Next Level Soul Podcast Episode 263
Robin Landsong shares her childhood near-death experiences with Alex Ferrari: the singing that called her back, the guides she says she met, and how years of healing led to what she calls fruition.
Key Takeaways
- Robin describes nature and art as what carried her through a hard childhood.
- She says she remembered her purpose and chose to return, called back by singing.
- She describes a second experience in which someone sang to her that she would live.
- Robin says healing took years, and that fruition and creativity followed.
- She says connection and compassion, turning toward yourself and saying I see you, are central to healing.
A Childhood Held by Nature and Art
Robin Landsong grew up on the East Coast of the United States, and she tells Alex Ferrari that surviving her early years was a struggle. She places her story in a wider family context, and she is clear about what she says carried her through: nature and her art.
She spent a lot of time in the woods behind her house, and she drew there. For Robin, those hours outdoors were a direct source for remembering beauty, and for remembering that there was something greater than what she was living through.
Alex points out that a child with no other reference point may simply assume this is how everyone lives. Robin says she began to notice the difference when she saw other children being nurtured and held. She also says that children so often decide something must be wrong with them. That is the ground her later experiences grew from.
Finding Belonging in a Village
Robin says that in 1977, when she was eight, she found herself in rural Rhodesia, which is now Zimbabwe, during a civil war. She shares a few moments of the singing that first drew her toward a village: women grinding corn together, looking at one another, with warmth between them.
She describes them as the first adults she had met who were so alive, with music inside them, and every gesture seemed to come from the song moving through their bodies. The village took her in. Children touched her hair, a girl brought her to a ceremonial fire, and one of the women sang to her and called her closer.
Robin calls this her first deep experience of belonging, and the first time she felt held. She says the women invited her to sing back to them, and that once she could sing with them, they considered her well and said she would go through life well.
The First Experience: Light, Guides and the Great Heart
After a sudden act of violence near the river, Robin says her awareness rose above her body. She describes moving through a fast tunnel while feeling completely held. In her words, she no longer had to fight to survive. She could simply rest and be taken where a wise source was taking her.
She describes a golden place, two presences in yellow dresses who touched her face, and a golden glowing sphere where she says she could be fully restored. She recognized the presences as sisters she had known for lifetimes. Because she still wanted to stay connected to her village family, she says she was sent backwards through layers, to a worn stone stairwell.
There, Robin says, an elder man offered his hand. She saw herself through his eyes and understood that nothing was wrong with her. He showed her they would dive into the night sky together, and told her without words that this was dying: held, guided and graceful. Later she met a peaceful being with a shepherd’s staff, whose face changed into a man from the village and then a lion. He showed her vast lines of connection, like gems, that she says we strengthen through a loving heart, generosity and compassion.
Choosing to Return
Robin says she could keep rising toward what she calls the great heart, the source that she says sang her into being. But she also heard her village mother singing and calling on the ancestors to call her back to life.
That reminded her of her purpose, which she describes as singing people back to life. She says she turned around, knowing she could still belong with the great heart. On the way back through the tunnel, she met a being she perceived as a golden cougar, who told her that images would come for her to draw, to remind her and others that we belong to source.
At the veil between the living and the dead, she says, she met a being she calls the grandmother of all races, who sang inside her like a cathedral and told her she always belongs. She came back to her body fragile and in pain, and she says she was changed, with a new ability to sense people’s inner worlds.
A Second Experience: You Will Live
Robin says a second experience came about two days later, and that it was entirely different. When she became aware, she was in a white landscape and someone was singing to her, in a simple tune like a nursery rhyme, that she would live. She asked to see who was singing and was moved closer to a veil.
On the other side, she saw a seated blue being with a black bun on top of his head, whom she describes as masculine and feminine at once, a destroyer, creator and restorer. She says she understood this as Shiva, though she did not recognize it for a long time. She felt small in his presence.
He showed her mountains rising and coming down, and Robin says the message was that what looks like total destruction breaks open the ingredients for new creation. She says he returned her to her body and guided her with short instructions of about three words at a time. She says it was his will that kept her going, and that he told her this would come full circle.
Seeing What You Need
Alex asks whether religious ideas from her upbringing shaped what she saw. Robin says she was not raised Christian, nor Hindu, although she was steeped in American culture. Some people might call the shepherd figure Jeshua, and she saw Shiva in the second experience, yet she had no exposure to Hindu imagery.
Her view is that we see what our soul needs for healing and recovery. Alex shares that in his conversations with many experiencers, each experience seems built for the person having it.
Robin says she did not name her experience as a near-death experience until she was 42, and that other people helped her recognize the figures. She wrote her account as a straight record of her direct experience as a child, without interpretation, because she believes the meaning belongs to each reader.
Years of Healing and the Fruition
Robin is honest that her path was long. She says that on the other side of what she calls the gritty years of healing, there is fruition: art that comes through her like a river, and intuition that comes easily.
She says her own healing took about 30 years and included therapy, movement, dance and eating well. She offers this as her personal story, not as medical advice, and she says kindly that there is no quick jump to where she is now. Her message to anyone early in the process is to keep taking the next step.
Asked to name the biggest takeaway from her experiences, she answers that we are indestructible. She says she would not choose to erase what happened, because that is simply how her reality unfolded.
Connection, Compassion and a Fulfilled Life
Robin returns again and again to connection. She says connection with safe people and with nature is the antidote to isolation, and that healing happens in relation to others. Even a self-help book, she notes, is a relationship with the author.
