Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone with Dr. Emma Mardlin

Alex Ferrari 0:11
I'd like to welcome to the show Dr. Emma Marlin. How you doing Dr. M?

Emma Mardlin 0:15
Oh, I'm very good, thank you, how are you?

Alex Ferrari 0:18
I'm doing great. I'm doing great. Thank you so much for coming on the show I, I found out about your book out of out of your comfort zone breaking boundaries of for a life beyond limits for me saved properly. And I really wanted to kind of dive into that, because I think so many of us live in a comfort zone. And anytime anyone pushes us out of it, we get angry. So let's, let's say we don't want to kind of dive into it. But how did you get into this line of work?

Emma Mardlin 0:49
That's a really big question. Well, I actually, I started off life training to be a barrister. And found out that wasn't fulfilling enough for me, and needed something more always the people I've always thought differently, and was a very intuitive child. So kinda of was, in my own mind a lot, and always more spiritual, even though I went to a religious school. So I've always been of a certain mindset, and even thinking about mind and how that controls and affects the body. And so how I got that from, you know, a young age, but I did. So what I did was then got to the point where I could align with what I really wanted to do, because doing law and all these things, the universe started to give me lots of messages of, Hey, you know, your house not right, I had all sorts of things going on. And it was kind of a need to really align with what I'm doing. So long story short, I went into business, I did loads of things, and ended up going in a coma for five days, my family, were telling me I would rather could be a vegetable on my life that actually I came out of it. And I was, I think I enjoyed the rest because I was absolutely fine. But that was kind of my literally wake up call to say, you know, I need to align with what I want to do. So again, long story short, I went into exploring psychology, and that's more on, you know, a holistic approach of your way I do things, I do things very differently. So whilst I'm a clinical therapist and trader at all that I do things my way so that I feel aligned and can explore life as it needs to be really so I guess, I've always been out of my own comfort zone, in one way or another. But I guess always had the mindset to deal with whatever challenges have come up, or I tend to look at things in a positive way of even if something challenging is really happened, it's a kind of, I see that as a good thing, because it's for a reason to, you know, meant to happen in some way. Because again, it's the university giving us a message of what do we need to learn? What can we take from that? And what direction is it? Is it going to push us, you know, as much as something can feel very, very taxing in the moment. So again, that's again, how I, I suppose, got into writing the book out of your comfort zone, and with what I do, lots of people come to me with different fears, which I'll just say back. And because I guess, you know, from my point of view, anytime you're not really enjoying life, or things aren't working the way you want them to, it comes down to a fear of one form or another. Even if, you know, somebody might say, Well, I'm really angry about this, you know, really not working for me at the moment, whatever that area of life may be. And I will say, Well, what are you really fearing? What does it really come down to you? So that tends to throw people a lot but that's the, I guess, the whole ethos, the whole idea of the book? No, can we take right?

Alex Ferrari 4:27
So let's let's dive into a little bit about comfort zones because I think on a almost on an evolutionary standpoint, we as human beings, create comfort zones to protect ourselves in many ways. You know, just because you know, you don't want to are, we literally have boundaries that we didn't want to cross because we were afraid of Tiger was going to eat us around the corner that we didn't, we've never traveled by. And we I think do that on a psychological standpoint when like we create a little bubble for ourselves or a comfort zone, whether that be in a relationship with a B in our careers, whether that be our spirituality Whether it be any parts of our world, why do you think that? We are kind of pre wired to do that? Is it more evolutionary, because there are human beings who just love to constantly challenge themselves, but they're rare. Most people like to stay comfortable. Is that fair?

Emma Mardlin 5:17
Absolutely, because it's comfortable to be in that position, because one of the six psychological needs is safety and security, the psychological human needs. So in that sense, we are programmed to want the safety and safety is being in your comfort zone. And, and also the, like, you you've touched upon yourself is instinctive as well. So I guess it's important to make clear, but there is that instinctive fear, so we don't come into danger. But then there's that key note, being so aware that we don't become accustomed to staying within that to over protect ourselves. And I think, you know, is we we are growing, and in the imprint period where, you know, from zero to seven years old, our minds are like sponges, and taking everything in. And often with train, we taught that way to be safe, stay inside, do your comfort zone, you know, be good, don't touch this, don't do that. Don't do this, or, you know, so it's constant programming of don't do something rather than actually will look at it this way. If you explore this, and maybe you you do not, not seem to bring anybody to harm, but maybe you do experience a challenge from that. Or maybe you do experience this thing from that, then you start to learn something else and ask kind of, what can you learn from that? Where else could that take you? Where is the mindset, the total opposite, it keeps you in that box? And so there's, you know, deal parenting, but then there's the, like you say, the evolutionary standpoint of what occurs from instinctive fear? And how we program?

