You are Truly Not Alone with Dr. Dain Heer

Dain Heer is an author, change-maker, speaker, and co-creator of Access Consciousness, one of the largest personal development companies practiced in 176 countries. Heer is the founder of International Being You Day.

For more than twenty years, he has traveled the world, sharing his unique insights on happiness, relationships, getting over the yuck and everything in between! Growing up in the ghetto in Los Angeles, Heer was exposed to constant abuse however he never chose to be a victim.

In his talks and workshops, he uses a set of tools and provides step by step energetic processes to get people out of the conclusions and judgments that are keeping them stuck on a cycle of no choice and no change- leading them into moments of awe that they have the power to change anything.

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Follow Along with the Transcript – Episode 065

Dr. Dain Heer 0:00
But righteousness includes everything and judges nothing. And so it's not a judgement of it. It's not I let this go because it's wrong. It's I let this go because it's not mine.

Alex Ferrari 0:19
I'd like to welcome to the show Dain Heer. How are you doing Dain?

Dr. Dain Heer 0:21
Ohh, Alex. I'm awesome. How about you?

Alex Ferrari 0:24
I'm doing fantastic, sir. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Man. I I appreciate appreciate you coming on the show. I've been looking and studying a lot of the stuff that you've been doing over the years, man, and you're doing some good work, brother. You're doing some good work out there helping

Dr. Dain Heer 0:36
Thank you and right back out. Yeah. So for me, this is awesome. So grateful to be with you.

Alex Ferrari 0:43
Thank you, my friend. So first off, man, how did you get started in this work in your kind of spiritual path of what you're doing in the world today?

Dr. Dain Heer 0:52
Dude how long do you have?

Alex Ferrari 0:55
Two minutes or two minutes per question very strict. Okay.

Dr. Dain Heer 0:59
And for me, you gotta tell me that because my ID shit takes over 30 minutes later. I'm like, What did you ask again? Long story short, I started a spiritual path back in my 20s because I was suffering. And I thought I always knew from the time I was a little kid, there must be something else possible. Having experienced a lot of abuse, physical, sexual, emotional, you name it. I was sort of beaten down, but still always had a sense of hope. And so I was exploring and not coming to many major realizations, or I would have lightness for a while, and then it would go away. And so I got to a point here I was 30 years old. This was 22 years ago. And I was starting my second chiropractic practice. It looked from the outside, like I had the perfect life, the perfect relationship. I'm living in Santa Barbara, you know, Paradise. And I am dying inside. I'd been unhappy for the better part of three years. And I went to yet another weekend workshop, and thought I had found the answer by Sunday evening. And by Wednesday morning of the next week, the universe caved in on my head again. And I was like, You know what universe I'm done. Either my life truly changes, or I'm out of here, and I set a date to end my life that was six months in the future. Well, the next week, I came across this little ad for Access Consciousness. That said, access All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory. And it had this girl's phone number there. I throw the paper away, it came out the following week, I saw the same little ad. So I made a call. I went and I had a session. And I went into the session depressed and suicidal. And I came out of it with an immense gratitude for being alive, a sense of space that I had been looking for my entire life and never found. And I was like, if it can change this fast, and if it feels like this to be alive, I am in. And so I met the founder. Within a few months, we became fast friends. And and when I started 22 years ago, we were in two countries. And now we're in 176 countries. And we had I think six facilitators. And now we have 11,000. And but it is truly been a a labor of love if you can even call it a labor to bring tools to people that actually work in the trenches of life to change things.

Alex Ferrari 3:19
That's an amazing story. And that co founder, if I'm not mistaken is Gary Douglas. Correct? Yes. Mr. Bailey, a friend of the show friend of the show, Gary Douglas. He is a he was a unique conversation to say the least. Scary. Man, a lot of fun,

Dr. Dain Heer 3:35
Like everything I thought I knew Oh, okay, I'll just throw that out. Now. Thanks a lot.

Alex Ferrari 3:39
I just, he's just very straightforward and raw and honest about things whether you'd like to hear it or not. It's fantastic.

Dr. Dain Heer 3:47
That's a great thing about Gary, you know, that I would like us all to learn from is, you know, what you can say it as it is other people's judgement about you is irrelevant. their point of view about you doesn't mean anything unless you make it

Alex Ferrari 4:01
Correct. Absolutely. Now, what is the most important thing we can do right now that can lead us to the kind of life that we want?

Dr. Dain Heer 4:11
A couple of things. Number one is get out of judgment of us. Most of us have an autopilot that's beating us down everyday and telling us what we're not and telling us that we can't, that thing is a liar. Stop listening to it. And number two, and this is a little interesting is one of the things we found in access is 98% of your thoughts, your feelings and your emotions are things you pick up from other people. And we're like a big, we're like big tuning forks. You know, we're like big psychic tuning forks and we vibrate, like the vibrations of people around us. If we can dislodge that. We only have to deal with the 2% that's left that's actually ours. And if you look at this, you realize that if something isn't yours, you can't do anything about it anyway, like for A lot of people, you know, in the last few years, there's been a lot more stress seemingly everywhere. You know, it's like in the air we breathe, and it's like, what is going on? But we have a tool to help change that, which is Who does this belong to? And if you're doing yuck stuck, or what the, you know, you can, you can ask, Who does this belong to? And if it lightens up at all, it's actually not yours. It's something you're aware of. And we tend to think that the things we perceive belong to us, but they actually don't. And we've even got a free app, you know, so because this is such a helpful tool, I helped myself, it helped me get over depression and the suicidal thoughts I was having, when I first started this.

Alex Ferrari 5:43
Now, is there are there any techniques that you can suggest on how to block the negativity around us? Because a lot of times, it's, you know, obviously, if we can get away from the negativity, in a sense, but like you said earlier, the world is just going through this insane shift right now that I haven't had in my lifetime, I'd argue that's never happened in the, in the history of, of time of mankind, because so many things are happening at the same time, affecting the planet as a whole. There's some stress in the world. Yeah, you know, we're on the brink of possible world war three, you know, the pandemic, pandemic, or, you know, global warming, weird, you know, weird weather patterns. I mean, there's so much stuff going on. And there's a lot of stress and a lot of negativity coming in. How do you block that? And how do you focus on, you know, just blocking that out and getting getting down to the business of being you?

