Cheryl Richardson is a renowned author, coach, and speaker who has helped countless individuals transform their lives through her teachings on self-care, personal development, and life balance. With a career spanning over two decades, Richardson has written several bestselling books, hosted TV shows, and delivered numerous talks and workshops worldwide.
Born and raised in Massachusetts, Richardson began her career in the early 1990s as a professional coach, helping clients achieve their personal and professional goals. In 1999, she published her first book, “Take Time for Your Life,” which became an instant bestseller and established her as a leading authority on life coaching.
Since then, Richardson has published several other books, including “Life Makeovers,” “Stand Up for Your Life,” “The Unmistakable Touch of Grace,” and “The Art of Extreme Self-Care.” Her books have been translated into several languages and have sold millions of copies worldwide, inspiring readers to take charge of their lives and make positive changes.
One of Richardson’s most significant accomplishments was being the first president of the International Coach Federation (ICF), a professional organization that sets ethical and professional standards for the coaching industry. During her tenure, she played a pivotal role in raising the profile of coaching as a legitimate profession and establishing a code of ethics for coaches.
Richardson’s work has been widely covered in the media, appearing on popular TV shows such as Good Morning America, The Today Show, CBS This Morning, and O Magazine. She was also the team leader for the Lifestyle Makeover Series on the Oprah Winfrey Show and accompanied Ms. Winfrey on the “Live Your Best Life” nationwide tour, where she shared her wisdom and insights with thousands of people.
In addition to her writing and media appearances, Richardson has also hosted several TV shows and produced two public television specials, “Stand Up for Your Life” and “Create an Abundant Life.” Her TV show, “The Life Makeover Project with Cheryl Richardson,” aired on the Oxygen Network and gave viewers practical tips and advice on transforming their lives.
In 2012, Richardson co-authored a book with Louise Hay, the founder of Hay House Publishing, titled “You Can Create an Exceptional Life,” in which the two authors shared their insights on personal growth, self-love, and spiritual development. The book was a bestseller and further solidified Richardson’s status as a leading authority in the field of personal development.
Richardson’s most recent book, “Waking Up in Winter: In Search of What Really Matters at Midlife,” was published in 2017 and chronicles her personal journey of self-discovery and transformation. In the book, she shares her insights and reflections on the challenges and opportunities of midlife, encouraging readers to embrace this transitional period and find their own path to fulfillment and happiness.
Throughout her career, Richardson has been a self-care champion, encouraging individuals to prioritize their well-being and happiness. She has developed a unique approach to self-care, called “extreme self-care,” and has inspired many people to adopt healthier habits and make positive life changes.
In conclusion, Cheryl Richardson is a prominent figure in the world of personal development, coaching, and self-care. Her books, TV shows, and public appearances have inspired millions of people worldwide to take control of their lives and make positive changes. Her work has had a profound impact on the coaching industry and has helped to establish coaching as a legitimate and valuable profession. With her insights, wisdom, and practical advice, Cheryl Richardson continues inspiring and empowering people to create the life they desire.
Cheryl also served as the co-executive producer and host of “The Life Makeover Project with Cheryl Richardson” on the Oxygen Network and as the co-executive producer and host of two Public Television Specials – “Stand Up for Your Life” and “Create an Abundant Life.”
Please enjoy my conversation with Cheryl Richardson.
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Follow Along with the Transcript – Episode 205
Cheryl Richardson 0:00
By setting an alarm on your phone, and starting with a 10 minute meditation, at any time during the day, I don't care when you do it, do it in a very comfortable place. I don't care if you're sitting up standing up lying down whatever.
Alex Ferrari 0:26
I'd like to welcome to the show Cheryl Richardson. How you doing Cheryl?
Cheryl Richardson 0:30
I'm great. How are you?
Alex Ferrari 0:31
I'm doing good. My dear, thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm excited to talk to you about the work you've been doing for a couple years now, a couple of years, you've been doing this work? To say the least.
Cheryl Richardson 0:42
Oh, are we in the right conversation a couple or a few decades.
Alex Ferrari 0:50
Exactly, exactly. So my first question to you is what point when did you start your kind of this journey of this work? And also kind of like your spiritual journey in general?
Cheryl Richardson 1:00
Mm hmm. Well, I would say that the, probably the place I began, my inner journey was around 12 years old, when I started keeping a diary. This was back when they had those little diaries with the, you know, you would close them with this little clique. And I had a tiny little key as if nobody could ever get into it, obviously. Yes, I remember, you could just like, easily break it open. But that was really, I think writing for me was a pathway into contemplating life contemplating why I was here what I was doing. I mean, I was just thinking about that this morning. As matter of fact, I was sitting in my office journaling. And I thought, Well, I've been doing this for over 50 years now. And it is so fundamental to my spiritual journey, my personal journey. And and I think, you know, also my spiritual journey began, I was raised Catholic, and I went to a Catholic school for a couple of years. And this was back when the nuns would walk around, and these long black habits, they were like, floating across the floor, and I was at school at this gorgeous building this old, really old convent. And, you know, I just really fell in love with the beauty of spirituality. That's what I would say. Now, I wouldn't have said that, then. But there was something beautiful about the rituals, and the, you know, the statues and all of that. And, you know, as I grew up and got to my late teens, I sort of moved away from the Catholic Church and kind of opened my view to other spiritual traditions. But that's really where it began, you know, it began with this real appreciation for the reverence of ritual, and both writing and also just being in this beautiful setting at such a, I think, impressionable age.
Alex Ferrari 2:55
So where did you find the curiosity at such a young age to kind of start asking these deeper questions, because I remember, I remember I was raised Catholic as well. And there were certain things about the Catholic dogma and religion that even at first grade, I was like, Oh, this doesn't make any sense. But I didn't go as far as you did, as far as to really ask deeper questions as you were getting older. So where if people don't have that curiosity, now someone listening? Is that something you can implant? Is that something that you can kind of find? Or is it innate?
Cheryl Richardson 3:29
Well, I think, I don't know if it's innate. I know that I've been incredibly there's two things I've been all my life for as long as like, incredibly curious, and, and also really passionate about learning. And I think people can become curious at any age. And I think it's a really important characteristic for a number of reasons. First of all, it helps us on our own journey. It helps us to see the world through a very different lens to it a more like, well, freshly as if the world is fresh and new, being curious. I think it makes us better people to be around, you know, I love being out to dinner with people who are curious, and they ask lots of questions. And they, they really, you know, they're they think about a lot of things. And they think deeply about a lot of things. I mean, I'm sure you've had dinner with people who have no curiosity whatsoever, and it's like, you just can't eat enough food to make it. Interesting. Exactly, exactly. So I think I was very curious. You know, I do believe Alex, my personal belief is that we come into these lifetimes, as souls with different agendas. And I definitely think my agenda in this lifetime was to learn a lot and to grow spiritually. I've always felt that way. I mean, I maybe wouldn't have called it that in my early teens, but I was always very curious about what made me tick and what made other people tick, which is why I think I get into coaching, loved it so much and spent so much of my life working with people because I have an insatiable curiosity about what makes human beings tick.