Alex Ferrari 7:14
Yes, because every time you're, you know, you walk out to go play, what is the first thing your parents say, Be careful, be careful, it's not like Go, go take, go take risks, like that's not something that generally is said by parents, and I'm a parent as well. And I catch myself doing that, and it's just instinctual. Like, you just want to make sure that your child is safe, you know, you want to make sure that you're, you know, so you do that. But you really should be saying take risks, you know, because that's the way life should be is about moving forward to a certain extent without taking, you know, your safety and in life, of course, of course not, how would you

Emma Mardlin 7:54
know, I was going to, again, another one is a massive one is with money as well, when, you know, parents will say, well, money doesn't grow on trees, or you can't have that because we can't afford that. What instead of saying, Well, actually, let's see how much we can make to get you that get that possible. Or let's look at another way we can attract what you need, rather than just the money to pay for it. So it's constantly you know, that different mindset of actually daring and breaking those boundaries to look at things the opposite way to, to really stuck the fear.

Alex Ferrari 8:38
Now, how can how can we determine what our current level of comfort zone is? Is there a way as our test to kind of see where our boundaries are in a certain area in our lives?

Emma Mardlin 8:52
Well, that's what something is subjective for everybody I would always say, but for what height what what I have designed for the book is a comfort zone test. So it's a series I think it's about 30 questions that you can answer and then what he does is automatically give you a score as to what your current comfort level is. So that's what I've designed so it's something you can take before reading the book. And then you can take it after reading the book. So it gives you that measure of where you're at so it can go there's so many ranges and you know from my teetering on breaking boundaries. You know, some people are completely in the first bracket where they're very nervous, very anxious and they stay very much inside their comfort zone and have never stepped out of it to was high call, which is the the if you're going to say top level of being out of your comfort zone is something Call his own zero personality. And that's really where you have, in a sense, no fear, or not no fear at all. But with the fears that you are presented with, you don't have any fear to confront it, if that makes sense. without sounding paradoxical berries about having no fear to break these boundaries, or anything that you're faced with, where you may get some fear or trepidation about something, you will look at ways around it, you will look at how you can deal with it, and you'll smash through that fear. And it's also about you know, never fearing learning about yourself and knowing that you don't have to know everything, and to know everything. And that you can always there's always something to explore in life, and you never have that appear to do that. So there's zero personality, there's very few people that are like that, but whatever happens, they kind of like, whatever I'll deal with it, I've got that they know they've got the resources to deal with what they need to and they'll get out there and break those keep breaking these boundaries.

Alex Ferrari 11:17
Now the the one thing I've always heard is that the worst place to be if you in your life is when you are in that comfortable zone, where you want to make a change, but things are so comfortable that you're like, why am I gonna change, like I have a good job and, or my relationship, my partner is there fine, but you're not happy, you're not content. And only when the universe brings you down to a place where you can't bear it anymore. That's when you that that's the catalyst for change. So it's when you lose that job when you when, when your spouse is doing something that is just I can't deal with it anymore. Your boss is finally pushing you to a place or the business that you're in, just can't. So a lot of times when people are like, I feel like I'm lost, or I feel like I want to find the next level. But I'm so comfortable. I'm making six figures a year in this job, but I hate my job. But you know, but do I hate it enough to balance losing the money like, it's, you know, like, you're making a good and I've been there, I've been there early in my career I was I was working at a job that was making obscene amounts of money for what I was doing at a ridiculously young age. And I hated it. I hated it. It was horrible. And then I would Oh, well, I it's like, but I'm making so much money. I don't want to leave. And so then what I did on a subconscious level, I started sabotaging myself till I finally got fired. Because I kept it within you. Yeah, something inside of me is like, Well, you know what, I'm guessing I'm gonna have to act up to leave because I can't physically go in and quit because I can't walk away from this kind of money. But yet I am very, very unhappy. And I would get angry, and I would be upset all the time. So what so when people are listening now, if they're in that place where like, I don't know, you know, how do I make? How do I make that next, you know, make that next leap outside of my comfort zone, or to make a change in your life? without having to feel the pain of the universe blank, bam, up the head, which inevitably does anyway, at different points in our life?

