Follow Along with the Transcript – Episode DE034
Alex Ferrari 0:00
Tell me what your life was like before you died.
Anoop Kumar 0:08
So that was actually in medical school, in my in my kind of mid to late 20s. I think later 20s is when it happened, when I was in medical school. Before that, you know, I was growing up. I was immersed in spirituality in Vedanta, Advaita Vedanta, or the philosophy of non duality, which is getting very popular these days. My parents were very much into that. Our family was so as a kid that felt like my first education actually, you know, because we would go there on the weekends, we would be there during the week and sitting in on the adult classes talking about mind and the nature of reality and the purpose of life. And I loved it. I mean, it just made sense to me, you know, not that I understood everything intellectually, but it seemed relevant. Let's just put it that way. And then I'd go to school and sit there and I'd be like, I don't know, it just did not seem so relevant, you know, to put it mildly. And of course, now I know it's because school, they look at everything on the objective side of it, but they forget about the person who's looking at it, which is like insane, you know, whereas this was no you have to look at everything together and specifically look at the lens that you're coming from. So that's how I was going about my life. And I found school very dissatisfying, including medical school, to be frank, to the way we looked at the human being, the way we looked at the human body. And so there was this restlessness in me, you know, there was this kind of searching, even though it wasn't formalized as to, like, you know, what is this? What is this about? You know, kind of like, where was I before? What is after? Like, what is this stuff? So I was always experimenting with my mind and and doing little exercises like standing right next to the wall and seeing what it felt like to like be through the wall, and just always playing around with stuff to try to figure out or experiment with, and come to rest, come to that state of rest and peace, you know. So that's what it was like before. Even though it was a formal process, I'm not even sure I was aware that I was doing that, but it was just that restlessness was there until things kind of opened up. So that day, I had come back from med school, and I was at my parents house, and I was in my bedroom, and I was reading and reading some philosophy actually wasn't. It wasn't medical related, and I read something I don't remember what it was in in that moment, it felt like a huge explosion went off, you know, it just felt like everything blew to smithereens, so to speak, and it felt like I was sitting in the sun. And, you know, it's funny, Alex, I've said this so many times, and every time I say it, it's so strange how I can't say it any other way, like it just seems so true, like I was sitting in the sun, no matter how bizarre that seems, or how whatever it is, that's what it was. There was no body, there was no world. It was just sun and me and I was part of the sun, in a sense. And it was blissful, it was perfect, it was timeless. It was all the things that we always hear, you know, those kinds of things. And I'm not sure how long that went on, exactly. But I remember then feeling like I'm going through the sun or beyond the sun. It got to this place where I had one foot beyond and one foot still there in this brilliant orange Blaze, this mother of all blazes, right? And just when that was going to happen just when that was going to complete, let's say then this flame arose within this brilliant Blaze that's the sun. This secondary flame arose and instilled this thought in my mind, which is that this wouldn't be fair, and it's not yet time. And you know, like when, when you hear something that's so true and so deep, you know, it doesn't require any force. It just makes you stop. You know what I mean? It freezes you. And this, this froze me, made me pause, even as I was about to take that step beyond and I knew if I took that step, that was it. I was not coming back. It was not, you know, that was it, which wasn't a bad thing, but it is what it is. But when this being put this idea in my mind, it was just so true. I knew it was so true. And I think everything that remained to be done, the strength of that, that karma, you know, those rubber bands that keep us wherever we're supposed to be, they snap back, and everything re imploded. And there I was sitting with that body in that same room, and just I remember kind of looking around and being like, almost like, what is this? I thought I knew this place, but I could see in that moment that I never really knew what this actually was. And it was so crystal clear that our world just gonna use a word light, that our world is made of. Light is constructed out of light. You know, that space that we consider like space between our hands, that that there is light here it is light that is appearing as space. It's not an emptiness, you know, and that what we call hands or objects are modifications of that light densities, different kinds of density. Cities, and I sat there for some period of time. I'm not really sure how long I sat there, and then I got up and started exploring, and I remember going to the bathroom and looking in the mirror, and what struck me about that was I didn't recognize a guy in the mirror because that guy looked too peaceful, and I had this restlessness in my body before which I can't say that I was ever too conscious of. I mean, I kind of knew that I was on some kind of search, maybe. But I could only realize how much tightness there was in the body when it was gone, and when I saw that guy's face, and I was almost like, you know, I would like to know this guy, this guy looks, looks, you know, much more relaxed, much more content. And that was the beginning of everything, a long process of integrating that continues today. Well, you know, I could not have communicated all they have communicated in the last 15 plus years, if it were not for the clarity that has come from that so much clarity just came in to my life and continues to come into my life, and so much assimilation and integration and healing. You know, of my traumas from this lifetime, from other lifetimes. You know, my relationships, karma. You know, there's so much. You know, it's not just like somebody has an experience and that's great, but you know, like, how do you live that in your life, and how do you