Mythbusting: Better To Receive Than Give? with Anthony DeNino

Alex Ferrari 0:11
I like to welcome to the show Anthony DeNino, man. How you doing? Anthony?

Anthony DeNino 0:16
I'm doing great. Alex, thanks so much for having me on today.

Alex Ferrari 0:18
Oh, man, thank you for coming on the show man. Like we've talked a little bit earlier. You know, I wanted to talk about giving and gratitude and the power that that has in people's lives. And I'll tell you my story in a little in a little bit. But first, how did you get into this line of work?

Anthony DeNino 0:37
Yeah, you know, I, back about 10 or 15 years ago, certain things just started revealing themselves to me in terms of my life. And one of the things that really struck me was how people who gave in some type of way, now No, automatically, a lot of people will think, well, when you give you give money, right, and that's fantastic, and a much easier way to give. But I noticed when people started giving more of themselves, it really had an impact on me, and not just me watching from afar, but also internally and what it meant. So combining that with a practice that I got into a few years ago, practicing gratitude, I had seen different books on giving it seen different books on gratitude. But the two never mirrored up to each other. And I really thought that it was a good opportunity just to share what I think is a positive message to people about the powers that be each offer.

Alex Ferrari 1:41
Yeah, I'll tell you like, for me, you know, I've been I was I come from the film industry. So I've been I was chasing that, you know, that dragon, if you will, of the you know, getting to symmetry. And I had been directing, and I've been working very comfortably in the business. But doors were always always seem to be shut for me certain doors that I wanted to get into always seem to be closed, like, like, I'm not, I'm not unique in this. In this experiences. Many people in the film industry have tried to break in, but, but I was still able to make a living and all that stuff. But the moment I launched my first podcast, indie film hustle in 2015, and started to give back to my community, which are filmmakers and trying to help them make it in the business and all of a sudden doors swung open, and they have continued to swing open in ways that I can't even comprehend. And it was all because of giving, being able to give of yourself and I don't know about you, but for me, when I give, it's addictive it there's a feeling you get you get it's almost an endorphin rush. I'm sure there is some sort of endorphin rush, because I think that is something that we're programmed to cooperate with each other. And that's how our species has been able to grow into what we've grown into today.

Anthony DeNino 3:02
Yeah, absolutely. And you write about that endorphin rush, it's actually proven scientifically that that's one of the benefits that it received when you practice not only giving but also gratitude. And, you know, it's amazing to me in one of the things I wrote about in the book was how, when you practice giving when you practice gratitude, it can't be from the point of view of, okay, what's in it for me? I gave somebody I did something good today. Now, what do I get back? Simply put, and unfortunately, a lot of people fall into that I've in the past, I've fallen into that just expecting, you know, quid pro quo, right. But, quite frankly, I've found as I think you have as well, that when you just give or price gratitude for the sake of being thankful, or just trying to do something nice and positively impact people in your way, that that just means so much other people without that expectation. That's when things really start to flow. And it sounds like in your case, I know, in my case, that's when things really flow.

Alex Ferrari 4:10
Yeah, I mean, sometimes I'll just connect people, they're like, Oh, well, you know, have a friend of mine who will be able to do this for you that oh, well, you know, if anything comes out of it, I'll give you something I'm like, I don't care. at that. It's not it's not not even a thought of mine. I'm like, sure if you if you want to give me something great, I'm not going to stop you. But it's not my intention. And I'd much rather you guys make a connection and hopefully that will help you along your path. And I try to do that as much as humanly possible in day to day life, but the power of giving it is it is extremely powerful. And again, only knowing only from my experience of being of service and I'll use the term being of service when you're of service to people, which is different than writing a check. You know, you know, you can write a check but being of service to someone in another way is in many ways more powerful, I think because you're actually giving of your time giving of yourself as opposed to just writing a check or giving some money.

Anthony DeNino 5:13
Yeah, you're so spot on with that. Because you know, you give up yourself, you give your time you give your attention. Now you just show and go out of your way to let somebody else know, it could be a relative could be a parent or grandparents who, you know, are a lot older all of a sudden, and you really just want to let them know, Hey, I'm still here, and I still love you. And I still appreciate, you know, things you've done and things you continue to do. Just by having, you know, 30 minutes or an hour long conversation. I'm amazed and it's really come to life for me these last few years as my mom, she is now 91 years old. And yeah, and yeah, we have these conversations, and a lot of times, they're not always deep, you know, life changing, life altering conversations. But yeah, we each take the time to, to talk and to have a conversation, and she's just so filled, her heart is so filled with banks because of it. And it just helped me to realize that number one doesn't take a lot. Right. All it is is your time. And yes, I get it. We're all busy people, we have things to do. But the reward that comes in to her, and really, a lot of ways probably as much to myself are just incredible. And it's kind of like an addictive feeling. Once you get it, you want more, right? You want to make more people feel good. You want to feel better about yourself. So like anything new, if you're trying to develop a habit might be a little clunky at first. But once you get going once you start rolling. Yeah, it's a fantastic feeling, no doubt.

Alex Ferrari 6:53
And the there is a dark side to giving. And I think it's something we've talked we could talk about as well is that there are a lot of people in the world who love to take love to take. So there are these energy suckers, these these people who who are constantly just want and want and want. And when a giver comes along, then they they just they it's a match made in hell not in heaven. So again, there is a balance in you want to be kind, but you need to also respect yourself and not be taken advantage of in many in many ways. Maybe I'm off book, I'd love to hear what you think of that.