Emma Mardlin 13:27
is a great question I knew and a great point and well done to you for actually stepping outside and doing that. There's so many different ways to answer that question. And when a person is psychologically and emotionally and really spiritually ready to make that change, it will happen anyway. So like, say there's options, and smash right through it and trust in the process, that you'll always be supported in the decision that you make. Or you can leave it to your subconscious unconscious mind that knows really what you want. Because Because the unconscious mind is programmed to, for us to be happy to have you know, it has the blueprint of perfect health and happiness and abundance. That's what what we are actually designed to live in abundance. So if you're not happy, and you're fighting that, and the more you resist something more it will present persist. And like you say, things will happen then in due course to take you down to that point of devastation, destruction, you can't go on anymore, but you'll have to come back home. So there's that option, but who really wants to do that? Does it really have to go that far. So instead it's about taking the spiritual path and actually learning about how the universe works the quantum mechanics because actually, we are all always safe, because we'll be supported by the universe. So it's distinguishing the difference between the physical life say, you know, I'm earning loads of money, I'm in a comfortable spot, the logic takes over and you think, well, that may be a silly decision to do that. However, the emotion is always going to be much stronger than the logic. So you'll need to break out of your comfort zone. Anyway. However, you can use the logic of quantum mechanics and the universe in terms of seeing yourself as energy and particles. And what do you give off that like attracts like, essentially. So if you see yourself in bounds of energy, you will always attract if you can get yourself on the same frequency of the things you want, and turn your focus into, actually, what do you want instead of what might go wrong, or what might happen or the what ifs. And you actually just focus really on what it is you want to draw into your life, what you want to bring in, in terms of that, like attracts like in terms of particles and energy. So how the universe works in this respect is the intangible. So our thoughts our belief system, and our emotions, then can forge to go and meet with the tangible in the future, which is then manifest the things that a person actually wants, what's what they want to draw into their life. Now, this is the law of attraction, and lots of people have probably heard of that. But we, as humans can forget that it's working all the time. 24 seven, it is no switch to turn it off. So whether you're thinking, What if, and all these things that might happen if you can break your boundaries, that's, that's just going to draw it in. And that's why we you know, a person will then go to reach that point of devastation, to then have to do something different and push out. Whereas otherwise if you're focused on what you actually want to join to your life, by breaking your boundaries and pushing into that next level, you will be supported by the universe it's it's easier said than done because it's challenging like I said, you know, from the imprint period when our minds are like sponges were given all these messages that said money doesn't grow on trees you can't do that you can't do that you know, you need to stay safe in your little box. But actually what we really need to be teaching is the more you step out of your comfort zone the more the universe will support you in that as long as you've got that deep core belief system focus on what you actually really the end goal of what you actually want to go forth and achieve and holding in your head again is another way to

Alex Ferrari 18:19
discover kind of like what I think it was either Henry Ford or or Thomas Edison it says if you believe you can or you can't you're right and it's very it's very true if you constantly believe that you need the world is out to get you well guess what the world's gonna get out to get you but if you believe everything is you know doors will open things will happen the way they need to happen. That's kind of the way things work that's at least my experience in life and I you touched upon on something really powerful, which is the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is so powerful and I don't think people really understand how much it runs the show. Like we our unconscious mind is it's running our show constantly. Where I think three Was it 3% of our brains are like functioning at a level that we are like aware of and then the other 97 are just completely running the show and I always tell people who don't understand the unconscious mind I'm like, I go give you a perfect example Have you ever jumped in a car and driven to go pick up your kids or driven to the supermarket and forgot how you you did not realize that you were driving someone else was you were thinking about other things but yet you were still driving the car moving around you put in like how did I Oh gee, that's what like you forgot how did I drive here? Did I drive here because your mind but someone was running someone was driving someone was drive is happening to me a million times. And it happens all the time in many areas of our life. Can you talk about the power of the unconscious, unconscious mind and things in that imprinting stage or not even only in the imprinting stage, but in the time and these big traumas that you might have had earlier in your life where You might have thought that you've dealt with it, it might actually still be running the show could be that you got broke, your heart got broken, something you associate it to a negative in regards to something in your career, I've had that happen to me. Many times, it's only that I found out that my unconscious mind was running the show and sabotaging me every time every single time, I wanted to go make a feature film, till I finally broke through that because I had a very, very, very experience with the mobsters, which is a whole other story early on in my career, so just Can you talk a little bit about the power of the unconscious mind? And is there anything we can do to kind of, you know, take hold of the of the driver's wheel, the steering wheel?

Emma Mardlin 20:46
Well, first of all, congratulations again, in overcoming the monster.

Alex Ferrari 20:51
Yes, I wrote a whole book, I wrote a whole book about it. I wrote a whole book about this.

Emma Mardlin 21:00
I can tell. Yeah, well, you know how how powerful the unconscious mind is. Because if we like you say conscious, if it's not aligned with the unconscious mind, so that means that you've just repressed it, rather than actually really dealt with it, then it will always contacting back. And that's been the conscious and the unconscious mind really aren't aligned. And that's when then you see the the effects and you experience the repercussions of that if you like, however, if it's a completely cleanse, and you're at one with that, and conscious and they're both in rapport with one another, then you will start to be able to utilize everything in your life to draw in and bringing the things that you want and start it, whether it's health, wealth relationship, embrace that in abundance, and the complete power of the unconscious mind. And the big people don't really tap into if you can create your life as you want it. So you can create from your own internal story that you tell yourself that you live and your own internal reality, you will create your experience on the outer side. So the out outer experience, the outer reality is just from your internal reality. So it's so important that if you do have early traumas, and things that you haven't dealt with, it's important to make sure you are cleansed of those, otherwise, that's going to project outwards. And that's going to cause those limitations that keep you within your comfort zone. And to be honest, keep things going wrong in your life. Because if it's happened in your imprint period,