Her definition of a fulfilled life is heart-open connection with yourself, others, your body and the present moment: a warm breeze, a tart with cardamom, art that seems to come through your hands. She defines God as the great heart, the place where we were born out of song.
To her younger self she would say that she is lovable and just fine as she is. Her parting message is that compassion means turning toward yourself and saying, I see you. You belong, you matter.
Please enjoy my conversation with Robin Landsong.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Robin Landsong?
Robin Landsong is a near-death experiencer, author and artist who joins Alex Ferrari on Next Level Soul. She shares her childhood experiences and what she says they taught her about connection and healing. Her work, she says, includes helping people come home to their bodies and their creativity.
How old was Robin during her near-death experiences?
Robin says she was eight years old, in 1977, in rural Rhodesia, which is now Zimbabwe. She describes two experiences, a few days apart. She says she did not name them as near-death experiences until she was 42.
What does Robin say called her back?
Robin says she heard her village mother singing and calling on the ancestors to call her back to life. That reminded her of her purpose, which she describes as singing people back to life. She says she turned around, knowing she could still belong with the great heart.
What is the great heart?
The great heart is Robin’s name for source, or God. She describes it as the place of origination where we were born out of song. She says it sang her into being, and that she always belongs there.
What happened in her second experience?
Robin says she was in a white landscape while someone sang to her that she would live. She describes a seated blue being whom she understood as Shiva, who showed her that apparent destruction can open the way to new creation. She says he returned her to her body and guided her, and told her this would come full circle.
Why does Robin think she saw the figures she did?
Robin says she was not raised in either Christian or Hindu traditions. Her view is that we see what our soul needs for healing and recovery. Alex adds that, in his conversations with experiencers, each experience often seems custom built for the person.
What does Robin say about healing after trauma?
Robin says healing took her about 30 years, and that there is no quick jump to the fruition she now enjoys. She says that turning toward compassion and connection with safe people and nature helped her. This is her personal story and not medical advice, so please seek qualified support for your own situation.
What is Robin’s message about compassion?
Robin says compassion means turning toward yourself and saying, I see you. She believes that when we stop avoiding our full range of experience, we come back into wholeness. In her words, you belong and you matter, and that is all we really need for healing.
Keep Exploring
- Dr. Jeffrey Long on near-death experiences
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Follow Along with the Transcript
Robin Landsong 0:00
There's so many times I could have been taken out. And in the morning I went and I heard the women singing. And their singing is different than my singing. But I'm just going to share just a little bit of that calling. What what drew me in to connect to them? showy Lea, no way Oh, and they were grinding corn. And they were together and they were looking at each other and there was warmth.
Alex Ferrari 0:39
I'd like to welcome to the show Robin Landsong How you doing Robin?
Robin Landsong 0:43
I am great!
Alex Ferrari 0:44
Thank you so much for coming on the show. I really, really appreciate it. I'm going to just dive right in, because you've had a very interesting, I mean, your your near death experience is pretty. From what I've seen, this is a horrific scenario, but inspiring at the same time. So can you tell me first of all, what was your life like prior to your near death experience?
Robin Landsong 1:09
And so I really like to place that in generational context. And that when parents don't have their natural instinct to care for their young, like all mammals care for their young. So what happened generationally to get born into a family, that's the parents aren't caring for their children and actually harming their children. So I was in that circumstance, and not being watched or attended to being exposed to a lot of unsafe adults. And so that's the context from which I, the man who abducted me, spotted me as an unprotected child, and chose to abduct me.
Alex Ferrari 1:45
So what we're so prior to prior to your near death experience, or abduction, what was your life like? Did you I mean, was it you were just basically on not taking look not looked after by your parents?
Robin Landsong 1:58
And I was, I was like, I'm an American. So I was living on the East Coast in America. And I was eight years old. And, you know, it really been a struggle to survive. And, and really what restored me what kept me alive was nature and my art.
Alex Ferrari 2:14
Okay, so you were able to channel source energy through your artwork, essentially,
Robin Landsong 2:19
Very much. Yeah. Do you know spider graph? Oh, yeah, that's, that's I just spider graph I drew, I spent a lot of time in the woods behind my house. And so those were Yeah, like you say, that's the direct source to remember beauty. And remember that there was something greater than what I was living through.
Alex Ferrari 2:36
And when you were going through that a such a young, I can't even imagine at such a young age, your coping mechanism was your art? And was nature essentially correct? Did you know that you were in a bad situation or a negative situation, like by seeing other friends or other children and saying, Oh, this is not normal. Because when you're born into a scenario like that, and you have no other reference point, you just think this is just the way everyone lives until you see, oh, this is not normal.
Robin Landsong 3:05
I could, I could notice other kids who looked like their parents cared for them. And especially like when a mom would actually, you know, nurture and hold and take care of my friends, then I noticed the difference. And I just kind of consider them a different kind of child. And that this was my life. And you know, and so often kids internalize, well, there must be something wrong with me that I'm not getting loved in that same way.
Alex Ferrari 3:30
So tell me what happened. Tell me about your near death experience.
