Inside the Studio: An Atheist’s NDE Journey to the Other Side with Betty Guadagno

Alex Ferrari 0:00
What did you believe? Like? What did you think was gonna happen after you died as an atheist?

Betty Guadagno 0:05
My life review was not nice, it was not a good time. It was brutal. It was agonizing. After that, I thought I was the second coming of Christ, obviously. So I went to Walgreens after my experience, and I stole a Bible because I wanted to learn about God, and I was a thief.

Alex Ferrari 0:21
Girl you crazy!

Betty Guadagno 0:22
Yeah, I was cuckoo bananas. I was really out of control. I'm laying hands on homeless drug addicts. No, yes, I am all the way. I'm evangelizing. I'm telling people about a God that I have.

Alex Ferrari 0:35
So you've come to the other side.

Betty Guadagno 0:36
All the way all the way to the other side.

Alex Ferrari 0:48
I like to welcome to the show, Betty Guadagno how you doing Betty?

Betty Guadagno 0:50
So grateful to be here.

Alex Ferrari 0:52
Thank you so much for coming down to Next Level Soul Studios. I appreciate it.

Betty Guadagno 0:55
Yeah, it's beautiful here.

Alex Ferrari 0:56
Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. We try to, we try to make it homey.

Betty Guadagno 1:00
It's really nice.

Alex Ferrari 1:01
Has a nice, cool vibe here. These, these lovely souls are always with us. So, so, um, we're going to talk about your near death experience, but yours, your story is pretty interesting because you were a hardcore atheist. That hardcore atheist, you were raised in the Jewish faith.

Betty Guadagno 1:20
No, my mother was Jewish, my father was Catholic, but they were agnostic, atheist.

Alex Ferrari 1:25
Gotcha. So they didn't even go on Easter to the church or the temple, right? Nothing like that, right? So, so you didn't have much of a spiritual upbringing,

Betty Guadagno 1:35
Zero spiritual awareness, spirit.

Alex Ferrari 1:37
So when you were coming up, nothing, nothing, nothing.

Betty Guadagno 1:40
Never heard of the word spiritual awakening, never heard of a near death experience, never heard of a chakra, nothing,

Alex Ferrari 1:46
Nothing like that. But you had heard of like Jesus, obviously, sure, and you've heard of, you know, these kind of, you know, stories in the Bible and things, but it was just like, Yeah, whatever. So you were hardcore atheists. So what did I always like to ask atheists, what did you believe? Like, what did you think was gonna happen after you died as an atheist?

Betty Guadagno 2:04
Yeah, I thought that you just turn into dirt, and that's it, and that's the end of it. It was just easier for me to not believe in something, because I had such a traumatic childhood, and I had so many terrible things happen to me, and if I believed in God, then I would have to believe that God was doing those things to me, and so I just stayed hidden from God instead, because it seemed easier.

Alex Ferrari 2:24
It was a coping mechanism. Definitely it was a coping mechanism. That's an intro, because I always love hearing atheists points of view, of like, okay, so what do you think? And it's just, it's just very fascinating. So, so let's, let's go down what happened. So before we get into your near death experience, what was your life like before it?

Betty Guadagno 2:41
Yeah, my life before my experience was traumatizing. That's a good encapsulating word. So I grew up in a family that was full of addiction and poverty and sexual trauma and everything that goes along with living a life like that, and I just thought that it was all really normal. I didn't realize that any of that stuff was different. I thought that it was normal to steal your groceries. I thought that it was normal to get eviction notices on your door and move once or twice a year. I thought that it was normal to have a long orange extension cord going from your apartment to the building, to have lights on in your house. I thought all that stuff was completely normal, because that's what I saw around me, and I didn't realize that my life was abnormal until much later, but I did know that my parents were struggling, but every time that they smoked something or took a drink or they ate a pill, everything just turned off. It was as if there was nothing wrong anymore. And so I made all of these mental notes as a little kid, as soon as I can get my hands on whatever that is, that's what I'm gonna do.

Alex Ferrari 3:44
Oh, wow. So it was that programming, that first, that first seven year programming period, where you don't even have to be taught. It's not like they sat down and go, This is how you do meth along those lines. But just by being in the environment, you pick up subconsciously, absolutely all that stuff,

Betty Guadagno 4:00
Watching the behaviors. Is it like all I know is that things are shifting, and I want that shift.

Alex Ferrari 4:07
It's interesting. Like when people, I always tell people when, when they come into that they don't believe in the subconscious training of the first seven years, I go, have you ever met a rich person who is the stupidest, dumbest person you've ever met, but they are rich for whatever reason? And they go, yeah, he goes, because they were born into that kind of family, and subconsciously, they just learned how to deal with money because it was around them. So whatever you you know as an actress, if you're born into an acting family, you that's just normal. So you start picking all these things up. So it's very, very. Those seven years are very. I always say those first seven years are the you learn, and then the rest of your life, you figure out how to deprogram yourself exactly. So, so as you're going through, how old were you when you had your near death experience? I was 35 Sure, 35 so you, you lived a good amount of life already. Oh, yeah, you lived a good amount of life. And during that time period, what was, what was going on? I mean, obviously you, you started going down the addiction path. How did you. Deal with that on a psychological level. Did did spirituality even peek its head during that time?

Betty Guadagno 5:06
No, yeah, lights out, no, definitely, definitely, all the way asleep. You know, my my parents, I watched their addiction really take a hold of them and just start to destroy them. And in 2007 it was the height of the oxycontin epidemic, and my parents were prescribed over 1000 pills each every month, and somehow were always running out of pills. They were facing another eviction. The lights were turned off, the gas was turned off, and they made this decision that they had to end their suffering. They had to stop using and the only way that they knew how to do that was to do what they saw everybody else in our family do, which was die. And so in 2007 my parents intentionally overdosed together. They ended their lives together. Yeah, totally the worst. I mean, just you can't even imagine. I was 23 when that happened, and my sister was 18. We found them, and they left these little notes written on the kitchen magnet notepad, and it just said, take care of each other, as if a 23 year old and an 18 year old would know how to do that. Well, I just got chills. I'm so sorry. And it was, you know, the the thing is, is that my addiction stepped in when my parents died, and it became my parent. It didn't only become my parent, it became my guiding star. It became my higher power. So I didn't have room for God in my life, because she was my god, yeah, and it was, it really, it just threw me for a loop. It made me abandon everything in my life. I left my sister, I moved across the country. I said that I couldn't deal. I decided that I was going to become the perpetrator in people's story lines. I was no longer going to be a victim. I was done being a victim in my life, and I didn't even know that there are other roles to play. I thought that it was only perpetrator and victim, and so I decided to be the abuser, and I abused people, I mean, intentionally, maliciously, traumatized other people, because I wanted them to hurt as deeply and badly as I hurt. Hurt people. Hurt people absolutely and heal people. Heal people,

Alex Ferrari 7:08
Very much so on the other side, there's balance to everything in this universe. There's balance to everything. So as you're going through this, before we get to your near death experience, let's just jump into we're gonna, like, do a pulp fiction and jump in the narrative a little bit. So we're gonna go all over the place. So before your near death experience, let's just jump after what you've you're awakening. Why do you believe that you chose this life, this blueprint, those parents? Because so many people watching and listening. You know, when I say, you know, you chose this. I do this to my kids all the time. When they start fighting with each other, I'll go, Well, you chose your sister. I'm like, No, I did. My kid, my kid, one of my kids say, she always says, like, it's just a wheel. It's a wheel of chance. I'm like, so is there a giant cosmic wheel? Well, if there is, then who's pulling it, and she goes, Oh, do we hear dead people talking show love children, but so so many people listening, don't they? Really triggers them when you say you chose this life because they're only looking at it from the human perspective, not the soul perspective. So I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

Betty Guadagno 8:22
Yeah, I don't you know. I if someone would have told me that I chose my life, I would have punched them in the face. It would have been like lights out. It would have been really bad. But for me today, I know that I chose the life path that I'm on because heaven is really boring, and my soul is this Spanish novella script writer, and she was like, let's do it all while we have a chance. Writer, I mean, every storyline that could happen in a person's life has happened in my life.

Alex Ferrari 8:55
Has your evil twin come back from the dead? Telling you, yeah, so, so, why did you think so? Why did you think you did this? Why did you think you went down this? This is not an easy path. What you're taught, and you've only given me some Cliff Notes, versions of the you haven't given me any details. I can only imagine how difficult that path is. A path of addiction is horrendous, but it seems like that was just one of the many, many ingredients in your recipe you put together. Yeah, and the Spanish novella script writer you got on the other side.

Betty Guadagno 9:29
So, you know, the life lesson of addiction is brutal, but it also comes with the dual experience of recovery. So some souls don't get an opportunity to experience both parts of the lesson, like my parents Exactly. So what I do is I heal, not only for myself, but for them too, and for the generations and generations in my particular family line, in family lines of people that I'll never know, never encounter as I take on this intense healing, it's. Just for me, it's for the whole collective. And having that idea keeps me going, because if I thought that it was just for me, I might not, I might just give up and say it's too much.