traumas are being told, like like you're having a bad experience that that's wrong, that's not good enough, and you've not dealt with that, or seen that in a different light, then you're going to carry that pattern through is you're not good enough to do that, that went wrong. And so that then becomes your internal reality and your internal story. That then like I said, goes to create your external experience. So likes it's important to have those aligned, but going to the big picture as well after dealing with that. That's why it's part of my own therapy, what I do is called racy, which is the root cause analysis cause an extraction an exhilaration, because it's important to get to those roots to dig out, dig them out of the unconscious mind. So then that's cleansed. So then you can go forward to work on the exhilaration, which is the absolute power, the positive power that we hold in the unconscious mind. The whole mind, to be honest, and bodies we see ourselves as a whole and a spiritual being, we can create whatever we want in life, and manifest that through the power of positive thinking our thoughts, but really our deep belief system which gives rise to the unconscious mind again, so we have a cleanse positive belief system, and then also our feelings, our emotions, and it's really our feelings and emotions that let us know that actually give us the feedback as to whether our conscious and unconscious mind is aligned or not. So if you're feeling down or bad or sad all the time, then clearly something's not right. Something's not aligned. There's something there that you need to make a change about. So it's okay to say without anxiety which a lot of people are experiencing at the moment anxiety is a good thing because it's just giving you feedback but something you either need to really focus on or something that's not quite right and so you know that then you notice to change things like if you're going through a depression it's like looking at it again just feedback as to something's not quite right to match your blueprint and and so once you do get that and you can work through that and establish it then the power of what you kind of tried is amazing and a very simple way to think about this is that we live in the yes universe. So everything in line with your thinking your deep belief system, and again importantly your emotions. The universe is simply saying yes, to say you feel down and sad or crying is going there you have some more of that, you know, and he might imagine having book flung at you you know, the windscreen it's kind of like However, if you turn that round and you're aligned and you've got that positivity you you've dealt with all those like you said, you know, traumas and I suppose, Miss learning wrong teachings or you know, however we want to term it, and that is nobody's fault and especially as parents it's nobody's fault it's just the way humans have been programmed over time. Quite simply, once you fully cleansed and focus really on the things that you want in your life what's right in your life What can you be grateful for? What can you what what do you want to attract? How do you want to live in abundance? Can you see yourself living in abundance? Can you see yourself living in full health and happiness and the things that you actually want because once you do that will draw it into your life and by creating that internal reality that will then manifest as your external reality

Alex Ferrari 27:04
which I found fascinating doing research upon about this is that I always love using this example as we all know you know many of us have run into rich rich people who you are wealthy and you just go they're idiots how in god's green earth are they so wealthy and then and many times you realize this because as they throughout their life on a subconscious level, they just been around other people doing things that rich people do, how they handle their finances, how they look at business, how they look at problems, how they look at relationships, that's another it's not even if they were like the parents that that the kid down and explain this to them just by being in their presence especially during that seven year imprint period. You just pick up things the same way as someone who is you know, was born into a poor scenario where like every day is a struggle. You got to work hard for your money you got to struggle to get that paycheck. Your goal is to get a good job and that's all that's that's the end of the road and you work for 50 years and then you retire and then you die like it's like that's another imprint that is good it's a thank you very much. That's another programming that you have to break through and I had to break through my own personal programming as well because I was very much in the programming of you got to work hard you and there's nothing wrong with working hard obviously, but like money is hard to get. You have to struggle those are the things that I saw around me even though my parents never said that to me but I saw it and like okay so I this is the way the world works because this is the reality that I was raised then as it's just as a rich person's reality was raised in you know, a different a different reality their mindset they're like oh well, obviously everybody around me as wealthy that means that this is the reality this is what I have to do to maintain that it's very much like Buddha staying inside the inside of the palace Prince Buddha before he went out and saw all the all the things Wait a minute, what not everybody lives this way people get old What's going on? So I just I just wanted to kind of point I just kind of use that as an example because people listening need to also understand that the programming you might not even know the programming you have. Meaning that like why have they struggled so hard in relationships? Or maybe because you had bad, bad examples of relationship or your parents had a bad relationship or your step parents or whatever it was that you go maybe that's why I can't find the love that I really want because I keep doing things that I saw my parents do, which are obviously mistakes. Is that a fair statement?