Robin Landsong 3:35
So it was 1977. So post Vietnam War. And like I said, exposed to a lot of unsafe adults. And one of them spotted me and said, he, I believe as best as I've been able to put together, there was a Soldier of Fortune magazine was actually recruiting soldiers, Vietnam vets to fight in the Rhodesian war, because the Rhodesian government didn't have enough people on their side. So theoretically, as best as I can put together, here, there is a spring edition of that soldier Fortune magazine that was literally inviting like, Come, there was an advertisement come via man among men, you can have a gun in your hand, and be here will even send you money for that ticket. So I believe he was going to fight in that war. And in his mind, he was going to get a daughter, which is me. And so he watched that I walked home from school, and picked me up after right at the end of the school year and abducted me. And it was, people ask, did you know he was mentally not well, and of course, he was threatening my life right away. And so the strange thing about already being an abuse survivor is I was already quite quick to respond to use my intuition to read adults and figure out what do I need to be to survive their mental health process and what how they see me and what do I need to become to be what they need. So, so yes, he threatened my life he, he took me he drugged me. I don't remember the flight. But when I became conscious again, I was in Rhodesia, which is now Zimbabwe, and on a military base. And my every moment was just figuring out how I was going to survive. And the one moment I, I just, I defied him, because I didn't actually want to be alive anymore. And so he assaulted me, he broke all my ribs on one side. And it was really somebody else pulling him away from me, but they probably threatened him with again, to get him away from me. And so I was hospitalized. But again, this is 1977, during a height of a civil war, so he just came to the hospital and got me and no one stopped him. And he ended up getting me to another man, I don't know the exchange of that nature of that exchange, whether, you know, there was money exchanged at all. And that man ended up losing me in the bush. And so from there, again, height of the Civil War, some of the more extreme soldiers, they actually found me put me in a truck with them, took me back to their base, and had an argument over me whether one wanted to save me because I was a child, and one monitor shoot me. And, and though my body just said, I don't want to feel being killed. So I went, I went down, I went into what's called just nervous system shutdown, which is a state of mercy, all animals can do this. And so I went unconscious. And when I woke up again, the man who had won the argument to save my life was taking me from that most dangerous area, to the border between Rhodesia and South Africa. And he was basically handing me over to a village and kind of, he spoke another language, which is vendor. And so he was kind of gesturing. Like, go there a little girl go be with those people in that village. So I, I didn't go into the village yet. I spent a night in a tree by myself. I didn't know that, you know, animals can climb the tree. There's so many times I could have been taken out. And in the morning, I went and I heard the women singing. And they're singing is different than my singing, but I'm just going to share just a little bit of that calling. What what drew me in to connect to them. *singing*
And they were grinding corn. And they were together. And they were looking at each other. And there was warmth. And I had never met adults who were so alive who lived with music inside them, who their every gesture was about the singing that was coming through their body. And so they spotted me a white child. And and keep in mind, this is rural, rural Rhodesia, there's no mixing of races, like white people are over here, and black people are over here. And so to see a white child, they just had to assume that my parents had been killed that I was Rhodesian, and that I was just running, you know, trying to find a safe place myself. So they fed me they took me in the children were really the my first experience of belonging, they were coming over and touching my white skin and my hair that was more blonde then. And they really welcomed me in. And one of the girls took me to this ceremonial fire, and was putting black ash on my face to make me look more like them. And it was my first softening. Like, I was so rigid, I was so tense. And it was my first deep experience of belonging. And again, one of the women sang to me. And in that moment of, she was calling me closer to her. And I literally collapsed into her arms. And it was the first mothering the first being held that I'd ever experienced in my eight years. So I thought this is my new life. I didn't understand the full context of the Civil War. The women took me to the river and put clay on my broken ribs. That was a huge purple bruise and again sang to me. And then they called me to sing back to them. And when I could sing with them, they considered me well, they consider you're going to be okay, that the hatred from his assault is off you and you're going to go through life well. So this river was a positive place to me. And one day I ventured back and I ventured to the at River, and I didn't know that there was a battle starting right on the other side of the river. And so one of the soldiers, again, I've interviewed people, they're the best I can put together, he was scouting the area. And so he spotted me right across, you know, this is a very small small river had a creek. And he spotted me there by myself dressed in the African clothes. And because the women had dressed me as their own, and immediately he brought up his gun. And when I saw his gun barrel, my heart was so broken, it was just, you know, the circle. I knew he was lined up right here. And I couldn't understand how the people of this village found me valuable found me precious found me worthy of caring for and being part of, and how could he see me as just erasable as disposable. So before I could even turn to run, I was so close, I actually saw him pull the trigger. And I heard the gun go off. And what I now know is that scopes are designed for long distance. So he was so close, the scope was off. So the bullet grazed the top of my head. It blew me off my feet, I fell to the ground, immediately was bleeding out. And I was praying for someone from my village to come find me and to help me. And what happened was my consciousness, my awareness went above my body. I was looking down and I was watching my lifeforce, ebb in and out of my body. And I thought, if that doesn't go back in and stay in my body, that's the end of me. And so whatever doubt, and then I had one more time going back in my awareness went through my heart through the back of my heart. And I went into a tunnel that was so fast, but I was completely held, I was being transported somewhere else. And there was a freedom, a piece of I no longer had to fight to survive, I no longer had to do all I could to keep this body alive, I could just rest and be held, and be taken where I was going where this wise source was taking me. And when I landed, at first, I couldn't really perceive very much, but eventually I could kind of open or my new eyes. And I was seeing that it was a golden light area. And that there was two female presences with me. And they were touching my face. And I realized, oh, I have a face. And they were bringing me back to being able to see the whole area I was in. And they gestured their hands over to a golden glowing sphere. And I remember that golden glowing sphere that I could go in there and be fully restored. And that the energy of that source wouldn't be diminished at all, by all my need. And the women were at their skin was black, and they had yellow dresses. And I knew them. I remember them as my deepest sisters, that they had always been there to greet me and I'd known them for lifetimes. And so they were gesturing Oh, you can go home to source. But I wasn't done with my African family. I wanted them to still be part of I want to be connected to them because they were the first people who really loved me. And so I started wondering, Where have they gone? Why am I separated from them. And this wondering this, kind of not being ready to go home to source yet sent me backwards. And I started falling backwards through layers through layers. And I landed in this new place which wasn't quite as warm. It was more like Ireland on a cold cloudy day. And I was at this bottom of this