Understanding This One Thing Changed My Life! with Barbara Daoust

Barbara Daoust 0:00
When you make a decision and you make a committed decision or I like to call them irrevocable decisions, you know that you you write it down. And you you know, just, I think of it as a Polaroid, you know that I snap a picture in my mind and I just keep on, you know, imprinting, embedding and planting, speaking it, singing it, seeing it, visualizing it, you know, creating some more specifics around it, but the most important thing is the chemicals that are in that Polaroid creating the image, right? I call those the emotions, you know, the and when you get emotionally involved, and you get that desire so alive, that it drops into your body, it's a vibrational frequency that then out pops a picture

Alex Ferrari 0:56
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I'd like to welcome to the show, Barbara Daoust how you doing, Barbara?

Barbara Daoust 1:30
I'm doing great. Alex, thank you for having me.

Alex Ferrari 1:33
Thank you so much for coming on the show. I've been wanting to have you on the show and talk to you about all the amazing things that you've been teaching over the years. And you have such a fascinating story on how you got to this moment right here talking to me. So how did you begin your this kind of work your life's work your life's mission as you're working on it today?

Barbara Daoust 1:54
Well, you know, I think my life mission is really to raise consciousness and to help people live an authentic life and live into their their truth, their purpose and to feel alive, you know, alive with the spirit of life. And I think I've been doing that ever since I was four years old. And so just a natural born leader. At that time, maybe people called me bossy, you know, but I just had an interest always in serving others and helping others. And I always got trophies around, you know, best supporting player, that kind of thing. So I've always been a supporting player, but I had a big passion to be an actress as a young person, so that I could just express all my emotions. I never knew why I wanted this. And when I became a acting teacher, coach director, that's when I realized that the, the real adrenaline kick rush to acting is that we get to express our emotions. And you know, through that work, I've come to learn with the work that I do now how important emotions and feelings are to us manifesting in our outer reality. And but I wasn't aware of that, at the time that I was in the industry. So I was in the entertainment industry for 30 years, and have a master's in directing. I was I have a had an acting Academy for Young Professionals. I was the personal acting coach to the Olsen twins for 10 years, worked with some other celebrities on film and TV sets. And, you know, just kept trying to cross over into directing to be a director. And my excuse at that time was that it was more challenging for women. And yes, you know, there was an environment that was more challenging for women. But I think bottom line is it's, you know, challenging for anyone. And, you know, to be able to focus and to achieve takes knowledge and understanding and skills and that I didn't have at the time. So I was living life by default. It was like living from gig to gig to gig. The next thing the next thing I had a freelancer mentality, didn't really know this about myself until I lost my husband suddenly, two months before our 25th wedding anniversary. And that's when I was it was like he was diagnosed may 5, so, this month is a tender month for me. And he was gone three weeks later on May 31. So, it was the the whole life that I had that I had built was gone in a nanosecond and and as I you know, questioned what was going on, I started to examine why is change so complicated, why is living a new life so complicated? Why is loss, you know, such a devastating experience. And, and then as I started to recover, I never you know, I I can't say recover fully recovered. But then as I was starting to reenter the world, again, I shut down my school, I shut down my practice, I shut down, you know, my, all my associations with the entertainment business, I was too vulnerable. And then I went to visit my mother in law. This is a year after I lost my husband, and she was a big support system for me at that time. And I found her dead in her apartment. And then not long after that, a close friend died and I was pregnant with her. And my father died quite suddenly. And well, it wasn't sudden it was like a diagnosis. And then he was gone three months later. And then my 40 year old brother in law, jumped out of a plane, he was a diving instructor. He was tandem diving with a young student and his parachute didn't open. So they both died. And I really spiraled into a devastating, dark night, as we would call it. Looking for answers seeking answers. And but the big one that always the big question that always came forward for me was, you know, why is changed so complicated. And I went on a journey to find out more about myself and then realize that I had, well, I spent a good three to five years, sabotaging as best as I could wanting to be with others. On the other side, that was pretty much my intention for about three to five years, and I became a, you know, I drank myself into a coma every night, I had never been a big drinker. And, you know, woke up pretty much at one o'clock in the afternoon, my poor cat didn't get fed until, you know, I got out of bed. But along the way, people started to help me and I had always been in the position of helping others, because I didn't allow others to help me. So the wake up call was to, to really see that there was a lot more strength, in being vulnerable, there was a lot more opportunity to find more about love in a different way. Because I was so dependent on love in my relationship in my family and marriage. And, and people showed up for me in ways that I never expected. And the challenge for me was to receive. And through receiving, I started to open my heart and expand into loving others in a way that, you know, I had always been a lover of people. I just love people. But this was a this was a different kind of awareness, a different kind of compassion. And this was really understanding how the the limitations of the ego held me back from my greatness.

Alex Ferrari 8:09
So let me ask you, then what? Why do you think people are so afraid of following their dreams? Because so many of us, so many of us don't know what the dream is, or even what you know, what makes us happy. But for the for the those of us that said, Man, if I could just do this, I would do it for free. I would, I wouldn't care about getting but why are they afraid? What is that block that stops them from just taking the next step and following the dreams that they really want?