Emma Mardlin 29:57
Absolutely, because we become the people we Hang around, they will become our environment. So, like he said, and like I touched on earlier, you know, the human mind, especially when we wait, you know, zero to seven period, and generally just growing up, so we're taking in, and we're learning these patterns, and they're just patterns of behavior. And really, the key to this is actually being aware of it. And going. So if you play an example, and most, you know, a large percentage of the population, I'll say, born into poverty, or born into poorer families, class phrases, like, like, oh boy, he's been saying when he doesn't grow on trees, oh, you have to work hard for money, etc. So that's kind of another programming and also the nine to five job and, you know, you have I mean, I love the Dolly Parton song nice, working nine to five, oh, he just say it all in the lyrics. But that's the kind of like programming that people then become accustomed to, and then be unless you study or you stumble upon, say, this philosophy and the lines of thinking that we've come to develop and learn, why would anybody know any different, you know, because we are just energy particles, and like attracts like, on that very deep, unconscious belief system. So if you've been raised to believe that you'll always be poor, or you're always have to struggle for money, or, you know, you might not like your job, but you know, puts food on the table, etc, keeps you in close, all those kind of lines of thinking that you never need to go stop. Actually, no, we live in a universe where you can create whatever you want. So then it becomes about a nice, like said, it's easier said than done. However, when you can do it and break those patterns. by stepping out of your comfort zone to go, actually, I want something different, I'm going to achieve something different by changing these patterns run. So what do you can do that, first of all, one of the major keys to success in anything is having the awareness of this, the awareness that you can change, and the awareness of the patterns that you may have experienced, and even the awareness of actually what may be going on in the unconscious mind. And you don't know is that, you know, it's, you don't always have to struggle or be challenged with that yourself. Sometimes you need objectivity. And that's where always having a therapist or consultant in that area can really help to pull it out of here, I think, you know, we should all have therapy and coaching, you know, from being infants, and that would then help in that period. So there's the awareness to help change those patterns. And, and also, using mantras in your head. So practicing all the time to change things around. So instead of, I have to work hard for money, you could say, money comes easily and in abundance. To me, I attract. And also, you know, seeing yourself as then that magnet if you Yeah, if you see yourself as is the magnet, then it's, you know, what, what are you attracting, because whether it's good, bad or indifferent, you're attracting it. And once you can realize that, by your the very essence of your thought, and your belief system and emotions, however, they are attuned, you are then attracting your experience into your life. So it's changing it around. So even saying to yourself, I am wealthy, I live in abundance, have a great relationship, and you focus on the aspects of a relationship that you want, or the person that you want to attract into your life, and will always help you. So it's a good game as well, you know, to think about different ways if you have a negative thought, how can you give yourself a little mantra or a little saying that completely turns that on its head, to bring into your life, what you actually want, and the book helped with that you notice this the words, I have what I call negative words that people use,

like something's a disaster, then, you know, look at the opposite of what you can say or use as a word. So disasters is a common one, but can present opportunity that you wouldn't ordinarily have. I mean, give massive examples in my life of that, but I don't think we've got time for that. But really, that's what I'm saying about how you have been hanging out. But I also really behind that, how you're actually feeling your emotions. And then that deep belief system and it can be, you know, one of the toughest things to step outside of your comfort zone is to change your belief system. If you've always been a certain way of thinking that you can do that by reprogramming your mind in terms of what you are telling yourself, and remembering that that you are the constant magnet. So whether it's good, bad or indifferent, you've attracted that into your life for a reason. Now, often that is to push you out of your comfort zone, to give you learnings, so then you can let go of the negative emotion, take the positive learnings from it. And although something may be really bad, that there are always some positives to take, and when you do that, then you then you take the wisdom, and then you can go forth and use that wisdom that then takes you into your next level of where you are in terms of a comfort zone level because you know, even zero personality has a comfort zone level. But they never fear fear in terms of breaking batten and evolving.

Alex Ferrari 36:19
Now, in your book, you talk about the only two emotions in the world because

Emma Mardlin 36:23
the quality of everything

Alex Ferrari 36:26
Oh, sorry, this guy, little guy a little jacked up that I'm sorry about that. It's all good. It's all good, though. We had a pause there in our, in our connection. I mean, we are recording from across the world. So I mean, to be fair, you know, we have to be lenient on the technology a bit. Now,

Emma Mardlin 36:47
I'm still fascinated by that.

Alex Ferrari 36:50
Now in your book, in your book, you talked about the only two emotions in the world, what are the only two emotions in the world

Emma Mardlin 36:57
fear and look. So everything you know, that's have a negative connotation and negative emotion that's derived from fear in some ways. So anger, sadness, hurts guilt, you know, you name it, whatever doesn't make you feel good. It's derived from fear in some ways. So fear is the underlying root emotion, of, of whatever, you know, you may be going through in the negative sense. And then my progress side is logged. So joy, happiness, laughter, fulfillment, everything that's that's good, and a positive, joyful emotions, they're all derived from love. So it's, it's very useful to sometimes think of, when, you know, you might be thinking about your emotions, or how, how life is for you at the moment, in terms of what you're really drawing in with that level, that, that fear, so you can work out what side you're on. And when you when you're on the side of love, and you have that in abundance, then you will always draw more of that into your life.

Alex Ferrari 38:08
Now, we love to talk about getting out of our comfort zone. And a lot of times breaking our comfort zones means that we need to create new habits, and also let go of old habits that have kept us in these comfort zones. What is your advice for breaking an old habit and creating a new positive one