stairwell. And it was it was kind of cold and I looked at this stairwell and it was so worn because so many people had walked down the stairwell and I thought I must be someplace important because so many people have journeyed here before so I was a bit disoriented and I was kind of wishing for some help but but again, I was a very defended child. So this elder man showed up right in front of me. I didn't know where he came from. And he looked old and rickety and he was offering his hand to help me up. And again, I wanted help but I was fighting help. So many abused children do. And so I finally accepted his help. And he led me down a stairwell, this more stone stairwell into, we went through a stone archway into this dark cave. And I thought, Oh, I had it better before, why am I going to this dark cave. And I didn't understand at that moment that I still had more to purify, more to clear out before I could go home to source. And in that dark cave was all my repressed emotion, all my disturbance about having been abused. So I was getting confronted with the faces of the people who had abused me. And I was recoiling and fighting the whole experience. And I turned to him to want to run away. But in that moment, I saw myself through his eyes, that there was nothing wrong with me, that made the abuse happen in the first place. It was really the deep confusion and lostness of the adults I was surrounded by. And he wasn't trying to fix me or change me, because I was okay already. And when I felt that through my whole heart through my whole being, I was done with a dark cave. And we came out to another landscape that was living stars in the sky. And I suddenly understood this man could go anywhere. And he chose to come help me to not get lost in my own dark cave. And so my faith in Him, radiated through every part of me. And I put my hands in his mouth. I said, Where are we going next? And telepathically he told me, we're jumping off this cliff, we're diving into the night sky. And we're allowing ourselves to fall into this next freedom, this next layer. And so I did that I was falling with him. And we were like birds going through the night sky. And he said, to me, this is dying. And so I knew dying was held, guided, and graceful. And so we fell through that night sky until we were in morning sunrise. And again, there was the golden glowing sphere. And he gestured and telepathically said, go there, little girl. And then he departed past remind, but I was changed. I had some of his wisdom, some of his allowing Grace inside me.
And so I was breathing that in and breathing that out. But again, I thought of my African family, and I wanted to share all of this with them. And so I wondered where they went, where are they? And that curiosity, again, took me away from going directly home to source and took me down into another landscape, where I was searching for them. And I started to get worried, what if they've been shot? What if something has happened to them, and I got very panicked in my search for them. And again, I didn't understand that it was I was seeing into the future, and that again, this was war. And that I had this fear that they were that they were fallen, they had been taken down. And, and so I was in that panic, but then again, a grace came through me a humbling and accepting, and I cried until I was like a storm cleared out. And I understand now that was preparing me for what was gonna happen later in the war. So after I was done crying, I found another being in this open green field. And he was the presence of peace. He was I saw him as a man, he had a beard. He had a sheepherder staff and a robe. And I ran to him to ask him, How do I get back to my family? How do I get back to connection. And then before him, I was in connection. I was in the belonging to my universal family. And I no longer was grasping for, for what I'd had here on Earth. And when I stood before him, his face was changing. And it changed to a person from the village and my love for that man who had helped me bloomed open. It changed to somebody I didn't know and attain it to a lion. And at some point, he leaned his forward forward and touched his forehead to mind and I could see as he sees, which was this vast universal connections, that were all like gems, that we can strengthen our connection with our loving heart, and being generous and compassionate with one another. I And that when we do that when we send compassion and generosity, through those living lines of connection from our heart to another's, we enliven the matrix of life. We enliven these universal connections. And I was visiting myself in the future, visiting every frog, every tree, every mountain, and understanding that, no matter what I'm always in this belonging, I'm always in this universal connection. And that my job is to remember how to again, be in that loving presence be in that giving and receiving in my heart. So when he stood up again, again, my faith in him was absolute. And I knew that in connecting to him through him, that I was going to be connecting to my divine source. So I literally leaned my whole being into his, and we traveled through and again, we came out in a new landscape. And it was actually being above looking down in this earth plane, and I was looking down on my body, and that I had bled out. And my mother had found me my African mother, and she was stopping the blood flow in my head. And he was kind of giving me a choice of like, you can go back right now, or you can keep rising up going home to source. So I chose to go home to source rising up and my, my mama, my African mama, she was wailing into the sky. And I wanted her to understand I'm totally fine, I'm held, I'm not in pain. And as I rose up, veils close behind me, I kind of like leaves closing the secret, secret garden. And I heard her singing, and calling on the ancestors in the land, but again, I was so entranced and amazed, like beings were going through me and purifying me. And I was going home to the Create source that I call the great heart. And understanding that this great heart had sung me into being had called me into life by SIL by singing me into life. And so I was going home to that source, but my African Mama's singing was also still catching my attention. And so I was kind of in between both the great heart singing and my African Mama's singing. And I turn towards listening to her and she had called on the ancestors in the land, to call me back to life, to remind me, I hadn't yet then my purpose, which was to sing, the people call them back to life, just as she was calling me right now. And that intrigued me that remembering my purpose, and so I turned around, knowing I could still belong with the great heart. And I came back to life. And as I was traveling back in the tunnel, traveling back to this round this dimension, I met another being that I perceived as a golden Cougar. And she was telling me, we have all these art images for you to draw, to help remind you and others, that we belong to the great heart that we belong to source. And when you go back, it's going to be incredibly hard, you're gonna suffer so much more losses. But when you're safe, we're gonna give you these images, one after the other to continue to draw, to remember your connection to divine source. And I had one more being that I met, right between the veil between the living and the dead. And I call her the grandmother of all races, and she sang inside me as if I was a cathedral. And again, she was saying, it's going to be so hard when you go back. But remember that you always belong here. No matter what you have to do to survive. No matter what anyone says to you about. Not being worthy. You always belong here home. So with that last being sung to, I was born back into my body, which again, was pain in pain. I felt so fragile. And it was my African mama holding my body that made me feel real at all. So they took me back to the village they sang songs, they put in plant medicine on my wounds, and they cared for me and because I belong to them, I knew I was going to be okay. I knew I was going to survive. And I was so changed I could know their every thought I could know their every intention and that It just like we look at people on the surface, I could now see people's internal world and understand all of us in connection to one another. And that's been a really strong gift. And as I healed from the trauma, not only did the warm memories come back, but the intuition and the abilities of having that telepathic abilities and abilities to understand people deeply, also came back as I did my trauma recovery.