Alex Ferrari 5:04
Now, going, going off of that, that stream of thought is the ability to be honest with yourself, and to look inward to yourself, which is a, I have discovered a skill set that not everybody has. It is probably one of the most difficult things you can do in a lifetime, is to look yourself in the mirror, be honest with who you are, your strength, your weaknesses, the things you have to work on, most of the times you hide that stuff, you put it behind ego, you make up excuses, you play the victim, there's so many things that we do to to avoid that. But from speaking to so many different spiritual masters, and people like yourself, who have kind of evolved themselves into where they are today, you can't grow until you actually find out who you are. And that's a scary thing. Do you have any advice for people listening on how they can even start that process?
Cheryl Richardson 6:00
Well, first of all, I would say that I think the hardest thing for people is to be in their own company. Because we, many of us have developed a well, a very strong, inner critical voice really, you know, I don't like to call it the ego, although that's the personality, right? I mean, when we come into this world, I believe kind of fresh and pure and souls and then over time, this personality gets formed based on our experiences, both, you know, educational, family, parents, authority figures, all of that we were constantly, you know, the personality is being formed in reaction to and in response to what's happening in our lives. So I often I have felt in the last few years that as I've been on a deeper journey myself, around conscious aging, that we spend the first half of our lives you know, crafting this personality. And if you're lucky, you spend the second half dismantling it and seeing what's left behind. And, really, that's what you're talking about. I mean, a lot of times, we're not honest with ourselves, because we're not conscious of things that are going on. Right, there's, there's a lot that's in our unconscious. And I think one of the most powerful things we can do as a spiritual practice, if you will, is commit to, for example, a meditation practice so that you learn to be in your own company, because I love you know, I'm a big fan of Michael singers work. And, you know, he talks a lot about how we spend our whole lives trying to get the outside world to be a certain way so that we feel okay, inside. And that's really true. And you know, as somebody who's been writing and teaching, for years about goal setting, and manifestation and law of attraction, all that sort of stuff, I've now come to a very different point in my life, where I realized all of that were really I don't want to minimize this. So I'll say this, and then I'll, they were fancy ways of trying to make the inside be okay? Are they were skillful ways or strategic ways or desperate ways to try and feel okay, inside. And when I made a commitment, in January of 2020, to start meditating every single day without fail and tracking it, I really, I got a big education about how uncomfortable it was to be in my own skin to be in my own company. Because, you know, if you've ever gone on a silent retreat, for example, and you spend several days in silence, you know, By day three, you just want to pull your hair out, because the mind is just not a very welcomed roommate. And so the first six months of my meditation practice, there were times where I would just cry it How mean I was to myself, or how oriented My mind was to go back in the past to the things that didn't work or the stupid things I said or did or whatever. And it became clear to me that my primary focus would be on developing a loving and compassionate and peaceful and safe relationship with myself to make my inner world a beautiful place so that I didn't have to get anything to happen in the outer world in order to be okay. And I'm, you know, of course, still very much in that process. I will be for the rest of my life. I'm really grateful to Michael singer, a lot of times I tell people pick up his book, The surrender experiment. I think it's a really important book. It's a book anytime I was doing business coaching, for example of like high level execs who were on the wheel, I would tell them pick up that book and read that book, you know, understand what's really going on here. And and I'm grateful because now I feel like I'm focused on a fundamental the fundamental reason we're here and that is to really build a relationship with ourselves as a soul and not a personality.
Alex Ferrari 9:53
Isn't do. Do you believe that? The majority of our problems and issues that we have in our life is the reason why we want to kind of control the outside world and having that control, which is ego trying to control the environment. So like you said that we feel better or like Michael said that we feel better inside. And the frustrations, the anger, the sadness, anything, anytime something happens in our exterior world that does not align with our expectations is when these other feelings, these emotions, these things come out. But when I start seeing, you know, you start studying some of the spiritual masters, you know, even Yogi's of of this last century, you start seeing that they just don't have an attachment to the outside world in many ways, and it doesn't bother them. So something happens. And they laugh, because they realize that this kind of like an illusion, and you know that we can get deeper down that rabbit hole of the illusion and Maya but that need to control so much I found in my life as well. Once I let go of that control just a bit, and decided to be guided a bit more in my life and kind of roll with the punches a bit more. Things became so much more comfortable, easier, relaxing, less stressful in my life. What are your thoughts?
Cheryl Richardson 11:13
Well, first of all, I think that there's a big space between where we are now and where someone like for example, Paramahansa Yogananda was or, you know, some of the other masters, certainly Jesus Christ, good example, as well. So setting that as a standard right out of the gate is going to be hard because a lot of work to do. And part of the reason they were unattached to the outer world is because they had done the consistent spiritual work to be to be connected to this greater force, this greater energy and so they become beautiful. beacons for us, right? They become beautiful role models, the Autobiography of a Yogi is a very important book, a book that I recommend to people have recommended for years, I read it probably 35 years ago, and, or whenever I don't even know when it first came out. However, wherever it first came out, and I reread that book, I think it's important. I have great compassion for human beings, this is a tough place to live, you know, this world to live in. And here we are in physical bodies. It is extraordinary to me, Alex, that with the billions of people on this planet, at different levels of consciousness, that we actually all survive. I mean, obviously, we don't and a lot of places, but our level of consciousness is different. And truth is different, different levels of consciousness so that my expectation of anyone in my life is unfair, because their level of consciousness determines where they're at in their lives. And I want to be more concerned with raising my own level of consciousness so that my presence is healing and loving and contributes in some way. So I think one of the best things people can do, I've been saying this for the last three years, and it sounds so simple, but setting an alarm on your phone, and starting with a 10 minute meditation, at any time during the day, I don't care when you do it, do it in a very comfortable place. I don't care if you're sitting up standing up lying down, whatever. You know, David G has a beautiful meditation teacher talks about feathering your nest. So I always tell people, find a comfortable place, feather your nest and set an alarm for 10 minutes. And do not leave until that alarm goes off. And when you begin that practice, the ego the personality, this well crafted being that we think is really us even though it isn't. We'll do everything in its power to try and get you from that seat. Oh, I left the stove on Oh, I didn't feed the cats. Oh, the windows still like whatever it might be, oh, my gosh, I forgot to send this email, she is going to be really mad if I don't say whatever it is what you need to keep saying to that mind, who is not you? You need to just simply say, Sweetheart, we're not going anywhere until the alarm goes off. So breathe. I often think of my mind as a frightened, anxious child. And I talked to her that way so that I don't judge her and I don't fight with her. Certainly don't fight with her. It's never gonna work like a child with a tantrum. It's never gonna work. Instead, I call her sweetheart. And I just say, Sweetheart, you know what? We're gonna leave when the alarm goes off. I'm the soul. I'm the boss, you're the child. You're the you know, you're here to serve my greater experience. I'm not here to serve yours. So we're going to stay here till the alarm goes off and the minute does, we can get up and do whatever you want. And by practicing just 10 minutes a day and honestly, I would say even if it's two minutes, start somewhere number one, you know, decide you'll do it every day. track