Emma Mardlin 38:26
practice? I think a lot of the time again, again, it comes down to awareness. And I think the mantra is what you're telling yourself, those phrases that you can utilize, because it's all what we feeding ourselves all the time, that can help then change the belief system. And similarly, you know, break those patterns of behavior also replacement. So instead of you know, the negative behavior, find a positive replacement for that. So I can say if somebody is addicted to alcohol even, and this is a very broad example. It's not actually the, the alcohol that you're addicted to. It's the dopamine that's giving you which is the feel good chemical. So replacing that with something else positive, what else can make you feel good? So any negative behavior, it's a case of looking at or pattern, you know, looking at for what purpose? do you do that? Do you feel that what is it something that happened in your imprint period? does it relate back to a certain trauma? What's the the real root of that? Is it something somebody said to you, it's something that awfully happened, and if you pinpoint that, and then you can again, replace it With something that's a positive, so some different form of something that makes you feel good, something that can bring something positive in so I gave the example of alcohol. And could you have something like like you enjoy different juices making like cocktail juices with like tons of vitamin Zeno's or something, or, you know, even chocolate, or the endorphins, or it could be going out and getting a massage or going to the spa or something that's more fruitful and positive, that gives you a different pattern then to doing what the old pattern maybe, but on a on a more serious note with that, it's it really is a case of pinpointing the root to then break those patterns to, you know, turning back then focus round again, onto what's what, what a replacement behavior that's more positive and conducive to to creating a more fulfilled life can actually be,

Alex Ferrari 41:08
it's, it's frankly, more kind of like programming. It's like hard wiring, like certain habits become hardwired in us over time, because our neurons just keep shooting that way. So it's kind of like a record groove, if you will, like, if I'm, if I may be, oh, if I may be old fashioned with a lp record. But yes, it's like a, it's like a record groove. And it's hard to break that kind of programming where you have to kind of like do something to disrupt that programming, and create a new pathway with a new positive thing. So if you're, if it's smoking or alcohol, or whatever the negative habit that you've been doing, eating poorly, it's, it's and that's okay, we've all had it, we all go through this work, because we're all human, I've had to reprogram myself, where before, like, oh, working, going out to work out the gym is difficult. It's painful. You know, it's also out of my comfort zone. So it took a while before you started gaining joy from working out, and then that new programming kicked into not to a point where you're like, it hurts not to work out. Which is

Emma Mardlin 42:18
that is really well done again, breaking through that one. And that's definitely one way to do it. And a lot of the time, I would say, EFF it, do it, if it's not giving you joy, and it's painful to do it. Don't do it. Go and do it. So I say I'm an advocate, I say don't go to the gym. No. Where I actually I would say to get you know, what's the purpose of going to the gym

Alex Ferrari 42:51
to get to get healthy to get to feel better about yourself there's a multiple list of things to do. And as you get older as you get older, you just as it used to be like I want to look good. And now it's like I just want to make sure that the wheels don't come off of this thing. I just saw this amazing meme my friend sent me today he's like yeah, you enjoy your 20s 30s and 40s because then you're 50 the check engine light turns on and that's amazing. I thought I was gonna

Emma Mardlin 43:24
give them the book Yes. Exactly. negative thinking it is funny though. Release you go to the purpose of why you're doing something that say you know forcing yourself to do something as something that you don't like for what purpose so yours was you know to get beat make sure the wheels don't come off love that. And so I would say well what thing you do is an activity that you really do enjoy that you get joy from that you could do instead of that that you know replacements because my philosophy is if you and this is maybe why I've changed things you know early on from being a barista have been in design a marketing business and all sorts of different things. And because if it doesn't give me joy or satisfaction I say don't do it and that's the same to everybody else because it won't bring in more of it. It just causes that interruption that energy block that's they're not going to bring into your life what you what you really want so you know if you didn't I became so I can't go

Alex Ferrari 44:41
hiking, you can go hiking, bicycling, you know Krav Maga you know, MMA, whatever helps you get your body moving to find that thing could be yoga could be

Emma Mardlin 44:54
so if you go to the purpose of you know why you really doing something or what You really want so even if we go back to the alcohol addiction, the ultimate purpose of that is one, you're probably blocking something out. So go get a therapist in step two, you're going for the dopamine because you're going for it, you want to feel good, because there's something in your life that isn't making you feel good at all such a huge blockage. I mean, it's wrong. So that you you then I'll go into wherever you can. So maladaptive coping mechanism, but it's a coping mechanism, you go for the bottle to go for the alcohol, does that then makes you feel good for that short period of time? So it's cuboid. So where else can you get the dopamine? Where else can you go to actually make yourself fulfilled? Because if you go to that purpose, it will always give you the answer, then of what you actually need to do in another way to break up by behavior pattern to get to the positive, same highest purpose, then it's really again, it comes down to having that awareness of being able to do that.

Alex Ferrari 46:06
Now, one thing that you booked us to cover as well and I'd love to hear your opinion on this is one of the things that we all deal with is fear and anxiety. And in one way, shape, or form, we have it in our lives. How do you suggest we break through fear specifically, because fear is such a, I've talked about fear so much in this show, and I will continue to because it is something that paralyzes us, and for some will paralyze them for their entire lifetimes. You know, I have relatives that I know who, when I asked them, What do you want to do, I'm like, I'm good, I don't want to go anywhere else might be you don't seem happy. I'm not like it's terrifying for them to even think about going outside of their comfort zone. so terrifying. I've seen them be people be paralyzed, I've been paralyzed by fear in my lifetime as well. What is your What is your advice on breaking through that fear, to get to your higher purpose higher self to get to that next level of your your own evolution and in whatever that that might be?

Emma Mardlin 47:11
Read by book, or obviously,

Alex Ferrari 47:13
obviously, obviously, read the book.