Alex Ferrari 25:32
That is such a, it starts off horrific, and off beautiful. It really is beautiful. I have a few questions. When you were in the other side, as you were with the mentality of a child, correct. So you were so that explains the imagery, and the beings that you met along the way, the Cougar the lion phase, these are things you can recognize and not and understand cognitively from where you have gone, at least where you have evolved to on earth at that point. Is that a fair statement? I agree. So when you were on the other, did you know you were on the other side? Because you were what? How old? Were you eight or nine? At that point?
Robin Landsong 26:21
I was eight,
Alex Ferrari 26:22
You were still eight? So you're still eight? You're still eight years old? So did you understand that, that you understand heaven? Was that ever that any of these dogmatic dogmatic religious ideas ever kind of programmed into at a young age, a younger age?
Robin Landsong 26:38
I was not raised Christian. And so it's very interesting that the being I meant, some people might consider Jeshua. And, and so I kind of like to switch that up of, it's not always our training in terms of what we see. And in my, in the death experience I had several days later, I believe I being I saw was Shiva. And so I certainly wasn't raised Hindu and exposed to anything Hindu. So my view is that we see what's needed, like what, what is our sole need to do our healing to do our recovery. So yeah, I wasn't raised with Christian ideas. You know, obviously, being American, I'm steeped in Christian culture. Sure. But I feel like it was just the medicine that I needed. It is what I met,
Alex Ferrari 27:34
And in my experience of talking to so many near death experiences is that each experience is custom built for the experiencer for what they need at that moment. And also what it what is makes them feel comfortable. Generally speaking, there are some that have hellish experiences. But then they've even said, and many times, it's like, I needed to go through that I created that because that's what I believe that I needed to do. Because I was Christian I and I was told that was hell. But I felt unworthy. And I had to go through that and then be saved. But it's so fascinating that you said you had a second near death experience. Can you talk a little bit about that.
Robin Landsong 28:15
So as best I can put together about two days later, the soldiers came back. And, and so they attack the village. And one other of the mothers was, Oh, she and I were escaping. She was had me on her hip, and we were running. And she was shot from behind. And we both went down. And when I would looked around, everybody I loved was down. So just like I had seen in the first in the first death experience to prepare me for that magnitude of loss. And so while she was still living, she was yelling at me to keep going. And so she had never yelled at me. So I followed her instructions. And as best as I could, I kept going. And that's been the hardest thing for me to heal, to not be able to help somebody who had helped me and loved me so much. And you know, many people who are war survivors, or extreme trauma survivors understand that it's painful what happened to us personally, but it's almost even harder to heal what we witness for those we loved, and when we weren't when we felt so powerless. So I made it about another 20 steps before I started bleeding again from having been gone down on the ground. And the amazing thing is I've been able to go back and retrace this. And so I now know I was running a little bit downhill in sand. And so I fell forward and again, was bleeding out again and had a second death experience. And this one was very different entirely. i When I became aware again, I wasn't white landscape and there was someone singing to me. And they were singing you will live, you will live. And it kind of to understand nursery rhyme, right. And, you know, they knew I had a brain injury, they knew I needed it really simple. And I, and it took me a bit to comprehend like you will live, are they talking to me? And oh, does that mean I'm dead. And, and so I asked to see who's singing to me. And I got moved closer to a veil that I was looking through. And again, on the other side of this veil was the seated in lotus position, this blue being his skin was kind of a purple, blue, and he had a black bun on top of his head. And I knew he was masculine and feminine at the same time powerful destroyer, and created and restore the same time. And I thought, How am I so privileged, so lucky to be in his presence, like, I felt so small in the magnitude of who he is. And there was all kinds of decoration around him, but I was so focused on his face, because I knew if he wanted me to die, I would just die and be reborn and recreated. And I knew if you wanted me to live that that would happen also, because he started to show me mountains crashing together, or to kind of two land masses crashing together to make a mountain. And he said, Shall we destroy the Land and make the mountain so that you can see this beautiful mountain? I was like, I don't like the destruction part. And then he started bringing the mountain down green by green sand mice, that and and he said, Shall we destroy the mountain so you can have the beach and I was like, Could I have the beach and the mountain I don't like the destruction part. And so he was showing me what looks like total destruction now breaks open the ingredients for new creation. And, and your life looks entirely destroyed right now. But someday, this is going to be part of your new creation is going to have broken you open to be something you wouldn't have been otherwise. So he returned me back to my body, but he spoke to me. And again, it was always three, three words at a time, crawl forward now. And he gave me the power in my completely weakened body to crawl forward. Any any got across to me, you have to get away from the massacre, because the animals are going to come to net tonight from the smell of blood, you have to crawl further away. And so he held the plan, I didn't know how I was going to crawl forward, and he was guiding me to crawl forward towards a well, because he knew in the morning, there was going to be a woman from another village that would come to the well and find me. And I, I didn't want to live I just lost everyone I loved I had no reason to want to be here. But it was and I'm still searching for a word because she doesn't have a will. But it was his will. That kept me going. That kept me here. And n in the morning and a woman named Mia Lucy found me. And since she took me back to her homestead and cared for me and sang to me, and eventually got me across the river, across the Limpopo River into South Africa, where I was then hospitalized. And from the hospital, I was brought back to the US.