Anthony DeNino 7:35
Yeah, no, I get that. Totally. Look, I'm I'm in North Carolina right now. I'm born and raised in New York. And

Alex Ferrari 7:44
I couldn't I couldn't tell by the accent. I couldn't tell by the accents or at all,

Anthony DeNino 7:48
you know, you're not alone. When I start dropping my my consonants and everything,

Alex Ferrari 7:57
I'm gonna go get some coffee, and I'm gonna go through the day. I'm gonna go for the door. Let's go. Let's go. I was I was raised in New York as well, sir. points.

Anthony DeNino 8:07
Yes, the same thing applies. I couldn't tell it all. No, you're right, though, you do have to be careful. And, you know, here's the thing that I really found interesting. There was a an article written in the New York Times few years back. And it highlighted this gentleman was born and raised in Brooklyn, and Brooklyn, as you know, and for people who aren't familiar with Brooklyn, unfortunately, there's a lot of opportunities where people have their hands out a lot of the situations, unfortunately, due to homelessness, or they've taken a wrong turn in life. And, you know, they're Alan's streets are constantly begging in situations like that. And unfortunately, like I said, you see that a lot out there. But that said, you know, he was getting tired and frustrated. And he actually set a resolution. He said for the next year, regardless of who comes up to me and ask for money. My answer is going to be yes. So he took the thoughts that I often have, hey, was I just taken on this? It took that out. And he just did it, because he wanted to do it. And he wanted to be kind and just share what he had. If they asked for money. He always took out the lowest denomination he had and he gave it to him. It might be coins might be $1 bill or $5. Bill, but think about this. What if you just went to the ATM get 100 bucks out? Well, you know what they don't come out and singles or fives usually 20s some some had $10 bills, but usually $20 bills. So if somebody happened to ask, guess what you give them $20 bill, have a good day. And he did this for the entire year without having that worry of, you know, again, was I taken or is this bad mover made they're gonna buy alcohol with other drugs and he just helped for the sake of helping. So you know, it got me thinking a lot. Because I was kind of the same way that you were saying, you know, you have to be careful about certain things. And I'm just recommend that in those situations, at least for me, I'm usually a typically good judge of one of being taken, right? Or people trying to make that attempt. And I use my judgment, you know, those situations. And if I feel afterwards that that was taken, you know what I just say, Hey, you know what, God bless. So what this person for whatever reasons going on a certain journey, and I was here, and I hopefully I helped them made a difference. Hey, let's try to let it go at that point.

Alex Ferrari 10:39
Yeah. And I think there's, I think there's also a very powerful tool that we all have is that list listening to our inner voice listening to our gut, if you will, you know, five bucks, 10 bucks on the street by someone panhandling is not not a very big risk. Generally speaking. When I was talking about energy suckers, I'm talking about long term people in your life long term people who just keep taking and taking and taking and taking and taking, as far as that's concerned, but at a certain point, or even larger, larger deals. That inner voice, though, it almost it never fails me, I fail it. But it never fails me.

Anthony DeNino 11:21
Right. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding on my part. But yeah, I've had in currently have one of those situations in my life right now. And you're right, it is it is a battle. Because you know, you want to do right, and you want to help and you hope that this is the one time where it's finally going to click for this other person. That's not that you're like, you know, it's so much above, you know, everybody else in any kind of ways. It's just like, you know, through your experiences, you've learned what could help, and what could be effective? And you're just hoping it's the one time but it's your point? Yeah, I found at least that in those situations, there have been nights I've been tossing and turning, just worried about, did I do the right thing? Should I do more? How else can I make a difference, and it's tough. And, you know, for me, it got to the point where I ultimately decided that I wasn't going to chase as much, I'm going to do what I can when I can without it affecting my family. And, you know, if if the thought or the effort or the suggestion is taken, fantastic. And if it's not fantastic as well. But you know, it's such a weight sometimes. Because you want you want to do well, you want to help that person, and you know what a good person, maybe they are, at least in my situation, right? And there's only so much you can do. And I hate having that attitude. That certain things.

Alex Ferrari 12:54
I mean, when you see people make the same mistake again, and again, and again. And again, it's frustrating, especially if it's someone close to you. So it's an extremely, it's an extremely frustrating thing. But you know, depending who they are, you do what you can, as much as you can. But at a certain point, you have to figure out what's best for them. In your opinion, like is me giving more of my time or my efforts, or my energies or my connections or my money or whatever that is, is that actually helping or hurting them? So in other words, so perfect example, you were saying, you know, when you talk about the panhandler, you know, I could give a guy $100 a day on the side of the road, and everyday he's going to go spend $100 on alcohol at a certain point. Am I if you know this, are you hurting them more? Or is it just better to try to figure something else out, if you truly want to help, I always try to get food, I always try to give food to those, you know, give some sort of food and things like that. But But regardless of all that, I didn't mean to go down the road, I didn't want to go down the dark path, but it is a pet. It is another side. It's another side of giving. And we have to be practical about where we live in the world, not just in the world in general.