Alex Ferrari 10:11
So you're saying it's really interesting. You're talking now about ancestral drama that is in our bloodlines, in and that we carry those things along. So there could be generations of abuse, generations of addiction, and it takes one soul to break the cycle, and when they do, it does ripple, even on a small standpoint, like what you're talking about. I heard that once a person becomes enlightened, they they just erase karma. For like, I mean, how many generations forward and backwards I heard? This is one thing I heard from the Vedic test. So you're doing something similar. And if it's not even as grandiose as like when Jesus did it, or something like that, it does stop it. And the next generation can come in without having to deal with it. Very Bruce Lee the dragon, kind of,

Betty Guadagno 11:01
You know what? These are, all stories, right? So this is the story that I tell myself, because it makes my human experience a joyful one. So if somebody thinks another kind of narrative correct, they're allowed to have that narrative too. This is what makes me feel like I have purpose here, and that's why I stay centered in spiritual awareness, spiritual principles, recovery, open mindedness, is to be, I want to be the ancestor that people in my family pray to one day and say, oh, I need aunt Betty's help you know,

Alex Ferrari 11:34
Do you think because something you said stories and since I've been a storyteller most of my life. I the one thing I keep hearing and seeing again and again is we're all just trying to figure this out. We were kind of dumped on this planet. Essentially, we come out in a very cold, hard way, generally speaking, unless you have a home birth and warm water. But generally, you come in harsh, you come in hot, and you're just trying to figure this out for the rest of your life. You're trying to figure out this reality and the stories that we tell ourselves and the stories that we believe are our coping mechanisms. Religion is that for us, the way we look at life like you looked at life like, oh, addiction, or these things that my parents are doing, oh, that's going to solve my problem. That was a story that was told to you, even if it wasn't directly, but it was a story that you you started to play in your head and as a destructive story until you change the story. But we're all just trying to figure things out, and stories are the only thing that kind of hold us together without losing our mind, because this is not easy down here,

Betty Guadagno 12:40
And you know, that's why, in every Pantheon, in every mythological family, it's the same narrative that threads through all of them and and this hero's journey, of course, this is it like, this is what it's all about. Everybody has an opportunity to hop into their their hero's journey. If I can, everybody can, okay, like, there's no, I'm not special. This is available to everybody, to take a situation and use your pain for purpose, to turn it into power. That's what I that's what I the only thing that gets me through this experience,

Alex Ferrari 13:13
Yeah,it's and I found it so beautiful. You said that. You know, the story I tell myself is that I'm doing this for my generations, forward and back, and that's what keeps me going. Because if it was just for me, I don't think I would have gone down. Why do you think that? Why do you think that you need the grandiose storyline as opposed to, like, I just need to heal myself? I'm just curious.

Betty Guadagno 13:34
Yeah, I think because it gives me purpose. Think something bigger than you think about the fact I think that most people will help another person before they'll help themselves, right? The analogy of putting the oxygen mask on yourself first, they have to say that, because people would not intentionally do that, that's not our default. Is to help ourselves. It's to help other people. So it's one of the things that keeps me motivated to keep going. Because when I first came into this journey, I didn't like myself. Why would I want to heal for myself? I don't know who I am, and the person that I was is really a terrible person, and I don't want to be around her. So I had to figure out who I am in spiritual awareness, who this new version of me is that came from my spiritual experience and learn to love her. And it was a process. It's a girl. We're all I'm still doing it.

Alex Ferrari 14:26
We're all still trying to figure out how to love ourselves. Is that, like the greatest power we could have is to actually truly love ourselves?

Betty Guadagno 14:33
I want to love myself the way that God loves me. That's my goal every day.

Alex Ferrari 14:37
That's so beautiful. That's a t shirt, that's a beautiful saying. You're absolutely right. It's, I want to love myself like God loves me. Oh God, because most of it we're the worst to ourselves. Yeah, we're the worst. I always tell people, like, if you had a friend who talked to you like you talked to yourself, you would punch him in the face. You would run away from them.

Betty Guadagno 15:00
Yeah, what brutal. When I first went, when I first came into recovery, I did this exercise where I wrote a letter to myself as myself, and then I wrote a letter to myself as a friend, and the contrast between these letters was incredible. I mean, the letter to myself as myself was all curse words. It was just like all like man scribbling all over a page, and the letter to myself as a friend was like, You're doing so great. I'm so proud of you. And it was two wildly different aspects. And I think for me as myself, you know, that's kind of my ego centered thought system, me treating myself like a friend. That's my spirit centered thought system.

Alex Ferrari 15:38
That's beautiful, that's beautiful. So, all right, let's go to the day that you died. What happened on that day?

Betty Guadagno 15:45
On that day, I took too many substances. Who would have thought a drug addict took too many drugs?

Alex Ferrari 15:51
You were 35

Betty Guadagno 15:52
I was 35

Alex Ferrari 15:53
You know, i Before you continue, look, I remember 35 it's not 25 right? It's not 15 either. Yeah, so you feel things at a whole other level. And I can imagine the abuse that you've been putting your body through, and you're still, you know, doing that the body could only take so much.

Betty Guadagno 16:11
Yeah, I was a hot mess. I have some before and after pictures. It is. You would never, ever believe it. It's so incredible, but I I never gave myself a chance to feel anything. Every day was medicating all day, every day, there wasn't an hour of reprieve, maybe if I passed out, but that's it. And then it was right back to it the second that your eyes open. And that was how addiction had become for me. It it was my whole persona. I'm covered in tattoos of liquor bottles and packs of cigarettes. Okay, this was my entire personality. Wow, was that of a party girl, quote, unquote, an addict like this was my entire life.

Alex Ferrari 16:54
How did you have to before we get to the near death? It's because I'm really fascinated, and I really hope this helps people watching. How did you function? Like, how do you, like, have a job,

Betty Guadagno 17:04
I was a prostitute. I ended up, at first it was fun, then it was fun with problems, and then it was just problems. That's the progression of the disease of addiction. So, you know, at first I had jobs, I had an apartment, I had husbands, I had pets, I had clothes, I had friends, and then slowly but surely, all of those things faded out of my life, and then I could was no longer employable, and I had to start doing depraved things to make money so that I could keep my addiction going, because that was the most important thing in my life.

Alex Ferrari 17:40
That's how it is. Yeah. Alright. So to the day you died,

Betty Guadagno 17:43
Okay, so the day I die? So it was on March 23 2019 which is actually the beginning of the season of Aries, which is a symbol of rebirth. And it's you, it's right around the spring Solstice. And this was an epic rebirth. I took too much because I was gonna go do my laundry, and I was like, I better be real wavy to go do this, because laundry is rough, yeah, and I ended up overdosing, and I had this incredibly contrasted experience in my overdose, the first part of it was a life review, and like I said, I was a traumatized person who was intentionally traumatizing other people. I was waiting for this. Yes, my life review was not nice, it was not a good time, it was brutal, it was agonizing. I started to experience the pain that I inflicted on others from their point of view, and it was emotional pain that I was feeling too not just the physical things that I had done to people, like, lied, cheated, steal, like stolen from beat in, you know, all of this physical stuff, the emotional pain and turmoil, like it felt like I had ripped a piece of their soul apart. And so that was what I was experiencing. And then I started to experience what felt like a collective life review, I was experiencing all the experiences that have ever happened on earth because I was experiencing things that had not happened in this physical lifetime. For me, like I experienced childbirth, but I'm not a person who's had a child. I experienced the death of my child again, not a person who's had a child. My awareness is going into all of these other life experiences. Today, I have some awareness that those I've had past lives like that. And so it was kind of coming to me like that, but I was also seeing it from people's perspectives in my family. So when I had this experience of my child dying, I was in the awareness of my aunt who my cousin died. And so I was experiencing her pain. I was seeing her face, feeling her agony. And then I started to experience my parents suicide from their point of view, as well as my point of view as a grieving daughter, but from their point of view, the pain the ocean of anguish that I was drowning in, it felt like every cell in my body. Covered in spikes and static and concrete, and I was being shredded apart. And in that moment, I thought, okay, I must be dead because I'm seeing all these dead people, and I'm I'm dead, and this is it, and this sucks. It's not what I expected.

Alex Ferrari 20:17
So before we keep going, so did you just when you, when you overdose, did you just pop into a life review, or was there a tunnel of light? Was there darkness? What was it?

Betty Guadagno 20:25
It was it was like a, it was an, it's, I fell on my bathroom floor, and I just started to feel the feelings. And it took me years to piece together that it was a life review. I just used to say, you know, I saw my parents, and that's how I knew I was dead, because I saw my dead parents. But you know, the amount of emotions that I was experiencing was every emotion that you could ever have in the earth experience.

Alex Ferrari 20:50
That's interesting. I've not heard of a life review that you started to see other life experiences, and they weren't you in another life or another timeline. It was through other people's in your in your world, or people that were not in your world.

Betty Guadagno 21:03
Both, you know, and I have some language for today, I was experiencing a spontaneous kundalini awakening. Oh, Jesus. So, if anybody doesn't know, Kundalini roughly translates into life force. So I was having this life force energy activation. I was experiencing all of life, not just my life, every life. And it was, I mean, it wasn't the most intense thing ever, and I had a unity experience. And it was as if my soul was going up and down the scale of consciousness. I was experiencing grief and apathy and loss and anger and betrayal and then going into acceptance and willingness and unconditional love, but it was just rapid firing up and down. It's like they threw in a washing machine. Oh yeah, it was brutal.

Alex Ferrari 21:49
All right, so you're so you're watching the life review, and it's more of a feeling than it is, like a room, right? Because there's, there's some in the ears that walked into a room, and there's a spirit guy next to them, and they're like, Here, let's take a look at your life review, you weren't that.

Betty Guadagno 22:02
So the way that I perceive it is that everything that I was constructing was coming from My Mind's Eye. The space where I was had no physical features to it, but my mind's eye was constructing spaces within it.

Alex Ferrari 22:16
Got it. But so were you dead? Or were you not dead yet?