Barbara Daoust 8:38
Yeah, you know what it all comes back to fear, right? That false evidence appearing real. Most people are being controlled by their fears on a subconscious level, and controlled by their paradigm, which is their programming, their patterning, their belief systems, the way that they grew up the way that they, it's, you know, our personal reality is our personality. And that's a compilation of our habits and our behaviors and how we think, and if, you know, from birth until we're seven, you know, we're just sponges collecting all the environment, mental, you know, impact. So it's called epigenetics right there, they've proven that environment is much more powerful than DNA. And so if these, you know, mechanisms that are running us, because this physical self is a program, and we're goal seeking organisms, and then we've got spirit, we've got energy, we've got this force, this power coming to and through us seeking fuller expression and expansion. And so the part of us that wants to, you know, tap into our greatness and into our dreams, feel this frustration because we're in a, we're in a battle. You know, we're in a battle with the part that knows what it knows. Right? And so the brain, you know, is that search engine In but it's, you know, it's got its neural pathways, it wants the path of least resistance, it wants to go to what it already knows. And it just keeps building deeper and deeper grooves and keeps getting stuck in that place. It's kind of like a truck, you know, in winter finds the, it creates a path and it keeps creating that path when it gets pulls up to the house every day until eventually, it's stuck, you know, because it's just following the same grooves all the time. And we are meant for, for growth. But we've got the three parts of the brain, from the reptilian brain to the midbrain, you know, to the neocortex, and a lot of us are being controlled by that survival mechanism in the reptilian brain. And until we grow our consciousness until we grow our awareness, until we identify that there is something greater than ourselves, that we can tap into, and use our mind, you know, from that place, and we are not our mind. But you know, so many people think that we are just a lot of people 97% of the population or followers just, you know, living from the outside in taking cues from their outer environment, saying that these are my conditions, these are my circumstances, this is you know, the way it is, and not being aware that, in order to change the groove to go into a new belief system to go into a new paradigm, it's going to take conscious, deliberate effort, and that's uncomfortable, so the body is going to start to react. So if you have a fear thought, it's going to become worry, at the subconscious level, which is going to move into the body as anxiety. And when you have that feeling of anxiety, we want to avoid pain, we avoid pain more than we seek pleasure. You know, and so avoiding pain brings us back to the comfort zone where we know we're doing it again, and getting the same result. And we're doing it again and getting the same result. Because we're not challenging what in my program we call the terror barrier. And when you become aware that the terror barrier is really the old self, that's in comfort zone, defense mode, being on position, it's the the ego defending its survival. You know, it's the emotional mind the midbrain, defending itself against humiliation, embarrassment, you know, and those feelings are so intense. And because we are emotional beings, you know, we pay attention to the giving truth to those feelings, instead of seeking the path to growth, you know, and it's when we have our teachers, or parents or coaches or mentors, encouraging us pass that terror barrier, that will, you know, have some more faith or will have some more understanding. And that's, you know, taking us into the next level, you know, the next section of growth, and, but most people are defending their limitations. So, if you hear yourself saying, but, or making an excuse, or justification, or it's the money, or I don't have time, it's really the paradigm, the old self finding any way to stay connected to what it already knows, because we are terrified of the unknown. So the brain is always focused on past experiences that it's given meaning to bringing those past experiences to the present moment. And in our body, and every cell of our bodies, there are cells of recognition that give meaning to what we've already known. We can't connect the dots to the future. And we keep connecting to the past and bringing the past to the present, or we create a fearful of future and bring that to the present.

Alex Ferrari 13:56
So yeah, that's why, you know, people in abusive relationships tend to go back to those abusers, because that's something they know, it's the it's the devil they know, as they say, and they're comfortable in that pain. And then that goes through. That's why you stay in a job that you don't want to stay in. That's why you don't want to take that next step. But I have to ask you, what is it in people who are a little bit more evolved, that they're able to block that, ignore that? And because I mean, you and I both know, people who run into adventure, they're wired differently than you and me, I'm not jumping out of a plane tomorrow. So there's nothing on my bucket list, nothing that my soul is telling me I need to do. But you know, what, I want to climb you know, in the Himalayas, possibly, you know, because there is a different goal there for me on a spiritual level, not as much a physical level. So what is it about the programming of these other individuals, these people that we all know and see that It allows them to not have these limits that most of us do.

