all at once. And you feel it. And it goes, it's not like it's a punishment, it's just kind of like you need to understand what you did. And hopefully you've learned and now it's gone. Kind of thing. And that life review the, it's like, from what I've heard from others, it's like a panel of elders, who are, you know, kind of sitting there helping you along,

T.S. Dismas 35:30
You know, that's for sure that the other pod beans that were there, you know, they were all communicating to, but but it wasn't, it wasn't distracting in any way. It was as if it was an open share of intellect, that we just knew what everybody else was thinking. But but it was all connected to Jesus, it was incredible to have that. But like you said, you know, that the pain that was the only pain that I really experienced that, you know, was that emotionally anyway, was that, that what I don't have done to other people that really did, but like you said, it was gone like that, because I was completely submitting to God, I knew, Hey, that's not the way to be. That's not huge. I don't want to do that to other people. I in fact, I want nothing to do with hurting other people. And so it was easy to get rid of it. You know, I do wonder though about other people who really hold on to it, you know, who are defiant say, Hey, I don't care about God, I, I want to squish people. I want to step on people because I'm more important.

Alex Ferrari 36:34
Yeah, that but I don't think that happens on the other side. I think that happens here. Yeah, I can't believe you'd be in that room or quote, unquote, that space. And you're in front of, you know, light beings and all this kind of stuff, and you feel this love and you're like, you know what, screw you guys, I'm going back and I need some cash.

T.S. Dismas 36:54
No, I can't either. I racked my head. I wonder if people really could be that defiant. Because it's, it's, you're looking at the ultimate beauty, the ultimate love. And then it really opens you up to what's more important. I just don't know that people couldn't, you know, there is no temptation there. You know, temptation here, my body is a temptation in and of itself. And so I, you know, we don't have those temptations there.

Alex Ferrari 37:22
I mean, it seems like from what you're saying is that you basically have access to all knowledge all at once. So it's basically like, you know, for a crude example, you basically have the internet in your head. Yeah, with every piece of knowledge ever connected, you can pull whatever you need at will. And it just comes to the forefront. So it's kind of like a hard drive, if you will, but a universal hard drive, and you understand everything, you understand what's going on everything at once. And that you can like in the life review, feel, everything that you've done in your entire life all at once were just so difficult for us to understand any physical standpoint, because it's just something on recognizable to us. But you know, I've said this so many times on the show, and I'll say it again, because it just never, it's it's still a fun joke. It's like I've never seen a hurt. I've never seen the U haul attached to a hearse. Like it's not, you can't bring it with it. I can't You can't bring it with you. And I think that so many people, the sicknesses that we, when I say sickness, I do truly believe that the constant need to grab more physical things is a sickness. Because at a certain point, you know, how many rooms do you need? How many houses do you need? How many cars do you need? How many paintings Do you like, at a certain point? You get beyond like, two bathrooms? 3 12 15? Where are you going? Like, I know, I've known people who've lived in houses so big that like, I've never been in that room, like, wow, at a certain point, you need to ask and they're still wanting more. And it's just trying to accumulate more, you know, where in my point of view is like, I want to try to accumulate as much wealth as I can for the betterment of others, to be able to funnel that energy of money into organizations, charities, people work that we're trying to do get the message, all that kind of that's that's my goal, but at a certain point, you just have to just go got a house got a you know, nice neighborhood, I'd have food on my plate around people who love me at a certain point. Yeah, how many more tennis courts do you need?

T.S. Dismas 39:39
Well, absolutely. You hit it right on the head. You know, it was, it was like there's this level of detachment that I never would have thought I would be wanting to have in life. I was totally detached from everything. Even my family really. I loved my family. It wasn't like that love went away. It was actually maximized. But it was this detail. abstinent from my need to control it, my need to gain more acceptance from my family more love from them, you know all the things that we chase after like you just described it perfectly. People want to have all these things because they think once I get there, then I'll be happy. Now once we get there, we know it's a truth that well okay, what's the next thing I got this now I lose my interest in IT. And I've got to replace it with something else because that hole that we're trying to fill can only be filled with God. And it's his love. It's his love, that is actually the thing that we're craving. But we often don't, don't recognize that because we get so caught up in the distractions of this life and our detach our attachments to things that we cannot control.