Betty Guadagno 22:18
I don't know if I actually died, because nobody ever pronounced me dead. This is all just like me strung out on my bathroom floor,

Alex Ferrari 22:25
Fair enough so you could have OD, well, you did. OD,

Betty Guadagno 22:28
I mean, a part of me died if I didn't physically die,

Alex Ferrari 22:30
Right, exactly. So you're going through all of this. So then what happens after the life review, which, by the way, it sounds horrific, but there was positive stuff, so you were going up and down. A lot of people, when I tell them about the life review, they're terrified of it, because they feel it's judgment. Did you feel judged? Or did you just feel like this is what it was?

Betty Guadagno 22:51
Yeah, there's no such thing as condemnation. There's no such thing as judgment. I It's me judging me. Yeah, which is the worst? Which is I'm the worst judge. So it was just me judging me, or, you know, maybe the way that society would judge those things, what my conditioning was, judging the experiences, but I was also feeling the emotion. So it wasn't really about judgment, it was about truth. This is the way that I made other people feel.

Alex Ferrari 23:14
Yeah, there's no BS around this. Like, just this, like, I hurt this person. This is how it feels, right? As opposed to, like, someone telling you you really hurt Johnny's feelings. You know, you felt what Johnny was feeling. Oh, yeah. And then All right, so after you go through this, you know, up and down, roller coaster of a kundalini awakening all at once. What happened next?

Betty Guadagno 23:35
So while I was in that space of my parents death, I gave up, this is it. This is what life is now. And then I started to hear my father's voice, and he was chanting, you are worthy of all the love in the universe. You are worthy of all the love in the universe. It was him, yeah. And so I and then it kind of morphed into every masculine man that I've ever had in my life, and I started to follow those voices because I trusted them, because I knew my dad's voice. And as I was following that, that was when I traveled into the light, and I started to have a very different experience than the life review, which was very welcome.

Alex Ferrari 24:17
So I wanted to stop you there for a second, so your life review, I've not heard this before, and I've heard a few of these. You're you had to come in through this door, essentially, for you to even, like, it's not like you went into the light and then you saw and Betty or Jenny's there, and everyone's there. And then you have a life review, no, you had to, like, get in. We had to shake you up a lot, and then you came into the light. It's, do you believe that every and that every near death experience is custom built for the soul and where they are in their life?

Betty Guadagno 24:50
Yeah, I think that we all have our own editing team.

Alex Ferrari 24:55
Hopefully they're not telling novella writers like yours.

Betty Guadagno 24:59
So. I don't think that it's one size fits all. I mean, you know that from interviewing so many experiencers, there is no, there's no, there's no one size fits all. When it comes to this, there's some common themes that pop up,

Alex Ferrari 25:10
Life review, tunnel of light. They're themes, sure, yeah, Jesus sometimes shows up. Bucha sometimes shows up. Sometimes it's, you know, it's your your dad, sometimes it's your dog, right? It's all alright. So you're going towards the light.

Betty Guadagno 25:21
Okay, so I go into the light. And so everything looked a lot like a video game in my light experience. And that could be because of the generation that I'm born in, or because we're living in a simulation. I mean, obviously, maybe it's some combination.

Alex Ferrari 25:21
It's called the matrix, right? Come on, Neo will be here any day, yeah.

Betty Guadagno 25:38
So, so I end up what on what felt like the deck of a spaceship, and there was 1000s of other souls around me. I just don't have any better language for it. It actually looked like the inside of the Gravitron ride from carnivals. Do you remember that looks like a spaceship spins really fast? I came out of the side of one of those walls, and then in the center there there was this commander. It felt like a commander to an army. And there was 1000s of souls all around me, and you can call that commander Christ or Krishna or Bucha. There was a consciousness. There was a higher consciousness, loving, accepting, leading, secure. And all these souls were all jazzed, like we are pumped, and our commander is telling us that we are the most special volunteers, and we have decided to jump to Earth for the transformation of consciousness. And everybody is cheering, and everybody's so excited. And, you know, I have no idea what's going on, but I know that I am part of this, and I feel the connection to all the other souls around me. My awareness quickly shifts over to another scene, and I find myself in front of a table of beings, and it was like this really crappy plastic like banquet hall table, nothing ornate, nothing beautiful. There was these beings behind the table, and I didn't ask them who they were, because I didn't need to, because I knew that they were people in charge. I didn't have to ask them who they were. I don't know if they're in charge of everything that is or just me, but they had this big, giant book, and they were thumbing through it and looking at me and looking at the book and saying, it's really nice to see you. You're not meant to stay. You're only here for information. And I'm like, looking all around me. I'm like, You guys aren't talking to me, are you? Because I don't know where I am, but I'm staying This place feels awesome where I just was not awesome this place. Yes, I want to stay here. And they just continue to look through the book and they said you're here for information. And my awareness shifts to another scene, and I find myself with a man. He was, again, like a video game. So this is kind of like NPC, and he's guiding me. He's wearing a plaid blazer and a fedora. He has this big, giant empty grocery cart, and he says, Okay, let's pick your life. And so I start Supermarket Sweep style, running through the aisles of a grocery store and lining the walls of the grocery store aisles were these big, huge, family sized cereal boxes. And every cereal box has a life experience on it. And so my soul is like, let's do it. We're going to Earth. Great Awakening. Here we come, transformation of consciousness. And just starts grabbing everything. Now my family line had already been decided because there were certain experiences that I needed to have,

Alex Ferrari 28:29
But you were already in the life. It's not like you're a fresh soul coming in.

Betty Guadagno 28:31
I'm seeing my pre birth planning. So I'm seeing all of what's happening before I jump to Earth. This is all what's taking place.

Alex Ferrari 28:39
Okay, so you saw the pre birth. Yes, the pre birth experience.

Betty Guadagno 28:42
This is my pre birth experience with the cereal boxes, which is good foreshadowing, because I ate a lot of cereal as a kid, obviously. So I start grabbing all of these cereal boxes, and I'm grabbing things that one soul has no business taking on all this cereal nobody can eat all this food in one lifetime, like addiction and poverty and, you know, sexual trauma, I got the variety pack of that one give it all to me, and the one, the one experience that I think is really profound, that I like to share about, is that I did choose this experience of childhood sexual trauma. I grabbed the cereal box, and when I pulled the cereal box out, a little orb of light came out with the box, and that orb of light was the Soul of the Man that molested me as a small child. And we came orb to orb with each other, and we came into contract. And I saw all the reasons why, one of the main reasons being that in a previous lifetime, I had been his abuser, and we were balancing our energy with each other. I also saw that we loved each other so much, and that's why we were going to play these roles to each other, that he was going to be the villain for me in this lifetime, my perpetrator. And I also saw that because I was coming to earth for the Great Awakening, that particular life experience wasn't just about me, it was about. Healing for every little girl and boy who doesn't get an opportunity to heal from their childhood sexual trauma. And so I was taking this on with the intention that as I heal everyone around me heals, I ripple it out into the universe. And so this experience, this knowledge, just cracked me out of my victim mentality. It felt like a whole shell had come off of me. Two tons of garbage had been released from my spirit. I'm not a victim, I'm a divine co creator. I have, I have co created, my experience with the divine. And so I find myself back in front of the table of beings. I'm crying out in gratitude. I'm on my knees. This is so incredible. I'm so grateful to have this information. Earth is still a dumpster fire, though. I'm definitely not going back, but I feel so much better now that I know this, this great awakening. Show. It's gonna be lit. I'm gonna watch it from up here. I'm gonna grab my PJs and a bowl of popcorn, and I'm gonna chill with you guys. They were like, No girl, you're going back. And I transformed into a small child, like hitting my hands and my feet, figurative hands and feet. There's nobody there, but like just throwing a tantrum, I will not go back. You cannot make me go back. Do not make me go back. And then I cried out. You guys don't tell us what Earth is actually like. And they said, You say that every time you come back home, like literally every time you come back here. They said you're not going back as a punishment. You're going back because you've been training for lifetimes, for this particular lifetime, this is a mission that you're on, and we're not going to let you miss your opportunity. This is the most exciting time to be on earth. Every soul that is here, is here for the transformation of consciousness. And I said, Well, I can't go back into her. And I could see my body outside myself, just like blasted out on my bathroom floor. I was like, Look at her. She's a mess. She's glitched, she's broken. She needs way too much healing. It would be impossible to accomplish. I can't go back into her. And they said, okay, you don't have to go back into her. I will show you the baby that you'll be born into, because you're going back. There's no other option. And so I could kind of perceive my grocery cart getting shoved over to the side my my life experience grocery cart. And then again, like a video game, a little avatar of a baby popped up. It was like slowly circling 360 degrees, and I saw all her stats line up next to her, her gender, her ethnicity, where she would be born, who her parents were, what was her adversity? You know, her purpose, parts of her mission. And this baby was going to have an even more challenging life than my own. And I thought, I can't do this from zero. If these are really my only options, to go back into that glitched, broken body that I just came from, or start over, I'm just gonna go back into the body that I came from. And the beings of light were very loving, and they said to me, listen, the first part of your life was boot camp. Nobody likes boot camp. There's like a bald guy screaming in your face. You're doing 1000 push ups in the mud. It's gross. The second part of your life is going to be carrying out your mission. You're going to have a team. You're going to have soul mates, kindred spirits, mentors, teachers, communities. It's going to be so much better. You won't even be able to understand. Just trust us. And I was like, I do not trust you guys. Peace. And then I found myself back in my awareness. I found myself back in my body, and I just wrote the holding off as drug induced psychosis. I kind of sat up, shook my head. I was like, damn, I was so high. I thought I was talking to God, that was crazy. And I just went about my life doing the same thing I'd always been doing.