spend the rest of this lifetime, and what is the meaning and significance of that in the space of all lifetimes that we experience, you know? So all that, there has to be some clarity to communicate about this. I feel like, and especially as an ER doc, I feel like I have a responsibility. I diagnose emergencies, right? And I treat emergencies. So I think the biggest emergency is that we have forgotten who we are, and we don't really know what this world is. That's the emergency, and the heart attacks and the strokes and everything come downstream from that. As a result of that, there's so many steps in between that leads then to these kinds of diseases, and for me to speak about that coherently and clearly and with compassion and love has been a process, so I feel a responsibility there, and I don't think I could be doing that without the clarity that has come with that and beyond. So here's the funny thing about that. I don't know that I told anybody about this for like, 10 years or something like that, and here's the reason why, it wasn't because I hesitated, it wasn't because I was worried about what people think. It's because I had heard from my whole life that from people who had dedicated their lives to this experience, these things and so on. You have these experiences. You have these blood experiences, you have these mystical experiences. Don't take them too seriously. They're part. It's what happens. It's part of the journey. Integrate it and keep moving. And so that was my approach to this, you know, as as much as it did, especially soon after that, I started my residency training emergency medicine, which was nuts, and that was incredibly difficult. But even then, I hardly talked about it. I had a teacher in the area near Philadelphia, who I would go to once in a while and be like, you know, I used to think like this, and I used to be considered a really smart guy, and I used to think in this way, that's not happening anymore. You know, he would just have these very short, redirecting answers. And because I trusted this person that helped me, and even to him, I never talked about this, about what actually happened. So for me, like, I guess in my mind, I had always had that perspective that it's not, don't give it too much importance. And once I started talking about it, like, 10 years later or so, what I realized is that this is actually a way to get people interested and start learning about what is possible, you know. So that's when I started talking about it, and I started to realize, oh, okay, I talked to the Ian's International Association for near death studies, and I think the President said, Okay, what you had is called a near death like experience, because your body actually was so I started learning all this terminology, and that's when I said, Okay, I am going to start talking about this rather than just talking about consciousness, because sometimes it can be too abstract. So I started telling my personal story as well. If you look at yourself in the mirror once a year, every year, you'll see a different person each year. It never ends, you know. So, like, you know, it's funny.
In culture, there are certain words, right? Especially in spiritual culture, there's enlightenment, there's Dark Knight, there's NDE, you know, you can probably name, like, 5 6 7, terms that come up a lot. But then what happens when all that stuff is kind of done, like, you're not done, you're just at a place where we don't really language that well, you know, where we don't really talk about but if you look in the mirror there, it's still something new and different, and five years later, it's still something new and different, and you're getting to a place now where English isn't enough. You know, there are no real words to capture some of those things. So I agree with you. Like looking in the mirror is it's like looking into the depths of the galaxy and the cosmos, you know, where you have supernovas and pulsars, you don't know what's going to come up. And so these things are all happening at some level, different densities, you know, that's why even even hallucinations, you know, I don't feel I have the authority to tell anybody, hey, what you're perceiving is not real. You. I don't know. I'm not the expert on reality to say that what you're experiencing is not real. What I can say is I don't experience what you're experiencing. Now let's talk about the meaning of what you experience, because we're already at the point where neuroscience is telling us that this is a co constructed, collective hallucination, right? No. So, I mean, so at some point I think it's just a matter of honesty. Let's just be honest. Like a simple principle in this universe is that everything affects everything, and that at a fundamental level, there are no impermeable boundaries, right there. They may appear to be, you know, of course, there's a boundary between, let's say, my body and yours. Boundary between this finger and my hand. There are these. But once you start zooming in and really looking, all boundaries start to really become permeable and eventually disappear. So what we call boundaries are, let's say, ways of perceiving all right, or shared notions. So everything affects everything. So if you put hot water and cold water together, what do you get? You get warm water because the two kinds of water affect each other, right? If you get two people together, one is really anxious, one is really calm, you might get something in between, right? So a yogi is no different than anybody else in that sense, right? They affect the things around them, just like all of us do, just like everything does. You turn on the light the room gets a lumen. The light affects the room. The difference is with the yogi is that they're aware that their boundaries are all permeable, and they can function beyond the boundaries of a person who has not realized this, right? So their their activation, their capacity to influence, goes far beyond that of another person that has not yet moved through their boundaries. And that's simply the difference. And so what seems like a great distance for one person is nothing for a certain kind of Yogi, because they've realized the nature the reality of consciousness and how space and time are structured in consciousness, and so it's simply a matter of switching attention. You know, 1000 miles is a matter of switching attention rather than getting on a plane and traveling 1000 miles.
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