Alex Ferrari 40:42
And if you study, you know, the the masters, the spiritual masters of history, you know, whether it be Jesus or Buddha or Indian Yogi's detachment is a core thing that they detach from the physical world that detach from wanting and desiring things here. And it's all about love. And being you know, I mean, I've studied some, some Yogi's who, you know, who became Ascended Masters, spiritual masters, where they, they literally just, were in meditation so long, they didn't want to come out, they're like, I don't want to go back. I don't want to deal with these, these this stuff, like they found they find enlightenment, they find that connection to God. And when they find it, they just like, okay, and many of them do come back and they're like, Okay, let me help the rest of you alarm which is what obviously what Jesus did, and what Buddha did, and, and so many other spiritual masters along the way, but it is a detachment is something that I think as you get older, you start to realize that, and that's another thing that so many people don't think it's something that religion has put forth, which is that all of our our masters, say, you know that Jesus is in the Buddha's that they come in enlightened. You know, Jesus was born. And that was 30 years, though no one really knew what was going on. Then he showed up. So what happened to him like he was figuring stuff out, he was going through, like, you have to as a spiritual master, go through life, live life, experience life, go through the negatives and the positives, to find that enlightenment to then share with the rest of the world and go down that path. And it's in that's, I think, as you get older, you start to realize, oh, you know what, I really don't really need that life size Hulk in the backyard anymore. Yeah, I mean, it's cool. But I, you know, I might not, can I take him with me? No, you know, do I need that Porsche? No, do I need? You know, like, at a certain point, you just like, when the end comes? You leave the same way you came alone?

T.S. Dismas 42:50
Yeah, absolutely. I was, I was totally alone. I didn't have anybody in the hospital with me. When I was actually dying. i That was the loneliest I've ever been. Because, you know, my family was still at home, I got taken in an ambulance. So it wasn't like,

Alex Ferrari 43:06
I didn't think it was a time yet. They didn't think it was,

T.S. Dismas 43:08
Well, they it was late at night, my kids were sleeping. So we didn't want to wake them up to go into the hospital again. You know, and once I got in there, I was like, This is it. I told my wife, I don't I don't think I'm making it through this one. She's like, Oh, you're going to you know, she was convinced that I was going to be fine. You know, I made it through some tough things. But when you're alone, like that, you realize how insignificant all those things you accumulate really awesome. Absolutely. The the thing that I keep going back to is that, you know, they that we always hear, it's better to give than to receive, you know, and when you think about it, it actually really is when you get somebody that perfect gift. Oh, no, yeah, it warms your heart, doesn't it to know that they I can't wait for them to see it. When you give a homeless person some money, and they're there, their tears come to their eyes, because they they're so hungry, that they're not going to have something to eat. I mean, I'd go wasted on you know, on something stupid, and yet I can, I can provide that kind of happiness for somebody that that's something that just pulls them out of a hole that they're in.

Alex Ferrari 44:13
Did you ever hear the experiment I forget if it was Harvard, or Stanford or something like that, they did an experiment, they give 10 people, five people got 100 They get 10 People $100.05 of the people like go off and buy whatever you want. And the other five, like you have to give it away. And they went out and they gave the $100 away. And the people who gave the money away felt so much better than the people who went on bought stuff. And that is something that's physiologically inside of us. The reason why we've survived as a species is because we share, we organize together and we're programmed to feel better to give to share it is part of our physical bodies. In order to do that in our mind, we get rewarded endorphin That's when we share because as as as a species, that's why we're the top of the of the food chain. Because we're able to, we're able to organize, we're not the strongest by any stretch.

T.S. Dismas 45:12
No, not at all.

Alex Ferrari 45:12
Not at all. You stand next to a gorilla. If you figure that out, you know, you figure that out real quick. But because of the ability to share, communicate, share ideas, and coordinate our tribes, if you will, is the reason why we're able to survive today. But that idea of being able to give man I feel so much good. Like right now, every single time it's Christmas, or my birthday, my kids hate me, because they wanted like, what do you want to get some underwear? Like I think of like practical things, but I don't know, my underwear, I probably should probably get some new underwear. I probably should get like, oh, you know what, maybe I need that. I don't need anything, anything I need a buy. You know, like, so it's not like if something I really want anything. And like, I don't know, maybe, I don't know, maybe a new statue for my set of Buddha. Like, I mean, like I look, I'm like written there. Like, that's not I know, we want to get you something cool. I'm like, I don't want anything. Like it's I'm beyond I don't really care about that. So it's really difficult for me.