Alex Ferrari 33:42
So Alright, before we continue down that road when you were when you were up there with the spirit guys that you don't trust, and you're like, Audi, I love the your storytelling ability with this is awesome. And only someone of our generation kind of understand a lot of the things that you're saying, which is awesome when you were up in that room with the the cheap, the production value was not good up there, apparently the budget, budgetary cuts on the other side,

Betty Guadagno 34:10
Using so much for the storyline. They can't

Alex Ferrari 34:13
Be like, let's just unfold this. She's coming. Oh God. You see that. You see like being bringing out the plan, all right? We get this one at Costco. Okay, great, let's that's awesome. When you were up there, did you so there's no talking, so it's all telepathy, essentially, right? And the thing I've heard so many different times, not only from near death experiences, but from mystics, from yogis and things like that, is that there's an understanding that you just know what's happening without anyone telling you. Like you're like, call it kind of like you're tapped into the cloud. No pun intended, you're kind of tapped into the clown. You just have all information all the time, and when something's. In front of you, you just, oh, that's Uncle Bob, and Bob's here to help me walk through this, or something like that. Is that how it was?

Betty Guadagno 35:07
Definitely everything was innate knowing, because I'm not smart enough to put all that together. So it definitely was innate knowing. At this time, my brain capacity was super tiny, so it was all a very innate knowing, and no need to question. It was the other part of it. Like I knew those I knew the beings of light were in charge. I didn't have to question why or who, or how, or anything like that. These were just all things that I had massive acceptance around.

Alex Ferrari 35:33
So these were basically your council, yeah, it sounds like this, from what I say, it's kind of like your council of light. It's your elders, council of elders. Yes, they're the ones that kind of your spirit guides who kind of guides, who kind of put together your your journey to go down and elevate your consciousness and stuff, which is not easy, right? So that's who these guys were, yeah, yeah. It sounds like that's, it's not one. They're not the everybody's. They seem like they were yours, yes, because they're talking to you very much, like they were like, every time you come,

Betty Guadagno 36:00
Yeah, they were very funny, for sure.

Alex Ferrari 36:03
Did you? Did you see any relatives? You only heard relatives.

Betty Guadagno 36:06
I my father's essence was definitely there with me. And like I said, I felt like every masculine energy. So all the other men in my family that had passed away, they kind of all morphed into it. I had a boyfriend who had passed away a couple years before my experience. He was there. And so all of these things kind of just gelled into this divine masculine energy.

Alex Ferrari 36:26
That's interesting. So it's not because for us, we have to have, like, these individual kind of things, but it's the collective speaking through one right? Is a very divine thing. Like, when angels, like, all you know, we're gonna have channelers. Come on. They're like, we have 20 angels here who shall not be named, but we, we all speak as one, right? Similar, right?

Betty Guadagno 36:44
Yeah, the law of oneness is real, like we're one. Every everything is one.

Alex Ferrari 36:49
It makes sense, yeah, it's makes logical sense to me. Okay, so you come back down and you're like, That, was funky thought I talked to God, okay, well, go get high again. Like, essentially, was that what it is?

Betty Guadagno 37:04
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, the first thing I did was I went on Instagram, and I was like, Guys, I just died. It was crazy. I still have a video. It's nuts,

Alex Ferrari 37:13
Amazing.

Betty Guadagno 37:15
But I did just think that it was drug induced psychosis. I had never heard of any of these things before. I had never heard of spiritual awakening. I had never heard of a Kundalini I didn't even know how to say that word. For years, I didn't I'd never heard of a near death experience. So I didn't think that any of this was real. In fact, I thought that I had just actually died, and that I wasn't deserving enough to actually cross over. And so for months after my experience, I just lived with reckless abandon. I mean, I was already living quite recklessly, but the two months in between when I until I realized that it was a real experience, I was just completely off the handles, totally, really, oh yeah, I was nuts, totally nuts.

Alex Ferrari 37:56
And did you ever come close again in those two months to go back?

Betty Guadagno 37:59
No, no, no, were you that you didn't go that far out. And, you know, I had overdosed in my life before, and I never had a spiritual experience. This particular one was my, I mean, it was planned.

Alex Ferrari 38:09
Well, yeah, this was your, do you believe that this was one of your exit, exit strategies for your life? Because, from what I understand on your soul plan, or your and your blueprint, in the Highway of life, there's these off ramps that you've put in to go, Okay, you're gonna need a reminder here, and you're gonna have a choice. Do you want to come back? Or do you want to go, go to another life, or something like that? Is that what that was? Well, I did not have a choice, but that was a moment for you to

Betty Guadagno 38:34
So for me, this is the way that I understand it. There's three things. Pre birth planning is about major plot points, right? I haven't planned every bowel movement. I don't know every stranger on count on the subway. Thank you for the imagery, but I have, I have planned major plot points. Three of my major plot points are addiction, recovery, spiritual awakening. Now, I had lots of opportunities to let go of the lesson of addiction and step into recovery and spiritual awakening. First time I ever went to rehab. I was 18 years old. I could have just decided to get clean, then I would have been in recovery learning that lesson. Had a spiritual awakening as a result of practicing the 12 steps, because that's the promise of the 12 step and 12 step fellowship, and my life would have looked much different. This was my end timeline. No points left. All of my lessons compounded on top of each other. Now you will experience addiction, recovery, spiritual awakening, all in the same moment, because you kept ignoring the internal GPS that was telling you to make a U turn and stop moving the car.

Alex Ferrari 39:34
Yeah. That's it starts with a tap on the shoulder, a whisper, and then it's a sledgehammer.

Betty Guadagno 39:40
Right! Yeah, the bucket of spiritual bricks that was dumped on my head. Brutal, brutal.

Alex Ferrari 39:46
That's amazing, all right. So after So during those two months of going crazy, yeah, when you let what was the moment that you just said, oh,

Betty Guadagno 39:58
Yeah, there was a couple of different. Moments. One of the main ones was that the universe was removing people from my life. So I had a bunch of dealers, like a laundry list of them, maybe 10 different guys, and I would call one up. I'd be like, hey, I want to pick up. Can I meet you? And he's like, listen, lose my number. I found Jesus. I want to be a good father. I'm out of the game. Click blocked. I'm like, okay, that's weird. Call out the next guy on the list. Same exact story on Jesus, but these guys didn't know each other. I'm like, where has Jesus been hiding? How are all of these men finding Jesus? What's going on? I'm talking to call 10 different guys, and every single one of them told me to lose their number, and they blocked me, and I so now I'm desperate, because I have a physical dependency to opiates, and so I need to get my I need to get what I need. Otherwise I'm going to get violently ill. So I'm like running around New York City. Obviously there's places to buy substances everywhere, and I'm doing what I have to do every time I get something, it's fake, it's bunk. It doesn't work like every I'm, you know, I'm at my end. So now I start going through withdrawals, and it's agonizing. And I had been through withdrawals dozens of times in my life before, but like you said, right? 35 no spring chicken. Now I'm really feeling it, and I have this moment of just, I need to end this. I need to end this pain. There's no way to get through this. I was on day three of withdrawal, and it was like I was sick all over myself. My skin felt like it was made of broken glass. My bones were made of campfire logs. My blood was lava, like everything hurt on me, every everything hurt. And I just thought, I can't do this. I know exactly what my parents were going through. I cannot do this. And then I heard this voice, and I told me that I could request what I wanted fixed. And I was in the throes of desperation. So I was like, okay, strange voice, take this away. I want to no longer be physically sick. And they told me to close my eyes and count backwards from 10. And as I did, these two little men appeared in my mind's eye, and they were wearing white lab coats, and they had these bulbous noses. I see them every time I tell the story. They're like, Hey, we're still here. And they had these little lawn mowers that manifested in front of them. And so they're kind of like hopping up and down with the motion of the lawn mower. And then they take off in separate directions, and they start walking through every crevice of my mind. And as they're plowing through the crevices of my mind, I feel these intense, hot tingles start to take over the whole crown of my head. And when they were finished, it felt like somebody drew X's across my forehead, and a plunger went onto the crown of my head, and as it plunged down and came back up, there was this bright white flash. And in that moment, I was instantaneously healed out of day three of heroin withdrawal. I mean moments before, I was sick all over myself, welcoming death, and then there I was completely well and healed and fine, and I threw myself out of the bed and onto the ground. I'm on my knees. I'm crying out to a God that I do not believe in. And I'm saying, How could this be happening? I don't believe in this. I don't believe in you. You could not have picked a more unworthy subject to bestow this kind of grace on. And again, for the contrast, at this point in time, I'm a radical atheist, I'm still I'm a Oh yeah, I'm a drug addict, I'm an orphan to suicide. I'm a liar, manipulator, Thief, I'm an abuser. I'm a person who traumatizes others. This is the person that has been bestowed with instantaneous healing. And then all of a sudden I start hearing this message, because I keep telling and affirming, I'm not worthy of this, I'm not worthy of this. And they say to me, but you're worthy of all the love in the universe. You're worthy of all the love in the universe. And so after that, I thought I was the second coming of Christ, obviously. So I start running around the streets of New York City on the New York City subway system. I'm proselytizing. I'm evangelizing. I'm telling people about a God that I have so you've gone to the other side, all the way all the way to the other side. I don't believe in anything. I am now Jesus. I am now Jesus. I thought it

Alex Ferrari 44:16
As they say in our generation. Girl, you crazy?