Dr. Dain Heer 6:40
Well, the thing is, you need to realize you can't block it, but you can become bigger than it, you know, because all that stuff exists down here on the spectrum. You know, if there's a spectrum, it's down here, it's it's the really like, low level crap that people are vibrating at. So who does this belong to is one, if you'll ask that for three days to every thought, feeling and emotion you have every judgment, every sense of stuck in yuck. And if it lightens up, it's not yours to return it to sender. At the end of three days, you walk around, like you're in a walking, talking meditation. And I do realize, you know, me just putting this out there and your listeners are like, What are you talking about crazy, man, I'm like, Dude, I totally get it, I was in the same place. When I heard this, too. It works, though. And that that's first in that. Because if you can dislodge a lot of that stuff that's in your head on a daily basis, it's not yours. Now you're a lot more present with what is yours. And so the second part of it is we've got to be willing to create our lives, we got to be willing to expand in the presence of this. Now a lot of people will go, but I can't because and I'm like, You know what, whether you think you can or think you can't, you are correct. In access, we have this thing called a clearing statement, which is probably beyond the scope of our conversation today to us. But it's a way of when you have something come up, you do what we call POC and POD it, which is you just go hey, POC and POD, all that crap. And what happens is it starts melting and dissolving away, because you're asking to go to the point of creation of wherever you started it. That's another it's a really useful tool. And once again, that's freely available online. Also, it's the Access Consciousness clearing statement. And I truthfully, at this point, I don't know how people live life without it, because so much of life at this point seems to be trying to avoid the obstacles and the roadblocks. And the people coming out of the shadows to pound you on the head like Little Bunny Foo Foo, you know, and what this does is, is it takes away your alignment with it, it takes away your being the effect of it, and starts putting you in the driver's seat. And one other thing that we need to do is what I suggest people do is, if you had a magic wand and could have anything as your life in the next 12 months to, to 36 months, what would that be like? How would that be for you? How would you wake up? How would you be with that? Like, what would your life be like? And how would you feel it in your body? How would you sense it around? You get the sense of that. And once again, you want to do it a little longer than we're doing it here probably. But if you'll get the sense of that, and then go okay, cool. I'm asking for that. Now. I'm asking for that to be my life universe consciousness. I had no idea how the heck this is going to show up. But I'm asking for that. It's the beginning of asking you shall receive because that is actually one of the truths of the universe. My point of view is they just hid it in the Bible. So nobody would, you know, find it, you know, and so, and then what you want to do is you want to recognize it will one thing that you can do is wherever you sense that in the future, do your best to bring it closer, like bring it here, which is is using an ability that we have that we don't realize that we have to make a request number One but but to be able to actualize it to be able to make it show up, because we all ask for a lot of things, but we don't necessarily expect them to show up, we need to ask from the expectation that if I'm asking this will happen. And then the other thing we need to do is we need to go, Okay, I'm willing to have this. But and, and I'm willing to change anything I need to, I'm willing to change any point of view, I'm willing to get over any limited point of view, I'm willing to embrace any possibility. And I'm willing to let go of anyone or anything in order to have this. And that's where most people get stuck. Because we have so many things and people we're holding on to, in relationships, who feel like we have to maintain that what happens is it keeps us stuck from many directions. It's like having, you know, however many people in your life, each having a rope around you pulling from a different direction that you have to somehow stay in the center of, but if we're willing to say, hey, you know what, I'm willing to allow my relationships to evolve, including my relationship with myself, then we can set ourselves on a path because within us is the awareness within us in our connection to this beautiful universe in which we live in this beautiful planet on which we live, is the awareness we require for the change we desire. We've got to be willing to allow ourselves to know that and access.

Alex Ferrari 11:20
A lot of the things that we go through on a day to day basis is deals with fear. And deeming afraid of this or afraid of that, or if you know, the big fears and the little fears. How can you as a how do you have any advice on how we can move beyond fear to get to that, that place that we're talking about right now?

Dr. Dain Heer 11:40
Yeah, there's there's actually three things, one of which is fear and excitement or cycle, physiologically exactly the same. It's what we do psychologically, with the point of view, we take about it, that turns it into one or the other. My favorite story comes from Gary, who was a six year old kid, and he was about to go on the Ferris wheel for the first time. And he was so excited. He was jumping up and down and pulling on his mom's skirt waiting for the ride to stop so they could get on. And she looked down and said Now don't be afraid, dear. Anyway, oh, this is fear. So from that point on, anytime you had that excitement, he went, Oh, I'm afraid. And so you want to ask is this fear or excitement? And then the other thing is, D would, Alex, would you like me to prove to you see that you don't truly have fear? Sure. It's cool. And maybe this will work for Hopefully, most people out there who are listening. So what happens to you in an emergency situation? Do you fall apart and lose your shit? Or do you get calm, cool and collected and handle it? And then fall apart later to prove you were indeed afraid? That would be the second. Yeah, the second. And you know, it's the same for almost everybody I have ever presented this to. And that's hundreds of 1000s of people. It's not just you and me. And so if you don't fall apart in any emergency, you don't truly have fear. But what we've been taught is that we must have fear because it somehow preserves us it is somehow a life preservation mechanism. I don't see it that way. I see it as a life destruction mechanism. And and look at it this way, would an infinite being or a spiritual being or a conscious being whatever we want to recognize ourselves out. It's what an infinite being truly have fear. Nope. No. And that's, that's the awareness that can lead to us setting ourselves free. And the other thing that we found is fear is a way of distracting you from moving forward. And we use the access clearing statement on that. And you just go, POC and POD all that. So basically, in and believe me, you know, I say this. And to some people, I might sound a little glib, like, he just doesn't get it. Like, oh, no, you don't understand. I get it. And 22 years ago, my life was run by fear. I was starting my second chiropractic practice, and the only thing I could think of I was in a new city, I didn't know anybody. The only thing I could think of was picking up the phone and making phone calls to other practitioners and also people that I've learned about that might be interested. Can you imagine a chiropractor doing cold calls? Right? Cold phone calls? Oh, not pretty.