it. I think it's important like put a little notebook next to your bed and every night before you go to but just marking em with a checkmark, so that you track your meditation, if you eventually start meditating more than once, which I did, I started meditating twice a day, three times a day, 10 minutes here and there, you can track that, too. If you extend your meditations, you can track you know, you can just put em 15 minutes, checkmark that will begin this relationship between you the personality, and you the soul. You know, those those two voices exist within us, we think we're our mind. And as long as we keep catering to the mind, which is based on history, and is developed, you know, is the voice of the personality. If we keep listening to that voice, we will always and this is really important, Alex, we will always have to get the outside world to be a certain way so that we feel okay. And I promise you, there is a way in which you will be you will get to the point where you will be okay, regardless of what happens. And I want to tell you a little story because this ties right in with your question. So about six or eight months ago, my kitchen faucet, one of the handles the hot water handle broke. And I live in this house, we built this house 16 years ago. And it's a special kind of faucet setup, and it's 16 years old. So I went online to find it. And I found out that the company had closed, you know, had shut down. So I couldn't find the handle now, you know, faucets and handles and the spray thing. They're very expensive. And they're also very distinct in terms of how they look. So I did a little research online, I found a company that said they still carry this particular product, and I emailed them. And I started to get nervous, like, oh my god, what if I can't find this? What if I have to replace the whole thing? Now I've got it, this is where the mind goes. Now I've got to break up all this stone, stone kitchen. I'm never going to find anything that's going to fit our decor, we live in an old world styled home. I mean, the mind went crazy. And then I emailed them. And when I didn't hear back in like three hours, my mind went, there's nobody there, they probably don't have it. Maybe they've closed. And then I went, Oh, wait a minute. And in that moment, I felt my meditation practice, intersect with my daily life. And I went sweetheart, we don't do this anymore. You've sent the email, let life handle this, go about your business. And I went off and did something else. A couple hours later, I thought, Oh, I still haven't gotten an email. And the mind kicks in again, you know, maybe I should do more research. No, no, come back. Come back. It's gonna be okay. And the next morning, the next morning, I get an email from this company saying, we found the part you're looking for we've put it in the mail. You should get it in two days. And I brought them back in I said, but nobody has sent me an invoice. I haven't. No, no, no. They said, We're sending it to you for free.
Alex Ferrari 18:12
Like who does that? Why did they say why?
Cheryl Richardson 18:15
No, I have no idea. I wrote back to them. And I said, Why would you do that? Oh, because that's what we do. Now, that's like, That's bizarre. I don't get it either. I mean, I'm sure this part isn't really expensive. But you know, still
Alex Ferrari 18:29
I mean, they're gonna they're gonna also go out of business that they keep doing that.
Cheryl Richardson 18:31
That's a lesson for me, and then I started really pay attention. And anytime I felt filled with angst, or I started to get frustrated or started I watched myself trying to control things, I would just go Oh, sweetheart, come back. Come back to this moment. Life will handle this. You okay? You okay? I say that a lot. Louise Hay used to say that to me all the time. Sweetheart, tell yourself you're okay. You're okay. And things get handled. And so what you asked in the very beginning was, you know, what do you do when you're really, when you're really concerned about something and you you need something to happen in order to feel okay. I would tell you that the practice of coming back to the present moment allows life to handle things far more easily than your ego ever will. But you got to practice in order to have the experience and I've had some miraculous examples of that happen in my life. So
Alex Ferrari 19:32
It's, it's it's really fascinating because I agree with you. I started my meditation practice around six, seven years ago at this point, and I've done anywhere between an hour to three hours a day, consistently over the course of that life, of course of those years. And boy, I can tell you, you're absolutely right. It is a muscle that needs to be trained. And the ego still in the mind still pops up. The ego still pops up. It's we will for the rest of our lives. While we're in while we're in this Reality, this is part of the ruleset unless you're Yogananda, or unless you're Jesus, and even then I'm sure they still had it. They just dealt with it in a very different way than you and I. But those things, you know, have have a situation right now in my life where I want something to happen. The text day one, no one's texting me back day two knows that's me back, I sent another text and dude, you know what's going on? And they're like, Oh, ha, ha, ha. And I'm like, that's not what I want. I want give me an answer. And, and I'm like, oh, okay, I gotta let go of this. So just let go be in the present moment. And it's so true that but with before all that God, before my meditation practice I would have. So like you, you were basically destroying the entire house for this one part, especially in your mind.
Cheryl Richardson 20:50
Well, I was gonna Yes, exactly. I was gonna have to replace the kitchen because of this one stupid fossa. Alex, I'm curious. So that's a very committed meditation practice for you. Like not a lot of people do that. And I wonder if you've noticed how, like, your life becomes a meditation after a while, right? Because you can really see the difference between that that the ego that goes, Okay, I'm sending another text, what's going on here? And the centered place? Like, have you really? Have you noticed that in your daily life?
Alex Ferrari 21:20
Oh, absolutely. It's, I mean, for me, I, I take things a little bit differently now. So when the situation presents itself into my life, I look at it, I go, Okay, it's here. Why is it here? If I'm if I'm confronted with a person who's having who's not nice person, in the scope of what we're our relationship, at that moment, I go, what is happening and I become more empathetic, to the person I've got there, they're dealing with something. I don't know what they're dealing with. And if someone cuts me off, and flicks me off, I usually smile at them, which also upsets them more. But I, I I'm like other have, there's something going on there. I don't know what it is. It could be ego, it could be a bad day. But I look at things a little, a little bit more aerial view of life, as opposed to when we're in it's kind of like you're in the in the in the moss, you can't see the forest through the trees kind of thing. And I've been able to kind of almost get into a helicopter or, or drone and go above it a little bit more. Not completely, but a little bit more to the point where I don't get I don't react as quickly and it's slower, without question, but life in general is become much more meditative. I have children so that that's also very taxing.
Cheryl Richardson 22:40
Alex Ferrari 22:41
Not yet Not yet. They know that that he meditates a lot. And I think when mommy starts to meditate, she wants to but she can't. She can't get through that first block, but we will get there. But like this morning, I did 90 minutes, and I'll probably do another 90 minutes before the day is over. You know, I schedule it within my my day to be able to do it. And it's for me, it's mind blowing. It's blissful. It's answers, get things come into into my meditations, answers to questions. People sometimes show up in my head. And they call later on these these very interesting things happen. But without question, my life has become much calmer. I used to be oh, oh, I was a road rage guy when I was a kid. Oh, yeah, I was like, I was so angry. I was an angry kid, I was an angry kid, and became very angry. And even in my young adult hood, because of that, because of just frustrations about life. And my career is not going where I wanted to go and this and that. And, and it's all about control. And the moment I let go, everything opened up. And that's the big lesson I try to teach, talk to people and teach people about it, especially on the show is if you let go and trust, that's the big thing. You have to have faith that when you walk off the cliff that there's there's going to be a step there. like Indiana Jones and Last Crusade, he walked off the cliff and he couldn't see anything. But when he stepped, there was something to hold them there. So it's once you're able to do that, and you do it once. It's kind of like the meditation prayer, you do it once or worked out. Do it again, do it to a point where you just go that's just the way it is. And these are new rule sets to your existence and having the concept of life happens for you, not to you. It's another idea is very powerful idea that I found it's helped me out tremendously.