Betty Guadagno 44:18
Yeah. I was too good bananas. I was really out of control. So I'm on the New York City subway system. I'm laying hands on homeless drug addicts. Oh, you're no, yes, I am all the way. I'm in, all in, I'm in.

Alex Ferrari 44:33
You're laying hands. Yes, my God,

Betty Guadagno 44:36
Okay, it was wild. I was yeah, I It was wild. So one day I'm sitting on the train. The whole train car is empty, but it's the middle of the day, which is bizarre in New York City. It's extremely bizarre. 9 million people there. I was nobody in this train car, yeah. So the doors open and a man steps inside, and he sits directly across from me, even though the whole train car was empty and around his neck was a gigantic bling. Doubt 12 step fellowship necklace, the emblem for the 12 step fellowship that I'm a part of. And the 12 step is that, is that? Aa, right? Okay, we don't promote so we don't say what it is, but I'm in the other one,

Alex Ferrari 45:11
Yeah, got it. Got it, yeah? Layman, yes, yes, yes.

Betty Guadagno 45:15
So he's got this big blinged out necklace. I hear a voice in my head. It says, that's your path. Follow him to a meeting. And so I asked this strange man on the train, when there's nobody else on nobody else on the train, are you? Are you going to a meeting by any chance? And he says, Yeah, I am. Do you want to come with me? And that was the beginning of my recovery journey. And I went with this strange man. I followed him to a meeting, and they told me that I had to keep making meetings every day. That this was going to be my new thing. Instead of using every day, I was going to make meetings every day, so the next day, go to another meeting, and I didn't look the way that I look now, when all of this was happening, when all of this was happening, I was missing most of my teeth. So thankful for spiritual awakening. Allow me to buy some teeth in my life. I my was super skinny, my skin was gray, my eyes were dead. I had these huge holes all over my face and my arms, because every time that I got high, I thought that bugs lived inside of me, and so I would cut myself open with razor blades and burn myself with torches trying to get the bugs out of me. So I walk into this meeting, and it was a women's meeting, and I look destroy. It's painfully obvious that I'm new, and this woman grabs me as soon as I walk in, and she held me so tight, and I hadn't been hugged in a loving way in a really long time, and so I felt really uncomfortable. And then she leaned in and she whispered in my ear, and she said, You are worthy of all the love in the universe. You are worthy of all the love in the universe. Oh, my God. And that was my deepest moment of surrender. That was it. I melted into that woman. I cried a super ugly, deep, wailing cry. I rested my head on her big boobies for as long as she would let me. And I truly surrendered. And I didn't feel worthy of all love in the universe, but I had a little sliver of hope, maybe I'm worth more than what's going on in my life right now. And so the next day after that, I went to another meeting, and it was a huge meeting. There was like 80 people in there, and I swear to God, it was like The Truman Show, like everybody was sharing directly to me. They didn't. They mean they weren't. They didn't even know I was there. But it felt like every share was a message from God to my ears. And then I realized that there was a woman in there, and she was the program director of a long term rehab, a women's facility, and so the whole meeting, my internal guidance is saying you have to ask her for help. You have to ask her for help. And my ego is coming in and saying, like, No, you're not built that way. You can't ask people for help. Like, just forget about it. And so I'm having this internal wrestling match going on between my spirit and my ego. And so I finally get my courage up, the meeting ends, and I walk over where this woman is, and I was like, I'm gonna live a new life, and she's gonna help me do it. I know it. And I walk over to where she is, and she's gone. She left early, and I felt totally defeated and deflated, and so with my head hanging, I walked to the bus to go home, and when I stepped onto the bus, that woman was sitting right there, oh my okay. She left the meeting early and was somehow on the exact same bus as me. And I ran up to her totally manic, and I was like, oh my god, I think that you're an angel. You're sent, you're sent from heaven. You're here on Earth. You're here only to help me. I can't believe this. I want to talk to you in there, but, of course, I couldn't talk to you in there because you're here. And this is nuts. I can't believe it. Oh my God, will you help me? Please? I think that you're supposed to help me.

Alex Ferrari 48:32
Wow, coming in hot. Oh yeah, coming in hot. Are you?

Betty Guadagno 48:36
She looked at me so calm, like and like she had been waiting there for me her whole life. And she said, yeah, we can help you. We have a bed come by tomorrow. And that sentence changed my whole life. And I did go there the very next day with just the clothes on my back. I didn't have anything to take. My most prized possession was a $200 vibrator. I didn't have a lot going for me. I figured if I could leave that behind, I could do anything. And so I did. I did. I left it behind, and I started my spiritual journey.

Alex Ferrari 49:06
As one does you don't bring those along the spiritual journey. It's counterproductive.

Betty Guadagno 49:10
Yes, yes. And I went into this all women's facility and and that's where my integration started to take place. I didn't know what happened to me, and it was a long term program. I was in there for 17 months. Wow, yeah. And despite what some men might think, it's not sexy pajama parties and pillow fights in an all women's drug rehab. It's brutal. Okay? It was hardcore, hardcore. Oh, god, yeah. And I got to see all my trauma mirrored back to me, and I got to see all of my own defects of character and the way that I behaved in relationships with other people, and I learned a lot so much I didn't have access to a cell phone or the internet for all that time, so I had to learn things out of books. It was totally archaic. I was like, I know. Have you heard book? Ridiculous? So they. Let's go to the library once a week and and I would just run over to the section on religion and spirituality. And I had this insatiable thirst for knowledge. I my brain capacity before my experience very limited. Okay, the only vocabulary that I had was this long laundry list of substances that I used and how much money it cost to be with me. I didn't have space in my head for any other thoughts because there was no need for any other thoughts. So now my awareness is blasted open, and I want to fill it with spirituality. I want to figure out what what's the meaning of life? Tell me everything about quantum mechanics. Let me learn. So I start grabbing all these books off of this one small section in the library. And one day I went into the library, and there was a book, and it looked like it was sparkling. I could see it in the distance. It almost looked like it was about to fall off the shelf, and all I could see was the word miracles on the side. And I was like miracles. I like miracles. I'm a miracle. And I got a little bit closer, and then a book was called A Course in Miracles, made easy by Alan Cohen, I know. And oh yeah, sweet man. And I devoured that book. I would have actually physically ate it if I could have. I couldn't stop myself. And I didn't understand, really, who the author of A Course in Miracles was. And so I kept going to the library and asking the librarian to help me. And she was like, Girl, this book does not exist. Please stop. We don't. We can't. You can't rent it here. And I'm like, I need it. I need this book. And so I just started reading a bunch of books about A Course in Miracles. And then one day, when I was going back to the facility, the clinical director was checking my bag, like, for contraband. When you come back, you get your bag checked. And she saw I had five books about A Course in Miracles in my bag. And she said, Oh, you know, I have a copy of the course I brought in the 70s. Didn't understand it. It's been sitting on my bookshelf for all these years. Do you want to borrow it? And I was like, Yes, I absolutely do. And so while I was in treatment for those 17 months, I read A Course in Miracles, and I also read every other spiritual text that I could get my hands on, and I designed my spirituality around this beautiful spiritual principle. I got to cherry pick the things that I liked out of each teaching and develop my own sense of spirituality

Alex Ferrari 52:12
Like a spiritual cafeteria. Oh yeah, it's a little smorgasbord of pulling things out. You said something was really interesting to me, your ego. That's not talked about a whole lot, with near death experiences, the ego, especially because you had, I mean, your story is so intense. So generally, other people are like, you know, I was in the wrong path, and then I died, and then I, you know, found good God, and I was cool. Yours was so much more intense. It the range is so much more that your ego had built 35 years of this is who I am. And then after you started laying hands on homeless people, which was also the ego by the way, going, yeah, oh, we're Jesus. Now I can get behind this. Let's do this. How did you deal with that inner struggle, that inner fight? Because the your ego sounds like it was an intense presence after 35 years of addiction and all the trauma you dealt with that it's there to protect you. It's there to do things, because that's all it knows. Your ego is there always to protect you. Sometimes it goes a little overboard, but generally speaking, it's built to do that. How did you kind of overcome that, to become who you are right now?

Betty Guadagno 53:29
Yeah, you know, and ego is like such a buzzword, right? So I also study Jungian philosophy and in in that, you know, young talks about all these different stages that we have as we come to earth, right? So there was a stage of the masks, like, that's my early childhood, my teenage years. Then my shadow came in. My shadow really took charge, especially after my parents death. That was the part of me. So like my shadow, my ego always words are really interchangeable, something not my spirit, right? Something, not my highest self, and then the other part of that is coming into the Anima, and the Anima, so the divine feminine, divine masculine in young again philosophy, and then circling back up to the highest self with a capital S. So for me, my shadow was my main personality point my whole life. And it's not like my shadow disappears because I had some kind of spiritual experience. My shadow is my main protector. It's all that I've ever known. So I have to learn how to give it a new role. I have to give it a new job, because it's not going to go away. It exists within me, and I'm not a murderer. I can't kill it. So I just have to learn how to give it a new role. So there's a lot of things that make up my shadow. For me, my addiction is one of the main parts of it. So what I like to do is I do character development around my shadow pieces. So my addiction has his own name and shape and face. He's a man. He's a gay man. His name's Richard. He thinks he's so fun and fabulous, but he's a mess. So Richard lives inside of a glass house inside my mind and. He kind of puts his mouth up to the creases of the house, and he'll scream, let's have a drink. Let's have some fun. And I'm like, no Richard, we don't drink anymore. And I have to, like, have my highest self come in and offer him compassion, because again, I can't kill him. If I ignore him, he'll just get louder and louder and louder. And so I do all of this work to compartmentalize myself so that I can see which part of me is trying to communicate which part is trying to protect me. Why does it think it needs to protect me? So, you know, even my addiction splintered off into other addictions, right? I let go of substances, and then all of my eating disorders came to the surface, and then I start to get my eating disorders under control, and then porn and masturbating addiction comes up, and then co dependency, and then limerence person obsession, that one's my favorite love, getting obsessed with people who don't know that I exist. And so there's this whole array of things going on, my inner saboteur, my inner controller, my my inner critic, like all of this stuff is going on inside of my world and my spirit wants to experience all of it, because without that contrast, I don't know how great it is to remember who I actually am if I don't have my addiction running the show for so many years of my Life, how can I appreciate God the way that I do today? I mean, maybe I could have but I wouldn't give my story back for anything. I mean, lots of twists and turns, lots of trauma, but now it's all centered in triumph. You know, like the ability to overcome the human spirit is so resilient, and I know that if that's accessible to me. It's accessible to everyone.