Alex Ferrari 33:28
So when you were talking to Shiva, were you in physical form? And this was all mental happening in the experience, or were you actually your consciousness was up there? Or wherever Shiva was?
Robin Landsong 33:42
Yeah, so I was completely in the realm with him.
Alex Ferrari 33:45
So then when you're saying you had to keep crawling, was that a plan? Or yeah, that's what I'm confused
Robin Landsong 33:50
He returned me back to my body.
Alex Ferrari 33:50
Okay. Okay. So after the after the veil in the conversation, he returned your back to that and then guided you while you were back in your body?
Robin Landsong 34:01
Yes.
Alex Ferrari 34:01
What was the feeling like when you were on the other side? Versus being? Well, you slammed back into your body? Were you? Did you feel the pain all of a sudden, were you paying less than the other side? What is the difference?
Robin Landsong 34:16
Yeah, pain, less, like no pain on the other side. And especially with that, when I didn't even I didn't even really pay attention to like, what this was that was perceiving. I was just two eyes watching and taking in all that he was offering me. And I had some sense of self just because I was in relation to him, and knew that I was not him. And so when I was returned back to my body, of course, it was incredibly painful. I had fallen forward, my neck was injured. I had a brain injury. Like I had been laying on my arm for the whole time I was crossed over and so my arm was completely numb and paralyzed. So again, no reason to want to be here. And it It was entirely because he has a mission for me that he was commanding me to live. And telling me this will come full circle in some way.
Alex Ferrari 35:11
And it has without question. Now you had never seen Shiva. Prior to this. No iconology no images. No one ever told you a story. So this was completely out of the out of the blue, no pun intended.
Robin Landsong 35:28
Yeah, I mean, I'm a white girl growing up on the East Coast of America, like,
Alex Ferrari 35:33
In the in the 70s. In the 70s, no less.
Robin Landsong 35:35
Yeah, like, my school was white, there was like one Indian child in my school. That's, that's all I had. And you know, he just didn't talk about anything of his culture. So I had no exposure whatsoever.
Alex Ferrari 35:47
That's really fascinating. Again, because I've, generally speaking, the deities will come that you're familiar with, but you were so young, that it really didn't matter. Because anyone who showed up as long as they were warm and supportive, it seems like would do the job for what you needed to do. So Shiva shows up, Jesus shows up it that you will have any disagreements with that, because you don't know who they are, you know, Santa Claus could have showed up and you would have been like, oh, essentially.
Robin Landsong 36:19
And you know, and then it gets into the interesting question of other lifetimes. For me, it's like, yeah, he was a Hindu before. And, you know, did I already have that in my, in my soul's makeup of this is somebody who is going to care for me, in moments of destruction,
Alex Ferrari 36:37
Interesting. So that would be a very interesting way of looking about it. Because somewhere inside of your, your being, this is a comforting figure, maybe not consciously, because in this life doesn't make sense. But what's in again, that's why past lives have such a massive, massive effect on our current life, whether it be you know, the way you are, your fears, your strengths, all that kind of stuff. Like if you're fear of heights, and all of a sudden, you decide you discovered you're afraid of heights. Maybe you were thrown off of off of a pyramid at one point or another in Metro America. And you're like, you know what, I really don't like heights anymore. I've had other people, I've had other people who've said that they've been, they were afraid of coming out spiritually to their family, because in a prior life, they were burned at the stake as a witch and the family is the one that threw them under the bus. Really fascinating, really, really fascinating.
Robin Landsong 37:38
As I, when I work with people, and I help them come home to their intuition, home to their body, there's a couple of things that are very common themes, and just what you're saying about what happened to us when we showed up in our power, when we, when we did our gift, you know, where we ended our repressive time period where that just didn't go well. Or maybe it was the end of our life. And also, we, I love to teach people and you know, it's been such a journey myself to come home to my power, that we're often we've had negative role models of what is it like to be powerful, and so many people have misused power. And so to come into our alignment, to come into our agency to come into our gift, it takes a lot of courage and a lot of just shaking in your boots and saying, I'm going to commit to this anyway. And at this point, I've said yes, to what's been given to me the gifts that have been given to me so many times, there's no going back. Yeah, but yeah, but you have to just do that, like shaking your boots, I'm going to show up, I'm going to do this, I'm going to say yes to, I've been given so much, and it's my job to give it back in all the ways that I can.