Alex Ferrari 14:21
Fun.

Dr. Dain Heer 14:21
Yeah. So much fun. Oh, my God, I remember those days. I'm like, Wow, I can't believe that, that I had so much energy around that, but what I would do is I'd pick up the phone, and sometimes I would start shaking from fear. And then I would start crying. And I'm like, I can't make the phone call yet. And this is before access. So I used whatever tools I could to get myself more present, you know, breathing and feeling myself there and all you know, thinking of light things and all this sort of stuff. And sometimes it would take me an hour to get over it. But I would always make the phone call because I wasn't willing to let it run my life. And that in conjunction with fear about money fear about my relationship fear about the world, it ran my life. It's part of the reason I wanted to end it. And now I don't have it at all, because I use the three things that I just talked to you about. So we don't have to have it.

Alex Ferrari 15:14
Do you discuss, you've talked about something called the distractor. implant? What is that?

Dr. Dain Heer 15:20
Well, it's a way of distracting you from what is right in front of you, that will be that will actually work for you. So for example, fear is one of those and I say implant because it acts like an implanted point of view, like if you could put a chip in somebody's head and activate their, their neurotransmitters, easy for me to say, activate the neurotransmitter, the part of the brain that that goes into fear. Well, you'd have somebody who was believing this was so real, but it's actually coming from the chip in their head, basically. So it acts like that. This is something that is a way of distracting us. And it acts like an implanted point of view. And what I mean by that is, fear is there's the physiological, you know, we have fight or flight, right. And we know fight or flight is probably a good thing, because it kept us alive when we were living with lions, tigers and bears everywhere. Well, now what we've got is not that situation at all. But that level of stress, that level of fear is still there as though it's a preservation mechanism. But the thing is, we learn the situations in which to be afraid from other people. And so as a result of that, it acts like an implanted point of view. And so the whole thing about that is you can undo it, you can actually use this clearing statement to undo it and get rid of it forever.

Alex Ferrari 16:47
It's really interesting because we is a current society, in modern in the Western world, specifically, the stressors are not the lions, tigers, tigers and bears, as you said, but it's the boss, it's the bills, it's the girlfriend is the boyfriend, it's not getting your job, not getting the thing that moving along, all those stresses is keeping us in flight, a fight or flight all day, every day. And the body is not built to handle that all day, every day. It's built all the Tigers there. That's when it turns on. I escaped the tiger. I'm chilled now. But now the Tigers there constantly. Yeah, is there a way that you know that we can kind of relieve that, that that that stress to kind of start, because it's all about worrying about the past, which is your memories in the future, which is your imagination. It's not about living in the moment. And that's where a lot of stress has come from, is that correct?

Dr. Dain Heer 17:45
That's definitely one of the big ones. And it is it's a mental projection that we have. And we assume and here's the the most destructive part of that is our point of view creates our reality. Reality doesn't create our point of view. So our point of view that that's going to happen, and us keeping it with us and fearing it oftentimes makes it happen, because we were so convinced, which is why we're trying to avoid it so dynamically. And the greatest thing I know of, of changing it is something called Access Consciousness bars. And I don't mean this as a commercial like for me, when I you know, I'm talking to somebody or coming on a podcast, it's like, I want to give people as many actionable tools that they can use in their lives as possible. And so but I have to say this, because we've done studies for this Access Consciousness bars and found that it decreases anxiety, stress and depression, an average of 87% with one session. And it's a light touch technique where you lie down on a table, keep your clothes on and somebody puts their hands on different places on your head for about an hour to an hour and 15 minutes. That's the session that I had that quite literally saved my life 22 years ago, and it is the greatest de stressor I have ever found. And it works by we've done brainwave studies and found that the brainwaves that are associated with a sense of connection with the universe and a sense of gratitude skyrocket, the brainwaves for peace and ease skyrocket, and the brainwaves for creativity also skyrocket at the same time. And it does it has this effect. I don't know why I don't know how I'm just grateful that it does. And this is this is one of those things that I wish the entire world knew about it. I wish the entire world had it. We did a a pilot study, if you will. It was actually just to contribute. Because we had some facilitators in Italy. Their kids were going to the school and their kids get bars regularly and They came home and they're like, me, I don't know, I don't like the other kids at school are always like crazy and stressed out. And it's like, wow, here we are in second grade. So you know what I mean, like, to our world,

Alex Ferrari 20:14
It's insane.

Dr. Dain Heer 20:15
What the F is going on here?

Alex Ferrari 20:16
I wasn't stressed out. And second, I was stressed out not to go to the principal's office or something, oh, my

Dr. Dain Heer 20:22
Trying to hide whatever you did that wasn't supposed to be found, you know. But these kids and their kids said that. And so what they did was, they did a thing where they ran this class, they ran their bars for 20 minutes a week for eight weeks. And the change was astronomical, the class was peaceful after, and these kids were lining up to get their bars on and run each other's bars, because they showed them how to do it on each other. And the number of stories of parents who said, Yeah, my child used to be wonderful and loving. And after a couple of years of school, they came home, and they didn't want anything to do with me, you know, it's like teenager in second grade. And, and they said, and a number of parents reported this, they said, I have my child back, like my child is loving again, she's contributing, she actually loves me. And this is this is the effect that we see. And it's so beyond the ability to describe that that is even possible. But here it is, it is possible, it does exist. And we have facilitators all around the world, and practitioners, literally all around the world that do this, because it's created such a change for them. And you know, so when you talk about how to how to offload the stress of the world, I have to mention this because it is so effective and so simple.