Cheryl Richardson 24:32
Yeah, it is. And I was thinking, you know, one of the real benefits the gifts of the pandemic as challenging as it was, yeah. The amount of people that get into therapy. Like every time I hear an advertisement for I think it's betterhelp.com You know, the online website, I smile because I think you know, I've been I started in therapy when I was 19. So that was a long time ago is more than that. You know, a long time ago, how many 30 40 years ago, 40 years ago, so it was pretty unconventional at the time. And, and I've sent so many people to therapy over the years, you know, in audiences I'm speaking with or when I'm coaching or whatever. And now to see that people are given an opportunity to figure out how to process difficult emotions, to look at, oh, what's this anger sitting on top of right, what's going on underneath that hasn't been dealt with yet. Maybe you're, because if we go back to the spiritual perspective, you know, Yogananda, that the Hindu tradition, Michael singer talks about this, too, that there are some scars that we, we store all of so many of the experiences we have in life within us, they don't pass through us, as if we are the sky. And it's just a weather pattern passing through, we hang on to things. And we hang on to a lot of things. So that that's why we get triggered, somebody says something your buttons get pushed, it reminds you of what your mother said to you when you were 18. And you're off and running. So it's hard, though, to invite people to let some of that stuff come up to be released when you don't have support. And it's really great to see that there is an increase in people being there for other people in the form of therapy in the form of coaching, in the form of more conscious friendships where you can, in a safe way begin to process some of the stuff because that's part of what makes meditation hard for people. First of all, if you're a type A personality, you're used to running on adrenaline, and to just sit the body down and get quiet feels like yeah, and remind me we'll talk I'll talk about a couple things you can do to, to deal with that. So just sitting down can be difficult. But then when you sit down and all kinds of old pain comes up, then it's even more difficult. And what do you do? You know, how do you process that? And so, as human beings, we need each other I Love You know, there's a beautiful documentary on Netflix. I don't know if you've seen the stutz documentary.
Alex Ferrari 27:08
Cheryl Richardson 27:08
Have you seen? Oh, write. That's write this down, as it's called stutz. stutz. I'm pretty sure. So it's a documentary that Jonah Hill did about his therapist. And we really, I will say, I've recommended it to a lot of people. It is a love story between two men, that is so beautiful, but also Stutz. Phil Stutz in this documentary, talks about something that I was so glad to hear him talk about, which is that the universe runs on needs not independence, you know, we need each other, we need to support one another, we need to be there for one another. And the more you meditate, the more you learn to allow painful and uncomfortable feelings to rise and release. The more you get the support you need, the more you can really be, you know, one of those support people be a support person for other people as well. And so there's so many things like even the stats documentary on Netflix, I thought, you know, five years ago, you'd never see something like this. And today, people love it. And he's, you know, you can find podcasts with him all over the place. And we're waking up is challenging his life has been as difficult as our political system is and world events looks like, you know, we're just, you know, kindergarteners trying to get through life. The truth is, we're waking up and it doesn't take everybody for the planet to shift. It takes a handful of conscious awake people who are committed to living as soul souls and not egos. So how to meditate when your mind goes crazy, and you don't want to do it. So the first thing I like to tell people is, I always remember this. The minute you close your eyes, your brain begins making alpha waves that slows the body down. So your brain has like four different brainwave patterns. Beta is the the brainwaves you know of action and strategy and goal setting and working beta waves, my brains making plenty of them right now. And then alpha waves is a slower brainwave pattern. It's the pattern that we get into as we start to fall asleep. That's why you close your eyes. It triggers it signals to the brain up, rest, the brain starts to slow down. brainwaves, when you get into a deeper meditation, the brain begins making theta brainwaves, which is the brainwaves of creativity, that really kind of hypnagogic state of, you know, in between, you know, kind of like pretty much asleep but still conscious. And then ultimately delta waves which runs you know, a lot of the involuntary systems of the body. So we can generate alpha waves just by closing our eyes. So anybody can just practice if you just close your eyes, you'll notice, if you keep them closed, you shut off visual stimuli that you'll start to calm down. And then if you breathe through your nose, not through your mouth, but through your nose, and you extend the exhale, sometimes I play a little game with myself, when my mind is really busy and I can't get relaxed, I will see how long I can extend my exhale, by extending the exhale, we trigger the body's parasympathetic nervous system. And it automatically calms the nervous system down whether you want it to or not, I mean, it just will do that. So breathing slowly into the nose, and then even more slowly out through the nose, just that alone will start to calm the mind, calm the body, you know, the mind and body are intricately woven together. So to say to somebody who is running on adrenaline to Oh, you need to just sit down and meditate is really unfair, because their body is so amped up. That it's, it's like a recipe for disaster. So we have to use little triggers, like closing eyes, breathing through the nose, noticing senses, so closing your eyes, breathing through your nose, and then noticing what do I hear? What do I hear around me? I just heard a truck, drive down the road, you know, I might hear a bird call or my cat playing with some toys in the heart, whatever. What am I hearing? What am I feeling? What's my body on? And what does what am I feeling in my body? What do I smell that I just finished? I made some turkey bacon earlier, and I can still smell the scent of turkey bacon in the air? What do I smell like? What you engaging your senses causes you to come back to the present moment? And you can just continue to do that. What do I hear? What do I feel? What do I taste? What do I smell that will bring you back to the present moment. These are some of the things you can do, especially in the beginning when you're learning to meditate. And as I'm sure you know, once you practice meditation enough, when you get to your desk and you sit down and you close your eyes, and you start breathing through your nose. A lot of times the body goes up, okay, it's tight. It's like a child, Okay, it's time to rest. And it gets easier and easier to get into a deeper state. Unless you're aggravated by life, which you know, we're constantly aggravating ourselves with our thoughts all the time. So, you know, we need to then sometimes just speak lovingly to ourselves when we're in that state and not wanting to sit there quietly. So that's some things you can do.
Alex Ferrari 32:42
And I've also found that there was some some research done that David discovered, there's another another app below Delta. There's gamma, I think it is if I'm not mistaken, but because they did some Tibetan monks who'd been meditating for 30 years. And he's like, Oh, I can go deeper. And they found that there was even a deeper states that you can go into, which is fascinating. And I have to agree with you that I feel that people are awakening more and more every day, I can see it by the numbers of the show. People how people are being drawn to a show like this, the conversations that we're having on the show, were unheard of 10 years ago, yeah. unheard of, to talk about reincarnation publicly, to talk about meditation, meditation publicly. And the benefits. It's it's really fascinating to see how everything's happening. But I think that I think the pandemic as difficult that it was, it did stir something up and people where they, they got that moment to stop. Life, the world stopped for a good two or three months, it stopped and never seen anything like that. Like, you know, there's dolphins in Venice, Italy.