T.S. Dismas 46:14
That's cool, though, isn't it? Because you know what, what really lasts, I think what lasts is the good that I do in the world. It always has, when I look back on my memories, the things that I really liked to look at are the things that I've done for other people. But the things that I bought, are quickly replaced by the next thing I want to buy. And I can't for the life of me think of anything that I really put a high value on and say wow, I'm really glad I bought that thing. That sure was wonderful, that really enriched my life, you know, sure things make our lives easier, they make it more convenient. There's nothing wrong with those things. But those things don't add value in the way to help our soul grow, to help us grow as a human being that's connected to other people, because you really hit on something that's important is that we are connected, like it or not. We are all in this together. Yes. And when we're on the other side, all those people were connected through one source, it was all through God. It was all of us were together. But we were there together with God. And we had a like mind, we had a collective consciousness, we had this this group thing, if you will, but it was so pure, so loving, supportive of each other. It wasn't Doggy Dog, like we see here on earth.

Alex Ferrari 47:30
You know, and it's and I think that is once I'm hoping I'm I'm, I'm optimistic that we will slowly over the next 50 100 200 300 years, we'll start moving towards the direction of understanding that we are all connected. We are all connected. And if if what's going on in the world today is not telling you how connected we are. I mean, I've you know, I've been here and in Texas, and man, it has been 100 degrees plus for six weeks. Wow. You know what I mean? Like I am from Florida, I am not afraid of heat. You know, and then I lived in the valley in LA, which is another sport you're like literally it's like hell incarnate down there sometimes during the summer. I mean, and you got hurricanes and, and you know, ice storms going on right now. There's an ice storm going on right now. That just happened yesterday saw on the news in Alberta, Canada, whether they got the golf balls, or the or the soft balls came in and destroyed like people were injured. Now, like the world's gone crazy with so we're all connected to what we do affects each other. And I think we're slowly a little too slow. Figuring that out, man. You know, so I hope that Conversations like this, hopefully. Yeah, let's hope up, speed up things a little bit, man. All right. So we went off track. So you're still on the other side. You've gone through your life with you. So at what point do you say, You know what, I don't want all this love, I need to go back to this pain down on Earth.

T.S. Dismas 49:02
It didn't really happen like that, you know, it happened. Me kind of did actually. It was part of that life review. I was thinking about one of this prayer I had when I was six years old. I saw my great grandma died. And all my aunts and uncles were all just distraught over it. And I said, I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be something that causes misery for all my family that I care about. So I prayed. And you know, as a six year old, I was praying really devoutly hard like, you know, God, please don't let me die early, dim, cause everybody is. And I felt this warmth. This just, you know, like he answered my prayer. I really felt like that. And I went to sleep. I didn't think of anything. I didn't think of it ever again after that, until that life review. And, you know, as soon as I was thinking about that, he said, Yeah, I remember that. And I answered it, and it still stands. I was like, wow, I get to go back, you know, and but then he asked me, why would you want to go back and it was Didn't like he was, you know, probing me, he was kind of probing me. But he wanted me to think about what would be the real reason to go back versus staying here and just being in love with him. And it wasn't like I wanted to go back to for my own glory, or I wanted to go back to get a better place in heaven had nothing to do with that

Alex Ferrari 50:22
Like the penthouse. I like the penthouse and having to live in the projects in heaven. I rather live in the penthouse.

T.S. Dismas 50:27
Exactly. That's, that wasn't even on my register, right. But when I started trying to think about, well, maybe my family needs me, and he was helping me to realize no, your family, I care about your family more than you do. You know, he cares about all of us. So it really struck home to me how much he loves us. And so I was like, wow, it's, I can't go think about just going back for my friend, although that is a benefit I get to have, which, you know, it's a wonderful thing. But that wasn't the reason. And when I came to it, it was it was so obvious that I wanted to do more for him, to share His love with other people, to live a life of love, to actually be love that represents God's love. And I'm not perfect, I'm not trying to say I run around, and I'm hugging everybody in one, I'm a faulty human being too, but I'm working on it. Because I know that love that He has for everybody else. And it helps me to look at people differently now. And that's what I really wanted to do, I knew that I had to go back and see people the way that he does, to push aside all the things that I my judgments of people, and to see the beautiful creation that he made, that the loving soul that he wants to have communication with him and have a relationship with. And then I'm connected to, that's what he wants wanted me to do. And I realized that was exactly what I want, I wanted to go back and do more for him. And during this time, he was telling me how I needed to pray more, you know, to be in that communication with him, because I can't really do this on my own. I'm weak, you know. And so he was showing me that. And he was also showing me how to suffer joyfully how, when I did go back that I was going to have more pain, and it was going to be worse than it was when I when I had died. I had just died. So that's obviously going to add to it. But things were going to get better for a long time for me, and I'm still going to have struggles. But that doesn't mean my life is empty or meaningless. No matter where I'm at in life, it doesn't matter if I'm destitute, completely poor, that doesn't matter. I still have love and love is the only thing that matters. So he was showing me how to suffer joyfully. And that's with love. And then he said, I you know, I had to share his love. That was the thing that I had to go back to do. And that was the only thing of value that that meant anything to me was to go back and share His love with others. And so that's when he said, Okay, you can go back. And as soon as he said that, I was kind of like pushed out, you know, he's like, Hey, you gotta go, buddy. So I started to make my way back out the same way that I had come. And now I actually felt physical pain.