Anthony DeNino 14:06
Yeah, it is. But you know, here's another way maybe to think about it. At some point, you know, and some people write this off is Oh, you can't be selfish. But really in a way you're really giving yourself you giving to yourself in that situation where you realize that it may be time to let that person fly on their own. And you gave yourself in the way of giving peace of mind and a little more relaxation and letting them know you're always there for them. But just taking that internal pressure off yourself because you know, you know this probably as well if not better, better than I do. You know when you put that when you have that stress on you is so bad for you in terms of not just you know emotionally but who you are in terms of your physical well being. And so if you're looking for way maybe to, to kind of help yourself realize that it's not always the worst thing to step away, to realize that at that point, you're probably given to yourself, which sometimes we do need to be. I hate the word selfish. But sometimes we do need to put certain needs first. Because if I don't take care of myself, then I can't help other people. And I think that's very valuable lesson to learn. It's something, you know, one day, I think I learned it. Maybe not quite as well. But today is worth talking, I've learned that lesson very well,

Alex Ferrari 15:35
you know, and that's a really great point is that so many people that I know who are natural givers who just want to give, and you know, obviously, many moms in the world, many parents in the world, many brothers and sisters, people who just want to give and give and give. But if they're not in a strong place to give, yeah, they're destroying themselves and hurting themselves and not actually not being of service to the people you're trying to give to. So, you know, if you give yourself if you give to the point where you can't do anything else for yourself, then you're actually making doing a disservice to the people who you're trying to help, you must take care of yourself in at a certain level, to be able to have the strength and the power to give to others. And that might be financially that might be physically, that might be mentally, that might be spiritually emotionally, you have to have all that you got to have your house in order, before you start building other house, or giving to other people,

Anthony DeNino 16:38
you're so spot on with that because I actually write a portion in the book. And it talks about what I termed proportion, giving, right. So ideally, we'd love to a lot of people individually, would love to be able to write a check for $100,000 to this cause because it's going to do so much good in the world, it's going to help people out, it's going to make a difference, right. But if your salary is somewhere around, you know, $50,000 a year, and you have to take out a second mortgage on the house just to be able to do that. Right? At what point does that become disproportionate to really to what you can do. So proportion getting from me or for somebody out there, like beginning loose change. And that's fantastic, if that's what you can afford. And if that's what you can give in terms of financially. I think that's awesome. But, you know, in terms of the time and the energy and the efforts that we spoke about earlier, again, I still think you have to follow that rule. Because, you know, if you're fortunate enough, say to be independent, willfully, independently wealthy and retired, well, great, you have more of a time during the day, chances are to be able to do more things. However, if you're working nine to five, Monday through Friday, you have a job on the weekends, you have family obligations, on top of that, you probably can't get as much time. So you know, I say all this just to help, hopefully help people realize that as much as we all like to do more, we have to do really what we can and not, you know stretch ourselves and stress ourselves in the process.

Alex Ferrari 18:15
It's it's just one word balance says balance, you know, as much you've got to you got to have a strong base before you can give. And like I said, keep your house in order first before you start giving it to other. Now, you also the second part of the book is gratitude, which I've discovered, I discovered as well. Not that like not that long ago, honestly. But it is very powerful. Once you discover it. There is a there was a billionaire. I think he's the richest man in Japan. And they asked him What is the secret to your success? And he says, I use the dumb Arigato rule. Okay, which if I'm pleased if anyone speaks to Japanese, forgive me, or I got to I think means Thank you. If I'm not,

Anthony DeNino 19:11
I believe the term stands for Thank you very much. Right. So thinking about that song. Mr. Roboto.

Alex Ferrari 19:18
I got the I got the Mr. Roboto. So he says that he has the Oregon Domino data rule, which is, every time he receives money, he quietly says thank you. Every time he spends money, he says quietly. Thank you. Yeah. And it is something I've included in my life. I was like, well, that's simple. Let me do that. So anytime money comes into my life, I'm always saying I just say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Because there is there is an energy there is a power to gratitude. So I'd love to hear what you what your point of view is on that.

Anthony DeNino 19:57
Yeah, gratitude It has really opened up a lot of things for me. Not because all of a sudden I said, Hey, I'm going to start saying thank you for everything. No, because I came or I've come to realize just how precious things are in people are in situations in your life can be. So now when I say thank you, well, first of all, it's every day I wake up, yeah. first words out of my mouth are sadly in my mind, or Thank you, God, you know, for this day. Very, very sincere about that. Because as you know, nothing's promised, right? And it's a new day. And it's a day to hopefully impact more people and make more of a difference in other's lives, make a difference in my life, do something better accomplish something more. So thank you for that. With regard to money, I think you struck on something very important. When you're told about the Japanese billionaire, is that yes, it's wonderful to say thank you, but I get checks in the mail, or if I received some, at a speaking engagement, whatever it might be. And I'm just so thankful for it. But even now, this hasn't been the case for most of my life. But even now, I'm thankful for being able to write a bill out, because you know what, that means I can pay the bill. And that means I have something that means I've grown something, and, and I'm just so thankful to be able to write that check. It's just a good feeling, to be able to make that payment have that sense of accomplishment. But gratitude in my life is just really, throughout the course of the day, every day, is just taking a stronghold on who I am and what I tried to do and how I tried to help people and I tried to make a difference, if not the entire world, that at least in my corner of the world.