Cheryl Richardson 33:52
Exactly, exactly. And what was great, I mean, for a lot of people, it was really unsettling, right? It was like they were thrown in retreat. And they didn't ask, like, Oh, my God, no, no being with myself here now. No, thank you. I'd like to go back to work. And then we came out a little bit, but then we went back in. And I was thinking, I hope that this time of staying in is long enough to give people a really good taste of the objectivity between where I am in my life right now. And where I've been, you know, out in the world running a million miles an hour and it really did that. It's why we saw we've seen labor changes, which why people retire that I mean, I can't tell you the number of people I've spoken to just even in my community who've said restaurants that used to be open you know, eight in the morning till eight at night, opening from A to two because they discovered they could make the same amount of money from A to two and have a life beyond two o'clock. It really put people in touch with what really matters and of course For us, it really was challenging for a lot of people who had to try and deal with kids figure out a way to earn a living, you know, all of that do on, you know, online schooling. I prayed for parents every day, because it was really brutal is the word.
Alex Ferrari 35:17
It was brutal. I felt so bad for my kids because they had to do something that they were all thrown into. They were all thrown into this instant, insane scenario that we all was just trying to survive. I mean, I was wiping down Amazon boxes with Clorox wipes. I mean, it was insane. It was,
Cheryl Richardson 35:36
You know, we'd go to the grocery store, we'd be like, Okay, we would be like a relay, we would go on the front door and we would know how to get everything within 15 minutes you know, masks on gloves. Remember gloves early? Oh, yeah. On and he would say to me, because my husband has been protector he has, we have to have had some past lives together where he didn't protect me. Because in this life, he's like, obsessed with protecting protecting me. And he would say, okay, 15 minutes, you take the first you know, few aisles. I'll take the last we'll meet in the middle and get out of here and funny.
Alex Ferrari 36:10
My wife did not see a supermarket for six months. I did all the shop. I said, Nope. I'm the only one out and I had a gas mask on. I had the gloves on I walk in. And normally people would go you look insane. But most people go, where'd you get that mask? Where'd you get that? Man? My Amazon? Like, really? Is it available? We really, cuz it was an insane time, it was an insane time to say the least.
Cheryl Richardson 36:34
Well, we were so scared. You know? And
Alex Ferrari 36:37
Well, the media didn't help either. I mean, with those numbers popping every like, oh, 5 10 10,000 dead today. Like you were just like,
Cheryl Richardson 36:45
I know, it was crazy. It was. And I had a family member, one of my family members, you know, was in ICU for three weeks and came very close to dying. So it was very, the threat of particularly of you know, Delta variant was really, really scary. So
Alex Ferrari 37:04
But it made it look, it made a stronger if we survived, it made a stronger and it's definitely shifted the planet without question. Now I want to ask you, because a lot of people have issues with this. I think every every human being has issues with this. Other people, toxic people, people that come into your life for for some reason, I've come to realize that every human being that walks your path at one point or another is there for a reason to teach you a lesson, good or bad give you an opportunity to be kind opportunity be patient, then you have children. And that's a daily situation of patients. But, but it's hard for people to hear that sometimes you'd like. And if you want to even go even deeper into the spiritual ideas of things that we chose this, we chose these ideas we chose these struggles to go through to kind of help us evolve a bit. But when these toxic people come into our lives, what do you any advice do you have on dealing with these kinds of toxic people, some of these toxic people come in and out, they might be a co worker might be a toxic friend. But some of them you might be married to might be your spouse, those your either sibling or family member becomes a little bit more difficult to detach from that? What advice do you have for dealing with that in life?
Cheryl Richardson 38:26
Um, first of all, I think people and experiences come into our life. We can see it as opportunities for growth, if we approach it from that perspective, right. So this is where my my perspective has changed a lot, Alex over the last five years in particular. First of all, there are there toxic people, yes, I think toxic is a strong word. And I would say for example, if you're in a relationship with a narcissist, that that's a good example of somebody who can be very, very toxic to the system. I like to think of people as wounded. You know, there are wounded people in our lives that that for whom the relationship might be challenging at some point and their response to it isn't in our best interest. And once again, I'm going to go back to the more we practice being centered within ourselves. The the less hooked we are by situations like that, but that's a big ask. It takes, like you said earlier, it's a muscle that you build over time, you've got to really build it over time. I've spent a lot of my career giving people permission to tell the truth in their relationships with grace and love and to walk away from those relationships that they've either outgrown or that are hurting them in some way. You know, a good example of that is I can't tell you how many times back when I had a radio show people would come call and talk about their toxic boss who would humiliate them in front of employees. Now, I know that when you when you do work and you raise your self esteem or your sense of self worth to a certain point, you would not be able to tolerate that behavior, you would just immediately leave your job. But if you're not leaving your job, I just know you're not there yet. So there's some help that you need to, you know, first of all, I would often recommend getting some support getting, you know, professional support, maybe some therapy to look at, okay, because oftentimes, these are patterns. They've had other people in their lives in the past, who were shaming or humiliating? And how come like, where did that begin? Every relationship is an invitation for us to heal by looking at what gets, you know what gets triggered in us. So rather than just say to someone like that, well, you need to leave your job, nobody has the right to humiliate you in front of other people. That would be like you put, you know, asking them to play Beethoven when they can't play chopsticks yet, right? I would say to them, let's get a piano teacher, let's get a therapist or a coach or somebody who can help you begin to look at, you know, what you can do to raise your self esteem, raise your self worth over time, so that you no longer will tolerate behavior like that. I might, you know, coach them to have a conversation with the boss, often they can't, because the boss wouldn't get away with that behavior if they were strong enough to stand up to the boss, but sometimes they are. And I would recommend that they privately have a conversation where they let their boss know that, you know, it's not okay to speak to me that way. And in particular, in front of other people. And I'd like to ask you, the next time you have a problem with something I've done to call me into your office and speak about it, just like that charge neutral, you know, but somebody who's been tolerating their behavior, that's going to feel like a pretty scary conversation to them. So we first want to get them support. If you've got people that are constantly draining your energy, I use this example. I've used this for years, because people always go oh, my gosh, I know exactly what you're talking about. Let's say you have a friend like you might have someone in your life Alex, who has been complaining about the same damn problem. My husband, my wife, my kids
Alex Ferrari 42:18
Cheryl Richardson 42:20
We are exactly alike. You know, for years, I would complain to my husband. You know, I do everything around here. You know, I'm always I'm the one doing the dishes and Baba Baba. And he would say to me, give me a list. And I'll do whatever you want me to do? Yeah, well, why do I have to make a list? Right?
Alex Ferrari 42:35
So it's a very by the way, that's a very male answer. And I understand it, because that's exactly what I say.
Cheryl Richardson 42:41
When I finally got my act together and gave him a list I discovered, oh, what do you know, he actually does what's on the list.