Alex Ferrari 21:44
When I've learned that, we all have a negative bias in our minds, you know, we're full of genetically or whatever, biologically focusing, we're built to focus on the negative, not the positive, I think I forgot was one of the my rishis, who was a great analysis, he held up a white blanket. And in the middle, there was a little red dot that he put. And he asked his audience to ask the audience, what do you see? And everyone's like, Well, I see the red dot, like, No, it's the blanket that you should be looking at. So it's something innate in us to focus on the negative, and I think is a survival mechanism as well, to do that, is there any techniques that you have that can help us stop that negative chatter in our head that kind of beat down the beat down to you, we're talking about the beginning of the conversation, where we're constantly being beaten down by ourselves, what can we do techniques that we can do to just shut that mind up? For me, it's meditation, meditation is really quieted that monkey brain a lot. And I start arguing with it, sometimes, I'm like, some, some negative thing comes up. I'm like, just shut up, shut up and go back back to sleep. I don't. I don't, I don't need you right now. Things like that. And it's up. But it's always there never goes away. It pops its head up. It could go it could be dormant for a long time. And then just like, it waits for a moment, I call it the UFC fighter that sits on your shoulder. And he's quiet and quiet all of a sudden, oh, there's a shot boom. And actually, right.

Dr. Dain Heer 23:17
Now, you have I know that one. Now, I have to say, at this point, I and a lot of people I know that I've done access for a while. It's not there anymore. It's literally not there. And I don't say that for any other reason, then I know we all believe it has to be there. No matter how much we meditate, no matter how much we exercise, no matter how much we drink, or do drugs or do whatever, to try to minimize or get rid of it. Until we get c my first question would be how much of it is actually not yours? How much? Are you aware of the monkey mind of other people? How much are you aware of where they're got punching themselves with their own UFC fighter on their shoulder? And there's a crucial difference between between perceiving something and being something. And we don't make that distinction. And we have to start making that distinction. And which is why I bring up this Who does this belong to tool? Or is it mine? And I don't need to harp on that. There's a few other things I'd like to suggest based on your question. But if we can look at this and recognize, like, what's the difference between I perceive sadness, and I am sad.

Alex Ferrari 24:42
I mean, it's different because when you're sad, let's say, you know, you had a loss in the family. You know, yeah, there's a sadness there. There's something that it's not that I perceive the sadness. I am truly sad about that person no longer being in my life. It's a loss. So I do You feel the sadness now how you deal with that sadness, what you do with it how long you dwell in it is another thing. But it is a, at least from my point of view, it is a process that comes in, like, for me like something like anger, or frustration, I have children, so you can imagine. So when frustration comes in before I would, if they did something early on, when they were four, I would get angry, and then it would ruin my day, I would hold on to it all day, where now that frustration comes in and out of me. Sometimes with seconds. I'm like it, and then I, it all happens with one moment, I'm frustrated or angry, I recognize it, I let it go. And that's taken me time to be able to do that, where before I would get angry, or I would get frustrated or something would happen. I'm imagining the same thing with sadness, you know, just depending on how long you want to live in that place. Because it's only hurting you. It's not it's only hurting you you being sad and depressed. And, and, but it is a it is a feeling that it comes up. I mean, at a certain point, if someone punches you in the face, you're gonna feel something. How you deal with it is another question and how how you processes it under the question. And it could be seconds, or it could be years.

Dr. Dain Heer 26:20
Yeah. And what I'm trying to do is shortcut it. So it's moments, right seconds. Because if you look at this, basically, us being aware, so perceiving sadness, if you go I perceive sadness, hears you hear sadness, you're separate, you've not owned it, you don't have it, physiologically, you don't have it emotionally, you don't have it psychologically, none of that exists. But what we do is we perceive sadness, and then we go, Oh, my God, because nobody's ever told us we're aware of all these thoughts, feelings and emotions of other people. We perceive the sadness, and we go, Oh, my God, I'm so sad. We've now identified it as ours. And now we have to do some mental gymnastics or something to try to get rid of it. But if we would instead acknowledge, I perceive the sadness of the world, like if you know what happens when you hang around with sad people, what happens, you start getting slower and sadder. You hang around happy people, you start getting happier. You hang around people who judge you start judging, even though you're not a judgmental person, you're like, what happened to me? Well, is it yours? No, you're perceiving it, but you're also owning it? Rather than recognizing, oh, I'm perceiving this. So who the heck does that belong to? And does that to where you go? Okay, so let's say you have the sadness, or you have the stress about the future. You know, the wrongness of you, whatever it is, you go, who does that belong to? And it lightens up even a little bit, means it's not yours. And like, for me, I tried meditating for years. And what would happen is, I would be there meditating. And I'd be like, oh, man, I gotta, I gotta clean the windows. And I'm like, wait, I live in an apartment that gets done by the property owner, or I got to take care of the kids. I'm like, I don't have kids. What is going on here? And so the quieter my mind would get, the more it was open for all the thoughts and ideas that everybody else had. Even in, I worked with one lady who was just I mean, destroyed because her father died. He died of a heart attack, it was sudden, and she came to me, she's like, I've been this way for months. I just cannot stop crying. And I'm like, Hey, I get it. And the first question I asked her, because I didn't know where else to go or where we would go with this. I said, How much of that what percentage of this isn't yours? And she's like, what? And she had done some access, but it still surprised her. And I said, what percentage of this isn't yours? And she went, Oh, my God, almost all of it. I'm like, Okay, so who around you is extremely sad about that? She's like my mom, and my younger sister. They're destroyed by it. I said, Cool. So how much are you trying to take away from them to heal them and make their lives better? She was like, Oh, my God. By the end of that session, she was present with the sadness that she had. And she was willing to work through that and acknowledge that as a gift. But she wasn't destroyed because she had acknowledged and let go of what wasn't hers that she was just perceiving. And so, what I'm talking about what I what I see access is, is is a dynamic upgrade and personal development. That also makes it easier for us to access our consciousness or if you want to talk about spirituality. Even though spirituality has become a new religion in a lot of people's hands at this point, unfortunately, I'm right and you're wrong. But righteousness includes everything and judges nothing. And so it's not a judgement of it. It's not I let this go because It's wrong. And it's I let this go because it's not mine. And and in that is then the freedom to honor what is yours and go through the process that you need to go through. I'm not somebody who's like, Well, you shouldn't have anything ever, you should always be up. No, no, you should, you should, what I see with people who start using these tools and embracing the idea that it's possible to let go of a lot of this and actually start creating their lives, which is the other biggest part of going beyond what's currently going on and not being brought down by it. Because when you're flying up here, somebody's down here that wants to bring you down, you're like, I'm sorry, I've got too much fun to have. I'll see you later. You know, you don't let that bring you down nearly as much. But what I see is, people's lives, the quality of their life goes up and up and up. And they'll have downs not like it just goes up. And it's perfect. Not at all. But it goes up and up and up and has a sense of ease. And when there are downs, they're downs, but they don't go nearly as far down as they were before. And it's always a pathway to actually more and getting greater as we move forward. But that's what we're capable of that that's who we truly are.

