Divine Encounters Episode 111 | Near-Death Experience Story
Jennifer Farmer grew up in a church-going home shaped by her father’s drinking, and she says she later went her own rebellious way. In this Divine Encounters episode she tells Alex Ferrari what she says happened after an overdose: a tunnel, a loving presence she understood to be God, and a moment when she begged not to go back. She also shares what carried her through the hard years that followed.
Key Takeaways
- Jennifer says she grew up in church while her father struggled with binge drinking, and she prayed for him to get sober.
- She describes sensing, even during her rebellious years, that “we weren’t born to suffer” and that something bigger was there.
- She says she woke in the hospital after a medication overdose, and describes a tunnel, parting clouds and feeling whole, pure and “a walking being of light.”
- Jennifer says she felt a loving presence she understood as God, and that she begged “Please don’t make me go back” as she felt herself being pulled toward her body.
- She describes a void that was not empty, with no judgment, no purgatory and no sense of being alone.
- She says the experience did not fix her life right away. It took years, and an encounter on a rainy road, for her to feel that something bigger wanted her here.
- Her message: suffering can become the doorway to helping others, and seeing the best in a situation is “a spiritual discipline.”
| Guest | Jennifer Farmer |
| Episode | Divine Encounters 111 |
| Life before | Raised in church, with a father who struggled with alcohol; she was experimenting with drugs and alcohol |
| What Jennifer says happened | A medication overdose; her brother, a police officer, revived her; she woke in the hospital |
| Where she says she went | A tunnel of light, then an open void filled with energy |
| Who she met | A loving presence she understood to be God |
| The message | No judgment, unconditional love, and a purpose in helping others |
| After | Years of recovery, a hard moment on a rainy road, and the slow awakening of her intuitive gifts |
Who Is Jennifer Farmer? Growing Up in Church and Chaos
Jennifer grew up, as she puts it, in the space where you go to church. Her father was what she calls a periodic alcoholic. He would binge drink. She remembers praying a lot as a child, asking God to help her dad get sober.
She recalls one time seeing him at church. He was uptight and sweating, and she knew he was there for her mom. She tells Alex that her relationship with her father was close, and that she loves him dearly.
Her home, she says, had its own atmosphere. She describes living with her dad and laughs that “it was 1942 in our household.” His truck driver friends would come to play dominoes and talk about the war, and she looks back on it now as the effects of PTSD. By the end of the day everybody would pass out.
The Rebellious Years and the Quiet Moments
Before she died, Jennifer says, there was “a lot of badness.” She had been experimenting with drugs and alcohol and going her own rebellious way. She kept asking herself the same question: is this my life? Is this what it is supposed to be like?
Yet she describes moments of clarity in the middle of it. After a long weekend of partying she would look up at the sky and know she was not alone. She would think, “I know there’s something better.” She says she felt, even then, “I know we weren’t born to suffer. I know we weren’t created to be bad.”
She is honest that what she was doing was not working. But she says even in a household where you might think there was no God, only suffering, God came to her there.
The Day She Died
Jennifer says it had been a long weekend with no sleep, and she was aching. She came home when she hoped no one was there. She was always on the lookout, she says, because her brother, a police officer she loves and respects, had no patience for her at that time. She took medication she found in her mother’s cabinet, wanting only to go to sleep.
She says she was found on the front lawn, and that her brother revived her. She was taken to the hospital and later to treatment. Jennifer does not dwell on the details, and neither do we here.
If you are struggling, you are not alone. In the US you can call or text 988 any time.
A Tunnel and a Feeling of Being Whole
What she describes next, she says, felt like long seconds, though she cannot equate it to time. She was in a tunnel, and the clouds seemed to part. She felt called, at peace and whole. All the trauma she had been carrying was gone. She says she felt pure, like “a walking being of light.”
Then she began to hear beeps, and she felt a pull back toward her body. She remembers telling God plainly that she could not go back there. “Please don’t make me go back.” She says it felt like eternity, “like a place where there was no time.”
She is careful not to overstate how long it lasted. She cannot say whether it was minutes or hours. What she remembers is the feeling. It was “love beyond supernatural in many ways,” a love she says is beyond what we usually mean by the word.