Alex Ferrari 53:08
But you started to feel it, you started to feel it.

T.S. Dismas 53:10
Yeah, like my soul felt some pain like getting the further I got away from God, I felt this pain. It wasn't like the pain that I got. When I when I got back to my body, I felt physical pain, you know, like, you know, with my body, this was something deep in my soul eating. And it doesn't hurt as much now, probably because the body somehow distorts all that. But as I snap back into my body, if I saw my tunnel again, when I when I got back through the light, you know, I had to go back that same way. But at the end of that tunnel, the tunnel now it was no longer that dark void. It was the hospital room. And it was from the viewpoint of looking out through my eyes if my eyes would have been open it but I could see what was going on in all the doctors and nurses around me. And so as I get back, I snapped into my body, and I spontaneously revived and I kind of pop up as much as I could. And I told the doctor, I'm like, did I just die? And he had this look like he? I think they might have been called it I don't know, but they sure look like he was just shocked beyond all shotgun shock. He was he had decided this guy's not coming back. We lost him. Because the look on his face is like, you know, kind of like that kind of a look. And so he came down a little bit closer to me. Like he wanted to really hear what I had to say. And so I sent it again. And he said, Yeah, you just died. You know. And so I was just kind of in ecstasy like, this really happened. I didn't believe in near death experiences. You know, I you know, a psychology geek. So I believed in all the science and you know only what we can prove and all that and this blew my mind away. The fact that my intelligence immediately went back to normal as soon as I snapped into my body Really, it woke me up because I didn't lose conscious thought, you know, I lost consciousness in my body, but my soul my intellect, part of me that thinks was constantly going, I remembered my previous to my death, the suffering I was going through, I remember my death, I remember the entire time that I was in heaven. And then I remember coming back, all of that was continuous. And the only difference was I went from my low here, my low intelligence to this vast intelligence back to my low intelligence. So.

Alex Ferrari 55:33
So you went from from Doss to an Apple. And then you went back to Doss.

T.S. Dismas 55:38
Yeah. You know, I wish God would have said, Hey, you're not gonna have that this intelligence anymore. So get as much thing, I would have focused on a few other things while I was there, and I want to bring this back with me. But I missed that opportunity.

Alex Ferrari 55:54
So So I gotta ask, and I've asked this to other Near Death Eaters before? How did the people around you, you know, deal with the new you because you are obviously a different human being than you were? When before the the near death experience. So sometimes, I've heard that, you know, even family, friends, spouses, parents, good friends, they start to, they can't understand who you are anymore. And you really can't understand who they are anymore. You're just not on the same wavelength, if you will. How did that? How did that work for you?

T.S. Dismas 56:30
You know, it's, you're so right. I mean, there's so many, there's a variety of approaches to how I am I mean, people have different viewpoints on it. And, you know, my wife, for instance, she's kind of disappointed in that I don't have the ambition that I used to have with my career, I really want to help people. And so I want to go to places where, you know, it's the underserved. So right now, I'm working as much as I can, you know, still being disabled, I'm, I'm limited, you know, I still have autoimmune diseases, and it's still a struggle for me, but I do as much as I can. And I'm working with homeless and oh, and the homeless, they have a big need. And it's not a glamorous job. There's not a lot of people who want to do it. And that's why I got this, this weird screen on behind me because I'm in my office, and it's a humble office, it's, it's not a beautiful thing that people would be happy to see.

Alex Ferrari 57:24
But you're doing God's work, brother?

T.S. Dismas 57:25
Yes, yes, yes. And I feel good about it. And so you know, some of those things are, are, you know, not really favorable to my wife. But she does like hope easygoing I am and how caring I am, Ron fact that that even though I'm, I'm not having a good day, I feel sick, or I'll be really tired. You know, I have chronic fatigue. Now, chronic pain, it's kind of an annoyance, but I go out of my way to do stuff in my family, because you're not kind of looking at things now is I'd rather burn out and rust up, I don't want to be sitting around doing nothing waiting for something to happen, I'm going to just get in there and do it. And when my time was to go, that's up to God. So, you know, whatever that happens, I'd rather be doing something while he catches me and says, hey, it's time to come back. So I go out of my way to serve my family, I serve others, you know, I want to put other people's needs before my own. Because, like we had talked about it, those things are of more value and heaven than than all the riches that could accumulate.