Barbara Daoust 15:05
Well, you know, I think that they have the limits, but they're aware of them and not denying them, they're not blocking them. It's it's really about feel the fear and do it anyway. And once you learn highly successful, people are comfortable with being uncomfortable, it becomes a, almost a pattern, you know, of, I encourage all of my clients to do something scary every single day. And that until you go after something that you don't know how to do, you're going to be in that figuring it out phase. And as soon as you start figuring it out, figuring out figuring it out, you're going to find all the reasons why not to do it, you know, you're going to be jumping, if you're going to climb that Mount Everest, you're going to be figuring it out and climbing to base camp where everybody is struggling with how to breathe at that altitude. And instead of like, what's the, what's the first step? What's the next indicated step? How do you grow your mental toughness, you know, in order to achieve what you say you want to achieve. And I think that those who are highly successful, there are what's called unconscious competence, you know, whether it's that X gene factor that they have, right, and that they're just, you know, they've just been born daredevils, there are some people, you know, I'm myself at times, I'm impulsive, I'll jump into the pool without checking to see if there's water first. And, you know, and you can see it in different types of people based on patterning, you know, are you the person at the beach, who tip toes into the water, when it's cold? Are you the one who just doesn't care and goes for that dive and screams along the way, but does it anyway, you know, and it's when you start to grow consciousness, awareness of yourself, and you feel those feelings. It's your interpretation of those feelings. So, you know, you know, and you've heard of even like, the great performers who still need a drink before they go out on stage or throw up before they go out, throw up before they go out on stage, you know, but they do it anyway, they, and then once they're in it, they, it, it's like, I've worked with Olympians, and the, the awareness of because of practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, it's in the body, it's in every cell of the body. And then there's a trust level, right? That trust is I'm going to go out, let's say on the on the rink, and it's so in my body, I'm going to allow it to be, and we are challenged with that concept of, you know, knowing that we have it, knowing that it exists inside of us and trusting it. And then when you have that level of trust and confidence, you're going to push out to try something that's a little bit more daring, a little bit more challenging, a little bit more exciting. Because when you get into I've got this, I've got this, it becomes boring, don't you think?

Alex Ferrari 17:56
I know. Absolutely. I agree with you on that. But it seems to me that everything you're saying comes back to having a greater awareness of who you are, being comfortable in your own skin true. Being honest with yourself, looking yourself in the mirror and understanding your weaknesses, your strengths, and what what's going on inside. That seems to be like a lot of work that many people are afraid to do, they don't really want to know who they really are, because they're afraid of who they might find. And dealing with. And these are desert very deep, deep idea here, it took me a long time to be more comfortable with who I am, than that who I am now than I was years ago, when I first got on the got on the mic, as they say in the rap game. When I first started podcasting, I was very nervous, very uncomfortable, awkward, very, I needed everything to be perfect, all this kind of stuff. And I just kept going because I didn't have a choice. In my mind, I made it to a point where like, I'm just going to keep going. And now I literally could just jump on a phone call with no notes almost sometimes with barely a few ideas of what my guest is talking about. And I can have a conversation because I've done it so long. So it's like that muscle memory for me, through very, very comfortable talking to anybody from any walk of life. But it took time to get to that place. But I also discovered along the way, a little bit about myself and who I am and what's important to me and so on and so forth. So what do you have to say to people who are afraid of doing just the basic work of understanding who they are because that's kind of the baby step?

Barbara Daoust 19:48
Yeah. For everything we're talking about. Right? Right. Well, I I tell people you know, first of all, surround yourself around people who you admire. You know, some surround yourself about around people who dream big, or play big or have achieved the success that you want to achieve. And whether or not that's a mastermind group or, like I have mastermind groups with a coaching program. And when people come into the group, the inspiration that they get from others is, you know, they, they have a new thinking mind as a result of listening to somebody else who's thinking a lot bigger, you know, and then they get inspired to not compare, but to really focus on Well, this is what I want. And if, if you're not in a coaching program, or you're not being, you know, supported in a higher education, you know, in a university or college or adult education, just, you know, find people, if it's a networking group, whatever, that are, you know, are playing the game of life. And if you are frustrated, I mean, there are people who are maybe not making a lot of money, who are living in, you know, a tiny apartment and are happy, and there's nothing wrong with that, you know, it's, it's really I tell people, to focus on what you really, really want. And one way to do that is to just relax, and start journaling, you know, start journaling, some of your bucket lists, start journaling, that, you know, in a very, very relaxed state of mind that money's not an, you know, an object of into deterrence or times not a deterrence relationships, nothing is a deterrent to some of these dreams, and to look at that list personal and professional, and then start to focus on which ones really excite you the most, you know, and then look at what scares you the most. And if you find something that really, really excites you and scares you, at the same time, now we're talking about breaking up with the old self and moving into a new paradigm. And that, because we're goal seeking organisms, and without some kind of direction, or some kind of aim in life, we're lost, and we're just living at the whim of you know, of others, or pleasing others or seeking approval of others. And then we, you know, one day I call it, you know, we're, a lot of people call it midlife crisis, I call it, you know, you wake up to your core identity, because for a majority of our lives, we live what's called a shell identity, you know, what we think we're supposed to do what we think, you know, we are and, and then we wake up one morning and go, Is this my life? What have I created? You know, is this what I really, really expected or wanted? And but, you know, most people are living their lives, you know, by default, not by default by design. And when you start to look at your core identity, and what that is, is paying attention, you know, to the feelings of desire. So, for example, I worked with a woman, a coach, actually, who had been writing a book for 25 years.