Alex Ferrari 56:43
And that's the beautiful thing about your story, Betty, is that you know you are an extreme story. There's no question. Spanish novella, Spanish novella who is on some substances, the Spanish novella writer who's doing stuff. There's no question. So you have such an intense story, and this, this concept of worthiness is so powerful because most of us don't believe we're worthy about of anything, let alone love, let alone success, and let alone, you know, a good partner, anything like that. So I've seen that that is a common thread. It was, for me, for a long time, I still struggle with it. You know, I still struggle doing this show. I'm like, really me, like, I like, I still it. The programming is very ingrained in that, and I didn't have a tremendous amount of abuse when I was a kid or anything like that, that that caused that. But, but to overcome, to overcome that in your life. And you are a shining example of that for people who were like, and not to say this in a bad way, like, well, she, like you said it, if she could do it, you know. I mean, I had a tough situation, but geez, man, yeah, you're like, you're like a not even a cautionary tale, because it's not a cautionary tale. It's an example of what could happen, what you could become kind of like. And don't take this the wrong way, Jesus, please don't lay hands on me. But the way Jesus was an example of all of us, or any of these ascended masters were examples of what we can become. We are all capable of it, but not all of them went the road you went on, yeah, and it's a shining example of what a soul can do in this life.

Betty Guadagno 58:32
Yeah. You know, we are meant to transform. I didn't know that I was I thought that I was meant to be an earth dwelling Caterpillar my whole life, just this little dirty grub running through the mud. I didn't even know that you can become a butterfly, and I often think it's about actual caterpillars. Do they know? Do they know what they're gonna be one day? Are they meant to know? Is it supposed to be a surprise? Because my transformation journey, my metamorphosis has been the most exciting thing in my life, and it continues. It continues. I'm it's I'm not done. I'm ever evolving, and I have backslides. I'm not saying that like I'm perfect. I've never used substances again, thank God. But like I said, I have other behaviors. And I'm not trying to pretend like I'm perfect. You know, I am only trying to be I'm not trying to be better than anybody else. I'm only trying to be better than who I used to be. And every day I have an opportunity to do that

Alex Ferrari 59:30
That's very, very powerful. Um, after this whole experience, well, let me ask you, did you because a lot of people who have near death experiences bring back some sort of abilities or powers? And obviously you believe that for a moment, there the subway, but did anything else during this awakening open up other things? You know, I'm not saying you see dead people, but is there anything else that you kind of had to deal with?

Betty Guadagno 59:56
Yeah. So when I first had the awakening, I had this ability. Ability to see people's energy, especially when they were lying, like, aura, like, I would see these spirals come out of people's ears when they were telling a lie. That's very handy. Oh yeah, super handy, right? Except that I was going up to strangers on the street, and I'm like, your husband's lying to you. He's gay. You should divorce him and take your baby. Like, not a great approval. You're not. Please stop doing this. And then after that, I started to understand that I have the to be I was able to practice the art of bibliomancy, which is where you open up a book to a random page and it feels like it speaks directly to you, because it is speaking directly to you. There's a word for it, yes. So I went to Walgreens after my experience, and I stole a Bible because I wanted to learn about God, and I was a thief. I probably could have went to a church and just asked

Alex Ferrari 1:00:51
Stop for a second. I want everyone to understand this scenario. I want to learn about God, so I'm going to steal a Bible, the book that is given freely in every hotel. You could just walk by a church and ask for a Bible, and they will give it to you. You still that's where you were, yes, but you know what good intentions, but I can't afford a Bible, right? And then they could ask for

Betty Guadagno 1:01:19
And it was so weird because there was a display in the Walgreens of Bibles. I've never seen that since. I've never seen that before

Alex Ferrari 1:01:28
In what state this is, in New York, Bibles like in a Walgreens in New York, not a Bible like display.

Betty Guadagno 1:01:37
It was there for me to steal one, obviously, obviously. So I opened up the Bible to to a random page, and the verse that came up was, why worry about a speck in your brother's eye when there's a log in your own? So here I am. I'm trying to lay hands on homeless drug addicts when I got I gotta lay those hands on myself. Okay? I gotta heal some stuff in me. So that that part really stuck out. Another verse that stuck out to me was, I'm not gonna be able to quote it verbatim, but something about the birds don't want for anything right? Like you don't have to worry about shelter or food or clothing. God's got you. I didn't believe that, but I kept opening up the Bible to that page, and I was like, maybe. And then I found myself in that long term rehab where I was clothed, I was fed, I had shelter, and I just had a place to learn. I didn't have to worry about rent or bills or working or anything. I just had space to sit and learn, and that's what I used that time for. But so those were my gifts that I came back with. I also had a little bit of Synthesia, where all of my senses were intertwined so I could taste music like I could, you know, I could see people's energy, and everything was kind of mixed up. But I asked to have all of that taken away, because I was like, this is this is wacky. This is nuts. I can't, I can't do it. I can't go from zero to infinity. I need something in between. How am I supposed to be a human?

Alex Ferrari 1:03:00
I mean, I didn't want to know what you can't touch this tastes like. I really, just really don't need that in my life right now, it's interesting that you say that, that you like, I don't want any of this because I have enough to do, let alone to handle the pressure of these abilities. And I know a lot of psychic mediums and stuff, they just, they just put it away because it can't it's too much.

Betty Guadagno 1:03:22
It is a lot. And, you know, I my gifts show up in different ways today. So I'm a master manifester. Hello. I manifested this experience, and I use a law of attraction in my healing practice, and I'm able to do that with the people that I get to work with as well. Utilize the law of attraction, teach people about it in a really digestible way again, like, if a homeless junkie can do this, you probably can too, you know, and and, you know, another one of my gifts is bringing people together in community. Oh, my God. I love that. Being able to shepherd people to communities, to help them heal, or to make them feel accepted, or to integrate and experience. So that's how my spiritual gifts show up today,

Alex Ferrari 1:04:03
All of the stuff that you went through in those first 35 years, like in my own life, I mean, all the stuff that I went through in my life and the film industry and all that kind of stuff, I only recently discovered that it was prepping me for what I'm doing now. I was very angry about that when I was going through it, I'm assuming, as you were, but it prepped me for everything I'm doing right now, obviously your experience has prepped you for what you're doing. But is there anything specific, any skills like you just said community like, was there a moment in those 35 years you're like, I love gatherings. Let's put some people together only like staff, you are the most fascinating near death experience I've ever seen. I have to tell you, at least the most fun. This has been a heck of a story and a heck of a role. I feel like I've gone through this when I'm glad, I'm glad really have. But it was anything that you brought in, like, those skills, like, you know, as a junkie, I was able to do this, this and this, and now it's really helping me in this part of my life.

Betty Guadagno 1:05:09
I probably never said this on a podcast before, but honestly, like being involved in sex work actually made me understand human nature a lot. I mean, it really does, you know, like people are innately hurt and wounded, and they just want somebody to talk to. It was like, way less. I mean, I was a hot mess. So it wasn't even about that, you know, it was just like people just want somebody to trust, somebody to confide in. And it really did set me up for being able to assist people on their healing journeys. Today, I work with people as a transformation coach, and it's really about holding space, and that's really all that people need. They just need a little bit of inspiration and an understanding, just compassion, you know. But other than that, you know, really the the foreshadowing from my origin story is that I have dealt with the loss, the intentional loss of my parents, I've been able to assist people through similar loss like that. I have been immersed in my own addiction. My whole job today is self disclosure. I don't just work as a transformation coach. I have a day job too, and I get to work in the field of substance use disorder recovery, and so I get to self disclose, and I don't, I don't, I don't share all of this like they don't know that I had a near death experience or anything. But I say, Hey, I overcame and if I can do it, you can too, and that's a job that they pay me a salary for. What that's crazy.

Alex Ferrari 1:06:32
You're the bird, right? You're the bird. Everything's taken care of. Yes, everything. It's all those all has all fallen into place. It's all fall into place. Did you when you when you had your whole awakening, and during these 17 months, when you came back out, it doesn't I always ask, like, what you know, did you come out of the closet? When did you decide to start talking about this? When did you start talking about it? Was there any apprehension about it? Because it doesn't sound like you had a group of friends that you were hanging on to, or even family, or anything like that, that you were holding on to a lot that you would be ashamed about, about talking about a near death experience at this point that seems in this storyline, doesn't seem that out of whack. Yeah, so was there a moment that you came out of that closet and started talking about it publicly on like shows and and everything you're doing?