Alex Ferrari 58:28
That's the stuff that you take with you. That's, that's the and that's something that I've heard many times, and I've kind of understood I've come to really understand it as a truth is that the things that you take with you are the memories, the the actions, the kindness, the the service that you give to others, that is the luggage that you bring with you. Not the house, not the car, not the pool, not the private jet, none of that stuff. None of that stuff comes with you. It's the other things that come with you and bring you true joy to your soul. And at the end of the day, you got to just you know, going back to that theme of, of what we do here, when you buy something, it might give you joy for a little bit. Sure. And I look, when you buy a new TV, you can watch a show, like that looks pretty cool. But after after a little bit, you're just like, okay, you know, when you get a new car smells great. Driving around, at a certain point, you're just trying to get to a to b man. Yeah. You know, like things right?

T.S. Dismas 59:30
You're so right about it. It's like, No, there's nothing wrong with that new TV, right? I mean,

Alex Ferrari 59:35
You gotta get one everyone's one of the other ones are gonna drink. You know, and if you're gonna do a get one, right, and, you know, one thing I've realized in my life, is that now when I buy stuff, like I had to had a 12 year old car before I just bought my new car like two years ago. And we're like, yeah, we was driving until the wheels come off, you know, so it's just like, I don't care like as long as long as it gets good gas mileage. I gotta pull again. So I'm like, Oh, it's great. I don't even have to worry about gas for the first 30 or 40 miles. I'm like, I'm really, you know, that's all I care about, like what's practical, I don't care, you know, I don't care about having, you know, a 200,000 bar, it makes no sense to me. I mean, I could do much so much more good in the world with that extra money than buy a Lamborghini or something.

T.S. Dismas 1:00:19
When you think about it, you know, that, it who which one of us would would say, you know, I got a TV opportunity to buy this TV, but here's this person right in front of me, that's going to die if I don't help them out with with some with some assistance, I would, I would hope most of us would say, I'm gonna, I'm gonna help this person cuz I'm looking at I'm seeing him. But the reality is, those people exist. There are people in our own communities in America that this this land that's so a fluent, we have so many luxuries, we, we eat better than kings and queens in the Middle Ages, and we get food from all over the world. But we realize that there are people here who need help. I mean, I see them every day when I'm at work. But you can drive down just about any place in America now. And you're gonna see people living living homeless, there are people who you might not see them, but they don't have a cup of spoons to share amongst their kids, they have to share one spoon a bunch, a bunch of kids. Why is it that we want to have so many more new TVs? Or all those rooms that, you know, people don't even go into? Right? Why? Why do we want to have those things and it's, I think a lot of it comes down to our pride that we feel like if I don't have these things, then I'm not living up to what I shouldn't be at. And that's a lie that we're told, Don't told by the world, the world tells us, you know, to keep accumulating to be voracious in our, in our appetite towards the accumulation of things. And those things. Like we've already discussed it as though we can't bring those to the other side. But in my next life review, I want it to be all the good work that I have done. And it's not for glory for myself, I want to do it because I want to I want to be able to show God's love and how much he loves other people to them. I want to I want to be that,