Alex Ferrari 23:19
What the what she really know what she is kind of like in our in our field, like, I've been writing the screenplay for six, seven years, and like, the year now, it's, it's your, it's over.

Barbara Daoust 23:30
Yeah, yeah. And really what she was doing doing was journaling, but having a desire to write a book. And, and I said to her, well, let's, let's look at in three months time, that you're going to have your first draft. Right. But there's nothing tying her to that, you know, and so what it's called as a stretch goal, right? And I challenged her and I said, you know, are you willing to have 20 people, 20 of your closest friends come to you in your living room and listen to your first draft? And she said, I'm in. And I said, because it's not going to happen until you send out the invitations. When are you sending out the invitations, was a Wednesday she sent out the invitations that Monday, and I was there three months later, when she had the first draft of her book that she was reading to all her friends. So it's like tying to a commitment and having somebody hold you accountable. In this case, she had 20 people holding her accountable. So she got herself into a pattern of writing every day. And committing at a high level. It Did it scare her Absolutely. But it she didn't know how it was going to happen. And that was more important because I like to say to people, you'll never know who you really are. You know, and you probably don't even know until you meet the parts of yourself you haven't yet met. So how are you going to meet those parts? And that's where I bring in even like the actor, you know, analogy that you, you know, you create your own movie, you're the producer, you're the director, You're the writer, you're the actor, you're the supporting players, you get to write it, but who are you being, and the best actors are those who believe, but through practice through repetition of a new idea of a script that's given to them, they start to become, they believe at a level, they start to put on the costume, they start to have the behaviors and adopt, you know, a new personal reality and new personality. And then once they start to get into the repetition of that, it starts to become second nature, just like you with the way that you're talking now on a podcast and how you feel differently, but we need to have that constant space repetition, and devote and commit and the same woman, she was 72. At the time, she wanted to lose weight. And I said, this is not an exciting goal. This is not something that you know how to do that it's already done. You know how to lose weight, you know how to hire a trainer, you know how to run you know how to eat better. So we need to find something that's going to pull you outside of yourself of what you know. And I said, How about and I said, Who are your heroes, or heroines? And she said that she really admired Ernestine Shepherd, and 86 year old bodybuilder. And I said, Well, how about signing up for a bodybuilding competition. And she's 72, right. And she said, I'm in. I said, but it's not a commitment yet until you find that competition, pay for it, sign up for it. And she found the competition, she signed up for it paid for it, she went and bought her Pink Fuchsia bikini. And she was in the gym, entertaining spray. And she was in the gym every morning at 5am. And she can now hold the plank longer than her trainer. Now, the irony is that she ended up not doing the competition. Because she was sick, she got sick a couple of weeks before which I would call a paradigm. Right, that saboteur. But the real achievement was that she released the weight she wanted to release and became stronger along the way and prove to herself that she could go after something that scared the pants off of her. Right and excited her at the same time. So I just say to people, you it's important to be with yourself, meditate, allow yourself to daydream, and make a list of the things that you've wanted to do. And then find a way to commit. And if you're hanging out, you know, it's like the Napoleon Hill concept, right of find that burning desire.

And but the real challenge is you can have that burning desire in which, you know, a lot of people are lying to themselves, they really know what it is. They really know what it is. But the challenge is to keep it alive. The challenge is to keep stoking that fire. The challenge is that when you hit the obstacles to not pay a ticket to be in the solution versus the problem, but then we go back to ego mind subconscious, emotional mind that goes back to the fear paradigm, right? And then when you keep it alive, how are you going to keep it alive? Well, it's not by hanging out with negative Nellies and David downers, right. Right. And, and even like, limits your time around people who are naysayers or don't share your dream with those who are going to crush it as soon as you speak it. And then, you know, find a mastermind group. And like I said, find those people that you admire, who can believe in you, maybe more than you believe in yourself,

Alex Ferrari 28:51
So I wanted to kind of hone in on something you said I thought was very powerful. The the ability to meet yourself new versions of yourself new things that you versions of yourself that you don't even know exist, but to give yourself the opportunities to meet that person. And I guess you're saying that I was just thinking back to myself, you know, again, you use your own life's journey as an example for yourself. And if you would have told the 20 year old or 25 year old me all the different Alex's that he's going to have a chance to meet along the way. Meaning the the author, the podcaster, the director, the Father, the wife, the husband, these different facets of who you are, and not to be afraid of opening yourself up to the opportunity to meet that person. And it's so interesting because when you do like you and I both written books, so when you write the first one, it's not easy. And you know, my first one was extremely painful to write because of that stuff too. Didn't matter about the worst time in my life, but I needed to get through it. And I would just show up every day. And I just do a little bit a little bit and just keep going and keep going, keep going. Because it's like, I have to get this out, I have to get this out. I have to get this out. And when I finally got it done, the feeling you get, you're like, Oh, I've, I've met the author Alex, who, who? I didn't know he even existed, if you would have told me I was like, Oh, you're gonna write books, write books. I barely read books at 20. Yeah, that's who I was back then. And then slowly, but surely you discover different facets of yourself, but you're allowing yourself the opportunity to meet that person. So and we stop ourselves from meeting these people. So many times in our lives that I think is one thing that we all need to work on a little bit.