Alex Ferrari 21:51
So there was there was a guest I had on a little while ago that he was speaking to a guru, an Indian guru who he was a guru, but he was also extremely wealthy. And he told him, he's like, how did you become so wealthy and all this stuff? And, and you know, and he said to him, money is just a tool. If you believe anything else, you are lost forever. And it is so it's so interesting, because money in gratitude, as you know, like, we were just talking about money and gratitude, but it's energy. It's, you know, and I've, I've kind of realized that and I know, it's so hard for so many people just because I believe me, I was like when you're struggling, you can't pay the bills. I mean, we all been there. You know, I mean, I i've been hustling, you know, I got a word hustle on my, on my hat here. I've been hustling all my life. So I didn't I wasn't raised raised rich or anything like that. So I understood what it was like not to be able to pay bills. I understood the point, personally, where I almost went bankrupt because of bad decisions, financial decisions, and all that kind of stuff. So I get it. And and then if you're in that place, right now listening to this, he's like, yeah, you could be grateful. And you could be, you know, you could talk about money being energy, I'm like, but I need to pay the bills. And I'm like, sure, but it's hard to change that mindset. It's and I think you were saying it too earlier, when you are worried about some of your basic needs, like a roof over your head food. It's hard to think about anything else. It you can't be philosophical. The reason why why Socrates and Plato is, you know, were able to think like that is because they had slaves in ancient Greece, that did everything for them, and they could just sit around and think deep thoughts. So, you know, I mean, that's why the Spartans were the Spartans. I would just work out all day. My entire religion was about working out and war being worried. Yeah, I'd have a six pack. Oh, man, nobody else I'd be I'd be I'd be like one of those guys in 300. Right, but yeah, what did you I just wanted to hear what you thought about that whole concept.

Anthony DeNino 24:09
Well, yeah, I mean, I do think it's energy and you're right is such a fine line. Because, you know, you want to be you want to be this type of person and want to, you know, feel like you know, it's gonna turn out well, and everything's gonna be wonderful, man, once you're in the middle of it, it is really tough to see your way through that. And, you know, basically, you know, one of the things that I've done that's been really helpful for me is when I'm going through the one of those times Yeah, whether it's money related or just situationally related. Yeah, I think back let's let's stay on topic, the money for a second. I think back to times, there was like, Wow, there is no way I'm ever going to be able to, to pay this to afford this to, you know, get caught up in my bills. But yet you where I am today? Right? So in other words, you know, we focus on so much that that's happened that that's been negative. But bottom line is, you're here today. And you know, you're not in that situation, or maybe you are, but it's not as bad. Right? So, for me, it comes down to, that's being thankful for those difficult times, as well as the good times, but also trusting, trusting having faith. I don't know if you can see behind me, but is a whiteboard. And there's there's four things that that I meditate on pretty regularly. And one is clarity, just to be able to see things obviously more clearly for what they are. Second is focus to execute any type of a plan I have. The third one is confidence. And I don't think I'm alone when I say this, but even me is somebody, I'm the keynote speaker, I'm a motivational guy, tried to help people out and see things, you know, from different perspectives. You know, conferences is a thing for me, too, that I always have to, you know, keep top of mind. And lastly, is faith. Faith in myself, yeah. But also, at least in my beliefs, yeah, the power of the universe, and you know, God above. So those are four things that I consistently meditate on. And it just makes such a difference in my life. Not that we necessarily want to go into meditation today. But it has such a dramatic impact on the way I feel. It's just so amazing how things open up when you want to be able to get myself in that. What I would term right way of thinking,

Alex Ferrari 26:37
I'll tell you what, when I was at a place in my life, I always I wrote a whole book about this. But when I was at the lowest place of my life, I I was I was two days away from signing bankruptcy paperwork. I was literally, you know, I couldn't do any more. I was 27. I think 28. I might I just it was just so bad, bad situation, poor decisions, but really bad situation that apply more pressure, all this kind of stuff. And I literally sat in a room, and I yelled out to the universe. I said, Hey, man, look, I don't want to sign these papers. I want to pay back my debts. But I need some help. So if you don't send me help, I'm signing this papers. Yeah. And the next morning, I got a phone call from my very first boss, who said, Hey, they're looking for an editor up in Palm Beach. And I'm like, okay, I went up there, and I got the job. And, and then I was able to pull myself out of be, you know, work a lot of work. But I was a I was given the opportunity and the tools to do so. So it was kind of like the universities like University and send me a lottery ticket. The universe said, here's the door, you can solve your problems if you walk through that door and work hard. Yeah. And that's what I did. And then and then afterwards, I got another job. So I was doing two jobs at the same time. And I really, but it was just the power of just like, Hey, man. And I was very thankful.

Anthony DeNino 28:17
Yeah, I have this one thing that I tried to try to remember. And I tried to talk about with a lot of people and read a little bit about it in the book. And basically it goes like this, if you want to grow, must let go. And it sounds like that's what you did. You just let go of all everything that was weighing you down. And then suddenly doors open like that. Yeah, it wasn't like a month or three months or a year later, you asked for. And you received, you know, great want to be great things in a great path take you down.