Alex Ferrari 1:02:05
You know, I was I was blessed enough to have Neale Donald Walsch on the show who, who wrote God Conversations with God. And he was homeless for a year in his 40s, early, late 40s, early 50s. And he gave me a perspective that there was a movie made about his life and everything. So I saw his movie, and it's a fantastic movie, as well. But he gave me a perspective on the homeless, I really never understood before, because I've never really sat down and had a deep conversation with someone who who was homeless, and he's obviously a very spiritual person. And he's like, You've no idea what it's like to be out there. And basically be at the whim of the kindness of others. He goes, wherever I go now and he's a very wealthy man, I'm he sold millions and millions of copies of those books. And he goes, wherever I go, I always make sure to have a little extra coat coin in my pocket. If someone walks past me, getting five, getting 10 Give him 20 If you can, and help them because you've no idea what that will mean to them. Right for the day. You know, the other day I was driving around, there was a there was a man asking for money, and I gave him some cash. And then he sat there and start talking to me about what happened to him at the light at the light to start talking to me about what happened to his life. And he's like, man, you know, I just lost my job, I lost my house, you know, I've been living in my car. He goes, it's not like someone who's just lazy or anything like that. That's the, that's the that's what we like to think, you know, the hobo with the stick and the, and the thing from the, from the 30s. But he was telling me the story. And you know, I was so moved by his conversation and that 30 seconds, that I drove over to Taco Bell and got them to giant burritos. And in a giant coke, you know, just like I don't know what he was a giant water, there's name and Coke was trying to give them something healthy. Something you know, and I brought it back to him. And whatever money I had left in my wallet, I put it inside the bag. And I just gave it to him. And he's like, Man, you've no idea and he was so happy. He's like, Man, I'm gonna go over under that tree and eat it right now. And the thing is to that, and I did this on purpose. I didn't give him the extra money in his hand. Because that would be kind of like, Oh, I'm gonna get love back for that. I didn't care about that. I just like, I want him to open that bag and feel the surprise of like, oh my god, there's another $20 in here. Yeah. That it was just, it was a really interesting connection I had with that man. It was it was a deep connection that day. And it does and I don't forget it. So now I always have some cash in my pocket. And whatever whatever bills I have, I generally just give to the families or if there's you know, there was another say that we were at a donut shop here in Austin is considered the best donut in the country. By the way, it really is the best I've ever had in my entire life at that. We were sitting there eating and was closing time and this lady just comes out and goes, Hey, nobody came for these dozen donuts. Do you guys want them? And I'm like, Yeah, that was like two boxes of like 24 doughnuts, it was a lot of donuts. And we don't eat doughnuts. And it was a special treat. So first thing, my wife and I said, we're like, oh, let's go find somebody to give these to. And we just drove around until we found, we found two families with kids on sitting on the side of the road, begging for food and money. And we gave him this treat. It's not healthy. But man, can you imagine being a homeless kid? No kidding, a dozen donuts that must have changed their their month. So these are the kinds of these are the kinds of things that you you think about differently when you're when you're trying to connect more to source trying to connect more to God. And those are just a couple of stories. And I hope that this conversation inspires others to do that to not look at people that are homeless, or they're in need as like, Oh, get a job. Well, I'm working. Why can't you like you have no idea. The circumstances you and I both won lottery span? Yeah. In life. You know, I had a roof over my head most, not most every day of my life, had food on the plate every day of my life. And yeah, I had rough times. And yeah, I almost went bankrupt. And yeah, but it never got to that point in my life. We won the lottery. We're here in America, the great news, what the richest country in the world. So we want a big lottery. So just because we want to don't assume that others right on that same lottery, you don't know what the trauma they've gone through, you don't know what kind of parents they had, you have no idea what they've gone through. So just be kind.

T.S. Dismas 1:06:55
Yeah, it's amazing what a simple smile can do

Alex Ferrari 1:06:58
Ah, acknowledgement of their existence.

T.S. Dismas 1:07:01
Exactly. That's it. There's so many people out there who you don't know, if they're just going through a divorce, or they just had an argument with somebody who care about, there's a lot of things that people go through on a day to day basis. And a simple smile, that acknowledgement of them as a human being and that you care about them, just just enough to smile at them, that can really change a person's outlook. And maybe it makes them have a little bit more strength to go home and deal with that person who they'll have that argument with. And you don't know the ripple effect and how you can help mold and change somebody else. out somebody else's life. I certainly saw how often I had hurt other people's lives, how I had done something, either through to actually doing it or failing to do something when I could have and that effect that it had on those other people. I don't want to live like that ever again.

Alex Ferrari 1:07:51
Yeah, agree, man. I agree. 110%. And I do want to ask you something about your book, sudden death to paradise. Who's the author man? Is it Brian is it the T.S. guy who is it?

T.S. Dismas 1:08:05
That's, it's me who's the author, however, you know, I used a pseudonym. And I used it because I don't want to be that person. I used to be where I pat myself on the back all the time. And, you know, give myself this big ego, like I wrote something that's so wonderful. Because all I did, I was a secretary, I wrote down what I experienced, and I tried to keep it as pure to what I experienced, I didn't want to incorporate a lot of my own viewpoints, which I do sometimes in my interviews, you know, I have an interpretation, I've got a mind and a rationale. So I'm going to interpret things. But my book, I really wanted to keep it more to what I saw and just try to keep it like that. Because, you know, I'm I went back to my same intelligence, I didn't get to keep all that ability to really understand what I saw. So, you know, I wanted to be more pure with that, but I, I didn't want it to be about me, it's this is God's story. So I decided to use a pseudonym because, you know, it's, it's just a way for me to kind of keep it, it's still mine, but it's still, you know, it's still giving more recognition to God, you know,