Alex Ferrari 31:14
There's four questions you. I've heard you and other interviews talk about that we can ask ourselves to make radical changes in our lives. What are those four questions?

Dr. Dain Heer 31:23
Oh, that's so many. But one. One is what's right about this I'm not getting and what's right about me, I'm not getting. Because what that does is it reframes our internal monologue. Because whatever question you ask, that is the answer you're going to seek. And so my suggestion, which was actually the other part of the answer to the question, your previous question is to start asking open ended questions, not questions that we can even define, but open ended questions that lead to more possibility. So we ask, most of us are walking around with some version, like you just talked about, about what's wrong with me? How did I do this wrong? And if you ask what's right about me, I'm not getting you start to look from a different place of Hey, what is right about me, maybe there is actually something right about me. And if you ask it enough and embrace it, you start to come out of that, that that glomming wrongness. And you can ask what's right about this in any situation. And what it does, it shows you the gift underneath, because there's a gift in every situation, if we're willing to see it. And I mean, every situation, whether that gift is more awareness, or that gift is wow, I now know this person is a total asshole, I don't need to put so much energy into this relationship, whatever. There's a gift in every situation. And then a few other questions, what else is possible? That I've never considered? How does it get any better than this when something good happens, or when something bad happens? And if I were truly being me, what would I choose? And there may be others you're thinking of feel free to?

Alex Ferrari 33:04
Yeah, the the thing is, I wanted to go back to something you said in regards to there's a gift in every situation. And that's really difficult for some people to understand. And I was talking to somebody the other day, who who was saying something, said, this term, which I love the hindsight window. So window of when a moment happens in your life, and then how long it takes you to realize it's a gift, or realize it was a positive thing in your life. And if you start looking back to you and I are of similar vintage, so we've walked around the same time period or so on Earth. And as we start looking back at our lives, the things that at the moment, were the worst thing that ever could happen to us. Years later, you go, Oh, my God, thank God, that's what happened, thank God, I was fired, thank God, I broke up with that person. Thank God, that business deal didn't go through Thank God, I didn't get on that game show, God, things like that, that that happen. And there's a window of time that the hindsight window, the idea, hopefully, is to get to a place where when the bad thing has happened to you the quote unquote, bad thing or a negative thing that you outcome that you don't want, is happening to you, you can instantly just understand the blessing in it. And that's difficult. That's especially when it's happening to you. And especially when it's, I mean, I've talked to people who've lost arms and legs, and they've been in horrific accidents, and they're like, your life is over. But the moment at that moment, is the changing point in their lives, and in their path that sends them off on a path to so much happiness and like you know, what about if I would have never lost this leg, where I would have never been in that situation? I would have never studied this, this and this and I wouldn't be helping people the way I am today. And I would always ask would you put to take it back and they go no But when that act when the incident happens, it's very difficult to see the wider picture, it does take a moment for you to kind of see distance, to see what the blessing is in everything. And I've seen it story after story, the worst possible things that could have happened. And it turns into the most positive things that happened. And I don't know about you. But throughout my life, I've kind of noticed that even the bad things are pushing me in a direction of good. And moving me in a direction that benefits me, even though I might not, I might not understand that it's benefiting me. And when you start looking at life in that outlook, life changes. And now I look at things like okay, this didn't happen, why didn't happen, or if it didn't happen, it wasn't obviously wasn't meant to be. Let it go. And let's see where this goes. I've kind of just let go of the reins a little bit. And I'm still working, I'm still active. But these things are all I mean, but some of the bigger some of the bigger some of those bigger things that like I really wish I had this, I really wish I had that in my life. I've kind of let go of that. Because I just realized, imagine if I would have gotten everything I ever wanted, when I was 10. Or when I was 20. Or when I was 25 things that I thought at the moment, I absolutely need that which would have destroyed me. You see things like that. So I just wanted to kind of point that out to people.

Dr. Dain Heer 36:30
I'm grateful. And I'm with you. And in the the hindsight window you're talking about, you know, I love the idea. And here's the thing is, we got to realize, nothing happens to us. Now that may be to bigger conversation, because we'd need the rest of the podcast to go into that. But and I don't say that some people go to well, then I need to blame myself for it. That's not what I mean. What I mean is if we can recognize that we had some point of view that created it, or we're asking for something greater that created it. And if we can recognize that, we can shorten that hindsight window by asking a question like I was talking about, because the sooner you go to look for what's right about it, the sooner you get out of what's wrong about it, you know, because wherever we focus, that's what we see. So if we're asking what's right about this, I'm not getting what it does is it shortens that hindsight window, to where you can go, Oh, I thought this was the most the most terrible thing in the world. But oh, look at the gift. And, and it's funny, because, you know, I do a lot of speaking on gratitude also. And they have done numerous studies and found that people who function from gratitude are happier, which, of course, they live longer. But they also have more self reported family success, business success and life fulfillment. And so we can either be angry or grateful, it's our choice. And the thing that I'm interested in also is because some people will hear this conversation and then go into judgment of them for not being able to do that. Well, this is not about you being wrong, this is about a different possibility that you can embrace when you're ready, when it's appropriate for you to choose it. There was this guy on Hurricane Andrew came through Florida. And there was this guy on a on a news show, where they talked to all these people who the story after story after story, was this the worst thing to happen in the world? How could God take my house for me, like, you know, just drama and trauma, they get to this guy was this old guy standing there in his underwear in front of a concrete slab? And they said, Sir, Sir, what's your story said, Well, I moved down here because the doctor said it'd be better for my joints and everything I owned, was in that house right there. And so you must be devastated. Now I'm okay, I still got me. You know, and who's going to have an easier time moving forward and recovering that guy because your point of view creates your reality. And the one thing we have power over is the point of view, we take about something, we may not be able to change all the circumstances of what occurs in our lives. But we sure as hell can choose how we respond. And that is one of the greatest powers we have. And it's why it for me and access it for me and access for me in whatever the point of view with access is, here's a bunch of tools to help you change stuff when you don't think you can. And when you don't think there's another choice.