Alex Ferrari 28:51
Yeah, exactly. And it was just in my life was able to launch from there, I was able to open up a business afterwards. And I was able to just take off off of there. But it was from that moment. And I was able to pay back my boss years later when he was in really bad trouble financially, and I was able to lend a helping hand to him because I told him that I'm like, you have no idea what you did. You save you saved my life at that moment. And I'm like, so I was able to return the favor years later, which was really nice. That's awesome. That's about to do as well. Now, the other thing that I'd love to talk to you about is the power of your thoughts. Because it is something that is difficult to control because this brain of ours is our best friend and our worst enemy all at the same time. I feel Yeah, because a negative thought I always love this example that Tony Tony Robbins said two years ago. He's like when Imagine if you went to a dinner party and you ate and it was a beautiful meal and you ate and you stuffed yourself and then the dessert tray comes and then that little voice in your head goes go ahead have that peace A cheesecake, you can work it out later, it's fine. So you eat the cheesecake. And then that night when you get home and you take your clothes off in front of the mirror, that same voice is saying, you fat pig, how dare you eat that cheesecake? It's the same. Like it's it's the same mind. It's so brutal in our minds. But I'd love to hear your but I'd love to hear your thoughts about thoughts and the power of of thoughts or what they can do for your life.

Anthony DeNino 30:31
Yeah, yeah, thanks for that question. everything to me, starts right up here. Every action you take, whether you're conscious about or not, and somewhere along the lines, it started, you know, up in your mind. Right? Not just actions, but reactions to situations right. They all start in your mind. I yeah, as you've seen my emails, and all, you'll see my signature line it says my name, Anthony de Nino. And underneath it says, quote, The smart guy. Well, a lot of a lot of people might change guy to another three letter word at the end. Bottom line is this smarts, an acronym. And in all sincerity, Alex is the heart and soul of what I believe it stands for success means acquiring right thoughts. Because I fully believe that with the right way of thinking, and here's the key taking action, you will, without exception, be able to create your reality. So what is it that you want out of life? Right? A lot of people think, Oh, well, I want to match and I want eight cars and millions and billions of dollars. And that's great if you want that stuff, and if that's really most important to you, but what is it that you really want? What is it that you really cherish? And you know, I'm here to tell you that, you know, in terms of what you mentioned, as far as universe and attracting things to you mindset, it all begins up here. And if you're able to create that swell of just positive emotions, throughout your day, whether it's through just your thoughts, whether it's through helping people, whether it's through practicing gratitude, I promise you the hour they say this, is when I speak to an audience that I guarantee, right that when you practice this, and take action, take the next necessary steps that go along with it, you're going to be blown away by the ultimate results of your life. So for me, the mindset, positive mindset is everything, it all begins up here, up there, it doesn't mean you can't have a negative thought. It doesn't mean that they're not going to creep in right to your thoughts. But what it does mean is that you're able to turn those thoughts back around. And if I may, actually. And I still laugh about it when I call it this, but I developed a program. And it's a simple three step program that really takes about 30 seconds for you to be able to enact and it's going to change any negative thought you have into a positive reaffirming thought, is it okay, if I go Yeah,

Alex Ferrari 33:12
please don't please go for it.

Anthony DeNino 33:13
Yeah, so so I call it program a FP simply put a is to acknowledge the thought F is for flip it. And B is for build on the flip. So essentially, you know, when you have a negative thought creeps in and starts getting you down. A lot of times where our tendency to do is to say, if you think for example, you have a project or something work and you can't do it, yeah, you had that thought outwardly, you say something different. But inside he like No way, man, I can't do this. Right? When you have that thought, a lot of times they'll say stop saying I can't get get it out of my head that I can't. And what you're ultimately doing is repeating your negative thoughts over and over. So it's really having the opposite impact of what you desired it to be. But by simply acknowledging the thought and saying, Okay, look, it's definitely going to be challenged, I get it. But then changing and flipping the negative connotation, from I can to maybe I can write, it's all of a sudden you saying, Okay, again, it's going to be a challenge. You know, but here's the thing, actually, you don't want to really think I can do this. And then you build on that flip. In other words, you start to give yourself reasons why not only going to be successful, but all the great things that will happen as a result. And I tell people have fun with this pot, right here, make it something outrageous, make it something that's just gonna make you smile and feel good. So for example, if if I had negative thoughts about being on your show, as our cheese people got to look at me, they're gonna say they're going to point out all the negative things and, and, you know, they're not going to believe what I'm saying. And I'm just not going to be good, right? Yeah, basically, I would just acknowledge the fear saying okay, I have Just saying that I'm saying why I'm thinking that way. But actually, you know, I've done shows not as cool. Not not having as cool host, as Alex obviously, obviously, obviously

Alex Ferrari 35:11
goes without saying.