Alex Ferrari 1:09:11
I get I understand what you're saying. And, you know, it's really interesting that he was saying that you never never understand the the ripple effect of an action or a thing that you do in the world, smile or a kindness. This is one of the reasons why I do my shows, is because this conversation, you and I are having our perspective on this conversation with each other. But this then goes out into the world, and what the ripple effects of what this conversation can do for others, is what my goal is and is what my my mission is, is to try to bring light an attention to these kinds of conversations. So it can hopefully enlighten the world and speed things up a bit. Because you know, it's enough already

T.S. Dismas 1:10:00
But it wouldn't be I mean, we can all recognize it would be better if we all did that for each other.

Alex Ferrari 1:10:04
If we just all meditated life would be better.

T.S. Dismas 1:10:08
It was, it's like, I've always had this rule that, you know, if I'm out grilling or something like that I drop a piece of chicken on the ground. I'm the one who's getting that piece of chicken. That's, that's a principle I've always lived by, because I am well who did it? I'm gonna have to just accept it. But now I'm looking at it as even if somebody else drops that piece of chicken, what's the big deal? I'll wash it off, I'll I'll eat the piece of chicken five second rule, brother. Yeah. But why not just put myself behind other people, if everybody did that, we'd all be benefiting. If everybody said, I'm gonna put somebody else ahead of me, instead of me always stepping first in line, we'd all be doing so much better in life, because we'd all be taking care of each other.

Alex Ferrari 1:10:50
Just let somebody in and traffic start there. That's exactly are there, let them in. If they start yelling, and screaming, just go, just let them in. And that's where that's the beginning of these kinds of conversations. Open the door for somebody, let somebody else get in line in front of you. Are you that important that you can't wait another two minutes behind you see someone who needs help. You know, I saw an old lady the other day, who needed help with our groceries, help her with our groceries. Like these are simple, basic things that that really we could do. Abroad, I'm gonna ask you a few questions asked all of my guests. What is your definition of living a good life?

T.S. Dismas 1:11:34
Well, it's gotta be living with love. And that's when we've discussed this pretty in depth as you know, I can't take anything else with me other than love. And, you know, honestly, God is love. So if I can, if I can return love, to the ultimate love, by giving love here on Earth, and I'm going to do that, that's, that's ultimately what I want to do. I just want to live my life full of love.

Alex Ferrari 1:12:00
Now, what is your mission in this life?

T.S. Dismas 1:12:05
Not to be repetitive, but it is that it's love. I want to be able to put myself back even if it's, it's something real insignificant, you know, people say, You know what, wish we listened to us pick it, go ahead. You know, I don't need to pick what what we listened to. Or if we're getting something at a restaurant or want to go to a restaurant, you know what, whatever you guys want to go to. I've had enough good meals in my life, I don't need to have everything my way. And I found that, you know, doing those little things, there is sort of a suffering in and of itself, because I'm, I'm allowing somebody else to have preference over me. But what I found is it really enhances relationships with people. Because, like, you value my opinion that much that you're going to let me take this, this precedence and, and it changes things. And I've had an enriching relationship with just about everybody I come in contact with. And it's just simply by basically taking myself out of the equation, instead of saying, hey, you know what, I'm Brian, you guys got to recognize and give me my respect. I don't even care anymore. It's not like I'm a doormat, I still got a doormat, but I, I just, I just want to give people

Alex Ferrari 1:13:19
But have you noticed, though, that you don't have to be a doormat? Because once you start when you start doing what you're saying, the energy of people that come near you or come towards you changes? Absolutely, yeah, I always tell I've said this, I think I've told this story before I had a cousin of mine who used to back in the day used to go club and he goes, Man, every time I go to a club, I get into a fight. I go, Dude, I go to clubs all the time, I never get into a fight. So maybe just maybe it's you. Like, you bring the energy that you want around you. So the more that you put out into the world, those are the kinds of people that you attract, you're not going to attract the people who are going to abuse you take. And if you do by any stretch, run into them, you avoid them pretty quickly because you change them. Or you change them exactly.