Alex Ferrari 39:33
Isn't it interesting that I've kind of come to this concept recently that when something happens in the world, whatever it might be, it could be something quote unquote, horrific or quote unquote, wonderful. It is all about perspective. So that example of the hurricane I was in Andrew, I'm very well. I was in I was in Andrew. So I remember I remember the tree fall lying on my house then got it didn't break the roof. But it just lied. There's good things. So perfect example that example right there. The tree uprooted fell on my house at the time I was in that was in high school. And we like oh my god, my perspective was like, God, well, first of all, thank God, it didn't break through the roof. But now I got to spend money to get someone to come out here and take this tree away. So my perspective was extremely negative. Now when I call the guy to come and pick up with a chainsaw to come and pay him, his perspective on Andrew was completely different than my perspective. And Andrew because he was getting work out of it, it's the same thing that happened, the action itself has no positive or negative charge, it is what it is, but how the perspective of what is happening, and also how you deal with it is completely different. And that's, I want people to understand that that it is the guy who got paid, and was working like crazy during Andrew was, you know, whether we're better or worse, it was good for him. But it was bad for us. And vice, it could be vice versa. So it's all relative to your perspective. And then also, again, how you look at that, that thing, it could be the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Or it could be the best, either way, which is going to move you faster forward. Like you were saying, I still got me, that guy you I mean, I'm sure he was he moved forward much quicker than somebody who was sitting in misery. Because the action happened. Exactly. It didn't change, you can't change the house is gone. You can't change that fact, how you deal with that is and your perspective on it, is the things that you can't control.

Dr. Dain Heer 41:43
Yeah, and that's really, that's really where one of our greatest powers lies, is in the ability to change that perspective. And, and, and I know, you know, I, you know, I heard this conversation at another time, you know, I might have thought, Oh, these people are dreaming, you know, but really, it's like, this is within our grasp. We don't have to, we don't have to suffer the vagaries of life. And we have a choice. And it. That doesn't mean though, in the moment, you're going to be like that guy necessarily. But knowing that that's a possibility, then how can I be more like that? If that's something you even desire? How can I be more like that in my life? You know, and I think that's what you and I both are interested in bringing to people is, hey, this is possible. And here's some perspectives that might help. And here's some tools that might help to get there.

Alex Ferrari 42:41
And it's interesting, because so many people listening might have you like you said that like these guys are crazy. But it truly is an example that you're looking at. So if it is if someone else if another human being is capable of it. Why aren't you what is so special about the what is so special about that old guy who lost his house, that you can't do what he's doing that you can't react the way he's reacting. It's all about the stories that you're telling yourselves in your head. It's about how you did the drama you want to live in. I remember when I was growing up, I was a lovesick kid I was I was constantly getting my heart broken. And I loved a two. I love getting my heart broken. I loved it. It was constant. Apparently I loved it because I was constantly doing it to myself. And the thing that was so I would remember I still remember this so clearly, it wasn't like I think middle school. And some girl broke my heart. I went after the cheerleader who obviously I was completely punching above my weight class in and I would sit in my room playing sad music to wallow in the sadness to wallow in the misery and I did it and then while I was doing that, yeah, back then a little voice in my head says What are you doing? What Why are you doing this? And it was the beginnings of letting go of that that ridiculousness because I was literally just amplifying it. Like we're not sad enough. I gotta, I gotta put on some Ilana Morissette.

Dr. Dain Heer 44:23
Really that'll do it. Really get in there, you know, get in there with it, you know what I mean?

Alex Ferrari 44:28
And it was it was but it was so interesting how I was so comfortable because also what the other thing was, I was comfortable and that that was something I knew. I didn't know what it was like to get the cheerleader so I didn't know that feeling. So I all I knew was this like, I guess I gotta stay here. This is where I need to be on the amplifier make sure I don't leave. Is that what do you think?

Dr. Dain Heer 44:49
Oh, I think you're stating it brilliantly. And we do what we're comfortable with. We're and the funny part is most people's comfort zone is a level of suffering, that if they ever have it go away. They're like, what's wrong? Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. And they will find a way to recreate the suffering because they don't know how to live without that comfort zone of the suffering. And it's an it's so, you know, so here we are with the majority of us having that. But the recognition of it becomes such a gift. And that in that recognition when you no longer have to hide that from yourself, because part of what goes along with it is people love to, to, let's say, play the victim role or play the effect role, which is like, see it happening? I was rejected again. It's like, well, if you didn't want to be rejected, you would not have asked out the one person that would reject you, you know, and if we can recognize that, but not from a place of judgment, but from Wow, I'm funny. I'm fucking funny. This is great. And if we can recognize also one of the one of the other tools I found that really helps is, anytime something comes up continuously that you go, Oh, I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. You want to ask yourself, What do I love about this? Because if you didn't love something about it, it wouldn't keep showing up. And one of the things I found because I was just like you I mean so lovesick. Do you really like it's such? Tomorrow, she won't say yes.

Alex Ferrari 46:31
And I have to see her at school every day for the rest of the year.

Dr. Dain Heer 46:42
So good.