The Presence and the Negotiation
Jennifer says she felt the presence of God, a loving presence, not necessarily human. She could relate to it in English, as if there were a shared vocabulary in her head and she could hold a conversation. She is a Christian, she says, “on the fringe,” and she still keeps her roots of love, devotion and service.
What followed was what she calls a negotiation. She says she felt herself going back into her body and thought, oh, we’re going back. Things had been peaceful. She was whole, exactly where she was supposed to be, and then she felt something like a vacuum. That is when she began to beg. “I clearly had a negotiation with God,” she says.
There was no door, she says, and no sense of time. Just energy.
A Void That Was Not Empty
At the end of the tunnel, Jennifer says, was an open space that felt like a void. But it was not empty. “It was filled with the energy.” She compares it to the stars in the sky: between the stars there is space, but there is also an aura and a light. She felt she was inside the aura of that light.
It did not feel empty. It did not feel lonely. She says it was not purgatory. No one told her to look at what she had done or accused her of not surrendering. She felt no judgment at all.
If you are curious how others describe leaving the body and moving toward a light, our complete guide to near-death experiences brings many accounts together.
Waking Up Angry, and the Long Road After
Slowly Jennifer woke. Her mother was there, scared to death. Jennifer says she was angry to be back.
She says she would like to report that she got clean and sober right away and everything was perfect. It was not. It took a long time. But she says “that moment of feeling that unconditional love” and being on the other side stayed with her. It felt like a lifetime she never wanted to leave.
She says the experience did not have much immediate impact. Its effect, she explains, showed up later.
A Van, a Highway and an Angel Along the Path
Three years later her father died. Jennifer had put together about a year of sobriety, and when he died, she says, all bets were off. She was in a cold, rainy Texas winter, with nowhere to go, and she had come to a place where she wanted to die. The physical world felt too painful and too lonely.
She says she was on a highway, telling God she could not keep her sobriety together and did not want to live here. In that moment she says she was talking to the place she had visited. She wanted to go back there. Then a van stopped behind her and the driver asked if she needed help.
She says she was about five miles from her godmother Betty’s house, and asked the driver to take her there. “Just take me to Betty’s house,” she said. Betty told her she could stay. That, Jennifer says, is how she knows “that there are angels along the path that love us,” whether they are teachers, neighbors or a godmother.
She says the interruption made her pay attention. She asked for help, and began to put her life together. She came to feel “that something bigger than me wanted me to stay here.”
If this part of her story is close to home, please hear this again. If you are struggling, you are not alone. In the US you can call or text 988 any time.
Gifts Opening Like a Lotus
Jennifer says she put her life on a higher plane after that, though she did not stay on the path in a straight line. She followed what she calls breadcrumbs, through drama, suffering and pain, and with the determination to do something good. When she devoted herself to helping others, she says, her gifts began to awaken “like a lotus flower,” in a safe and comfortable way.
She began to read people’s energy and was no longer afraid of it. At work she would know things, and people would start talking to her about their lives. She says insight came from a different, higher version of herself. She says she is glad Alex uses the term higher self, and she believes that if we understand it, life can change for the better. You can read more in our glossary entries on higher self and intuition.
She also says she is glad her gifts came when they did, as an adult, because she could not have handled more earlier.
Her Message: You Are Not Bad
One thing stuck with her above all, Jennifer says: nobody else is meant to judge. Even in church, she says, judgment is what you hear. Having felt a loving God, she knew building a relationship with that kind of God was going to be her answer. She cannot say how she knew it logically. She just knew.
She believes people who have gone through trauma have a reason behind it, because their souls are meant to bring help, hope and healing to others. Trying to see the best in a situation, she says, “isn’t just positive thinking. I think it’s a spiritual discipline.”
Her last line is gentle: “Sometimes we spend half of our lives finding out that we’re not bad, that we’re beautiful beings.”
Where Her Story Sits Beside Other Near-Death Accounts
People who report near-death experiences often describe a tunnel, a light, a feeling of unconditional love and a strong wish to stay. Jennifer’s account has all of these. It also carries a theme that comes up in many stories: that the experience does not erase the hard work of living. For Jennifer, the meaning grew over years.
For related stories, see the glossary entry on near-death experience. We share these accounts as experiences, in the person’s own words, and we do not make medical claims.
Questions to Sit With
- Jennifer says nobody else is meant to judge. Where do you still carry another person’s judgment of you?