T.S. Dismas 1:14:04
It's amazing how we can all walk into a room and we know that person who's in a bad mood, we can pick them out like that. No, no negative we and we feel it, we feel it right it penetrates into us. But it's amazing how how sometimes just by continually be consistent with love and kindness, how that person even changes. It's hard to abuse somebody who's who's not able to be abused. If you can't get a reaction out of somebody, they're not getting what they're used to getting, and it changes them they have to come with a different approach. You know, it's so easy to do, but yet, it's hard because we have this pride that gets in our way and says I should not be treated this way. And we want to stand up for ourselves instead of saying you know I don't have to be the the rock that they beat themselves against. I can be water I can be smooth and soft, and I can encompass them with Something more than then this resistance. And it changes people.

Alex Ferrari 1:15:05
I'll tell you what man was this a little Indian guy who took down the entire British Empire. Yeah, all it was was all it was is love man. And, you know, if you ever watched that movie, Gandhi's movie, you know, there's that scene where there's, there's army and their soldiers who are protecting something. And then there's just people who are walking towards them without violence. And these guys are hitting them over the head falling, they're picking them up going on, and they just keep coming back, and they keep getting back in line to keep getting beaten. So at a certain point, there is a humanity inside of the soldiers like, I can't, I can't keep beating innocent, like, there's a certain thing even inside you just like, I can't keep hurting, I can't keep doing this. And that's an extreme example of that. But at a certain point, when you give you don't give back, like if they fall in there with their fists, oh, it's easy to fight against that. Absolutely. Oh, you could fight all day, monster years against that. Exactly. But at a certain point, you just go like, I can't, I can't keep doing this, because that's the only way a man like Gandhi could have done it. He didn't have the strength. He didn't have an army, he wasn't Gladiator, you know, or Marcus Aurelius, who had, you know, the awards, he had to fight this way. And it was a fight. You know, and it's like, and like you say, you don't have to be a doormat, he had his principles, he has what he wanted. And he went out to fight for what he believed in, without fighting, which is insane. And Jesus did it. Same thing. And Buddha did, there's so many of these masters, that we've studied over the years, who have walked the earth who, none of them just sat down and, and just meditated in a in a in a cave, they went out, lived and, and helped and taught and, and went through trials and tribulations to go through this. So I want people listening to understand that that is what life is. Regardless, if you're spiritually enlightened or not your walk, you've got to go through all this. I mean, I've studied some some Yogi's who went through some very difficult times, even after they, they found, quote, unquote, enlightenment in their lives. And they had followers and things like that. They still went through things that they had to go through, like, my god, why are you testing me this way? And like, Ah, you're being tested. And, and trust me, the test keep coming, brother.

T.S. Dismas 1:17:31
You know what, and that's kind of cool, too. Because, you know, that's, that's the way we know we're growing. I think if everything was always easy, and contentment was was what reigned in our life, we would never go anywhere, we would never grow and become a better person. Correct. Like with working out, if you don't do a few push ups and feel that muscle strain, your muscles aren't going to get bigger and stronger. You know, same thing with our, with our soul, our soul has to be tested to has to have a workout. And we're that work out for each other often. And why not use that to our advantage? If nothing else, if we're going to be selfish in life, be selfish in that way that I'm going to grow by every interaction, I come in contact with other people, that I'm going to let them help me grow into a better person, because I'm gonna treat them right. I'm gonna treat them with love, no matter what they give me. And, and honestly, you're gonna find that life is better that way.

Alex Ferrari 1:18:25
I mean, you couldn't have said it better at all. My friend, Brian, it has been an absolute pleasure and honor talking to you, man. It's been it's been a great, great conversation. And like I said before, I hope this conversation goes and inspires other people and really helps helps the world out there. So where can people find out more about you and get your books or?

T.S. Dismas 1:18:43
Well, they can look me up on Facebook, I have a YouTube channel, it's under the T.S. Dismas. It's called the Psychology of heaven with T.S. Dismas. Or you can email me if people want to email me, I'm open to answering emails, tsdismas@gmail.com. So those are are ways to get a hold of me in my book, you can find it at bookstores or Amazon, people tend to get it on Amazon, they also have a website that they can get it from, you know, it's however you want to want to find it. And you know if people want autographed copies, which I don't know why you'd want it, but ever if you do, contact me at tsdismas@gmail, and I will definitely do that too.

Alex Ferrari 1:19:23
Well, I mean, I'll take that book with me, man. When I go to the other side. I'm like, Hey, I got this autograph.

T.S. Dismas 1:19:28
Yeah. I wont be much a good there, but you kill some love. That'll be the thing that gets you gets you some kudos in heaven.

Alex Ferrari 1:19:36
Listen brother. I appreciate you so much, man. Thank you again for coming on the show, man.

T.S. Dismas 1:19:40
Yeah, thank you for having me. I appreciate it.