Emma Mardlin 47:19
There, there are three, three main ways and the first one is I say, you can screw it, just do it. And that's basically for whatever your fear is, just just go and do it, this stage, really break through it go, what the heck, go and do it. Now that's not possible for everybody. Because, you know, my mentality of doing most things, I'll put myself in the most difficult or challenging situations deliberately and autostore, about that later. to force yourself to push those boundaries, and really, so you put yourself in the position where you have no choice, but you have great days, Andres, there aren't many people like that. But around some people, as you say, they actually enjoy that, oh, you know, they enjoy that adrenaline rush of putting yourself in that position. And I'm one of those nurses, you know, but the nice people and baby steps in order to, you know, whatever your fear is, and warming up to that getting used to how you can take yourself down, there are tons of steps and techniques within the book of how you can actually do that, to get yourself in that position to start by reducing the anxiety, put yourself in a certain state and a certain position so that you're ready to then go or a good few that maybe not the full thing that you're fearing. But you could do a little bit of that and build up every particular spirit height, like insane fear of heights. And so at that particular point, what I do is I could go so far, up to a certain height, and then with certain techniques and reducing anxiety and putting myself in the right frame, I could then go a bit more and a bit more. And then you become familiar and it's I suppose, taking yourself to different comfort zone levels, in terms of breaking any fear. Or the third one is about tackling the root. So like with fun throughout the whole conversation really is going to those deep root levels of where a fear actually comes from. And often people think well, yep, oh, bang, yeah, is there there. My grandmother didn't like heights or, you know, you think there's the obvious route and sometimes it's not always that so it can help to have somebody help you with that to actually realize where it may have come from. Once you rip those roots out. You can do anything or you can be anything And you will achieve anything because also you will never have that fear of trusting in the process in flight back to one of your original questions. And if they think you know, in terms of how you turn it round to, to kind of get the things that you want, and what you want to draw into your life is, oh, it was how do you step out of your comfort zone and break those boundaries. And when you've been in it, when you've, you know, had all the money and being in that comfortable position? Well, it's, it's about, once you've ripped out those roots, you will be able to trust in the process, so that you can then step out of your comfort zone and break those boundaries and go forward because you weren't fear. Trusting in the process, and you will won't fear being a more spiritual being stepping out of the physicality and all the external realities and everything. Because you'll see yourself differently, you'll be able to see yourself as that energy in light, and you'll be able to, you won't have any fear to accept that you draw everything into your life you create, you are the creator of your own universe. Now, that phrase will never, you will never fear because you will understand that you are the universe and you, you create your own reality and how you can create your own abundance. So that's my life. Third Way to step out of your comfort zone and break fears and break boundaries is is really the third one. So you rip out the root so you can have what you can be anything, and you won't be afraid of knowing how you can work that and actually going for it because it's it's you know, you have to lose your inhibitions to do that you, you won't have fears. And again, it's the third one ripping out those roots and building yourself up to that, you know, fulfilled whole being, which is what the book takes you to from beginning to end, if you read it word for word

will take you there, you know, and you'll get there to that, then zero level with the with the practice and the, you know, techniques, but like I said, it's through it, just do it, get there and you'll get to the next level, or do the baby steps and it takes you there tons of techniques to be able to do that, and reduce anxiety, and he gives you all that and takes you through. And then it also takes you through how to rip out those rules and be aware of Now, question,

Alex Ferrari 52:47
you answered it perfectly. Thank you. And now you also in your book, you talk about the quantum or non comfort zone area What What are those?

Emma Mardlin 52:56
Well, this, again, is this same zero I'm talking about. So you, you don't really have a comfort zone at all, we're which means you you it's not a case of never fearing anything, or never having any fear in your life, because that will be unnatural, and ridiculous to even digest. But it's about never fearing fear. So therefore you have no comfort zone, it says zone zero. And as I, as I term it, there's a zero personality. So that's with the quantum. And what I'm talking about there is how the thoughts, emotions, and deep seated belief system, then with the tangible, which is the future material, their future, external reality. So it's about being able to use that and being able to appreciate that we do live in the yes universe, in line with that intangible thoughts, beliefs and emotions. So that's why it's really important to be able to feel good and put yourself in abundance and put yourself in that the same energy is good, positive joy for happy people, in order to be able to attract more of that. So if you put yourself you know, in a situation or a house full of negative people with lots of problems and things wrong, and that's all they talk about all the time, or you know that they're just generally ill tired. You might be the most positive person in the world, but stay locked in with those people, you will become that way inclined. So it's about appreciating that and being able to put yourself in that right space, that space of abundance and being able to attract that and go the universe is always saying yes, to whatever you're really deep down thinking and the images that you're holding in your mind as well and the things that you know, what you look at, in terms of what you're already in. grateful for that you might have in your life, how often do you say thank you for even the most simplest things and, and you'll attract more of that nice putting yourself you know just being in that position all the time. So even if something what other people might deem bad or, or for somebody somebodies want to have a better word of bastard in your life and people get really angry about that you can actually go no that's, you know, that's that's who they are that's their, you know person you've attracted them into your life for a reason. So what's that reason? How can you look at that as you're looking at yourself introspectively again, but you get to the point where you can actually go, thank you thank you for, for being in my life because you've given me the lessons I need for something you've given me the resources I need for something, and whatever that may be in the strangest of situations. So it's, it's really that's what I'm talking about there with the no comfort zone person that, you know, they can even say thank you to people that haven't been that great in their life. But that's that's made them who they are, and given them the lessons resources, and most importantly, the wisdom that they need to move on.