- She describes moments of clarity during her hardest years, when she knew she was not alone. When have you felt that, even in a low season?
- Who in your life has been an “angel along the path,” and have you told them?
Write a short thank-you note to one person who showed up for you when you needed it, even if they never knew. Send it, or keep it where you can see it.
Spiritual Takeaways
- Jennifer says unconditional love is real, and that she felt it without any judgment attached.
- She says the aura of light felt full, never empty or alone.
- She says there are angels along the path, often in the form of neighbors, teachers and family.
- She says suffering can become a doorway to helping others.
- She calls seeing the best in a situation a spiritual discipline, and says we are not bad but beautiful beings.
Please enjoy my conversation with Jennifer Farmer.
Guest Links: Connect With Jennifer Farmer
- Jennifer Farmer’s official site
- Jennifer Farmer on YouTube
- Jennifer Farmer on Facebook
- Jennifer Farmer on Instagram
- Full NDE story with Jennifer Farmer
Listen to the Episode
- Watch this episode ad-free on Next Level Soul TV
- Download the MP3
- More episodes: Divine Encounters
- Listen to Divine Encounters on Apple Podcasts
- Listen to Divine Encounters on Spotify
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Jennifer Farmer?
Jennifer Farmer is a near-death experiencer who shares her story on Divine Encounters. She grew up in a church-going family and later went through years of addiction and recovery before her intuitive gifts began to awaken.
What happened to Jennifer Farmer during her near-death experience?
Jennifer says she woke in the hospital after a medication overdose and had an experience of moving through a tunnel into an open space filled with energy. She says her brother, a police officer, revived her.
What did Jennifer feel in the tunnel?
She says the clouds parted and she felt called, at peace and whole, like a walking being of light. She says the trauma she carried was gone.
What does Jennifer mean by a negotiation with God?
Jennifer says she felt herself being pulled back toward her body, and she begged not to go. She calls this a negotiation. She says it felt natural to talk with a loving presence in plain English.
Did Jennifer feel judged?
No. Jennifer says it was not purgatory and no one told her to look at what she had done. She says it was a void, but not an empty one, filled with energy and light.
Did the experience change Jennifer right away?
She says no. She did not get clean and sober immediately and it took a long time. She says its meaning became clearer over the following years.
What happened on the highway?
Jennifer says that months after her father died, she was in a very dark place. A van stopped and the driver asked if she needed help. She says she asked to be taken to her godmother’s home. She says that is when she decided to get help.
What does Jennifer say about her intuitive gifts?
She says her gifts awakened gradually and safely, once she committed to helping others. She began to read people’s energy and says insights came from a higher version of herself.
What does Jennifer say about judgment and religion?
Jennifer says she learned that nobody else is meant to judge. She still calls herself a Christian on the fringe and keeps her roots of love, devotion and service.
Where can I get help if I am struggling?
If you are struggling, you are not alone. In the US you can call or text 988 any time.
Is a near-death experience proof of an afterlife?
Next Level Soul shares near-death experiences as lived experiences told in the person’s own words. Researchers continue to study and debate what they mean. Nothing here is medical advice or a medical claim.
Keep Exploring
- The complete guide to near-death experiences
- What is a near-death experience? (glossary)
- Higher self explained (glossary)
- Betty Guadagno, an angry atheist and addict, on who she met in heaven
- Alysa Rushton on returning from an overdose with new wisdom
- Branden Densmore on an overdose and being shown the future
- Dennis Bullock on meeting versions of himself after an overdose
- Connecting with your higher self
- Browse more free masterclasses and the Divine Encounters podcast.
Follow Along with the Transcript
Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.