Alex Ferrari 38:49
It's really interesting, you say just show up because so many times we we have to show up to do our job, but to do our purpose, our thing, but be open to the process of where it all leads us. Because we have no understanding of where it's going to lead us in many, many, many ways. Our minds are so much smaller than what the grand plan is for our lives. But showing apart is really important.
Robin Landsong 39:14
And the embodiment piece that goes with that. And of course, you know, I've had to do years and years of trauma, recovery and healing. And I'm at this point now where I'm to like the on to the creativity, the pleasure, the sensuality that like the juicy part of being alive. I just came back from Costa Rica from a week long dance retreat. And it was just so great to get to move my body with other human beings who were saying yes to aliveness, yes to nature around us and within us. So I love to inspire and encourage people's confidence to do their trauma recovery work. One of my colleagues says when you transform trust I'm an energy, you can become creative energy.
Alex Ferrari 40:03
Now, let me ask you, when you were flown back to the United States, what happened?
Robin Landsong 40:06
It wasn't a very good family reunion, my family was again about denial about repression about we don't talk about this. And, you know, it seems so flimsy to have like, if we don't talk about it, it never happened. But when it's so generationally instilled, it is silences the truth. And so when I tried to speak of it, my mother, unfortunately, hit me across the face, you know, I have a brain injury, you know, over, still a healing wound on top of my head. And she said, Don't ever talk about this. And so I didn't. And so my parents are both crossed over now. And we never spoke of it. They never asked me and my siblings, we've never spoken if they've never asked me. And so So I always encourage people, do your healing, work with the people who are ready, interested, willing to walk the journey with you, because your family may or may not be those people.
Alex Ferrari 41:10
And they might play the part that they needed to play in your life. At the time that you came in. You said something really interesting, though, that this experience is going to crack you open. I really want you to dig into that a little bit. Because I think it's such an important lesson for people listening. A lot of times like, Oh, bad things are happening to me, and why is this happening to me? Or, oh, this or that. And, arguably, you've gone through more than most, you know, in this world. But yet you look at things differently like that. And I think it's a very good learning lesson for people listening. Can you dig a little bit into the experience, what you went through and how it shaped you to your path, I love that term cracked you open, to show you things or be things that you would have never been without this experience? Arguably, without your parents, you would have never been where you are now doing the work you're doing now? Correct?
Robin Landsong 42:09
Oh, certainly. And when I went back to Zimbabwe, and I found I retrace my steps I found where I had been loved. I found where I was shot, I found where I, like I said that, that Sandy Hill where I went down from the well. And I reunited with one of the women who helped save my life. And my then husband asked me, if you could go back and erase it and change being abducted and all of this experience, would you and I said, No. One is not an option. That's just how reality happened. And to know, because if you asked me when I was 20, and I was doing, you know, I was inpatient trauma treatment, I would say yes. But now on the other side of what I call the gritty years of healing, there's the fruition, there's the capacity to I mean, like art comes through me like a river. And intuition comes through me so easily, like, I can just, I can read people, and it's not a challenge at all. It's lovely. And it's fun, and it's exciting, and to get to contribute to people's healing, because I can see I see you and I can see underlying cause of people's distress. And, and what I want to add is to give this message to early on in people's healing process isn't really kindness, right, and to let people know, like you were victimized, you do feel terrible, you you do have post traumatic stress, you do have the nightmares. And that's real. And it's going to be for some time as you do your healing process. And there's no quick jumping to where I am now. And no, this is this is 30 years of healing process and, you know, sessions and therapy and movement and dance and eating well and you know, EMDR therapy, so, so I always just like to say people keep taking your next step in your healing process, and it does get better. There are benefits and this morning I was just I'm working on my book about encouraging people's confidence to do their trauma resolution work. Because if we stay hiding and avoiding, then the trauma is actually ruling Oh are yours and to just go through and turn towards compassion is turning towards our suffering and saying I see you this too belongs, Breathing in breathing out, getting through it and all the different ways we can be with our suffering. And actually getting to freedom. Actually getting to fluidity actually getting to creativity, because connection heals self connection and connection and nature, connection to good, safe people. That's the antidote to loneliness to the isolation that trauma creates. And one of my favorite teachers, Daniel Siegel, he talks about this construct of self that we have in America, when we think we can make it on our own, or even the even the term, somebody's use the term for my book, I'm writing for self help, like, there is no such thing as self help. We have to our trauma happened in relation to others or relation to nature, our healing has to happen in relation to save others. So even a self help book is a relationship with the author, giving their gift helping you to your next level. Connection is it's life. It's healing. It's what we're here for.
Alex Ferrari 45:51
What is the biggest takeaway you took from the Near Death Experiences specifically?
Robin Landsong 45:56
That's a great question. Just what immediately pops in mind is we're indestructible. You know, I was so little, I was so fragile. I was shot by a soldier. And I'm indestructible.
Alex Ferrari 46:09
We keep we keep going. After you got back to America, and you started to, I'm assuming you started to dig into, did you start digging into near death experiences? I mean, obviously, past lives. You've talked about a little bit about that. How did you start to educate yourself about Shiva and all this kind of stuff as you went through it?
Robin Landsong 46:30
Yeah. I'm sure you're familiar with PMH. Atwater? She's done a lot of research. Yeah, she's, yeah, she's a sweetheart. She stayed with me for for a bit. She's a powerhouse,
Alex Ferrari 46:41
Oh, she's a force of nature, that's for sure.