Alex Ferrari 42:48
That's we're different creatures. Very different, different creatures, men and women. And I've discovered that in my life,
Cheryl Richardson 42:55
You know, who schooled me on that was Joanie bore Sanko, who I love. She's a beautiful teacher, writer of many, many books. And she was the one she's a brain scientist. And she said to me, let me explain to you the male brain versus the female brain. And then I got it. And I do, I've left him lists, and he always gets everything. I mean, it's amazing, right when we do. But let's say you have a friend that's always complaining about her job, or her husband, or his wife, or whatever. And, you know, this is the kind of friend where when they call, you either let it go to voicemail, or if you've got some space, you answer it, but you make sure you put your headset in. So you can do other things while they're talking. Because you know, they're going to go on and on and on. Right? That's a draining friend. That's, you know, it's not good for the body. And I often use this really gross example of, if you were to imagine, you know, how when you drive by a church, and or any place where they're doing fundraising, and they've got a giant thermometer with a red line, and it shows how much money they've raised? Will you imagine that when you answer the phone from that friend, you're like that that thermometer with like, no red line, and all of a sudden, they start puking all their anxiety, and I use that word intentionally puking all of their anxiety and to you about the spouse or the job or whatever they're going on and on and on. And what's happening. They're emptying their giant thermometer and your red lines growing, right? You've got all this anxiety pouring into you. Well, two things. I mean, then you get off the phone and you're exhausted, right? Oh, my God, why did I pick up the phone? This person makes me crazy. Well, there's a few things. First of all, it's not good for your body, to be subjecting yourself to that kind of anxiety. It's really not good for your body. It's not good for your friend, because now what you've done is you have relieved her of the anxiety she needs to eventually force her to do something about the situation. So the real response is To, not during that scenario, but at another time to say to the friend, we'll call her Mary Mary, listen, you know what I really love you, we've been friends for a long time. And in an effort to be really honest with you, and to honor our relationship, I need to tell you, when you call me to complain about your husband, I end up feeling drained afterwards, and I realized, I'm not helping you at all. And I'm not helping myself. So I want to support you in doing something about this situation. If you if you're ready to do something, I'm behind you 150%. If you're not, it would be better for you to not call me better to call someone else. But when you are ready, I will be your wing person 100%. And we'll get you the support, you need to address the issue. And then you say this last thing is really important. And by the way, Mary, you'll probably forget, we had this conversation. So when it happens again, I'll be sure to remind you. And that's just an example of you know, you can use it in any different scenario for friends, the negative friend, the draining friend. And then if there are people who are truly toxic that you are intertwined with, in some way, like a spouse, you must get into therapy, before addressing that I would never I'm not a therapist, I'm a coach, I'm a huge advocate of therapy I've been in in and out of therapy all my life, I'm a big believer in it, I would absolutely get you into really good therapy with somebody who specifically has dealt with situations like this, the kind of toxic relationship you have with your spouse, so that you can come up with a plan to exit that relationship or to stand up to that person. And I would not recommend somebody attempt to do that on their own because toxic people are really can be very dangerous. So and eventually what I want for everybody is to just think highly enough of themselves that they are not going to put themselves in situations with wounded people that are going to just wound them in return. You know, does that make sense?
Alex Ferrari 47:08
It makes perfect sense. It was perfect. So that's a great answer and hope that helps people listening. Now there's you wrote a whole book on this next question, which is midlife changes and and how did you kind of change lanes if you will, mid life way. And a lot of the people who listened to this, to this show is leaning towards midlife. You know, I don't have a lot of 13 year olds listening to the show yet. They're not awakened yet. So So and myself being, you know, close, hopefully close to midlife, I'd like to hope I think I'm gonna live a long time healthily, but close to midlife myself. I've seen the change in my own life where my entire career life or life career was one way. And then all of a sudden, a handful of years ago, I jumped on a microphone and this thing called podcasting took over my life. And now this is what I do for a living, which was a shock to the system. And it took a while to to make those changes. What advice do you have for people who have been doing something for the same way for 20 or 30 years, and they're like, I really never wanted to be a lawyer, I really just wanted to write or I wanted to be an artist or wanted to be a chef or, and they're afraid to take that next step to change those lanes because of external problems because of fears, things like that. What do you have? What suggestions do you have or advice for that?
Cheryl Richardson 48:34
Well, yes, so the end of last year, I published an audio book called self care for the wisdom years. And it addresses the whole conversation about how do we take care of ourselves differently and approach life differently. As we get into the later latter stages of our life. The fact that I published it as an audiobook was an example of how something had shifted for me, I'm a writer at heart, I love writing. I actually went into a studio with my producer and an outline, I knew what I wanted to tell people and I crafted this audio journey, extemporaneously based on the outline over multiple days, as a way of coaching people through this process of conscious aging. And remember, I said in the very beginning, when we were first talking, that we spend the first half of our lives, you know, creating this crafting this personality in reaction to the world. And then hopefully, if we embrace aging, we begin to dismantle that personality so that we can really discover what's left behind. I talk about making the shift from an ego directed life to a soul directed life. And that was the journey I began probably five years ago. You know, I had a very big career. I was traveling all over the world. I was speaking to 1000s of people writing best selling books on television all the time. I mean, you know, I had the kind of life a lot of people would dream of. I mean, a lot of people would write to me and say, How do I do what you do, I want to do what you do. And one day I tell the story, in the beginning of the book, I was sitting with a friend of mine, who was a veterinarian, his name was Mark, and he had owned, he had been a vet for I think, 30 years. And I said to him, you know, Mark, I'm really nervous. This is probably five ish years ago, said, I'm really nervous. He said, why I said, I am getting really bored with what I'm doing. I said, you know, I know I love writing, I will always write. But traveling all the time living in airplanes and cars, and missed my husband, my home. I just said to him, I've kind of, I feel like something's changing. And I, I can feel the rumblings of discomfort, like, let's look at what that is. It could be boredom. It could be frustration, it could be dead ends, like doors are closing, and you can't like, there's a lot of different signals, we get that there's a transition coming. And I said to him, I feel like something's changing. But it makes me really nervous. Because, you know, my whole identity, Alex, my whole identity was built on this author, coach, speaker. And Mark said, something ridiculously simple and incredibly profound to me at that moment. He said, Well, of course, you're bored, sweetheart, when you do something for 20 or 25 years, and you've mastered it, it's time to move on and do something else. And now, as somebody who was passionate about learning, it just made sense to me. I thought, Oh, my God, he's right. I know how to do this career. I know how to, you know, do tell like I you know, I've done plenty of interviews and television, you know, all this. I've got that down. But what's next? And of course, the answer was a big blank canvas, I have no idea. And I'm grateful that, you know, my dad taught me to take good care of my money early on. So I took good care of my money and built up, you know, a good savings so that I, I could absolutely begin to kind of dismantle a bit of what I was doing. It was tricky for me, because as a professional speaker, I had my calendar was booked a year in advance, had to deal with that. That was tricky. But I began to consciously make the decision that I was going to let my soul lead. And what that means Alex is the ego is a very, very strong force in our lives. And it loves shiny things, right? You know, all of a sudden, I would decide, okay, I'm not going to I'm not going to travel 90% less. And then somebody would write to me and asked me to come and do a keynote at a conference. And I think, Oh, it's a big conference. Oh, it's a keynote. Oh, it's a lot of money. And you know, and I'd be like, about to go yes. And then I go, whoa, whoa, hold on. The ego wants to jump in and say yes to things right away. But the soul went take a breath, sweetheart, well done. And I would step back, and then in my mind, I would play it out. Okay. You just said yes. Now, you put it in your calendar. Now imagine yourself packing your suitcase, getting in the car, go into the airport, you know, I started a plane. And by the time I got to the airport, I was like, oh, yeah, no, I'm not doing that anymore. And I would gracefully decline. It requires a lot of nose to the things the ego really wants to do. And that's not easy. It's just not easy. And I will tell you today, though, my life feels so rich. And so just so satisfying. And it's not very sexy. You know, I'm not like, yeah, it's like, I'm, I love my mornings to myself, I love times with my cats. I love watching great TV series with my husband. I love traveling for fun instead of work. You know, I do a lot of I made a decision a couple of years ago that I would no longer work for money, that if I was going to do coaching, or I was going to do any kind of anything, I would do it as a gift to the world. And because I spent my whole life I grew up poor. And I spent my whole life frightened and trying to amass enough money to feel safe. And I just decided, You know what, I'm taking that out of the equation. And so I still do coaching and I write a blog every week and I published a couple of audiobooks last year, because I wanted to do it differently. It was interesting for me to go into studio and be creative and to imagine that I was just talking to you Alex about making that shift from an ego directed life to a soul directed life and we would spend four days together or nothing is but you know, have six hours together, because it was a different way of creating. And I wanted to do that and who knows what will be next.