Betty Guadagno 1:07:20
So well. I did share about it on Instagram. The next day, I was like y'all did. But after that, when I started to say the comprehensive story that's come about after years of integrating, I the first time that I spoke about it was through ions, the International Association for near death studies, which I actually, I work part time for them today. I, you know, I had all of this invisible help around me. I was constantly channeling arc angels, and I had all my Spirit Guides. My father's my number one guide. He's always with me. I had, I had conceptualized a whole team, but none of them were actual physical people. And I begged them, when I left treatment, I said, Please, you have to manifest into physical people. For me, because I can't just live my life talking out into the air. I need to have physical interaction. I'm here to be human. And I had found all of these great spiritual communities. I have A Course in Miracles community. I study the Baha'i Faith. I belong to a 12 step fellowship. But I was missing this one part about this spiritual experience, which I still actually didn't know what it was. And I was watching Netflix, and the surviving death Docu series popped up, and the first episodes about near death experiences, and I heard Dr Mary Neal share about her experience, and I was floored, and I couldn't believe it. I said, Oh, my God, that's what happened to me. And they were at an ions conference in the episode. And so I googled it, and I found out that they had sharing groups online. And so I went into these sharing groups, and I listened to these people talk, and they had all this language, and they were sharing their stories so comprehensively. And I thought, could that ever be me? Am I ever going to be able to share this story and have it make sense? And then people were saying that they had their experiences 20 years ago, and I would come off mute and be like, you're still not back in heaven. Wait. Are you saying that I have to stay here for 20 more years because I just thought the whole thing was to get back to heaven. So every time that I reached a milestone, I would cry out to God, Hey, God, I haven't used drugs in one year. Are you coming back to get me yet? Like, is the spaceship coming? Like, what's happening? I'm still here. And you know, through that community, I realized that it's not about going back to heaven, it's about bringing heaven here. And so every day, I have an opportunity to do that in connection with other people that feels like heaven to me. Do you fear death anymore? Definitely not. I won't say that I welcome it, but whenever you're ready,

Alex Ferrari 1:09:47
As I always say, everyone wants to go to heaven, but just not right now.

Betty Guadagno 1:09:50
Yeah, I know. I'm actually really enjoying my earth experience today, because I've come out on the other side of it.

Alex Ferrari 1:09:57
Oh, yeah, this is, this is the fun part. Yes, Like I said just like said, like I said,

Betty Guadagno 1:10:02
I didn't trust them, but I do now, and I would even come back to Earth. Most experiencers say that they will never come back here, but at this point in my life, I am enjoying it so much, I would definitely come back here again.

Alex Ferrari 1:10:13
Can so just I want to dig into that just for a second, so I wouldn't want to come back here, is the definition. And I know a lot of people listening right now, like, I'm definitely not coming back here, because I've gone through this, this, this and this, hopefully this story kind of shines a light on their own experience and going well, if she went through all of that, which is an extreme, but on this other side, as a soul, when you saw the pre birthing, the pre birth experience, and you were in the spiritual supermarket, supermarket sweeps. Such a generation loving your supermarket sweeps, and you're pulling out cereal boxes full of experiences. There seem to be a sense of giddiness on the other side, like, oh my god, I'm going on a ride. It's kind of like, right before you go on a ride at Disney World, like you like you've never been on Space Mountain, or you never been on, you know, Tron, or something like that. And you you're about to go on, and there's that anticipation, like, I can't wait to see what's going to happen in this ride, which, from a souls perspective, makes all the sense in the world. But from this perspective, you're like, why would I want to go through what you went through? Yeah, like, why would I want to do that? So can you explain to people the the feeling of, it's such a gift to come down here and to experience contrast. That's the big thing. Is experience contrast. Because some people, you know, everyone, everyone that no one gets out of here without some scarring, some shrapnel, every human being, because we come that's just the nature of this reality. You're it's going to be a tough fight, generally speaking, yeah, even if you're born into a billionaires family and all, you're still going to have some stuff to have to deal with something yes, no matter what you might if you're in a billionaire you might show up in a nicer style suit and car, but you're still going to be dealing with some crap. Yeah. So can you explain to people why you would want to not do it once, potentially 1000s of times, and we are only talking about Earth. Let's not even discuss the rest of this universe, which is fairly large, and other experiences that are not earth. But I hear that this is one of the tougher ones.

Betty Guadagno 1:12:24
Yeah, so Heaven is boring, okay, it's a snooze Ville. There's only one thing happening love. It's unconditional love, which is cool, I guess. But like, how can you appreciate love unless you understand suffering, unless you understand duality. So I really honestly think that we're all totally jaded up there in heaven. We're like, God the Father, whatever. Like, I'm so over this,

Alex Ferrari 1:12:52
Like, you're a valley girl from the city.

Betty Guadagno 1:12:55
That's how I see myself. And I have like, law, like, as fingernails, as if God, my Heavenly Father is so annoying. He's like all over me with His love, yuck. Let me go down to earth and see what's going on down there. I heard that place is a dumpster fire. Let's do it.

Alex Ferrari 1:13:11
Let's do this. Let's do this. Oh, New York. That sounds fun.

Betty Guadagno 1:13:18
Let me tell you, living in New York is the most amazing part of my human experience, because I can experience a wide range of things in one city block. I can watch a homeless person defecating a millionaire coming out of a Porsche, a family pushing their new baby in a stroller, all in the same block. It's incredible

Alex Ferrari 1:13:39
While eating great Chinese food.

Betty Guadagno 1:13:41
Yes, it is. It's insane. And you know, for me, it really helps me to keep in mind that I'm inside of a dream and that everybody has autonomy inside the stream. And that's where the pre birth planning thing really comes into play for me. You know, maybe I want to go out and fix, manage and control and fix the outcome to everything going on, but I don't know what that person's soul's plan is. Maybe it's their plan to be in that place right now. Maybe they're not meant for transformation in this moment. It's not up to me to decide. I'm not the decider of those things. This is not my dream. This is the collective dream that we're having. So I think that when it comes to experiencing the duel of everything. You know, it's just, it's for fun. It's supposed to be fun. Now, when challenging things happen to me, I I just kind of laugh at my team, and I'm like, Didn't I already learn enough lessons? Can I just have like, this super easy part of the game now, like, I don't want to learn anything challenging anymore,

Alex Ferrari 1:14:39
And they're going, No, no, no, you got a little bit left, yeah. If not, why you here, right? But it's, it's interesting that, like your life, the first part of it was extremely difficult, and this now next chapter of it, you know, is a dream. It is. It worked. You took work to get there, but it was a dream now

Betty Guadagno 1:14:58
It is. And you know what? All. Just share this success is very uncomfortable for me, and my inner saboteur comes in to protect me. And you know, it came up with, like, sugar addiction I haven't had, I haven't eaten sugar in a year and a half. Go me, yeah, but that was a way that I was sedating myself through the success of this journey, like finding a wonderful partner, getting a career of speaking places, connecting with conscious community, all of my dreams coming to fruition, my internal world is like no girl like failure, rejection. We know that. Like we're very comfortable there success, joy, elation. We don't know those things. This is all really uncomfortable and weird. And, you know, like, we grow in in inside of the discomfort of life. And so for me, getting to this point in my life, it's not like, Yay, everything's awesome. Like, I still have a lot of patterns that are, you know, in the process of being reprogrammed, I have to be really vigilant about my spiritual practices to make sure that I'm connected while all of this is going on.

Alex Ferrari 1:16:04
Because it sounds like you're you could have easily self sabotaged, and you probably did. Oh, I have absolutely, yeah, when success started coming, yes, absolutely. That's why a lot of the the people who win lotteries, they don't right, they really can't handle that. Yeah, if they've never had that kind of energy, yeah, your life.

Betty Guadagno 1:16:22
Because, like for me, it was zero to 100 it what? There was no, like, slow, gradual coming into this. It was like asleep, violently awake, like alarm clocks blaring, buckets of ice water being thrown on your head. It was a lot. And so there was no space for me to ease into what success looks like, or what joy looks like.

Alex Ferrari 1:16:44
Can you? Can you talk to the people watching right now who are losing someone or about to lose someone from old age, disease, something like that, or have lost someone and they were maybe in the atheist camp, or didn't have a strong belief, or you think, I just want to make sure that grandma, Nana is Nana is going to be okay, kind of thing. Because if people find, and you know this, when people look for these kind of shows in these kind of episodes, it's because they're looking for answers. They want to make sure that their loved ones are okay. And so it's a message to them, but also to people. Maybe someone who is going through the death process right now and is concerned, like, like, I forgot someone you said that that was scared about what was going to be on the other side. What do you think? What would that be a message?

Betty Guadagno 1:17:35
Yeah, well, I maybe I'll take away my heaven is boring statement and

Alex Ferrari 1:17:41
Super cool. It's really it's really cool. But, I mean, for how long, where can I find good Chinese food in there? It's not,

Betty Guadagno 1:17:50
I mean, heaven is beautiful, the sense of reunion, that was what I felt in the light not home, like, where all your stuff is like, there's no words to describe this sense of reunion and bliss and joy and connection and safety, like so unbelievably safe. It's a beautiful place. And I do believe that we all go there like there is no such thing as condemnation. If I made it there, everybody's making it there and but I also don't think that that's like a pass to get out of the earth experience. You're here to learn things. And if you don't learn your lessons, I believe that you just come back and and you have those classes that you still have to take. So, you know, I think that there's so much there's so much hope. There is definitely life after life. I absolutely know that with 100% certainty, but Earth is actually really cool, too. I find that, you know, I host a podcast for ions, and a lot of people who listen to the podcast that are maybe contemplating leaving Earth on their own exit point. And you know, this is not again. I don't believe in condemnation, but I also don't believe that you get to just like, drop out of college and, like, don't get your degree. No, you're going back in. Oh, yeah, you have to finish. You know, like, you signed up on this

Alex Ferrari 1:19:11
You can't get a GD. You're gonna go. You gotta go. You signed up for the PhD.