Alex Ferrari 56:23
Yeah, I always I'm a big believer that people who come into your lives are there to teach you, and you learn from them, and you attract them into your life to to learn these lessons, because I learned a lot of lessons on my path from great, great people, great people, and then also people who were absolute bastards in my life, and you just that they make you who you are. And they teach you lessons. And if you start analyzing why they were there, you find that there's a lesson underneath it. Most of the time, there's a lesson that you need to go through, there's something that you need to experience to get to that next level spiritually, and move up and move down on your path. And sometimes it's pleasant, many times it's not. But unfortunately, you don't growth is a painful sometimes process. You know, having a seedling breaking through the soil coming out and growing and dealing with rain and sleet and wind and trying to survive. That is pain. But yet, that's how you grow. And that's how the trees become stronger. And they can withstand that. But that's how you become stronger is you need some bastards in your life. Because if everything's peaches and cream, the second one even small bastard, one little small bastard comes into your life, you get knocked over. And I talked about that all the time. And like I always say the universe is going to continuously throw punches at you. No matter who you are, whatever stage of life you're at, they're going to be throwing punches at you in a good way in a bad way. So you either learn how to duck, you learn how to take the hits, you learn how to you know, and you just keep moving forward as the key is you keep moving forward, but you got to be aware that those punches are coming. And a lot of people don't even know what this point is.

Emma Mardlin 58:22
Oh, yeah, I'm not again is you know, part of the evolution process of moving out of your comfort zone is that you can roll with the punches. But you know, because one of the main key attributes to it is I've studied all people that have achieved major success or healing over adversity and ever achieved gold when they've been told they couldn't do you know, all these people are one of the main main attributes is flexibility. So being like you said, able to roll with the punches, even though when you when you don't know they're coming, but I think you know, whether they're a little busted or big busted or a life vest, you can actually go brilliant, thanks. Thanks for that evolution.

Alex Ferrari 59:09
I and I appreciate you. And now get the hell out of my way. Exactly, exactly. Now I'm gonna

Emma Mardlin 59:20
mantra for many for many clients.

Alex Ferrari 59:23
Now, I'm gonna ask you a couple questions that I asked all of my guests here on the show. They're fairly easy questions. So don't feel Don't Don't, don't get don't don't get overwhelmed. But what is your mission in this life?

Emma Mardlin 59:37
My mission and purpose is shot. I think helping people healing and sharing my wisdom because, you know, the important thing is to know that none of us can know everything. It's about being able to help each other but big picture, I think it's creating positive change in every aspect of life. Even globally, at the moment, you know, with, with all kinds of things that are going on and having that, you know, community spirit seeing things differently, and show it showing people, you don't have to suffer it, we ease about life in abundance, even as far as reversing what I do with them, by research work in terms of Mind Body medicine, is reversing type one diabetes. I've seen a child, I was told, oh, no, you've got diabetes, you'll go blind, you have to inject for the rest of your life. And it's a nine year old child, I was, no, I'm gonna cure diabetes, I'm going to find what I need to research wise for that. So that I know that my core blueprint, there's something deep within me to create that positive change that a different positive philosophy and mindset, and that's just what I want to share with the world, really, hence the books should probably get a few we'll do more.

Alex Ferrari 1:01:04
And last question, why do you think we're all here?

Emma Mardlin 1:01:10
I think we all have a purpose of something that we can contribute to the universe. And and I think it's, you know, some people will know that some people will, will find that, but ultimately, it's it's subjective. It's what anybody feels or what anybody wants, their purpose to be. But again, a process of evolution and understanding the universe and developing.

Alex Ferrari 1:01:38
Dr. m, it has been an absolute pleasure talking to you. I really appreciate you and where can people find your books and everything that you do?

Emma Mardlin 1:01:48
Likewise, well, I know the books are on my website, and Amazon as well. My most of everything you can find is on my website. And I have book sites linked to that. So if you visit all the W's, Dr, which is Dr. Central hyphen, e m.co.uk. Remember that then,

Alex Ferrari 1:02:12
yeah, and I'll put that in the show notes. Dr. m, thank you again for being on the show. I appreciate you.

Emma Mardlin 1:02:18
Oh, but Oh, and I just quickly mentioned as well. Anybody can take the comfort zone test for free that's on them. All the W's out of your comfort zone.uk. And you can take that and find out your current comfort zone level.

Alex Ferrari 1:02:33
Thank you again, my dear. I appreciate you.

Emma Mardlin 1:02:36
Oh, you're very welcome. It's been a pleasure.