Alex Ferrari 55:07
You know, it's as you're saying all of that I'm just thinking in my head of the my journey, what I had to go through and, you know, being in the film industry for so long and directing and being in post production and things like that, where I would get calls, like, Hey, do you want to do this movie and it did very big check. Yes. And then I would say, I'm retired, which I love saying it out loud, I retired from that life. As a young man, I'm like, I retired, I retired from that I shut down my company, I retired, here's another person you can then I would send it off to colleagues of mine. And to, to come to that conclusion took a long time, because you, you are raised with this, especially I think you come probably from the same schools out to the poor people mentality of kind of like, I gotta hustle, I gotta hustle, I gotta hustle, I gotta grab, gotta gotta grab, if I don't get them. If I don't take that job. It's not going to be there next week, or next month or next year, I got to take it. So that mentality is that hustle mentality, which I built a tie brand around that, I've started to realize that you have to kind of pull back a bit, and not work like that and work a little bit differently with different intention. Because a lot of that is based in fear of lack. And if you don't have that fear of lack, then things start to change. So and I agree with you, like at a certain point, you just, you've done something for 20 years, 30 years, and usually I do this in my sleep on board, you know,
Cheryl Richardson 56:37
Do you remember in the beginning, when you decided you were going to retire from all the film work? Like, I'm sure that there were times like when you were first making the transition? Where you said yes to something, and then you did it. You were like, Oh, why did I say yes to this?
Alex Ferrari 56:50
So I think before I made the decision to retire, I had that moment. I had I took a job. It was the last big job I took. And I remember the pains and the headaches and it was just such a thing. I think that was the job that caused me to say, I think I'm done with this now. Because I looked at my podcasting and online business world. I was like, Oh, I don't need to do this anymore. Yeah, you know, yeah, it's a good chunk of money. But my happiness is a little bit more important. Now. That's a really big change in a mentality is you start thinking about yourself, your own mental health, your own self care, I still have problems vacationing, I still have problems just sitting down on a in a weekday to watch a movie that's not based on an interview, because I watch or watch a show or something or take three or four hours away of my day where I don't have anything booked to go. I'm sitting there, I'm like, I could be doing something, I could be building a website, I could be doing this, I could be writing a blog in your mind. It's a program that you've been running for 30 years, really, really difficult to break through that. That's the other thing that meditation helped. Because meditation is that self care. And it's scheduled into my into my work day now that it's part of my work. I look at it as part of my job that you have to meditate. And but that it was a form of pulling back. Little by little, if that makes sense.
Cheryl Richardson 58:17
Yeah, without a doubt. I mean, I think that's been the hardest transition for me is that voice and my you know, I grew up with a father who was like, you know, work hard. You never work hard. You never sit, you never rest. It's like what are you doing sitting there, get up and do something. Right. So
Alex Ferrari 58:30
My grandpa was the same way.
Cheryl Richardson 58:31
Yeah. So you know, that's been the hardest transition for me is to say no, no, no, sweetheart, you actually can go in the living room. And make yourself a cup of tea and watch an episode of madam secretary in the middle of the day. It's totally fine. You know, you know, one of the other things I started doing that really, and you've probably heard about this, but it has really been life changing for me is started three years ago cold plunging in the oh, oh, yeah. Northeast. This year. I bought myself a tank, but I bought myself a cow trough, right and went Tractor Supply. I paid 170 bucks. I got myself a cow cow trough, filled it with water filled it with cold water. It's you know, I'm in the Northeast. It's pretty cold here. But a grill cover so I could cover it. And I go out almost every day. And I don't you know, I'm in there for now between two and four minutes because it's, it's that's enough. That's enough, really enough. But it taught me early on when I started doing it in the ocean, the first two years it was in the ocean. And I live in the Northeast where I would never swim in the water here in the summer, because it was too cold. And now in May, I'm swimming for 30 minutes like it's nothing. But it taught me that I can do hard things and override the programming of the mind which is what we're talking about. Every time I get in my cold tank. When my mind goes okay Wait a minute, what's the temperature outside and when it's like no, you're either in or you're out.