Barbara Daoust 30:51
Yeah, absolutely. That's why I recommend for everybody, you know, that when you make a decision, and you make a committed decision, or I like to call them irrevocable decisions, you know, that you you write it down. And you you know, just, I think of it as a Polaroid, you know, that I snap a picture in my mind. And I just keep on, you know, imprinting, embedding, implanting, speaking it, singing it, seeing it, visualizing it, you know, creating some more specifics around it. But the most important thing is the chemicals that are in that Polaroid, creating the image, right, I call those the emotions, you know, the end, when you get emotionally involved, and you get that desire, so alive, that it drops into your body, it's a vibrational frequency, that then out pops a picture, right. And however, you can use your mental faculties, your imagination, your will, your reasoning, mind, you know, all of those, you know, faculties that are available to us that people are not consciously directing. So once like I worked with recently this year, and I love working with young people, I was working with a 17 year old, and he had never had a girlfriend, you know, and so that part of himself was, you know, I want to, and he also wanted to be more popular. And so we just worked together on making the statement writing it down. And then, you know, within two months, he came back to me, and he said, I'm dating the most popular girl in the school. That's awesome, right? And then it was like, Okay, let's so what's next? And he said, Well, I want to be on the lacrosse team. And, and I want to do well, but everybody on the team has had years and years and years, you know, of playing lacrosse, and I just said, let's get the mind focused on the desire. And now it's your level of commitment, that's going to make a difference. So I helped him through the obstacles in his mind, you know, as he kept playing the game, and I just, he just sent me a text that he just got a trophy for the most improved player. Nice, you know, so he's not the confidence that he has. And he's just graduated, and he's still with this girl. And he's, he's become one of the most popular guys at school. And, you know, all within a short period of time because of how he focused his energy. But you know, it's when you learn to focus your energy. That's what it's all about. And that's where the emotional, most of the missing link with, you know, between where you are and where you want to go, the real struggle is in the gap. Right between, here you are, and here is where you are. And here's where you want to go and connecting those dots to the future. But it's like I say, if you're going to play a game of horseshoes, and you put the post your first time, 20 feet out in front of you, you know, what are the chances you're going to hit it? And it's not likely that the first time you're going to hit it, right? So that's the vision you want to get to that 20 foot post. And conscious mind the purpose of the conscious mind is to focus and choose. But if you're always focused just on the big picture, conscious mind is going to go into overwhelm. And it's going to just just start looking at chasing squirrels, right? It's an shiny objects instead of really knowing now that you stay out of the how you know you want that. Now, where the hell comes in, like I don't I say SMART goals are not that smart. You know, you know what a SMART goal is, right? I'm sure your listeners do to this specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time mobile, you know, so that you're choosing goals. But those are incremental steps, you know, to meeting that part of yourself. I'm talking about a quantum step, go into that bigger vision and get 150% change and results 500% change in results. So you've got that big vision, but now use the SMART goals to go into that next indicated plan. so to speak. And that's where you bring that 20 foot post three feet in front of you, like you did with you got in your studio? And what are the chances that you're going to hit that post the first time when it's three feet in front of you? better, much better. And then what's the feeling that you get from that

Alex Ferrari 35:21
Have a little confidence to keep moving forward. And the next step, and next up, the next step is like always, I mean, it's the old old saying, you know, you don't eat the elephant in one bite, you got to take, you got to take little bites and little bites and little bites moving forward. It's so so true. I mean, there's one problem that I feel that so many of us have gone through, I think every I think every human being at one point or another has gone through this problem, which is the people around us, as Wayne Dyer used to say, the good opinion of others, people around you who are trying to bring you down, or are afraid of letting you grow because if you grow, then they think it's, it's a commentary about them, things like that. I remember I was part of the mastermind. Years ago, when I first started podcasting, where everybody in the crowd was new. And everybody in the group had more experience and more success in the podcasting game than I did. Fast forward a year, year and a half later. They're all asking me what I'm doing. And I became the, the, quote, unquote, Big Kahuna in the room. And I'm like, I'm not learning anything here. Now. I'm not I need, I need to have somebody around me, who is doing something that I want to do at a much higher level. So I can strive for that. And also, that's that example, is a goal. Because it's one thing to say, oh, I want this many followers, or I want this kind of show, or I want this and using the podcast example. But then when you see somebody that's doing it, that's one thing, but when you know that person, and can ask questions about their mindset and how they did it, and what the techniques were, that opens you up to the possibilities until you see somebody out there. Like I was talking to a writer the other day who worked on CSI, the show for years. And the CSI effect was that 1000s of women decided to go into that field, purely because of the show. And when the show started, I think there was like 10 programs and colleges around the country. And 10 years later, there was over 500. Because you saw, even if it was fictional, you saw the potential, the possibility, how powerful is that?

Barbara Daoust 37:42
Exactly! That modeling.