Alex Ferrari 46:43
And I got to see her walk down this down the hall with the quarterback of the football team. Yeah.

Dr. Dain Heer 46:53
Say I get to revisit the trauma everyday talking about PTSD. Oh, dear lord. I realize Go ahead. Well, no, I realized one time I was in the middle of that. And then I, like come out of my room. And I walked downstairs. And I was literally I was sitting like this and I was like, I come out of my room. I walked downstairs and my stepmother is doing the exact same thing. Wow. And I was like, No, I didn't have Who does this belong to at the time, right? I didn't have the awareness that we pick up all 98% of our points of view from our parents, Gen our life, you know, our the idea of reality from our parents, good or bad. I walked down, but I saw that and I went, Oh my God. And instantly mine was gone. And I was like, and I wish, you know, I wish I would have had more foresight. But even in that moment, I was like, wow, Was I being hurt, like what's going on. And I realized that this was a pattern that I had learned now, if I were not so going through it, and she were not sitting in the exact same position that I was in, you know, I probably would not have picked up on it. But as soon as I saw her in the middle of that, and she was doing it for our own reasons her own, but it had a very similar vibration of, of sadness of drama of woe is me of oh my god, it's never gonna work, whatever it was. And he had a very similar vibration, even though it's a totally different situation. And I was like, wow. And I looked at that, and I had this flash in my world of I'm being her, like, I'm creating a different situation. So I can have the exact same energy that I've been growing up around my whole life. And I didn't know what to do about it, it never actually changed. I just, you know, the next day, probably I went and found somebody else to do it with, you know, but it was an awareness for me and I went and in that it always sat with me because I was like, there's something else going on here than what I can understand. And there's something I'm getting out of this. And I don't know what that is. And one of the things I found is that if we have a parent who we perceive does not love us as much as or the parent that loves us the least let's say we will often duplicate that person to try to be like them, so they will like us. Or what we'll do is we'll choose a relationship with somebody who was just like that person who didn't love us to try to prove that we can get love from a person like that and prove that we were not wrong and prove that we can actually change that situation.

Alex Ferrari 49:32
It's so interesting that I found I found that if I forgot what what religious it was a religious sect or a Brotherhood or something like that, they said, Give me the child between the ages of one and six and I'll tell you the man or woman that they will become and that was stuck with me when I heard that concept because it was it was reiterating the idea of the We Are The environment or the people that are around us at a young age, especially those first six years, and how my mentality around, let's say money, because you see parents suffering through money, or they can't pay the bills or making money is hard. versus a child raised in in wealth, who sees wealth around them at all times, big house, see mommy and daddy making deals, listening to things at the dinner table. It all subconsciously is being programmed in. So when you become an adult, that is your reality. Your reality is like money's easy to get. I can get money, I understand how the toolset are ready to do that? Oh, yeah, you buy a house and you rent it out. You buy two houses, you rent it out, and you can have fun, you have income, and then you get these tax benefits and blah, blah, blah. And all that information is kind of downloaded into you subconsciously. And I always tell people I've heard and I also tell people, like how many rich people have you ever met? Who are absolute morons? Absolute morons. They're just just moronic. Like, they're so immature. But yet, they know how to make money. And then you look back, and like, what? Oh, okay. They weren't raised in that environment. But they're moronic and completely lacking in other areas of the social spectrum, or EQ, or any of that kind of stuff. But they understand how to make money, they make it easily and effortlessly, where you look at yourself, and like why do I have to struggle so much? And then we'll look at your parents and your parents struggle? Yes. Should I just keep struggling? No. Start figuring out other ways and start breaking that pattern. But that is such a fascinating thing. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Dr. Dain Heer 51:43
Oh, I'm absolutely with you. And that's an in. For me, it's, it's from an awareness perspective. And a lot of people, once they find that out, they also want to go to a blame perspective. Your parents were doing the best job they could with the tools they had available.

Alex Ferrari 52:00
And they would and they did the best that they could from their parents, our grandparents, actually, you know, which I don't know about, you know, my grandparents were barbarians in a loving wonderful way. But that's just the way they came up. They came up in the years of the depression and all that kind of stuff like, you know, leaving up paper towels and drying them, to reuse them. Because they came up and because they came up in the Depression, these kinds of little things that you start seeing in this, then there's that mentality of lack. Yeah, like, you see, it's all about, you know, could have been the Rockefellers or it could have been someone who was drawing paper towels to save them because money's tight.

Dr. Dain Heer 52:40
Yep. And that. And the other thing. The other thing, you know, since we're on the subject of money, one of the things I've noticed about, for example, the people that would be listening to this podcast, are the most of the people that are listening to this podcast don't really care that much about money. In other words, it's, they can't do anything just for the money. They'll try and they know they're supposed to, and they know they're supposed to really want it and really want to be rich. And well, that comes from their knowing that they should actually have everything they're capable of. But in actuality, money doesn't mean anything to us. You know, if you call us say, the secrets of the world, people desiring you know, more consciousness, more awareness, whatever, more connection, more kindness. And they often see also that money is somehow the root of all evil. Except no, no, the phrase was the love of money is the root of all evil, number one. But number two, money is just money, like take out, take out a $20 bill and tell me what's evil about it? You know? Yeah, it's a piece of paper. And we've seen people who, who do terrible things in the name of money, but are you going to be one of those people? No. And I see a lot of people keeping themselves from money because of points of view like that. And also, going back to what you're saying, so many of those points of view are absolutely bought from our parents and the other people we grew up around. But the other interesting part to me is that it's like we talked about, once again, with Who does this belong to not trying to beat a dead horse, but we pick up energetically on their points of view about reality is not just what they said. It's when your dad came home, and he was totally stressed. And you didn't know what it was about, but it was about money. And it was his relationship to money that you can pick up on even though you don't know why he's stressed, or you don't know why he's angry, and you know, and unable to be kind to you and unable to be present and love you the way you want. But energetically you pick up on that energetic way of being that energetic structure. And that's where so many of our limitations come from and well, so many of our points of view come from is the energetic world we were living in, not just what was said and not just the actions that were taken.

