Teenager DIES in Car Crash; Comes BACK with Message from GOD to Heal the WORLD (NDE) with Ishtar Howell

Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.

Ishtar Howell 0:08
Well, in in my case, I'm actually very grateful that I had seemed to have some preparation for it, and that's an important part of the story to relate, in the sense that the night before, I'd actually had the night before while playing baseball, I had my arm broken by a particularly hot fastball right there. And so I was, you know, got an x ray, and I knew it was broken, and it was my Boohoo story was, I'm going to miss half of half or all of baseball season, or something like that, and while I was talking with my mom before going to bed, we just talked about normal stuff, and it just flew through my mouth. Through it flew out of my mouth without me thinking about it. No Filter. Are you going to die soon? It actually kind of shocked her, and shocked me a little bit, which, which was also unusual. My mother wasn't particularly she's quite unflappable with things like that. That would be something that would bother her, and she was in pretty good health. So, you know, you know, she kind of let it slide off, and so did I, and she said, No, I'm going to be around for a while. I'll always be there if you need me. And I was like, All right, and I just went to bed. And the next morning, I woke up like a cartoon character springing suddenly from sleep into waking and breathing really quickly and heavily. Just as my parents were passing by the door, and I asked them, I told them, like, I have something important to have to tell you. And then when I went to retrieve the message, it wasn't there. And I was like, Oh my God, but I can't remember what it is. And I was, I was so distraught that I couldn't remember this, this thing that they, like, had to call me down for about five minutes. And this was, like, the second to last day of the school year, usually a day that you really enjoyed, because, you know, no homework, and, you know, whatever. So yeah, they called me down, they went off. That was the last time I saw the two of them together, as as my parents. And then I went to school and did the school day thing, and came home, and we dropped my sister off at her new workplace, which was out of the edge of town. And just as we were driving out to make a left turn across one of those divided highways, it seemed that was, you know, an uneventful crossing of the road, because there was a visible car that was nowhere near going to hit us, but apparently there was a car hidden right behind that which, which just started to put on their old accelerator at just at the at the worst time. And as we drove, I was going to talk to my mother, and there was a big old gray Lincoln, you know, just about a few inches, probably from my mother's car door. And instead of, you know, instead of freezing in fear or having my adrenaline go up at all, I was completely calm, calm, sort of descended. And I had time for two thoughts. And the first one was, of course, oh shit. And I just figured this was the end. I was absolutely certain this was it, you know, this was, this was the end. And so the second thought was kind of taking me to this very deep place of consciousness, as if I was going down a well in my mind. And it was basically, I really thought this one was going to go more than 13 years, because the life review started to happen and fun, you know, this was actually something, you know, my whole life went back from that moment to birth like a tape with with every little frame and complete clarity. And this, which was interesting, because I had heard about those as a kid, I was always curious if that really happened. It was very skeptical. I was like, how could you have that much experience and just that um, bit of time. And sure enough, every every single moment only in the in this case, there was also a sense that I was in contact with this vast, deeply objective, perfectly objective aspect of myself, or aspect of God or whatever. I didn't have any box for that, but it was a, it was a part of consciousness that I had been familiar with as a kid, and, you know, as I got older and more of an ego, I didn't like it all the time, because it would come in and say, like, yeah, that's a bad idea. And this time, I was completely happy with being in touch with this thing, because we went through my whole life and every, every place where there was pretense or fear or lying, or some place where I was, you know, where I would nowadays, say, where I was resisting life, where I was running from God, running from consciousness, was completely seen and forgiven. And then we got to the end, and as we went back, actually, also each scene became more and more suffused with essentially what felt like a golden light. And like a lot of other people, I wasn't just experiencing the life from my individual perspective. I was experiencing it from both the individual perspective, other people's perspective, and a cosmic perspective, which seemed to encompass all of them simultaneously. There wasn't any confusion about this. There's no in fact, it was the clearest experience that I could remember for a long time. If at all, up to that point and and so when, when it finally came to an end, I was, you know, basically, there was no difference from that, that realm, or whatever it, you know, that I was experiencing there. Then everything I was looking at, I remember looking at the my mother's shoulder, the dashboard of the car, man in the Lincoln car, his car, the sky, everything was was filled with this light, you know, a kind of light that that's beyond, beyond light. And I had this complete realization that everything was actually made up of love the whole time. And I was completely, I was the most alive I'd ever been in that moment of just being done. It was, it was just, it was beautiful. And then, you know, bam, we got hit pretty hard. I got concussed, and then it was a big whack, no bruise, which, which is still strange to stay. I didn't I. I had a broken arm from the day before, but the only injury that was aggravated was I had a broken middle finger on that arm. So for part of the summer, I went around with a cast that was shaped like this, which, which was actually kind of indicated, you know, my mood. In a lot of ways, people were using the big skill saw taking the doors off of our car to get us out of there, and then pulling me out, and, you know, really skillfully putting me on the gurney and being very careful in case I had spinal injuries. You know, they did a really good job for the both of us, and they got us into an ambulance very quickly. And, you know, they're asking me my name and and I was saying, like, I have no idea what my name is, but that's my mom over there. That's all I could because I was really concussed. And then in the ambulance, I had that phenomena happen, where I, you know, they had my neck strapped down. I was seeing that through my eyes and answering the questions of the EMT as best I could, but I was also floating at the top of the ambulance, looking down on the whole scene. And it was simultaneous, you know, my mother called my name out twice, you know, asking, and I said, I'm okay twice. And the first one, I don't think she registered, but the second one, she did. And because after after that, her breathing went from this kind of labored breath, I think, really struggling to stay inside a just a broken body. We were in the ambulance together, and I had that weird of dual consciousness, dual perspective thing going where I was in my body, but also kind of at the top of the ambulance. My mother called my name twice, and and I and to both calls, I said, I'm okay. And the second one, she registered and not I knew, not only because her breathing changed and became a very calm breathing as if, as if, she was just letting go, because she knew that I was fine and that, you know, her last job was done to make sure I was okay, which actually it's, in some ways, more than all the mystical experiences before and after, in some ways, in some ways, that actually touched my soul the deepest, that singular moment interaction. Whenever I had challenging times later in life, I would remember that, and I would I would remember the strength of the parent staying in their dying body to make sure that their child was okay. And so that would give me the strength to do a lot of difficult things and a lot of right things that were hard. So, you know, that that actually touched me, practical in terms more than most things. I also felt her go, interestingly enough, when, and you know, of course, I've always been very skeptical of this too, you know, careful not to frame things in ways that maybe are not how they are. But when she called my name, there was her voice was in me. You know that there was no sound coming from a separate place reaching this separate person. There was a real unitive sense of the communication. Even I felt her as if overlapping with me to a certain degree up at the top of the ambulance. And when, when she kind of when her breathing changed, I felt her. It almost felt like like a breeze. And at the time, I didn't, you know, I wasn't thought I was this concussed 13 year old. I was not interpreting that as I'm not gonna see my mom again, alive, my body. I thought, No, we're gonna get to the ambulance maybe, and they're gonna, I'm the hospital. They're gonna patch us up. You know, well, life, life will go on, maybe. And you know that didn't happen. And you know, next thing that we're in the hospital. She's in the behind several rounds of blue curtains, the din of voices of doctors over there, and they're trying to save her. I'm out because I guess I was they knew I was all right. I'm still on a gurney because they wanted to check and make sure my spine was okay. But I'm out in the gurney. And then my sister is there, and she's crying because she's thinking that, you know, both her mother and younger brother might be kaput, and then dad came out and gave us the bad news. And you know that that hit like a like a medicine ball to the gut. And you know, it's kind of a blur of sadness and crying and shock, you know, being let out of that led out of the hospital, and the good hearted ladies from the Lutheran Social Services offering offering hugs. I really wasn't quite in the I wasn't quite in the space for food for at the time, but I know they were meant very well. There was a silence that was just always there that it couldn't shake. And at first I thought this was shock, and I would be thinking like, Man, this shock is pretty good, you know?