Alex Ferrari 37:45
Right! Yeah, it's very, extremely powerful thing that people underestimate. So that's why it's always it's always amazing to find a model to find someone else who's doing it at your level, or at the level that you want to be doing it at. But that also the difference is to not to fall into the trap of trying to do it exactly the way they do it. Right? You can't it's never a possibility.

Barbara Daoust 38:07
No, no, no two people have the same paradigm. No two people ever have the same paradigm, even twins. And I can tell you that for a fact. I like to think about it that you can be the sharpest tool in the shed, or be the Guppy in the pond, you know, and there's going to be a whole lot more growth when you're the Guppy in the pond.

Alex Ferrari 38:30
And if you're the shark in the pond, and that's so much growth, not so much. That's why again, we're using the analogy of Hollywood's like, you know, you're the biggest filmmaker in this town in Ohio. You're You're the shark in the pond. The second you get thrown into LA, you are the Guppy in the ocean. And you either grow or get eaten up fairly quickly. And that's what that's where you go to New York or you go to a big city where there's just a lot more competition. You grow more when you're in those environments. I know from my own personal experience moving from Florida to LA, I learned more in the first two years in LA than I learned in 10 or 15 years in Florida in the same business because of the the people you meet the the growth that you have, because there's so much more and you you start moving much quicker. So like college football players, they say when they get to the NFL, many of them can't adjust because they just say it's so fast here. Yeah, the game is so fast. So you you grow much faster or you get cut.

Barbara Daoust 39:34
Exactly. You know, I want to direct something that you said or it's around, you know, the people that we hang out with or people that we feel, make us feel a certain way. You know, I tell my clients nobody can make you feel anything. Right. And so the blame game right of blaming outside yourself, and the awareness it takes to understand I work a lot With projection, I work a lot with judgment. And when you're using your judgment of someone else to limit you, you know, there's nobody to blame but yourself, right? And so when there are the negative people around us, what I like to say is, what's the judgment of that person? And where can you find that part inside of yourself that needs to be addressed and take responsibility for that part? And make your life your business, not their life, your business, you know, so that they You can't blame them for your lack of results.

Alex Ferrari 40:38
Many people, by the way, many people do like, Oh, it's you. You didn't let me do this or you didn't do. They're looking for a scapegoat. They're looking for an excuse. So they, they can sleep at night? Sometimes it's like, because, because if you look in the mirror, and you go, look, the reason why you didn't write the book is because you didn't type on a computer or you didn't. You didn't just get up and do the work. You can't blame your mom, you can't blame your dad, you can't blame your best friend or your husband or your wife. It is your choice. You figure it out. Oh, I have to work 24 hours in a day. That's right. Are you watching TV? There's some time right there.

Barbara Daoust 41:10
Yeah, yeah,

Alex Ferrari 41:11
There's there's always moments,

Barbara Daoust 41:13
That's the paradigm at work, right. That's the that's the programming. That's the saboteur, that's the old self that wants to stay like paradigms are very tricky. They're, they don't just show up as fear. They can be very seductive. Or oh, you know, you might go out on a date, your first date in a long time and come back with a broken foot. And it's like, Huh, you know, things that happen to us. And I just say, look at the paradigms that are showing up what are showing, you know, what are things that are showing up that are telling you, it's time to look at this, address this and do something differently? Because if you don't do it differently, you're going to keep complaining. And you know, all the focus is going to go on the problem rather than focusing on the solution.

Alex Ferrari 41:58
No question. So what can we do when we have people around us who are attempting to pull us down or attempting to the crab in the bucket kind of mentality where they don't want to, they don't want you to succeed on a subconscious basis, maybe not even an unconscious bias, but on a subconscious basis. They don't want you to go because if you succeed, it's a commentary on where they are in life. I've had that happen multiple times in my life, friends, and people and associates who on the front are like I'm here to help you. But on the back end, they're sabotaging me because they're afraid of if I go too far up, oh, they're gonna forget about me. He's not going to bring me up with him. He's not all that kind of ridiculousness. So what can we do to protect ourselves from that? And how can we overcome it?

Barbara Daoust 42:48
Well, again, I think it's about identifying the feeling, identifying the judgment, and choosing your, you know, the biggest power we have, is to choose, and in awareness, you get to choose your thinking, or you let your thinking, you know, just dominate and control you. So, for example, I was at an event this past weekend, listening to a, you know, so called thought leader, multimillionaire, you know, I have a desire to play a bigger game. I know, I'm playing small, I teach people how to play big. And you know, and I've played big in my life, but I want to play bigger, and there's that say that there's next level results that I want for myself. And I noticed that I was judging him. And, you know, and I was noticing that I was being critical, and I was judging him as a hypocrite. And I get triggered by hypocrites, right? So instead of just saying, I'm not going to learn anything from this person, he's a hypocrite. It was an opportunity for me to look at myself and say, Where am I judging myself as a hypocrite? Like just that judgment alone. And then when I looked at, well, there are areas where I do judge myself as a hypocrite where I'm not, I'm not walking my talk, where I'm not practicing what I'm preaching where I'm, I want to play a bigger game, and I'm not, you know, so it's like, why judge somebody else for their success? When, you know, is my fear that if I'm not successful, I'll be judged as a hypocrite. And so if that's my fear, well, maybe that's why I'm not playing the bigger game.