Alex Ferrari 54:57
Yeah, and it's so interesting you say that because you do pick up energy from other people. I mean, I don't know how many times you walk into a room in your life, you just got some, some just went down here. There's you know, or you you meet someone who is so toxic. Internally, they might not even say anything negative to you, they might not even do anything negative to you. But just being around their presence, you start feeling this heaviness. I mean, how many times have you said, Oh, after I talked to that guy, I want to take a shower. Because you feel like dirty and sleazy, you feel that you feel like a salesman or, or someone like that, that you start feeling that and then the opposite side, when you're around someone who makes you laugh, when you're around someone who makes you feel better about yourself, you pick up that energy as well. And when you're a kid, Oh, absolutely. Like you have no, you have no awareness, you have no skills, you have no tools to even understand what's going on. So you truly pick up whatever it is. So I've seen kids who are, you know, with my own kids, you know, some of their friends, you hear you see them at parties or something like that. And then you see the way they act and the perspective on life. And then you look over at the parents and you go, Oh, hmm, makes apps it makes all the sense in though I've never seen a kid who's angry and acts up in class with two enlightened souls, as parents like that, that doesn't, that's not a thing. That's not a thing. And vice versa, sold at five, and two parents who are just toxic and negative and horrible outlooks on life. It truly they do mirror each other very, very closely, especially when you're younger. So which really, for most of our lives, try to break free of a lot of those, that programming that we got on a subconscious level when we were children. And it could be great programming, it could be negative programming, and no one's perfect. We all did. Look, I'm parent, I'm a parent, I'm doing the best job I can. I know I'm not perfect. I try to be as good as I can with my kids. And try to explain to them when Daddy might lose his temper, and go, Hey, this has nothing to do with you, and explain it and kind of put the fire out before it starts to maybe it's me. No, no, no, it's not you. Yeah, it things like that. Because I have tried to have some awareness about that. As we're as we're raising our kids, but it's still then like, you're always, we already know, I already see it in my kids. There's programming in there. And hopefully mostly positive programming that we put in there. From what they see what they see, you know, daddy works at home, daddy writes books. Daddy does this. In their world. That's absolutely normal. Like, writing a book is not a big thing, that I'm like, oh, mommy's writing the book now great. Oh, Daddy, Daddy does interviews. All right, great that he's a filmmaker, he does this great. That's normal for them. That's going to be something so normal for them as they get older. They're like, Yeah, I can go be an entrepreneur. My parents are entrepreneurs, why couldn't I be things like that. So I'm hoping that being programmed into them, we're trying?

Dr. Dain Heer 58:17
Well, I'm gonna say you're doing a heck of a job. And I really, because I mean, if you look at that, I mean, it's such a great example. If we take your kids and people can perceive what they're getting from you, what they're getting by being around you. It's like they're absorbing all of that. And, you know, and don't get to have their choice and create their life in their way. But they'll, they'll have this as a basis for how you can be in the world. And also, when Daddy goes, Hey, by the way, this wasn't you, you know, teaches them that I don't have to be perfect. And I don't have to try to prove I was right. Even when I know I was wrong. I can actually apologize, I can say sorry. I can ask what can I do to make up for the damage done? You know, if we just we just had parents that did that one thing, you know, we would have a different world. So, you know, the world we have right now, as a result of the parents we've had for generations that, you know, once again, they're doing the best they can to think it's so vital to have these conversations where, hey, here's some of what's going on. And here's some different possibilities for what we can all choose.

Alex Ferrari 59:28
And and I think conversations like this, and with the work that you're doing with the work I'm doing, we're trying to show people that there is another way that there is another paradigm that you can be attracted or attached to, that could be positive in your life as opposed to negative. I both I think both you and I both lived in times where we were negative Nellies we were we beat ourselves up. Why me? Why isn't this happening? And you would just constantly do that all the time. You And it was just destructive, where now, you know, I could speak for myself. And I think you as well, that we found a way that we can look at life differently, that there are more possibilities. And once I personally started doing that my doors opened up, my life changed, I became a different person, I become a much kinder, more empathetic human being trying to help others learn to be of service to others. And then what that has done for me energetically, what has come back to me without me asking for it. It's been pretty remarkable. But that is something that was not taught young because my parents did the best job they could. At the time they were doing it, and I hold no, ill will. Just like I'm sure my kids would be like, remember that time I'm like, You gotta be kidding me. Really? Are you [email protected] The blanket really you're not looking at the blanket but the dot really?

Dr. Dain Heer 1:00:57
You know, there's a 93 year old lady. She was from Victorian England. And she said Your children are will take your last breath and never say thank you.

Alex Ferrari 1:01:09
Amen, brother, amen. I wanted to ask you a couple questions. I ask all my guests. What is your mission in this life?

Dr. Dain Heer 1:01:18
To bring consciousness to the world. And my definition of consciousness is where everything and everyone exists, and no one and nothing is judged. And it's where every possibility can actually exist for all of us.

Alex Ferrari 1:01:36
And what is the ultimate purpose of life?

Dr. Dain Heer 1:01:40
Having way too much fun.

Alex Ferrari 1:01:49
Now, where can people find out more about you, your work and your books,

Dr. Dain Heer 1:01:53
You can go to dr.dainheer.com. And I've got a bunch of free resources there. And also, if you go to Facebook, under my name, there's a lot of free Facebook lives that are done on different subjects, but also on YouTube. There's a got about 900 videos on on different tools, different topics, my way of paying forward the gift that this work has been for me personally. And also, I would love it if you join us for international being you Day, a day devoted to us celebrating us our quirks, our weirdness, our joy, our difference, our happiness, and you can go to Bing usa.com and find more about that and it's free to participate.

Alex Ferrari 1:02:42
My friend, I appreciate you coming on the show. It has been a fantastic conversation. I loved meeting you and thank you for the work you're doing for the world. My friend. Thank you so much.

Dr. Dain Heer 1:02:52
Thanks so much, Alex. It's been great.

 

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