Robin Landsong 46:45
And, and she talks about when you have a childhood, near death experience, where you had to repress it and not talk about it, it can take 30 to 40 years to actually integrate. So when I went back, I just had to survive more abuse until I was 18. And got out and went to college and never went back home. And I just survived. I just was making it through my body brought up the trauma, my second year of college, and I couldn't repress it anymore, because I have such a huge divine calling. There was no sitting on this for decades, it just was boom coming in through my body. So I was catapulted into my healing process, whether I liked it or not. And so so doing all that work coming full circle, is is taking a look a long time, so I didn't actually start to name it as a near death experience until I was 42. And so it was an it was kind of repressed with the trauma. And so when I met my now former husband, he started asking me questions about it. And so I started bringing out the war trauma. And then at the same time, the near the beauty of the Near Death Experience emerged. And he just kept interviewing me and asking me questions, and I kept bringing it out. And that's my, that's my memoir that's not yet published, but going to be an audiobook soon. And so it was, I just didn't get it like I had written the whole part about my experience with you know, this man with a beard and the sheepherder staff and he read it and he said, he looked at and he was like, so the Lord is my shepherd. And I was like, Ohh
Alex Ferrari 48:38
That makes a lot of sense.
Robin Landsong 48:40
I was like, I didn't get it. I just was like, it's just the being who helped me and I didn't get that it was Shiva for a long time. I just started describing it and people were like, is that Krishna is, and then I realized, oh, created restrainer. And people had to point this out to me, like the fact that Jesus's face turned into a lion. Like people, I wrote about it on Facebook, and somebody said, do you know about the tribe of Judah? And like, the lion was like, No, I didn't. So it was people mirroring this back to me, that I, it was just my direct experience as a child. I didn't have interpretation. So I wrote it as that of just straight childhood, no interpretation. And what I love is when I have people around the world edit my book, because I didn't interpret they interpret it based in their cultural context. Because I want it to be what it means to each person to serve them as they need. Because my interpretation actually doesn't matter. You know, my interpretation of my art, my death experience, it doesn't matter. It's about what's medicine for each person. What's relevant for their next step.
Alex Ferrari 49:51
It's so beautiful, so beautiful, Robin. I'm gonna ask you a few questions. Ask all my guests. What is your definition of living a fulfilled life?
Robin Landsong 50:02
Connection, heart open connection with self with others with body sensation with loving what you eat with present moment noticing pleasure, like what's it like to go outside and feel a warm breeze on you? What's it like to experience somebody's helping somebody else through grief or their heartbreak and then watching like when they're done crying like what their face looks like? What's it like to make really delicious blueberry tart and eat it and have cardamom and you know juiciness. So what's it like to look at my own art and be amazed, like, Oh my God, who did that? Oh, that came through my hands. So curiosity, compassion, loving kindness, present moment, meditation that helps you know, your body sensation. And again, I just came back from this dance retreat and just to lean on other people and have them lean on me and dance together to incredible music that musicians have invested their time and their gift into making like, that's juicy.
Alex Ferrari 51:15
I want a tart now for some strange reason. If you could go back in time, until that little girl, one piece of advice, what would it be?
Robin Landsong 51:28
Your worth while you're lovable. You're just fine the way you are. You don't need to strive so hard. You don't need to effort so much is going to work out in the big picture.
Alex Ferrari 51:41
How do you define God?
Robin Landsong 51:42
The great heart, the place of origination, the place where we were born out of song, a seed syllables, by the great heart.
Alex Ferrari 51:55
And what is the ultimate purpose of life?
Robin Landsong 51:56
Loving one another, caring for one another. Increasing all the ways that we can be with suffering and say this to belongs so that we're with the full spectrum of our human experience, that we're not rejecting, you know, the boring or the dreary or the hard that this tool belongs? When I was going through my divorce. I was meditating and I had this moment of Thank you. Thank you for this loss. It was all equal to me in that moment. And while I was meditating, the suffering the difficulty abandonment, betrayal, love, sweetness.
Alex Ferrari 52:42
It was all equal. And where can people find out more about you and the amazing work you're doing?
Robin Landsong 52:47
On my website is my name Robinlandsong.com. And yeah, I I love working with people on coming home to their body coming home to their aliveness, their creativity, and working through grief working through trauma. And so I'm I live in Mount Shasta, California, and that mountain is funding me on my project. So I'm, I, you know, I've written my manuscript working on getting that published making an audio book. I'm working on my helping people's confidence in their trauma resolution book, I'm making two art decks. I'm recording in the studio, my seat.
Alex Ferrari 53:29
You're busy. You're thank you so much for taking the time to do this. I appreciate it. And do you have any parting messages for the audience?
Robin Landsong 53:40
Compassion is turning towards yourself and saying I see you and that as long as we don't avoid our full spectrum of experience, avoid our sadness, avoid our anger, that we're going to come back into our wholeness and just turning towards ourselves. I see you you belong, you matter. It's it's all we really need for healing.
Alex Ferrari 54:06
Robin, this has been such a beautiful conversation. Thank you so so much. I truly hope it helps people listening out there in the world. So thank you for being so raw, so honest, and putting yourself out there in the world to help people so I appreciate you and everything that you're doing right there. Thank you again for coming on the show.
Robin Landsong 54:24
And thank you for all you're doing and getting so many good messages out to people and because people are hungry, and and you're meeting and nourishing and need.
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