Alex Ferrari 44:30
Very, very true. Right?

Barbara Daoust 44:33
Sure. Yeah. It's, I really see that everybody in our, you know, in our sphere, the you know, it's, it's kind of like on the metaphysical level, I just look at it as it's all energy drawn, you know, to our, you know, our present moment to do to do with it through consciousness and awareness. The, the, the desire for more, right, because, really, if you look at a flower You know, that's in concrete that's been growing. It's its desire to find the light. It's not a path of goal achievement as much as it's a path of ascension.

Alex Ferrari 45:10
It's interesting because I mean, I'm sure you you've studied as well as I have studied, you know, people's journeys in life, biographies and all these stories. It always seems that the more struggle that they go through, the bigger they get, the stronger they get the generally speaking No, I can say no, but most people have any that reach any sort of level of high magnitude in a specific field or life. It's due to a tremendous amount of adversity that they have to come up either where they were born, their sex, their gender, their circumstances, the country that they live, then there's so many different economic, all this kind of stuff. Is Is there the question? What are the patterns that you see with people that are like, I'm sure you have some clients who just like, I don't have any problems, I was born, I won the lottery. But I feel like I'm stuck. I don't know what I won the lottery that physic met literally, but like, you know, I have a loving family. I feel content. It's that kind of place of I think Tony Robbins says it's like you feel comfortable that comfort zone is that the most dangerous thing you could be is in the comfort zone, because when you're in the comfort zone, you don't really have no one's really prodding you or sticking you with, you know, poking you to get out. Now, if you're driving two hours a day, to get to a job, you hate who a boss that abuses you, all this kind of stuff, and you have to go back and you barely make it, that's I gives you gives you fire, I gotta change I gotta get out of here. So for the people who are in a comfort zone, which many people are, whether they're in a good job, or good relationship or whatever, what can we give them to get them out to give them that fuel, because it's a lot easier to get that fuel when you're at the bottom, then is when you're in the middle and many of us are, like you said, by default, we're building our lives. So what would you what can you say about that?

Barbara Daoust 47:22
Well, you know, I call the comfort zone, the scary zone? Yes. So, really, but you know, for people who are in the comfort zone, the question that I always ask is, are you happy? And if they're happy, then be happy. You know, but no, really. But if you're in the comfort zone, and you're complaining that you feel stuck, you know, or that there's more and you're not doing anything about it. It's like I worked with a man who was in the store in Vegas. And I said to him, so how much money are you making as Missouri and he said, you know, $55,000 a year. And he was proud of that. He said, That's really good, you know, for a masoorie. And I'm, you know, and I'm happy about that. And so I said, so well tell me about some things that you want to do. And he said, Well, I'd like to put my three girls through college. And I would like to go on a vacation with them every year, you know, and do it in a way that's more than comfortable, let's say right? And then I just said, So what's stopping you? And he said, Well, I'm not making enough money. So I said, so why is 55,000 good. If you're telling yourself that it's good, and you're happy there, but then there's all these things that you want to do and you're not happy, you've got to look at what you know where you're in discontent. And when you look in the discontent, or you can even look at this is an interesting approach that I learned from a mentor, where you look at, you know, the handful of people that are around you, and look at what they're complaining about, look at what their discontent is. And so let's say for example, I've got some actors around me and they want to be more famous, or they want to be more seen, you know, and I'm looking at their discontent, and I go, Hmm, well, my discontent is that I want to be on stage more speaking. So what am I going to do about that? Am I just going to continue in the discontent? Am I going to continue? You know, it's, it's getting that awareness in that honesty of what do you want to change? And sometimes I'll just tell people, Alex, you know, so what's the next trip? You want to take? Like, make a goal and jump into it? Like do a dive? And before you even have the money, right, so if you want to plan a trip to Paris, we've been talking about going to Paris for years. So now start engaging in Where are you going to stay what hotel are you going to stay at? And then book the hotel? Right? You doesn't matter. I mean, you could maybe cancel if you wanted to, but at least booked the hotel. And then people will start to feel more alive, that they're focused on moving towards something. And then from that place, it's like an end my program, when people come through my program, it's not uncommon that people, almost everybody says, I feel alive again, I feel alive again, you know, and it's like, something that could be small, in somebody's mind could make a huge impact on somebody's life. And then, you know, you buy the plane tickets, and you know, you still don't have the money for the trip. But guess what, you've got the tickets, you make it happen.

