Ice Climber Freezes to DEATH; LOSES Faith After Near-Death Experience (NDE) with Peter Panagore

Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.

Peter Panagore 0:08
I was a boy scout from early on, and we winter camped, and I skied since I was seven years old, and so I was on the national ski patrol, and I was at a Boy Scout until I was 18. So I did the Explorer Scouts because I love backpacking and camping. And that particular year, I spent a lot of time in the wilderness out west in the Rockies, and then Montana Wyoming. And so I kind of, I'm oriented outdoors, but I never, I'd never ice climbed. I had rock climb. We have climbing here in the East. I did some climbing in the West. And so I went to the outdoor club, and I found this guy, and he wanted to do an ice climb, but I'd never done ice climbing, but he had just gotten certified as a lead climber, and he had a lot of wilderness experience in the winter. And so we decided that we would go backpacking on skis, living in snow caves for eight days, and finish up with ice climbing. We went into British Columbia to go on our snow caving. Well, I make a mistake before I even begin my climb. And my mistake that I before I began the climb was that I had only one ice ax, and you have to have two. And so instead of two ice axes, I had a hammer, and a hammer is significantly shorter, and you can't rest on it an ice ax. You can plant in the ice, and there's a strap that you can you put around your wrist and run a bead down, and you can let go. So to begin with, by agreement also, and I didn't have all the gear. I borrowed in rented gear. I begged around, even my sleeping bag that I was using that week. I didn't have a deep, deep, deep winter bag. I had to borrow that too. So what this meant was, is that I had to rest a lot more than every single other climber on the climb, because we were one team of several, and that meant that by the time we reached even halfway up, we already knew we were in serious trouble, because I just couldn't go fast. So by the time we reached the top of our climb, all the other teams had descended five, 600 feet and left. They're on the way out. The last team was on the way out when we finally sat down at the top of our climb at sunset, so we're hours and hours behind. And so we were in that circumstance, and we're sitting up on top of this ledge with our legs dangling over, and the sun goes down and the temperature drops like a curtain falls boom, and it's 30 degrees colder than it was. So temperature wise in the climb, I was wearing a polypropylene undershirt and long sleeve and a like, a net thing underneath that, and a sweater, a turtleneck and a sweater and a shell. I was just right all day, but I was also sweating and ice was falling down my neck, so I was wet underneath my shell, and so we got immediate shivers. Not like, Oh, I'm shivering and I'm cold, more like violent, like every muscle in my body was it's in, was an independent piston, all firing at its own rate. My jaw was clattering. My cheeks were every every part of me was just this a shutter, and Tim was in the same situation over the night time. My eyeballs started to freeze. This is like deep, deep cold, and it feels like putting your hand in a fireplace, it's like you're on fire. So we're we haul the rope up. Tim hauls the rope up. The sun's down. We're shivering. He he'd hauled it up too fast. So we had a series of mistakes. He hauled up the rope too fast. It became a big knot. I had to take my gloves off in order to sort it. I live in the in winter land, and every single day in the winter, I wear gloves. I wear a mask. So if I go outside in the wintertime, I gotta cover up everything. And so I took my gloves off, I untangled this thing in the dark. Sun goes down, I can feel rope. I'm good at I'm very tactile. And so I could untangle this thing without really seeing what I was doing. But we had this conversation about survivability. We knew we were going to die. Doesn't encapsulate what the rush of emotions and realization was inside of us at 21 years old, it's still like 8000 9000 feet above us. We're not even that far up the mountain. We're just up this climb, and we realized pretty fast we would not survive, that we didn't have enough body heat between us to last two hours, let alone the night. The fear grew all night long. The colder I got, the closer I came to death. Death was like this far from me. It was like this far from me. And every step of the way, it got closer and closer and closer. We were on our last repel. The rope was stuck. I went through the final stages of hypothermia and the very last one, but when I would fall asleep, it would be like a shut off of a light switch, and I would collapse and hit the rock and wake up. I was strapped into the mountain. At this point. I was attached to the mountain so I wouldn't fall. And so then I would stand up, and I and this last time that I stood up, I got tunnel vision, which is the last, the very last thing that happens. And so tunnel vision collapsed, and as it went black, and I was