Anthony DeNino 35:14
But But actually, you know, I can do this. And I could do this very well. In fact, you know what, I'm going to go on this show, oh, man, knock it out, baby, I'm going to have people from all over the world contacting me to find out, hey, what's my secret, and all of a sudden, this show that we're doing today is going to be the springboard for even greater and greater success. That's how well I can do this show. So essentially, what I did is if you knows the beginning, my tone of voice was low, low energy, right? And all of a sudden started getting stronger, and my shoulders went back, my voice got stronger. And I made a little silly, you know, at the end, but it was good for me because it makes me laugh, and it makes me feel good. And really, once you do that, and do it a few times, it really takes about 30 seconds, just to totally vanquish that negative thought. So yeah, when you starting out, like anything new, it's going to take you a little longer, so maybe, you know, worknc day about 45 seconds. After that, as you get better and better and stronger and stronger. It's something that I think

Alex Ferrari 36:19
you were saying something earlier about, you know, I want big matches ago that that example is like I want big matches, I want a car, it's all this kind of you know, all this kind of, you know, physical stuff. I spoke to one of my former guests, he he had the pleasure of meditating with the Beatles in India when they were in India. Wow. Yeah, it's it. You should listen to that episode. It's amazing episode, Paul. It's such a great conference that like he just happened to be there. He had heartbroken. And he woke up to the OSH ROM and they're like, sorry, you can't come in the Beatles are here. And he's like, well, I still need help. And they're like, okay, and he waited eight days outside, and they let him finally come in. And then he just started hanging out with the Beatles for I think it was eight days. While they were learning, transcendental meditation, all this stuff, and he got to talk to the Beatles. I mean, you know, like, like, you and I are talking like, they're not the Beatles. They were just Breck, john, Paul, George, and Ringo. So he's talking to George. And he said, and George said something that was so profound. And it's so interesting, because there's really very few people on the planet who can say what he said, he goes, I have more fame than anybody else on the planet. At that, at that moment, we're talking to the 60s, mid 60s. Sure. The Beatles were the most famous human beings on the planet. No doubt, I have more money than I can ever do anything with. I have more stuff. It means nothing. It means nothing to me. And that's why I'm here to find something else, to look inward. To discover what the true meaning of why I'm here is because it can't be just to acquire a mansion and eight cars. Right? But I just wanted to kind of point that story out for people listening because because a lot of people think about like, Oh, I want stuff stuff stuff. And when I was younger, I know who you are. I'm sure as well. Like, I want this car, I want that car. I want this and that. Because we all want to live comfortably. But at a certain point as you get older you start realizing what's really important because once I don't know who said this, please like, I don't know about you, but I've never seen a hearse with a u haul attached to it. Great line I want to create I forgot who said it, but it was like What an amazing line because it's true you never see with the you all because you can't take it with you. So it's about what can you do while you're here which and I think everything we're talking about giving and gratitude and how you control your thoughts. It's all focusing towards doing being of service to not only yourself, but to the world in general and finding that thing inside you. That makes you special like you what you're doing like you found it took you a minute to find this right to find your path. You know, I'm sure I'm sure at 15 you're like you know what I'm gonna do a major league ballplayer. You too. You too. I was actually I was gonna be a triple threat. I was gonna do baseball, football and basketball. I'm 510 so Jackson, I'm five tensor.

Anthony DeNino 39:32
You towering over me, I'm about five, eight. On a good day. So it's all good man. Yeah, the is the thing about what you said to I think it was Wayne Dyer. As far as finding yourself. He said, If I don't go within, I go without. That's great man. To me. It's just like, Wow, it's so true. Just getting to know what you want it and feeling it and know it and understanding it and then being able to put that out to the Man, just just awesome. One of my favorite quotes of all time,

Alex Ferrari 40:04
and for people, and for people listening, you know, both Anthony and I found are I mean, I'm speaking for myself, but I'm assuming this is your calling. This is why you think you're here and why you believe you're here is to help people and to go down the path that you're going down. I found both of us found it later in life. You know, I found mine six years ago. And I was like, Oh, wait a minute. This really makes me happy. Oh, I'm also helping people. Oh, it's financially rewarding as well. Oh, it's so I'm clicking a lot of boxes off here. Maybe I should keep going down this road. But it took me years to define this. So people listening if you don't have it at 21 Don't worry, okay. Hey, listen, The Beatles were the Beatles. were figuring it out in India. In the mid 60s. They were just like, Alright, we read all these amazing records. Now. What?

Anthony DeNino 40:57
Now? What exactly. Now, but when it's so true, and you're right about pegging me that way because, yeah, my whole thing like, like, we were just joking about growing up as I was gonna be, you know, ballplayers no doubt about it, you know,

Alex Ferrari 41:10
in a million a billion other kids Of course,

Anthony DeNino 41:12
of course. Especially welcome northeast right. And yeah, had a little talent but it never at that level obviously played a little bit in college. But big deal, right? It was just was never that the answer that level. And I'll tell you, honestly, my first few years of working, even though I had no right to be upset by it again, because the talent just wasn't there. Even though I had no reason to be upset by it, it's it's still like, bugged me. Yeah. Here I am. 2324. And it's still just really, really hurt. And I just had no idea. I went to college, I graduated, got a degree and all that stuff. But it wasn't what I wanted to do was my passion in selling initially medical supplies, and then the real car industry, then this industry and that industry. The one job I had over 25 years. So different, like Sales and Marketing Management type roles. The one job I liked was in baseball. I got to work for the triple A affiliate down here in Charlotte, North Carolina, for about three and a half years. So that was the one job I had.