Jennifer Farmer 0:08
I grew up in the space you go to church, and so, you know, I had, my dad was a he was a periodic alcoholic. He would do a lot of binge drinking. And so at that time, you know, what was going on with me before that, I was like, Is this my life? Is this what it's supposed to be like? And I wanted my dad to get sober, and so I would do a lot of praying, you know, help dad. And I remember one time he went to church, I could see him. He was so uptight and he was sweating and, you know, and I know he was going there for my mom, but it's that my dad and I were very and what was going on before I died, is a lot of badness. I had been experimenting with drugs and alcohol and going my own rebellious path. So I experimented with other things. And you know, after a long week of weekend of partying, I had these great moments, though, when I was experimenting, or I would look up at the sky and I would know that I wasn't alone, even though I was doing, per se, what you're not supposed to do. There was nights I would felt very austistic. You know, I would have this moment where I'd be like, I know there's something bigger than this, than where we are. I know we weren't born to suffer. I know we weren't created to be bad. I don't understand it. So I had those moments where those lucid moments, where I would be sort of coming to from a long weekend of partying, and I would be like, I know there's something better. I know there's something deeper. And you know what I'm thinking, is going to work? Is not working. I was living with my dad at the time, and living with my dad was quite fun. It was 1942 in our household, so every time we come in, he'd have his and I think about this now with with joy, because I love my dad, but it's also the effects of PTSD. And so his truck driver friends would be there playing dominoes, and it would be 1942 in my house. And so they would be talking about the war, and they would, you know, you would hear this re recreation of the war in my house and and then they depending on how drunk things got, you know, and then by the end of the day that everybody would just pass out. But when I was living in that space, even God came into me, in that space where you would think that there was no God and just suffering. It had been a long weekend of no sleep. I was aching, so I went to my mom's cabinet, where all the medication was probably they had already gone to work. So I snuck in when, after nobody was there. Now mind you, I was always on the lookout, because my brother's a policeman whom I love and respect, but he had, he had no patience for me, so I had to make sure the coast was clear to go home and crash. And so I after I figured it was safe to come in, I just took whatever pills that were in the cabinet, and I just need to go to sleep. I had zero. I just started. This looks good. This looks good if it said, makes you drowsy. That's what I picked. And what I know is they found me on the front lawn. My brother had to revive me. He was a cop in the area that I lived in, and I went to treatment. They took me to the hospital, and I woke up in the hospital from just taking some pills and going to sleep in that moment when I woke up, I had had probably, and I can't really equate just to moments and times, but it felt like long seconds where I was in a tunnel, and it's like the sort of the clouds parted, you know, and I felt sort of called, and really at peace and whole. And it wasn't the all the trauma that I had been experiencing. I felt whole and pure, like I was walking, a walking being of light. And I remember mentally when I could feel this sort of pool coming back to hearing beeps and things like that. And I said, God, I cannot go back there. This is this is not the place for me. This is wrong. You've got to I don't want to go back. Please don't make me go back. That's exactly what I said. It didn't feel like days, but it felt like eternity. It felt like a place where there was no time. It felt like where it was just energy. There was no door, it was just no time.
Jennifer Farmer 4:13
But I 100% going through the tunnel was amazing, and then there was this sort of tunnel of light. Again, I can't relate to time, whether that was minutes or hours, I have zero clue. I remember having feeling that love, that love, what we call love. It's love beyond supernatural in many ways. And I felt the presence of God, a loving presence, not necessarily human, but I could relate to this presence in English. I could relate to it with a vocabulary in my head that I could have a conversation. So, you know, I always thought Jesus would of course, I'm Christian, so I've still got the Christ light within me. I always call myself a Christian on the fringe, literally, because I still keep my roots of love and devotion and love and service. I do, you know, doing. To others. There's a lot of that will stay with me, but you know that, knowing that time, I can't really give you exactly how much time I was there, I just know that I clearly had a negotiation with God. Oh, this is God. I've got to have a conversation. But what was interesting is I could feel coming back into my body, and that's why I started to have a negotiation, is because I could, that's 100% that's exactly what happened. I go, Oh, we're going back. Oh, God, this is not the pet, no. It was like, oh, things are peaceful. I'm whole. I feel like, where I'm supposed to be, and then I feel this vacuum. I was like, oh, and that's when I started to beg, literally, please. So at the end of the tunnel, it felt like an open space, a void, but the void, it didn't feel like what you and I would it wasn't empty. It was a void, but it wasn't empty, it was filled with the energy. And I always think about the stars in many ways, like this, because in the stars, they have, you know, between all the stars in the sky, they have an aura, and they have a light. That means there's a star, but there's no void. There's space between those stars. I was in the aura of this light. It's what it felt like for me. And so it didn't feel empty. It didn't feel