I'm glad for the shock. You know. Because there's this vastness that was not really in my body, but in my body, but everywhere. And when I would I could somehow, like, dip into it, like it was some kind of a substance, like a lake, I could go deeper into it. And whenever I would do that, I started to find that waves of bliss would flow up through my body like they had when I was much younger. So I was having, kind of having fun with that, treating it like a phenomena. I was very curious about this relationship between going into this big, silent thing and all this going on, and the more I would go into that, I would also this kind of love would pour into my heart and wrap around the people that I was with, or the things that I was looking at. And I didn't exactly believe in the God at the time, I didn't have any religion, but you know, said, if there is a guy, you know, fuck you, you know, you took my mom, you know, punching the wall, even when I was punching a wall, there's a this weird latitude that was, that was in the background. I kind of especially that I had some kind of precognition, that it was going to happen, that that helped a lot, in a sense that, and I was not a stranger to precognitive experience. Just there was there. I had no experience that was related to such a major thing before, but that that helped me get through it. And so I went to a school year again, eighth grade and and socially and academically, I got a lot of things that I'd wanted for years. This, of course, it was very empty and hollow. And I was trying to be the person that I was before. I was trying to resume the life that I had before. And it was like, you know, it's like trying to put on shoes that were two sizes too small. In a sense, it was painful. I wanted to be, not only for myself, because it was very goal oriented before, but for my dead mother, in a sense, from my dad, from my whole family, I wanted to live up to who they wanted me to be certain degree people please. And it just was not going very well internally at all. Well, my definition of living a good life is is basically living as much in the present moment as you possibly can. More are defined more than the present moment, living in that space that's timeless. And when you live from that timeless space, then, funnily enough, you don't become less of an individual. You know, you don't become, you know, suddenly beige and you know, having no characteristics. You often people become more eccentric. In a sense, they become who you know, specifically who they who they need to be and and so if you can then live from that place in which you're you're singing the song that's basically been been put to you that's beautiful, that, to me, is living. You know Dharma, our dharma is a song, our purpose is a song. And then you're and that's wonderful.