confused. I was just like, What is this thing? And everywhere I look, I see this narrowing of the field of my vision. And then when it closed, I didn't black out. It just I became somehow more awake, and I didn't know what was going on. I where the mountain should have been, there was an opening of infinite darkness, and instead of feeling pain, that's what I was, I'm not in pain anymore. There's no pain. And I am. Feel like I am separated from my body. I'm somehow. Still connected to it, but I'm not really it wasn't me anymore. I am looking out into this infinite darkness and way, far, extremely, far further than you know, the size of the universe is 13 billion light years like that far away, there's a tiny star appears, and this tiny star rushes toward me at faster than the speed of light covers this distance, and as it rushes toward me, it speaks to me, but it's not in language, it's in direct non linguistic communication of information in a block. But it wasn't just a block. It was a constant flow. But all the information came in at once, and then it just kept coming, and it spoke to me, and it said inside of me, I'm taking you. I'm taking you. But it came that I'm taking you came with power. I can't describe to you how powerful, more powerful than anything I'd ever imagined before. It's so powerful. Its power filled the entire space I was in. Its intelligence was immense. And all of this was communicated to me, and I put up resistance against it. All this willpower I had carved inside myself throughout the night, carved found inside of me like this genetic thing, way down inside my humanness, survive. Survive, survive. I put up my wall to survive. I was then pulled from myself, and all of my resistance evaporated. All these things happened at once. This is all in timelessness, and all of it's in metaphor, because, because it's full of paradox, I am inside of this entity, but I also can see myself inside of this entity. And so I'm inside of this entity, the angel, the angel, I know this light being, this energy intelligence, because I'd met it before in my childhood. And so I'm now in comfort, and it's speaking to me comfort and beauty and love and welcome. And I have no agency left. And I can see out through this orb of energy, this angel of being, this intelligence, into this vast darkness. And I can see how fast we're going, and then we reach the end or the beginning where it came from, and it either expands into this eternal nature, or I pop into this eternal nature. But somehow these eternal nature, in this contained entity of energy is somehow they're similar. They communicate. This is part of that. So I'm now inside this infinite space, and in this infinite space, I can see in every direction at once. And every direction is infinite darkness. And I can see far into the darkness because there's some kind of luminosity to it. So it's a darkness that has light and way far away from me in infinity, I can't see the beginning of it as I view this and realize that this is me, that I am this energy, this orb of consciousness, where my seeing is, my thinking is my self, understanding is who I am and what I am, and I'd never been Peter, and I'm ginormous. I am so much bigger than my human body, and I'm like a big sphere of consciousness, of divine energy. But I'm in timelessness, and it's not like just the eternal Now, if you meditate and you drop into that place of silence where the mind stops thinking, and you're in that place of dark peace, it's beautiful, only it's not just that kind of timelessness. It's all time that ever existed in every direction, inverted, upside down, reversed, flowing like wave forms. It's all there. I'm this entity. And this portal, this light appears, this doorway of light. It's as big as I am. It's much bigger. It calls to me. It has an energy of attraction to it. And it's like, I describe it in all these different ways. I describe it now these days, I'm talking about it as a waterfall. It's like a waterfall of light, and it has 10 zillion colors in it of every hue and tone, and all these colors, and they're all white, and they're all colored all at the same time. And it's so beautiful. And I can see the surface of it. It's pearlescent, like fish scales shining, and it's flowing. And I can see the depth of it. I can see that has a substance to it. So I see the surface, I see the depth, and I see through it. At the same time, it leads into the infinite. It's like another tunnel, but this tunnel leads into the infinite that was beyond my sight. I am compelled. I feel this desire of the most beautiful thing, and I reach for it with my entity, with my own beingness. I don't have any hands, but I have this some agency, and I reach toward it, and as I touch it, it in fills me with all life, a capital L, creator of all life. And it just is an earth, and it just is in our galaxy. And it wasn't just the universe. It was so much bigger than that. It was all life everywhere. It's the energy that pervades the divine presence inside of everything, all this love and