Right, and things will start to I say to people, instead of like, being on a goal line, you know, of here's, I gotta get the money now is make the decision, you're going to go. And then as you do that, it starts to come to you. Because you're in the next indicated desire of, you know, frequency. And it's like, how can you be a frequency as Einstein says, you know, you can get anything you want if you're a frequency and a match for the thing you desire. And then when you start to pay attention to signs and signals, and synchronicities somebody, like I just worked with a woman who wanted to go on a trip. And she wanted to go on a five star trip. And not long after a friend called her and said, I'd like to take you on a trip with me to the south of France, would you be you know, would you be my companion, I'm paying for everything. So it's like, we limit ourselves because we say this is not reality. I bought my house here in Los Angeles half off. And I tried to explain to people that it was through desire that it was a match for me, because I was directing a show, there was an actress who said, I've got a great realtor, I have this desire to have my first home, I had just started working with the Olsen twins, and I came back with, you know, not a lot of money, but it was like enough to start saving. Right? And I call this realtor and I said, I have money. That is the beginning it's going to take about a year for me to you know, have a down payment for the house that I want. And most people will settle for less. And he said, you know, describe the home you want. So I said I you know my husband and I are artistic. We love old we love Deco. We love hardwood floors, a fireplace, big windows light back yard, you know? And then I said, you know, so in about a year, you know, we'll be ready. He called me the next day. And he said, I have your house. Is it No, no, no, you don't understand. You know, I'm not ready. And he said, You have to see this house. I said no. So he, he persuaded me. And then, you know, my husband and I came to the house and it was everything I had described like everything Alex to 1931 hardwood floors, deco fireplace, it was you know, and I said, and I started looking for everything that was wrong with the house. Oh, I don't like the fireplace, the window in the living room is too big. It's just you know, I hear freeway noise. We're too close to the freeway. I mean, I was making stuff up. And so he said, make an offer. And I said I can't make an offer. All I have is this. And it would be for half the cost for half the price of what they're asking.

Alex Ferrari 53:29
What year was this?

Barbara Daoust 53:31
94 90.

Alex Ferrari 53:33
Okay. different worlds. Okay, different world.

Barbara Daoust 53:37
96. And, but it still was unheard of you Sure? I made an offer at half the price. And they accepted? Do you know why? They accepted? Yeah, yep. And I didn't know this. But this person had been a news anchor. And what's you know, out of work here in LA, got a job as a news anchor in Arizona, had another house and was tired of the tenant situation in his house here and paying mortgage on it, and just wanted to leave it. And it was going to go into foreclosure in about a month's time. That's why did I know that ahead of time? No. Did I want this house? Yep. Right. And but all all the it's called the invisible side, right, that invisible side that I wasn't aware of was already existing. But I I could have walked away and said not making an offer. Not doing it.

Alex Ferrari 54:41
Interesting, but there's always I always find that the universe is always there to help us along the way in one way, shape or form. So like if you put the idea out there, things will start presenting themselves. It's I mean, you have and you and I have worked walked this earth enough to know that it was With without question, now I'm going to ask you a couple questions. Ask all my guests. And I think you answered the first one. But I'll ask it again anyway. What is your mission in this life?

Barbara Daoust 55:10
Yes, you know, I think that after the loss of my husband, I woke up to how I always saw the cup half empty, he always saw the cup half full, I always thought I was a positive person. But my negative self talk, my perfectionism was really running the show, so to speak, and I came to understand the power of positive self talk and being in truth, no matter like the fake it till you make it, I say, it's, we're faking it all the time anyway, when we're telling ourselves a lie about ourselves. So why not create a new story, a new truth, and live into that truth and be truthful to all the parts of ourselves that are seeking expression. So it's my mission, to help people see their greatness and to live into their truth and to acknowledge that they are here to have impact, and that they are a vessel and the messenger themselves of, you know, creating change and possibility in the world. So when I see somebody being hard on themselves, I'm, I'm so quick to, to help them, you know, and that's because that's who I was. And I saw how, how much better life could be in the feeling place, especially of joy, happiness, abundance, when we start to live a life of, you know, of truth rather than lies. And I say to people, what's the biggest lie that you're telling yourself?

Alex Ferrari 56:51
Now, what is the ultimate purpose of life?

Barbara Daoust 56:56
I think that the ultimate purpose of life is to, to be expressed to be a vessel of expression to, you know, to get, I could say, you know, to inspire and motivate and uplift, but I really think it's about finding the parts of ourselves that we haven't yet met, to, to live fully into our dreams and potential and to, you know, be in a state of happiness and joy, understanding that we need contrast and understanding that we need the motions of contrast, you know, to help us, you know, move out of contrast to be in, you know, a higher frequency, a higher state of being, so that we can have impact on, on changing things, for the best for the good.

Alex Ferrari 57:52
And where can people find out more about you and the work you're doing?

Barbara Daoust 57:56
Well, they can go to my website, which is www.barbaradaoust.com. And sign up for a strategy of play a bigger game strategy session with me and I can help people identify, you know, if they're wanting to play a bigger game, and get next level results and, and that's a complimentary 30 minute session.

Alex Ferrari 58:20
Barbara, it has been a pleasure talking to you, thank you so much for sharing all of your your knowledge and wisdom with our, with our audience, and I hope it helps somebody listening out there to play a bigger game to get out of that scary zone and move on to the next level in their life. So I do truly appreciate what you're doing. Thank you so much.

Barbara Daoust 58:39
Thank you Alex for having me.