alone. Wasn't purgatory. I didn't, you know, I didn't have it. I didn't say, Oh, you've reached now. Look what you've done. You've not surrendered. And slowly I woke up, and there's my mother, who was scared to death. I was mad. And, you know, I'd like to say that after I left that experience, I got clean and sober and all was perfect in that world. But that's not what happened. It took a long time for me to come together, but that moment of feeling that unconditional love and that moment of being on the other side, it felt like a lifetime that I'd never want to leave so much that I mentally was negotiating with God, saying, This is where I'm supposed to be, right here, that moment I know gave me three years later that that near death experience didn't have that much of an impact on me immediately, but three years later, my dad died, it was very hard on me. I had had put together some sobriety at that time, and I'd probably been a year sober, and when he died, all bets were off. I remember, it was New Year's Eve, actually, and it was Texas New Year's Eve. It's cold and rainy and and I got nowhere to go. I can't go home to my mom and but I'd come to a place in my life where I wanted to die. I couldn't bear being in the physical world. It was too painful. It was too lonely. Again. I processed it. It was nine months after my dad died. I was walking down the road. I said, God, look, I can't keep this sobriety together. I don't want to live here. I'm trying to have a job and do all the right things. But the truth is, my dad is not here with me. And I said, I can't live with my mother. And I said, I'm just going to jump out in front of the next car that passes. It's raining, it's 30 degrees outside, and I was really, I was fixing, I mean, this is a highway I'm just fixing to step off. And I went to step off, and a van stopped behind me and asked me, Do you need help? And I was probably five miles from my godmother's house, whom I had seen. This is why I know even when we think life is terrible and it's sucking, it's not going our way that there are angels along the path that love us, whether they're teachers neighbors, these were they were my godmother. Was my neighbor, and I was five miles from there. I said, Just take me to Betty's house. I said, Betty, I got to figure out my life. And she said, You can stay here. And I started to put to my life together. And then at that moment, though, when I knew I had that feeling, it's kind of like when I told, God, I was stepping off. I'm done with this. Because by that time, I had already tried to drink and use myself like I tried to mix things together so I would just die. Now, even though I looked like I was having a good time, my plan was to get gone that moment when I stepped off, I was talking to that near death person that I felt I was I wanted to go back there. And I said, Wherever you are, like, this is it. I'm I'm done. And when that van stopped, it's like that. I kind of paid attention to that. I went I did get help. I am getting help now. What am I going to do with it? And so that gave me that, knowing that all back then, it started to come together for me, that something bigger than me wanted me to stay here, that it was something good in me, that needed to be a purpose. And that's what I did. It's what I've done ever since, is I have put my life on a higher plane, and through that time when my gifts started to awaken, which I'm going to say, I think that was better for me as an adult, because obviously I couldn't have handled any more gifts so that there were periods that I know that I processed. That. And I know that time in the light, whatever charge, whatever beautiful energy frequency that is, I know that when the time came with enough intention, and I'm going to call it virtuous goals, I wanted to do something good for others, that my life, apparently me living for myself was not good plan, that I needed to devote my life to helping others, that that came together, and then my sort of, my gift, started to awaken in a very safe and comfortable way, began to read people's energy and not be afraid. I used to be able to I would know things at work, and people would come and talk to me, and people started talking to me about their life and things would come to me as they did, from a different, higher version of myself. And I think I love the fact that you use the term Higher Self, because I do believe that if we have education around that, if we understand what that is, that our life can change categorically for the better, and the most powerful life that we can be if we're in our higher self. And it was through this sort of follow the breadcrumbs, through a lot of drama, and, you know, suffering and pain and but with the determined to know you want to do something good for yourself, then those gifts started to unfold like a lotus flower the spiritual path, per se, I really still was on a mission to die, honestly, because I just didn't see how to be happy and do that. Now that's one thing that stuck with me. I go that nobody else is meant to judge, that even though, if you go to the church, that's all they do, you're not doing and so I knew that if I could create a relationship with God, that was a loving God like what I had felt, that that was going to be my answer. I can't tell you how logically I knew that. I just knew it. And I think that we can learn that from spirituality. Same thing with us choosing to move beyond our religious upbringing. We look at they who we want to be like. And I think that's the gift in our in our souls path that, yes, we do have suffering. So I think that, you know, for people that are have gone through trauma, there's always there is a reason behind that, because their souls are meant to bring help and hope and healing to other people, to their divine qualities. So trying to see the best in situation isn't just positive thinking. I think it's a spiritual discipline. Sometimes we spend half of our lives finding out that we're not bad, that we're beautiful beings.
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