light comes flowing into me, and as it comes into me, I hear my name called. It's not Peter. It's the essence of the origin of my created being. I know in that moment, it says to me, I am creator. You are a creature. It says to me, and I know that I'm known. I'm. Suddenly utterly naked, and now I'm somehow more like Peter, and I have no hiding spots inside of this Peter that I carried with me. And now there's this this burning love that's with seeing every part of me. And I go through a hell of I go through hell, but not the hell. I go through a hell where I suffer all of the pain that I gave away in my life as Peter, up until I was 21 from the moment of my birth, to every single person and every single incident only. I'm not viewing it like or reading it in a book. I'm in that person as they experience it, and I'm in myself Peter as I give it to them, whatever it is, and I feel the wash of emotions, of the flood of anger or hurt or tears or confusion, why are you doing this? And so I had this I judged myself as guilty of causing this suffering and this pain, and I was ashamed of causing and as I listened with the ear of my heart to the love that was being spoken. I saw all of humanity, and I saw all of the what Christians call sinful nature, the brokenness of our causing pain to other people. We all had the same level of universal brokenness that was coded into the way the universe functions. And so I got this communication was I know that you caused this suffering. It's not your fault. I love you as you are. I made you, and as I turned toward it, all of my suffering evaporated. I became immense, I expanded. I was filled with love, beauty, joy, adoration, awe, understanding, knowledge of the universe, peace, bliss, Paradise and light. And it was more and more and more and more. And I just kept getting bigger and bigger as more of this infinity poured inside of me. So this name that I hear called, I see the origin of myself. I am eternal nature, and I am created nature in my consciousness. But when I see the size of my soul, I get turned and my size of my soul is ginormous in comparison to the individual lives I have lived, where we're living because of timelessness. I see the length of my nature. I see that I'm created. I see the origin is eons old. I see individual like I'm sitting at a butcher block table, and it's like myself is the wood, and the lives I lived are the thin, glued strips in between. They're minuscule in comparison to the actuality of my soul. And I get to see inside. I saw inside two of my lies, and one was human and one wasn't. I don't know where I was. I had no frame of reference for this place, but it wasn't here. I understood myself to be loved beyond and then I sort of came back to myself a little bit more, and I said, Am I dead? And the voice said, yes, you're dead. And I said, I can't die now. And the voice said, why? And the voice is the entire space I'm in, and it's also right next to me, but I can't see it, and it's inside of me speaking to me. It the whole thing is one big vibrational voice, but it's very intimate, and it says to me, why can't you come? It's your time come to us. I say, Well, my parents are suffering. My sister had run away when I was 14. It broke my mama, my mom and my dad and my family. It was as if she died, but there was no way to grieve. And I said I couldn't take another child from my parents, and in that instant, I was moved across heaven to this place where, like, I don't know if you've ever heard of the Higgs boson field, so it's like I'm kind of poking out of heaven, like my consciousness is sticking out into the kind of the Higgs boson where energy becomes matter. And I can see the entire universe. I see all of our universe, all at once, all septillion galaxies, and I am then brought down to our galaxy and brought down to our star system. And I see Earth like in this one sweep. And then on Earth is like a hologram. And I see 7 billion people alive. They're really them in live time living Where's wars and floods and tornadoes and babies being born. Everything on you on earth is going on. And I see Earth is covered in this big, huge foam like veils, you could say, but it seemed like it was foam to me, and every human being was moving through it as if the foam wasn't there and they couldn't see. What I could see and what I could see was, inside of the soul of every single human being is this divine photonic light, gold light, the same as me, sparkling like gold. They are exactly as I am. And when that voice said that to me, universes upon universes upon times upon times spill out into me of showing me the immensity of eternal nature of love. It is so far greater in size and quantity and quality than I can possibly say, but as it filled into me, I have always loved you. I always will love you. So I was healed and whole and well and the end of suffering, all these things are like aspects or facets of love. So I'm completely in healing. I'm completely in wholeness. I'm in well being. And I understand that this eternal. Heart is who we are.