Alex Ferrari 42:21
Because you were close. You were still close to it, but not close to Harvey. Yeah. Well, you know, listen, I mean, I wanted to, I wanted to do so many different things growing up. And you know, and as I mean, I was I was, I am director and I directed movies and other things like that. But I always wanted to be, be I want to be Spielberg. Everybody wants to be Spielberg. Everybody wants to be Kubrick. Everybody wants to do that. And, and that's fine to have those, those kinds of dreams. But you have to, you know, you have to understand also that, you know, when you're comparing yourself to the best that ever did it. No, you know, it's like, if I'm going to, you know, play music, you can't start off with Mozart, or the Beatles, you know, like, you can't start at that that's not the point. You should be like, start that's not your starting point. It's not you start so you tell you like I'm sure you were looking at all the baseball players that you wanted to emulate but sure, but there's a handful of there's just a handful of human beings who can play these and for that, yeah, that would play at that level. You know, you look at Michael Jordan in bed and basketball or sure Bo Jackson and and everything that he did back in the day. I mean, these human beings, they come along once you know that, at that level, even the, even the other ballplayers who are professional ballplayers looked at Michael Jordan and said, damn it, I'll never be you know, it's like, so many other before these steps on the court, right? Like, if like, if you're a band you like, I'll never be the Beatles. And it's okay. Because you're not supposed to be. Right. So you just gotta find out, though. It's not you. But that's the thing. And that's the ego. That's ego. That's pure ego, like, Oh, you know, I can't like, my whole thing is I talked about this, a lot of my other shows is about when is Hollywood going to come and figure out my genius? Like, when are they going to discover my genius? And I always joke about it like with other people, because that's what a lot of filmmakers, young filmmakers, young artists think that like, how dare they not understood they know who I am, though? I'm sure you were like, why didn't the Yankees call? Like, I don't understand this? Oh, Mets. It's one contract. Okay, okay. Why didn't the Mets call I could do the eggs. Of course, if they came with a check, and I was about this. I promise you if the Yankees called right now, you'd be like, yeah, I probably swallow my pride. Yeah. It'd be a tough it'd be a tough pill to swallow. I understand. Yeah. But um, But it is something that is very interesting about finding your way and finding your path and life. And I guess it's only from you know, you and I are of similar vintage. So when we get up to this, this place in our journey, you can look back a bit and go, Okay, I get it. And yeah, but when you're younger, it's hard to see, like, Oh, I'm not failing, I haven't found what I was. We're gonna change 2030 times. I don't know how many times we're gonna change before we find what we're supposed to do.

Anthony DeNino 45:31
Yeah, we, yeah, I never used to buy into this. Of course, this is when I was younger, you have a bad experience and life experience. But now it's like, Holy mackerel, all these people are geniuses. If only I listened back then, because it's so true. There's just so much that, yeah, especially when the younger you don't, it's just, you don't have any frame of reference to really draw from even if you did listen to like, a parent or an older brother or sister or aunt, uncle, whomever, until you actually go through it, you really don't have the true sense of what is actually happening, you know, at that point, and, you know, I'm, yeah, I've never liked to go back. I was like, think forward, not always successful. But I was like to try to think forward, right. But I do say to myself, you know, if there was some way, I can impart this wisdom to my 20 something your old self? That would be awesome. And then I realize that you wouldn't be using

Alex Ferrari 46:35
it. Not only would he listen to me anyway, but then you wouldn't be you anymore. You had to go through what? You had to go through the train and the pain that you went through. And I think when you're younger, man, you're just so full of ego. Because you don't especially males, especially males. Oh, yeah, that we we were so full of ego. It's hard. It's hard to find a centered 20 year old. I'm not saying that they don't exist. But like someone who's like I've let I've left the ego behind. That's a very difficult thing for for gurus are 80 or 90 to let go.

Anthony DeNino 47:09
It is that's the dodo bird right there. Yes, you can't find anywhere.

Alex Ferrari 47:16
I think I but as you get older, the life kind of just kind of hammers you. The hammers you down a bit, not a bad way. But just you just start realizing you can, you can only get hit in the face so many times before you realize, hey, maybe I shouldn't stand there. Sure. But when you're when you're younger, you're the thought process is like maybe I should move know, when you're younger, like I can take it. And that's

Anthony DeNino 47:42
right. Well, and here's the thing to it. But it's not just as you knows, that's just people in the yoga business for seven years now. And I'm 54. So I started, they say there's no perfect time to like, have kids, you know, as a parent, right. And there's probably no perfect time really to start a business. I think, though, that I discovered the worst possible time to start a business. But here I am. And that that had to do with my one daughter going to an out of state, very, very expensive college. And, you know, my older daughter getting ready, and just a whole bunch of series of events. But you know what, it's seven years later. And here I am today. And I've gotten through that. So So for people who are maybe a little more older, a little more seasoned, right, and you feel you haven't really found, really what makes you happy. Keep looking, keep plugging away, because it's there. And sometimes, like we kind of touched on earlier, sometimes you have to just let it go. And just let it come to you. And, you know, don't, don't ever give up on your dreams. Don't ever give up on your journey. Don't ever give up on what it is that you want to do and accomplish that you feel it's gonna make you happy. Because not only does it impact you in a positive way, but impacts other people around you in such a profound way. Gosh, I remember my wife telling me that she got so bad for me with with jobs and just wanting to get out of that cycle. That's us, like, Oh my god, I was worried about you. Like, I was never gonna do anything to hurt myself. But I was very, was not myself. I wasn't full of energy. I wasn't excited about things, you know, it's just draining. So, you know, again, just getting back to giving gratitude, right you realize things in life, and you come to appreciate why things maybe weren't difficult earlier on. And they've kind of helped to show you where you going. So then giving you more giving or at least that thought process and especially gratitude in my life really came into focus, but things just, you know, got spit at least on a well being and happy with who I am and happy with what I'm doing level and things just took off.