Betty Guadagno 1:19:14
Yes, I, when I first came into spiritual awareness, I would hear people say, Earth is the most advanced. It's the Ivy League of all the spiritual schools. And I was like, Is it or is it the place for bad kids and pregnant teenagers? Because I'm sorry, maybe, maybe I'm in bad school.

Alex Ferrari 1:19:31
Well, if you go on social media, definitely, yeah, there's no question. But so go ahead,

Betty Guadagno 1:19:37
Yeah, I just, I want to say that there is a lot of hope. So if you're getting ready to cross over or you've recently lost someone, bear with you. You have access to them. Like I said, my dad is my number one spirit guide. He's always with me, and I have that innate knowing, and that's not individual to just me. We can all access our loved ones, ask them for a sign. I wasn't sure if I was going crazy if I. Schizophrenic, or if I was actually having these spiritual experiences. And I felt my dad so closely to me, and I said, Dad, listen, I think I'm losing my mind. If it's really you, send me a sign. And the first image that popped into my head was a fox. Said, Okay, Dad, send me a fox if it's you. The next day, I went to TJ Maxx, and you know that store. It's like a bomb went off in there. Marshall's Ross, yeah, forks in the underwear section. There's shoes. Like it's nuts in there. It's totally chaotic. Your eyes can't focus on one thing because there's just so much going on, right? And so I'm in line with my arms full of garbage that I don't need, getting ready to pay for it, and I'm the end cap where all the discarded items are. There's a book, and it says, amazing dads. And it was a picture of a daddy fox and a baby fox. And I I just knew that was him, and that was the confirmation that I needed. So I would say that if you just recently lost somebody, ask them for a sign. And I look forward to hearing the cool story about how that sign came to fruition, because it definitely will,

Alex Ferrari 1:21:02
When you were saying that story at the and at the end of the line, I'm like, is it a display of Bibles? And did you steal another one? Not? Hilarious. So let me ask. I'm going to ask you a few questions I ask all my guests, what do you what is your definition of living a fulfilled life.

Betty Guadagno 1:21:23
Living a fulfilled life is just about experience. It means all the experience, good, bad and indifferent. I want to experience all of it that is fulfilling to me and being of service. Oh, my God, I'm a service junkie now that's my new drug of choice.

Alex Ferrari 1:21:38
That's a good one to do. Yeah, to an extent you can't go over, yeah, with all the goodness the balance, it has to be a balance for everything. But yeah, service is such a powerful thing, and people don't understand, like a lot of people who don't provide a service for people outside of themselves, for no other reason other than just to be kind, it's the greatest drug, in my opinion, like you feel it's, it's a chemical that gets released in your system when you are kind I think that's from from our, just our evolution as a species, because we're the only way we survive is to be collaborative, to be helpful. Because if we can't, those bears are much stronger than us. I say this all the time. They're so much stronger than us, and we're pretty weak. We're pretty, you know, not really built for this planet. So true. So the only thing that gets us going is this and helping each other,

Betty Guadagno 1:22:30
Yes, and being of service doesn't have to be some grand act where you donate 1000s of dollars to a cause. It could just be holding the door open for a stranger, or paying somebody a compliment or accepting a compliment, that's also an act of service,

Alex Ferrari 1:22:45
Also very difficult. Yes, if you had a chance to go back in time down to the DeLorean with Marty, went back in time and got to speak to little Betty, what advice would you give her?

Betty Guadagno 1:22:57
Oh, to hold on for dear life. For dear life girl, it's gonna get real bad, and then it's gonna get real awesome, and you are worthy of all the love in the universe. That's what I would tell her.

Alex Ferrari 1:23:08
That's another t shirt that is such a great deal. How do you define God or Source?

Betty Guadagno 1:23:14
There is no definition for God. You know, the source is all that is as a piece of energy I'm sparked from a source of energy. That's my conception of God, and it's unconditional love, it's safety, it's security, it's it's all of these amazing feelings of peace and serenity. That's how I conceptualize God. So when I'm praying, I'm praying to those attributes, and God is not a form or a gender or race or class, in my mind, just this effervescent ball of unconditional love that I'm sparked from.

Alex Ferrari 1:23:52
What is love?

Betty Guadagno 1:23:54
Ooh. Love is so indescribable, right? Love is, you know, on earth, obviously, like we we romanticize the idea of love. We think about a romantic partner or even a parent child relationship like there's these special relationships, of course, in miracles would call it, but a holy relationship is where love can really thrive and be experienced, because it's love without condition. My whole life, I was under the impression that love is transactional, that I have to do something in order to be worthy of love, whether it's get good grades or clean my room or be a good spouse or whatever it looks like today, I have this concept of unconditional love that means without conditions, that it's accessible to me again, the feeling of safety, security, connection, all of those things encapsulate the idea of love for me,

Alex Ferrari 1:24:49
If you could ask God one question, what question would that be?

Betty Guadagno 1:24:52
Do you like my hair? I'm not going to bother God with any question.

Alex Ferrari 1:24:59
He's gonna be like, I heard what you said. Oh, my God, my father, yeah, my father just giving me so much love. Oh, that's it. How annoying my kids do the same thing, like my wife and I literally say to them, like, I'm sorry, we love you so much. Yes, you know, as we drop them off to school, we open the window like we love you, they just want to die and it's the best feeling.

Betty Guadagno 1:25:22
Yes, all of us are like these nihilistic teenagers here on Earth. Yes, we are so emo.

Alex Ferrari 1:25:29
Listen to a lot of the of the clash and and what is the ultimate purpose of life?

Betty Guadagno 1:25:38
To experience, to experience everything that life has to offer that means. Experience heartbreak, experience grief, experience love, experience connection, experience everything that is the meaning of life. We come here to forget so that we can remember, because it's in the remembrance that that is, that's the bliss is remembering. Can you believe that, like we think that we're human,

Alex Ferrari 1:26:06
It's ridiculous, crazy. And as you said, as you said, like, experience everything. I just the first thing that popped into my hand was like, but everything everywhere, all at once. That's exactly how your story goes. You just all of the cereal boxes, all the cereal boxes went into your back. Where can people find out more about you and the amazing work you're doing in the world?

Betty Guadagno 1:26:27
Yeah, I'm on all social media. My handle on everything is Buddha Betty. It's a play on words. I'm not actually a booty. I'm not actually a Buddha.

Alex Ferrari 1:26:36
You were Jesus. We already established that

Betty Guadagno 1:26:39
I'm more like a bod, but my handle is Buddha Betty. I have a website, buddhabetty.com and I would love to connect with anybody, especially if you're somebody that's dealing with addiction or integrating a spiritual experience. I'd love to connect you to community or work with you one on one. There's so much hope out there. There's so much there's so much freedom, there's so many resources. So please, please reach out.

Alex Ferrari 1:27:04
And this is just one last question I wanted to ask you, with this awakening, the Great Awakening, the show that you were talking about, we're in it right now, and a lot of people are going through a lot, and you kind of hinted at that with that last comment. What advice do you have for people who are dealing with their own awakenings, their own dark night of the soul, their own shadow work, which it seems like everybody is starting to have to deal with this stuff, you know, the stuff that we didn't talk about when we were kids, are we're dealing with now, and it's coming on a mass level. I think that's one of the reasons why we're seems like everything is a dumpster fire right now. It just seems like the whole world's crumbing come crumbling around us because of this. So I'd love to hear your advice for anybody.

Betty Guadagno 1:27:50
Yeah, don't watch the news. That's my number one advice. You don't need to. But how will I stay informed? You don't need to.

Alex Ferrari 1:27:57
If it's important enough, it'll get to you.

Betty Guadagno 1:27:59
Yeah, you'll find out. You know, I think that being present is such an important thing. So my awareness of the Great Awakening has shifted. So I, you know, I used to live every day in this awareness that great things are coming. They're right around the corner, like transformation is here. It's gonna it's all happening, and I realized that every second that I was going into this story, I was pulling myself out of the present moment. So whether you believe in doomsday and the apocalypse, or you believe in the Great Awakening and transformation of consciousness, both of those things actually keep you out of the present moment, which is where heaven is. Another thing about going through spiritual awakening, integration, confronting all these shadows of our past. Don't do it by yourself, like how you shared right those bears, they're big. We came here in tribes of souls, not only tribes of souls, but in the beginning of time. We were in tribes of people. We need each other, so find a teacher, find a community, find a mentor, find somebody to do this work with. If I'm doing my work by myself, I'm in bad company. I'm the person who got me into the mess to begin with. Like I'm not the I'm not the one. I gotta find somebody else to help me

Alex Ferrari 1:29:14
Betty this has been by far one of the most amazing near death experiences I've ever had. I've had I've had no so much fun with you. You are a a just a ball of wonderful energy, and I appreciate your candor, your humor to the whole thing, and hopefully people listening will it will help people out so, so I appreciate you and everything you're doing to awaken this planet. So thank you.

Betty Guadagno 1:29:42
Thank you so much.