Alex Ferrari 1:00:05
I'll tell you so you don't even have to get a cold tank just a cold shower. Yeah, I can't do that. See cold showers. I've been doing cold showers for a long time. And it was it was a hard for me those are really knows Yeah, because it's it's I trust me in the winter. It's tough in the summer a lot easier in the winter. It's tough to do cold showers. And but it's kind of like knives hitting you, you know, but what I do is I sit in front of I do a good couple minutes of shot of cold therapy in the shower. And then I warm it up to like lukewarm I never take hot showers anymore. I think more like lukewarm or just above like below lukewarm. But I started off with freeze because when you turn it on the water's ice cold. And that's when I just get underneath it and I just like but then I started doing breathing techniques breath work to go through it all. And I am having booked Wim Hof on to come on Wim Hof to come on who the? Yes. So I'm dying to talk to him about his his whole strategy of what he's done with cold therapy. But then I've been studying it I have a biohacker coming on the show soon to that cold therapy, what it does for longevity with hot therapy with a sauna work, and you're doing the to it. The longevity aspects when it releases the hormones and endorphins that get released. You're doing you're doing God's work when you go into that plunge. And that will in that coal plant. I'm telling
Cheryl Richardson 1:01:30
The cold shower for me so so let's just say that. So when I go cold tank, you know, like I said, my mind wants to go to Oh, How cold is it out? It's like no sweetheart, we're going in the tank, you don't get to. I'm in charge here. And I go into the tank and I get in and I breathe. And it's amazing because I've been doing it a long time now that I breathe through my nose slowly and for the first 10 or 20 seconds. It's like ooh, because the water is in the 30s but then all of a sudden I can feel all the blood rush to the internal organs because that's what it does. I keep my toes and my hands out because it's too cold for them. And then I just breathe and I can I swear I can feel the dopamine being released in my brain because I'm super hyper focused. Oh, yeah. I hear birds wings flapping over. I mean it's like a it's like a spiritual experience for me and but the reason I bring it up in this in terms of this conversation about aging conscious aging, Joseph Campbell said something so wise, he said, you know, people always talk about looking for more meaning in their life that he said, I think what people really want is more aliveness. And the cold water plunging for me. This was before I knew about Wim that I knew when I took a workshop with him online. The cold water for me taught me what aliveness felt like it gave me something to aim for. Because I when we would come out of the ocean in the middle of winter, we would be screaming like little kids jubilant little kids. And I thought that's what I want more of in my later years in life. And it becomes a measuring tool for me like oh, this springs you know, getting together with a group of girlfriends and having in the middle of the day in the summer on the beach and just hanging out and having great conversations. I feel alive like I do want to cold plunge. You know, meditating with my cat who's purring in my lap in the most delicious way. Makes me feel alive like a cold plunge like it because it helps you to, to bring more of that aliveness into your daily life, which is what we want to do when we were on the back nine. Why not? Right?
Alex Ferrari 1:03:39
And but isn't it also like you, I think you've said this earlier, that it is an amazing way to train your brain to fight off the instincts of the mind of the ego, because every thing in your existence is saying get out. This is too cold. And when you break that programming, again and again and again. If you're able to do it with cold plunges, or cold showers, you'll be able to do it with everything, everything else because everything else becomes it's you're lifting a heavier weight with that. So the other things become lighter just in relationship to what you do.
Cheryl Richardson 1:04:19
And I bet you'll hear women say that I mean, he'll talk about the aliveness. But you know, this isn't the cold tank sounds like a fad. And you know, for some people it is but for me, it has taught me to not listen to the frightened mind. And that that permeates every other aspect of my life. Because I can feel it like if I'm about to do like I'm about I have a I have a an event that I'm going to tomorrow night that I'm nervous about. But I say to myself, oh this is just like going into the cold tank. You know, you're nervous before you go into the ocean when it's 20 degrees out in the wind is 30 miles an hour, too, but yeah, we've done some crazy things. Please You know, talk to your doctors and don't do it alone. They're trained for a long time. But, but doing those things really allows you to just remember, Oh, if I can do that, I can do anything. I mean, I feel like I really, I don't want to jump out of a plane, I have no interest in that. But there's a whole bunch of things I can do. And if I wanted to do that I could do that to more aliveness in our aging years.
Alex Ferrari 1:05:25
And one other thing I wanted to ask you is about self care. Because I know that's a big thing that you talk about in your books and in the work that you do. And again, we kind of touched upon it. But so many of us had been raised with this programming that we can not stop that we have to keep going, especially in the West, in the West, that's all it is. You got to keep going, keep going keep going. In Europe, I found that it's they they they just there's just this, there's they they take time off, they, they have governmental time off like six weeks, eight weeks of vacation. That's unheard of in the US. That's unheard of. But it's starting to change a bit. But we're still a ways away. Can you tell have any advice for people who just have that problem, but like, well, I feel like I'm, I'm being selfish when I take care of myself or do a, a spa day, if you want to do a spa day or go to a movie, you know, with your boys or whatever that thing is that is self care for you to get past that hole, you're being lazy, or you're being selfish?
Cheryl Richardson 1:06:27
Well, you know, we could look at it a different way we could say how about if you include that part of you, and love that part of you while you go ahead and do whatever it is you're going to do to take care of yourself anyway. It's a journey. You know, a lot of women I've dealt with over the years talk about feeling guilty, when they start to take care of themselves. They say, Great, you've got to get really good at being with the part of you. The part of you that's feeling guilty is protecting you from something that was long, long ago. But if you could just put your arm around that guilt and go, Oh, yeah, there's that part that gets, you know, always feels guilty. But yeah, we're going to the movies with the kids anyway, or we're going to the movies by myself. Anyway, you get better and better at it just like getting in the cold water right in the beginning. It's like, oh, I can't handle it, you're out and fit, you know, 10 seconds, and then it's 20 seconds, and then it's 50 seconds. And it's a minute, same thing for you with a cold showers. It's the same thing with self care. Don't start with big things like Oh, I'm gonna just, you know, I'm going to pack my bags and go away for a week spontaneously. It's like, no, that's, that's not setting yourself up for success. Just decide that this week, I'm going to look at my calendar and take cancel one caught one commitment I've made that I really don't want to do. Just gonna do that just this week. And then notice how I feel oh, I feel a little anxious about it. What if that person is upset? Okay, can you just be with that? Because remember, it goes all the way back to where we started, Alex, we're trying to manage our insides. Right, feeling guilty is an inside experience. Nobody out there is doing that to you, you're doing it to yourself. So now we're trying to move the chairs on the Titanic on the outside so that we feel okay, on the inside, when in fact, it's just let me just be with this I can I can live through feeling guilty. So that I get to the other side, I can deal with, I can breathe my way through anxiety because I'm going to breathe through my nose and extend my exhale, which is going to calm my body down. I'm going to pick one thing to say no to one place to change my mind. One gift of time that I'll give myself one commitment, that volunteer commitment that I just don't want to do that I've outgrown. One new thing I want to explore that I've never thought of before that you know I've been dreaming about but haven't done anything about one small step at a time is what creates long lasting change.
Alex Ferrari 1:08:49
Absolutely. I'm gonna ask you a few questions I ask all my guests. What is your? What is your definition of living a good life?
Cheryl Richardson 1:08:57
Living a good life, a life where you're present.
Alex Ferrari 1:09:01
What is your definition of God?
Cheryl Richardson 1:09:05
This great creative force that connects all of us.
Alex Ferrari 1:09:09
And what is the ultimate purpose of life?
Cheryl Richardson 1:09:12
To remember that your soul not your personality
Alex Ferrari 1:09:17
And where can people find out more about you and the work that you do on show?
Cheryl Richardson 1:09:21
Cherylrichardson.com is where pretty much everything is and then coach on call forum. Instagram and Twitter is my handle there. But in Cheryl Richardson on Facebook as well.
Alex Ferrari 1:09:31
And do you have any final messages for the audience?
Cheryl Richardson 1:09:34
Meditate 10 minutes a day set the alarm. The best thing you can do I'm telling you it will change your life will visit a year from now you won't be the same person.
Alex Ferrari 1:09:42
Cheryl, thank you so much for not only being on the show, but for all the work that you've done over the years helping people awaken in this in this life. So I appreciate you my dear.
Cheryl Richardson 1:09:50
Thank you Alex. Great to be with you.
Links and Resources
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