Alex Ferrari 49:59
I mean and so thankful for it. And how stubborn are we that it took us, you know, a couple decades to figure this out? That we were angry and bitter and pissed. And there would be like, in there'd be moments that you had like, okay, I could do like the three years when you were with the AAA but like, Ah, this is not okay, I can, I can do this, this is this I can do this I can do but you know, doing and I did the same thing with my world is like I was my wife cuz you know, our wives are our witness of our life. Were the closest people to us. She's like, I've seen this, you're so happy now. I've never seen you this happy. And she's like, you need to keep doing this. You know? Yes. Can we make money? Great. Let's just keep doing this then. And don't worry about the other things anymore. Because your hat because, you know, yeah, happiness is so, so valuable.

Anthony DeNino 50:49
Yeah. It really is. And, you know, sometimes it takes, you know, being kicked a little bit or down a little bit to realize just how much you have. You know, I mean? Yeah, if you look at my home, for example, and the cars I drive, or the clothes I wear whatever material things that a lot of people pay attention to. Right? You might say, you know, okay, he does okay for himself. But you know, what, I'm a heck of a lot happier doing okay for myself. Versus you know, the the person who seemingly on the outside has so much more, but inside he or she's just like dying? Oh, it's just give me what I have now, every day, you know, and again, jump back 20 years, I might have fought that a little bit. But now I'm like, Hey, I'm where I'm at. I feel I'm going up. Yeah, we're going to continue to grow, we're going to continue to impact people, and we continue to help people and the financial stuff is going to continue to work out this thumbnail is going to be bigger and better ways.

Alex Ferrari 51:57
Yeah, it's, it's funny, because when you're saying these things, a thought a picture comes into my mind of the, the new gi who just got off the helicopter going into war. And he walks up to the, to the veteran Sergeant there, or the sergeant there who's been he's done two or three tours. And the kids like, let me go, let me go, let me I want to get this kid away from me, he's gonna kill me. And where that where the where the battle hardened? Sergeant at this point, and but when we were younger, we never thought that way, like we never thought about because it's just experienced man. And he can't underestimate life experience. You can't underestimate just the realities of this world. And when you when you get a glimpse of the realities of this world, and they can be positive or negative, it depends on how you approach everything. You start going, Oh, okay, I needed to go through that. So I'm grateful for this. And, and it's, it's so powerful. And I think if you apply the giving, the power of giving and the power of gratitude in your life, even as early of an age as you can, or as late as you because I know guys who are older than me who still haven't figured it out. I'm sure I'm sure you know, a couple of what I do, I wherever stage you are in life, I think that that power of giving and gratitude really will help you a long way to opening those doors that might be closed for you. Which brings me to my last two questions. What do you believe your mission is in life?

Anthony DeNino 53:29
I, you know, I definitely have goals, I definitely have desires and ambitions, I'm pushing for it, you know, and I'll share some with you of course, you know, it's to continue on the track that I'm on. But, you know, for me, I'll say this out loud, I believe in power, putting things out there. Right. So, so for me, it's positively impacting billions. Just it, you know, it's great to do what I do locally, I've been fortunate enough to go you know, state and give nationwide, you know, keynote talks, the different states throughout the country. You know, for me, it's it's a blow up and go global in such a way and again, when I say that, it's the money will be nice that will come along with that don't get me wrong, but it's really not about that. It's more about just having that impact. It's more about being able to one day, hopefully in about another 100 years or so when when it's time for me to move on from this life. We've all looked back, it just feel just feel good and accomplished about what what it is that you know, during this time. Like I said, I have certain things that I want to do and accomplish. But here's the thing too. One of the things I've also learn through experience is to also be open and be open to maybe things changing and maybe things you know, working out now. Not as you saw it, you know, three years, five years 10 years ago, but as its presenting itself now, when that happens, yeah, be open to receiving. And why do you think we're all here? I think we're all here. Yeah, one of the things I write about in the book is the meaning of life. Yeah, one of the things we all ponder and have these deep philosophical discussions and talk about our local bar is right over over a beer or a drink. To me, it really is, and sorry, to sound corny or to sound like I'm plugging my book, I'm really not. But the thing about it is to me, what I've learned is giving in it is practicing gratitude into others, helping others making a difference in their lives. being thankful for the opportunity, being able to to just have whatever it is that you do have may not be as much as everybody else, but being thankful for what it is you do have, the people you have in your life, the things that you are able to do, versus focusing on what you're not.

Alex Ferrari 56:05
Anthony has been a pleasure talking to you, man, thank you so much for being on the show and and writing the book, The Power of giving and gratitude. And I and where can people find out more about you?

Anthony DeNino 56:17
Yeah, I think you go to my website at creating our reality.com Welcome to check out my book on Amazon. On Barnes and Noble. It's available in paperback. It's available as an audio book. You can download it as well. So multiple ways to get it. And just appreciate people checking me out. I'm on LinkedIn and all social media as well. If you'd like to connect, I'm always open to that. the meantime, Alex, man, thank you so much. This is this was a blast. I appreciate the opportunity. Come on today.

Alex Ferrari 56:48
Thank you, my friend.